Linkage: Lindsay Lohan Might Be an Escort, Jessica Simpson Can’t Stop Bonin’, & a Kris Kross Reunion

If you’re wondering how the hell Lindsay Lohan can get away with jetting across the globe and staying in fancy hotels with nothing but money from Playboy shoots and Lifetime movies, here’s a possible explanation on where she gets her money: she might be working as a high-class escort for the rich and not-so-famous. Some of her alleged clients include Prince Haji Abdul Azim, third in line of the throne of Brunei (which is a real place, not like Genovia), and painter Domingo Zapata. Of course, these allegations come from her scumbag father, Michael Lohan, so take them with a couple shakers of salt. [Radar]

Nicole Kidman is on the cover of The Hollywood Reporter, and she dishes about Scientology—sort of. When pressed, she’ll say only: ‘I’ve chosen not to speak publicly about Scientology. I have two children [adopted with Cruise] who are Scientologists—Connor [the Red Dawn actor is now 17] and Isabella [20]—and I utterly respect their beliefs.’” The cover story also revels that Modern Family’s Sophia Vergara was director Lee Daniels’s first choice for Kidman’s role in The Paperboy, so just imagine that crazy lady doing her own hair and makeup and peeing on Zac Efron. [THR]

Jessica Simpson, as always, is both a good indicator of the failures of sex education in this country and an example of how annoying celebrities can be if their publicists can’t get them to shut the hell up. The occasional singer and sometimes actress told Jay Leno last night that she’d like to get married to fiancé Eric Johnson, with whom she has one child and a second on the way, but, in her words, “he keeps knocking me up.” [Fox News]

Sarah Jessica Parker replaced Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem in the upcoming Lovelace, premiering at Sundance, after Moore’s hospitalization for exhaustion early last year. It turns out it was all for naught: Steinem’s role in the film has been cut. [EW]

Because of money, NBC is going to roll poor Betty White out again and make her watch a bunch of people “pay tribute” to her for Betty White’s 2nd Annual 90th Birthday Special. The party’s guest list includes folks like Blake Shelton, Bill Clinton, and Larry King, because who else could possibly ruminate on all of Betty White’s achievements as an old actress who still makes dirty jokes when forced to read from cue cards in front of a TV camera? [Deadline]

Kris Kross are getting back together because they left a lot of things unsaid, a lot of pants unsagged, and also realized how much of a boner everyone has for the ’90s. [Vulture]

Does keeping a “princess-free” household promote feminist ideals in children or just keep them from having fun? [Jezebel]

Die Hard director John McTiernan is headed to jail for a year and must pay a $100,000 fine. And no, it’s not because he directed that Rollerball remake. [Indiewire]

R.I.P., old guy from old TV show. [TMZ]

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Morning Links: Rosie O’Donnell Is Engaged, Texts From Bennett Raps

● Rosie O’Donnell announced yesterday on her show that she is engaged to her girlfriend since September, Michelle Rounds, and that the two will say "I Do" in front of their families this Christmas. [LAT]

● Larry King doesn’t want to die, actually. "I want to be frozen on the hope that they’ll find whatever I died of and bring me back," he explains to a table of celebrities on CNN Presents: A Larry King Special: Dinner with the Kings, airing Sunday. [People]

● It comes as no real surprise that the Texts From Bennett creator fancies himself, as most viral internet stars eventually do, a rapper. For his big debut, Mac Lethal went with a cover of Chris Brown’s "Look At Me Now" reimagined as "Cook With Me Now (Pancakes)." [The Dish]

● Deadline reports that, with the script in near working order, the film version of 24 will begin shooting as soon as Kiefer Sutherland is relieved of his Touch duties in April. Tick, tick, tick… [Deadline]

Star Trek legend Nichelle Nichols, who played Lieutenant Uhura aboard the USS Enterprise, says that Spock was originally concieved as a woman. Which, well, could not possibly have been as fun. [DailyMail]

● As he did so well for There Will Be Blood, Johnny Greenwood is slated to score Paul Thomas Anderson’s still very secretive Scientology film, The Master. [Collider]

Larry King Wants to be Cryogenically Frozen

Kanye West let the world know this week how he envisions his funeral. But he isn’t the only celeb dealing with thoughts of mortality. During a round table interview with several celebrities, legendary suspender-clad talk show host Larry King, age 78, announced he wants to be cryogenically frozen.

"I want to be frozen on the hope that they’ll find whatever I died of and bring me back," he told Conan O’Brien, Tyra Banks, Shaquille O’Neal, Seth MacFarlane, Jack Dorsey, Quincy Jones and Russell Brand during CNN Presents: A Larry King Special: Dinner with the Kings,.

O”Brien reacted much like anyone would. "This is big news. You would like to be frozen? This is news to me." And "I just want to make sure that we stick with the headline here, which is that you wish to be frozen."

King’s response: " It’s the only hedging of a bet."

This can only lead to some sort of morbid Ripley’s Believe It or Not-styled future museum where King will be placed alongside Simon Cowell and Walt Disney, rumored to be buried under the "Pirates of the Caribbean" attraction at his namesake park. Or they could just display everyone outside and give people something to look at while waiting in line.  

A Larry King Special airs tonight on CNN at 8 p.m.

Bill O’Reilly & the Top Five Television Walk-Offs

This morning on The View, Bill O’Reilly did a wonderful thing. His opinions about the so-called “Ground Zero mosque” pissed off Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg to the point where they felt the need to remove themselves from the set and his presence, in front of a live studio audience. Barbara Walters immediately called her co-hosts out for their thin skin, but the reality is, great drama makes for great TV. Behar and Goldberg did everyone a favor, including Bill O’Reilly, who gets to keep his reputation as a hot-headed button-pusher. What made this so special, as you’re about to see, is that it’s usually the guests who storm out of interviews, not the hosts. At any rate, the whole thing reminded us of some other memorable moments in TV Walk-off history. Check them out, after the jump.

1. Dr. Jan Adams walks off Larry King Live: We begin with the man who supposedly helped kill Kanye West’s mom. Remember that? She died as a result of complications resulting from surgery, and the man responsible, Dr. Jan Adams, went on Larry King to defend himself until he suspiciously loses the urge out of respect to the family.

2.Carrie Prejean walks off Larry King Live: Another classic moment in King’s repertoire. No matter how batty the soon-to-be-retired host comes off, every so often he’ll encounter a guest that makes him seem machete-sharp. Disgraced beauty queen Carrie Prejean was one such guest. Here, she refuses to talk about the terms of a settlement, and after King pesters her, she calls him “inappropriate.” What happens next is talk show awkwardness at its peak.

3. Andrew Dice Clay storms off CNN: It’s hard to watch this clip just once. The quickness with which things fall apart is startling. When a CNN host infers that washed-up comedian Andrew Dice Clay is a washed-up comedian, he snaps, giving his greatest performance in years. “Go fuck yourself and go fuck the whole fucking network” is an instant Clay classic.

4. In the name of Xenu, Tommy Davis abandons his Nightline interview: If Scientology has an image problem, flacks like Tommy Davis are the reason why (and maybe this guy). During this interview with professional provoker Martin Bashir, Davis strips off his mic and walks out after Bashir won’t let talk of Xenu, volcanoes, and spaceships drop.

5. The Bee Gees show off their sense of humor on a British chat show: If the title of this video wasn’t “Clive Anderson chat show bust up with Bee Gees 1996,” it would be impossible to predict what goes down in the final moments of what seems like a routine interview. Sure, the host Clive Anderson took a few jabs at the group’s expense, but isn’t that what happens on talk shows? After Barry Gibb storms off, his brother Maurice is left there alone to wonder with the rest of us: What just happened?

Can Larry King Make Justin Bieber the New Celine Dion?

Tonight, a nearly eight-times divorced septuagenarian will join forces with a twee singing sensation with lips like an angel and hair like a chic lesbian in an effort to fight the biggest environmental disaster in U.S. history. We are talking, of course, about Larry King and Justin Bieber. This evening on CNN, King will host a star-studded, two-hour telethon called “Disaster in the Gulf: How You Can Help.” Other celebs talking with Larry, in the flesh or via satellite, include everyone from Kathy Griffin to Pete Wentz to Robert Redfor to Alyssa Milano. Given that the last time Larry hauled out the celebs to talk about a tragedy in the gulf made for one of the greatest TV moments ever, we can only hope that tonight’s fundraiser will not only raise a ton of money and awareness but also some ruckus.

When King hosted a similar special for Hurricane Katrina in 2005, he had on Celine Dion to talk about her response to that tragedy. From her dressing room at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, the Canadian chanteuse vehemently emoted in awkward English, wiping away at seemingly non-existent tears on her heavily made-up face, before Larry asked her to sing a song, naturally. She then uttered the now classic line, “I cannot think about a song but a prayer. I will do my very best.” If you’ve never seen the clip, you owe it to yourself, and Celine, to watch it now.

Other guests on King tonight include Chelsea Handler, Phillipe Cousteau, Cameron Diaz, Jenny McCarthy, and Richard Simmons, who also appeared on King’s Katrina broadcast, clad in a spangly man tank.

Links: ‘Playboy’ Seriously Chronicles Boobs, Al Gore Burns Larry David

Playboy‘s photo essay about the evolution of the breast is the very definition of Not Safe For Work, though it is also objectively intriguing. So maybe you could explain it to your boss that way? [Playboy] ● Tiffani Thiessen, better known as Kelly Kapowski, had a baby, but the real story here is that Thiessen is married to a man—a clean, normal, probably perfectly respectable one—that will go his entire life being compared to Zack Morris. It’s not fair. [People] ● Devo is streaming its new album for a bunch of cats, winning the internet. [Ustream]

● When Al Gore and wife of 40 years Tipper announced a separation, everyone wondered why. Maybe it was his affair with Larry David’s ex-wife Laurie, a producer of An Inconvenient Truth? Also known as: the best plot twist ever gifted to Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s next season. [Star] ● Zach Galifianakis may star in a remake of a film about a man who turns into a cartoon fish to fight Nazis. Were we presumptuous to assume our grandparents did not have stoner comedies? [LAT] ● There are at least 15 things Larry King does not know. [BuzzFeed]

T.I. Opens Up to Larry King

Last night on Larry King Live, rapper, producer and sometimes actor T.I. sat down for his first post-penitentiary interview and boy was it a doozy. T.I., who was sentenced to a year and a day of jail time last fall following an arrest for attempting to illegally purchase firearms, revealed to King the devastating emotional trauma that led to his reckless behavior: “My best friend had died in my arms. It caused a state of depression and paranoia. My judgment was jaded and I felt my life was in danger,” the rapper explained. “At the time, when I felt the need to have these things, I never took into consideration the legalities.” The friend T.I. referred to was Philant Johnson, who was shot dead in 2006 after an altercation at a Cincinnati nightclub.

When pressed by King as to whether, having served his time, T.I. had put criminal behavior behind him, the rapper answered that he was a “gangster no more” and affirmed his desire to focus on his future. “I can’t put myself in an environment where it will require me to have a handgun. I just stay places where I can be cool,” the rapper claimed. “I take full responsibility for everything that happened to me.” It was a sober and serious interview almost throughout, only lightened up by the humorous spectacle of a 150-year-old King asking “so why risk it, T?” God bless you, Larry.

Via MTV News.

Links: Larry King Divorced a Dinosaur; Kardashian Vagina Talk for the Good of Girls

● Larry King had his first divorce in 1962, or when JFK was president. Now, he’s on to the next one, announcing divorce number eight. [TMZ] ● This chart, showing how many songs a musician must sell on iTunes to make minimum wage, tell us something we already knew: your boyfriend in a band is poor. [Village Voice] ● Miracle of the day: Croatian 13-year-old awakes from 24-hour coma speaking fluent German, but no Croatian. [Telegraph]

● If the Kardashian K-girls are talking about their vaginas does that make them feminists for a new generation? [Huffington Post] ● Everybody has a story about their first time… at Waffle House. [Salon] ● Michael Bay, director of American classics like Armageddon and Transformers, is creating a reality show entitled One Way Out, which will be extremely extreme. Boom. [Hollywood Reporter]

Inappropriate Carrie Prejean’s ‘Larry King’ PR Disaster

All the telltale signs were there. The glint of crazy in her eye. The Sarah Palin fandom. The miscategorization of Michelle Obama and Sonia Sotomayor as granola-munching, ganja-smoking liberals. That initial ominous crease in her brow. Her cautious stern tone. Still, somehow we thought that when Carrie Prejean was going to have a sit-down with Larry King to try to shed a little light on the house of horrors that some neurologists would call her brain, we’d learn a thing or two. Instead all we got was an uppity equine neighing on about, “Oh woe is me! Why is the world so unfair! Why am I unable to understand the English language, Larry King! I’m so angry even though you’re switching topics, I’m going to make a total shitshow of myself on national television and create a scene because Regina George was modeled in my image and buy my effing book okay? LOL.”

Seriously this was a trainwreck. I mean at first, everything was hunky dory. It was like seeing the L train approach from afar, in slo-mo. And then watching as a heartbroken hipster threw himself on the tracks while the creaking transport tenderized him. Blood and human bits everywhere! Even on Larry King’s jowls! Mostly their tête-à-tête came to a head when King pressed Prejean on the details of the settlement which shut up her cakehole.

She bandied on about “confidentiality” even though King wanted to get behind motive and not the actual settlement terms. He probed further and she kept alternately talking about “confidentiality” and “mediation” and “inappropriate” with increasing meanness. So he tried to switch topics and took a call from a gay man in Detroit (many of them hang out near 8 Mile! True story!) The caller tried to ask Prejean about how she feels about gay marriage. And about any conflicts of interest she may have, since many of those who tend to her are obviously a bunch of ‘mos.

By that point, Prejean took of her mic and looked blankly off to the side, continuing to mouth something about King being “inappropriate.” Basically it was a mess. And now, King’s name is going to be added to that lengthy short-list of liberal media demons. Even though he was simply asking stock questions and couldn’t help that Prejean’s instinct was to act like a gazelle drowning in a lake, when placed in a reasonable broadcast setting.