Your Daily Guide to Trending Topics

Every day there are some topics that are trending. Since many of them don’t make sense, we provide easy contextualization. Also, this way, you won’t actually have to know anything about anything.

The Master
Sure, we knew our readers would be interested in The Master, the first Paul Thomas Anderson film in five years. So when the first peek hit the web yesterday, we were all over it. Now it’s the second most searched term on Google. Most of the stories that Google searchers are finding are about the trailer, the lack of Philip Seymour Hoffman, whether or not it’s based on the life of L. Ron Hubbard. Take one wrong Google turn, however, and you can easily learn about some non movie-related things, including celebrity trainer Jillian Michaels’ crusade against The Master Cleanse and a golf tournament.

SpaceX Launch
It’s not just NASA going into space anymore. This morning, a privately owned cargo rocket was launched on a mission to deliver about 1,000 pounds of goods to the International Space Station. That’s really only about week’s space groceries, but the idea is to see if in fact people other than government-employed geniuses can make space travel work. If all goes well, Space Exploration Technologies Corp., or SpaceX, will win a $1.6 billion dollar contract to run 12 missions into space. No word on whether any of them will carry Lance Bass.

Bond Girl Marlohe
Berenice Marlohe, the new Bond girl who’s apparently the toast of the Cannes Film Festival, is the most trendingest item on Yahoo! this morning, which probably means that a bunch of misspelled versions of her name combined count toward that honor. Because, honestly. Marlohe plays Severine in the film, titled Skyfall, and showed off her sinister side at a screening of the film, where she told reporters that her co-star, Daniel Craig is "like a clown."

Arsenio Hall
Yes, that Arsenio Hall. The former late-night talk show host is at the top of the trends list thanks to his big win on Sunday night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice. Hall beat out American Idol alum Clay Aiken, showing us all that the term celebrity is certainly subjective. Anyway, if Arsenio really wants to do things right, he will use his resuscitated fame to put together a Coming To America reunion.

#IStandWithObama
Folks on Twitter are awfully hyped to talk about President Obama this morning. The hashtag #IStandWithObama is seriously trending, with users sharing their views on what the President is doing right. To be fair, other topics include #YouKnowTheSunIsShiningWhen and “Rise & Grind,” so we can’t put too much stock in the idea of great thought at 140 characters.

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Trollgaze: The Music Genre That Relies on Your Likes and Reblogs

Yesterday we shared the video for the Lance Bass-sponsored boyband Heart2Heart’s debut single “Facebook Official.” It’s been all over the interwebs today, and it’s gotten a ton of views on YouTube! Is it a hit? More importantly, is this another example of a burgeoning new genre of music, recently coined as “Trollgaze”?

Village Voice music editor Maura Johnston seems to think so. She argues that the kind of music that seems, at first listen, to be a total joke might actually be a calculated and successful grab for attention, and, ultimately, a lot of money.

Whether or not HEART2HEART is serious is, of course, beside the point in a way; the song is catchy enough and the content absurd enough that “Facebook Official” is being passed around by even those sites that aren’t pop-specialist outlets, and in the current moment where record sales mean less and less because there are fewer of them happening the idea of attention as currency is ever more important. Which might be, at least in part, why this year has been defined by musical artists getting attention for being, in some way, annoying. The list runs the gamut, from Rebecca Black’s half-swallowed ode to partying on the weekends “Friday” to the insufferable “You suck, but please don’t say mean things about me” posing of young turks Kreayshawn and Tyler, The Creator to the whole Lana Del Rey mess to even that first taste of the Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration. Negative attention can help get artists out of the music-specialist ghetto and onto places like the “never saw a cheap laugh it couldn’t mine for pageviews” clearinghouse BuzzFeed, which whips the traffic ass of all but the largest music sites.

Now that the music industry has caught wind of the power of viral marketing, are the big music executives gunning for deliberately bad music performed by ridiculous and unlikely pop stars? In an age when “press” can be just a few tweets or a post on a random person’s Tumblr, it’s a conspiracy theory that could be fairly accurate. And let’s take us out of the equation for a second (because We–all of us!–are part of the problem by even participating!) and think about how this kind of entertainment, which is essentially based on the idea that there are enough people on the Internet who will mistake their own bad taste with their sense of “irony,” actually ruins the chances of actual talented musicians and performers. It’s a bad scene when you’ve got Katy Perry, who does have enough catchy and entertaining pop songs in her catalog, degrading herself not just by relying on her sex appeal to push records, but also by creating videos that are essentially four minute MadTV sketches feating Kenny G and Rebecca Black cameos.

Lance Bass Is Responsible for This New Awesome/Terrible/Awesome Song

If you enjoy the kind of music that makes you go, “Hmm, is this supposed to be a joke? I think this is supposed to be a joke. Right? It’s a joke, right? This is not real. Because it can’t be. Why would this be real? These people get that they’re jokes, right? Like, they’re just pretending to be into this but after the end of the song they’re definitely like, ‘Ha ha ha, aren’t we hilarious? Listen to this hilarious joke we just recorded, we are great at comedy,'” then you will probably love the debut single from Heart2Heart, the new boyband that boasts failed astronaut Lance Bass as its “mentor.”

You see, when couples of a certain age (the age at which voting is not yet a right, thank God) want to take it to the “next level,” i.e. “defining the relationship,” they do so by changing their Facebook relationship statuses to “In a Relationship.” This is a big step for the sleeveless hoodie set, apparently, and Heart2Heart is ON IT with this new jam that reflects this fascinating cultural zeitgeist. It’s called “Facebook Official,” you guys, and it’ll be in your head for approximately twelve hours until something equally terrible comes along, because that is how the music industry works now.

Links: Britney Spears Audio Clips Keep Coming, Bristol Palin Shoots Back at Margaret Cho

● Recordings surfaced of a woman that sounds an awful lot like Britney Spears claiming abuse at the hands of her boyfriend, and now include her bragging about the best pot in California. Britney says it’s not her, but ask Mel Gibson how that one turned out. [Radar] ● Lance Bass wants to make a roadtrip movie about driving with Cheryl Tiegs through the Mexican countryside on the way to the wedding of Girls Gone Wild‘s Joe Francis. No. [Page Six] ● Charlie Sheen is still looking for that watch his hooker stole. It’s probably buried in the coke bag. [Radar]

● Comedian Margaret Cho claimed Sarah Palin forced her daughter to do Dancing With the Stars, while Bristol says that if Cho understood conservatives, she’d “embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.” And that’s homophobic! [Vulture] ● Josh Duhamel was removed from a plane in New York for refusing to turn off his BlackBerry. But what if Fergie needs something! [TMZ] ● Robert Downey Jr. is headed to Broadway. [THR]

Links: Lena Horne RIP, Orlando Bloom to Snitch on Kids

● Lena Horne, the first black performer with a major Hollywood contract, has died at age 92. [NYT] ● Betty White’s turn on Saturday Night Live included foul language, a Jay-Z medley and many, many jokes about grandma vaginas. [Hulu] ● Old people, like Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes, are not that into Lady Gaga, and still don’t know who that adorable little Justin Bieber is or why she has a boy’s name. [Gawker]

● Orlando Bloom will testify against the “Bling Ring,” a group of kids who robbed the homes of celebrities. They sound like Robin Hood and he’s still Orlando Bloom, so we know whose side we’re on. [Celebuzz] ● Lance Bass is probably dating Kyan Douglas. One of them was in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and one was in N*Sync. Can you remember which is which? [Page Six] ● Barack Obama is not a fan of iPads, Xboxes or any of these other newfangled devices people use to get dumb — they’re the tools of the Tea Party, but he didn’t say that part. [Daily Intel]