‘Laguna Beach,’ ‘The Hills’ Return to MTV, Give You Excuse to Be Anti-Social

If this news does not generate all the mixed feelings from fans of a certain string of MTV programs, we don’t know what will. Following in the footsteps of Nickelodeon, who began rerunning episodes of the likes of All That and Kenan & Kel last summer to appeal to ’90s kids-turned-twentysomethings (#Rememberthe90s), The Network Formerly Known For Music Television will bring back three oddly-chosen but well-liked programs for a morning programming bloc they’re calling "Retro Mania": Laguna Beach, The Hills and Daria. Each show, through the course of its run, will feature guest commentaries from participants and comedians: Nikki Glaser and Sarah Schafer have Daria; Stephen Colletti takes on his past at Laguna and a few core characters from The Hills—Stephanie Pratt, Lo Bosworth and Audrina Partridge—relive all the drama for you. 

We can’t really complain about any of these shows coming back, but the assortment is puzzling. Sure, Beavis and Butt-Head was already resurrected, so that eliminates one possibility for a more plausible pairing with Daria than either of the other addictive dramas in the lineup, but perhaps this would have been a good time to bring back Liquid Television. Or maybe, to fulfill the actual "Retro Mania" requirement—as opposed to a show that just ended, you know, like two years ago—include a resurrection or rerun of an old MTV game show, like Remote Control or Singled Out or, heck, even Say What?! Karaoke. Or fill the gaps with actual retro music videos—why let VH1 Classic have all the fun? The morning programming bloc is also strange, as that would best serve those who are stay-at-home parents / unemployed / work from home / own a fancy DVR system, and whatever to do about the people who fall in none of those categories? Still though, The Hills and Laguna and Daria are coming back! 

There are too many gold moments from all of these shows to possibly sign off a post with, so there’s only one thing to do. Play this song and let your greatest TV-watching memories come rushing back, like the rain falling down on Hillary Duff’s dreams, or whatever. Goodnight, everybody! 

Morning Links: Kristin Cavallari Is Pregnant, Tracy Morgan Hospitalized After Sundance Collapse

Laguna Beach‘s Kristin Cavallari and her on-again-off-again fiance, Jay Cutler, announced over the weekend that they are expecting their first child. [People]

● Turns out Swizz Beatz is not actually, officially the CEO of Megauploads, contrary to what the site’s "About Us" page says. According to MTV, they were in talks to make it official and they "put that up prematurely." Beatz is, regardless, "not walking away from this." [MTV]

● Tracy Morgan is recovering in the hospital after falling unconscious at the Sundance Film Festival on Sunday. Drugs and alcohol were not involved, according to hospital spokesmen, although Morgan does have a history of diabetes and has undergone a kidney transplant. [People]

● Hot, young, "it" actors Dakota Fannings, Elizabeth Olsen, and Anton Yechin are in final talks to joing the Very Good Girls, a film about two best friends determined to lose their virginity the summer after their high school gradation. [Deadline]

● Miley Cyrus got a "hurrrr cut," and it’s very grown up looking. [E!]

● Kris Humphries relationship with his PR team lasted only one day more than his marriage. It’s a cold world, Hum Dum. [TMZ]

● After arriving (in polar fleece!) a fashionable four hours late to his own Sundance party, Drake asked first for “a massage and a grilled cheese.” [Page Six]

Morning Links: Big Boi Caught With Ecstasy & Viagra, Charlie Sheen Dies in ‘Meat Explosion’

Harry Potter beat out Twilight in the Choice Sci-Fi/Fantasy category at last night’s Teen Choice Awards. Everything else went to Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, or Justin Bieber, more or less. [E!] ● Antwan “Big Boi” Patton was arrested in Miami for possession of powdered MDMA, ecstasy, and viagra — you know, the makings of a real good night. [TMZ] ● Michael C. Hall seems to be adjusting quit nicely to the single life, bonding with his furry friends as single people are wont do. “Things are great. I’m loving life,” he said. “I spend a lot of time with my cats…. They’re my four-legged friends.” [ShowbizSpy]

● Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler are so over that they’re returning their wedding gifts. And with them, they’re attaching a sweet and sometimes personal little note! Aww. [Deadspin] ● TMZ has done the dirty work and discovered that Charlie Sheen is killed off Two and a Half Men during a brutal “meat explosion” after he getting hit by a subway. Anyways, Charlie seems into it. [TMZ] ● It seems that Weezer has taken to covering Foster the People’s song of the summer, “Pumped Up Kicks.” We all age faster than we’d like, but Rivers Cuomo is perhaps aging the fastest of us all. [NME]

Morning Links: Amy Winehouse Death Rumors, Kristen Stewart’s First “Snow White” Look

● With rumors of an ecstasy, cocaine, and ketamine cocktail, it’s perhaps a comfort to hear that Amy Winehouse — who died Saturday at the age of 27 — expired in her own bed after telling a friend she needed sleep. [TMZ] ● Kim Kardashian ditched her own party to crash her fiance’s Las Vegas bachelor party, cameras in tow, of course. [PageSix/Us] ● Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler have called off their engagement, ending their just ten-month relationship. Kristin is “in shock that the dream wedding she was planning is going to end this way.” [People]

● Kristen Stewart’s Snow White looks very serious and a little spindly-kneed. [LAT] ● The Beckhams are donating the 9K or so worth of baby gifts they’ve received to charity. [ContactMusic] ● Otis Redding’s daughter says that she and her family really like the “swagger elements” of Jay-Z and Kanye’s ode to her father, “Otis.” [Billboard]

Morning Links: Kristin Cavallari Doesn’t Want LC at Her Wedding, Bear Grylls Drinks His Own Pee

● Kristin Cavallari is drawing up a careful invite list for her wedding: high-school nemeses LC, Heidi, Whitney, and Brody are out; high-school besties Stephen, Audrina, and Stephanie Pratt are in. [PopEater] ● Michelle Williams will join James Franco, Rachel Weisz, and Mila Kunis in Sam Raimi’s prequel, Oz, the Great and Powerful, as Glinda the good witch. [Variety] ● Robert Pattinson fancies himself not just a shimmering vampire but a singer, too. The New York Daily News thinks he sounds like Ray LaMontagne. We’d say that’s generous. [NDYN]

● Bear Grylls responds to an internet meme, drinks his own piss. You get what you ask for, I guess. [BearGrylls/Twitter] ● Kirk Cameron, 90s TV heart-throb-cum-aggressive-evangelical, thinks it’s pretty stupid that “the genius of Brittan” Stephen Hawking doesn’t believe in heaven, because even John Lennon maybe sort of did. “John Lennon wasn’t sure. He said to pretend there’s no Heaven. That’s easy if you try. Then he said he hoped that someday we would join him,” Cameron said. That’s one way to hear it… [TMZ] ● Lonely Island are a real rap group because Akon and Rihanna are on their album and the vodka they’ve been pushing, Rokk, is actually real. [Page Six]

Morning Links: Kristin Cavallari Engaged, Odd Future Sign to Sony

● Nobody was paying attention anymore so Kristin Cavallari went ahead and got engaged to her footballer boyfriend Jay Cutler, who proposed, appropriately, in Cabo. [People] ● Levi Johnston reveals all in his new, awesomely titled book, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. It’s got more heart than your average revenge thriller, though, as Johnston says he wrote it with someone special in mind: “For me, for my boy Tripp, and for the country.” [People] ● Media treasure chest YouTube is set to launch a movie-on-demand service sometime in the next two weeks, providing competition to iTunes and Netflix by streaming full-length films off the site for a small fee. [Wrap]

● What if Mariah Carey never has her “dem babies” and instead just stays pregnant forever? [JustJared] ● Word has it that Odd Future signed a record deal with Sony imprint RED, insuring a musical future that’s a little bit less odd. They won’t so quickly give up their DIY spirit, though: “There’s no cheesy hooks or fluorescent liquor product placements in the works,” said their manager. “It’s about to be fun…and different.. “ [RapRadar] ● Is Kendall Kardashian dating Snoop Dogg’s 16 year-old son, Chorde (who, fun fact, Snoop calls “Spank”)? Word has it that the two met at the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards and that they’ve been texting ever since. God bless America, right? [MediaTakeOut]

Links: Michael Jackson vs. Madonna, Kristin Cavallari’s Vanilla Sex

● Despite Madonna’s impassioned MTV eulogy for Michael Jackson, the good vibes were not mutual. In recordings with his spiritual advisor Rabbi Shmuley, the King of Pop says Madge is “not a nice person.” [CNN] ● Megan Fox isn’t one of those celebs that has a Google Alert on her name, ‘cause if she did, Fox would be a “complete lunatic, drug-addled and out of [her] mind.” [Showbizspy] ● One might imagine that mechanic James Jimenez stole Kristen Dunst’s $2,000 Balenciaga handbag from her Manhattan hotel room because she’s a big celebrity. Turns out Jimenez doesn’t even know who Dunst is and “doesn’t care about Spider-Man.” [NYP]

● Lindsay Lohan doesn’t just have her spray-tan and legging line to keep her busy; she’s ready to drop her third album, Spirit in the Dark, which has collaborations with musical heavy hitters like Akon, Snoop Dogg, and Timbaland. [TheProphetBlog] ● What does Kristin Cavallari have to say about ex-boyfriend and current Hills co-star Brody Jenner’s bedroom skills? Sex with him was “very vanilla.” [E!] ● Sesame Street pays Mad Men a higher honor than an Emmy by doing their own Mad Men preschool-friendly spoof. [Youtube]

Links: Roman Polanski Friends & Foes, Jessica Alba Gets Focked

● Did you hear Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian aren’t really married? Oh wait, yeah they are. [TMZ, People] ● Speaking of the wedded couple, OK! isn’t too happy with them after having to fork over an additional $50,000 (on top of their $250,000 for exclusive wedding photos) in order to buy back the paparazzi shots of the couple. [NYPost] ● It only took one day for the “Free Roman Polanski” backlash to happen; although filmmakers like Woody Allen, David Lynch, and Martin Scorsese are for his release, French director Luc Besson and the Polish Prime Minister think that the man who made Chinatown isn’t above the law. [Timesonline]

● Jessica Alba is set to star in the third installment of Meet the Fockers as a “pharmaceutical rep whose looks wreak havoc on the male characters.” [RiskyBusinessBlog] ● Kristin Cavallari has some standards — that’s why she declined being another notch on John Mayer’s well worn belt. [People] ● Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez have called it quits; the couple no one remembers were engaged has broken up. [Radar]

Links: Courtney Love + Johnny Depp, Bijou Philips vs. Mackenzie Philips

● Kristin Cavallari is the new star of The Hills, and she didn’t come cheap. KC is paid $100K an episode for being herself, just like Audrina, Lo, and Heidi. Thankfully they get Spencer at a discount, as he only gets $65K an ep. [JustJared] ● With one sister pregnant and another just married, what’s Kim Kardashian to do to get some attention? Getting back with ex Reggie Bush is a good start. [People] ● Courtney Love has had quite a few brushes with death; in one particular incident she was saved by none other than Johnny Depp, who gave her CPR. Laments Love, “Motherfucker, I never had myself any JD except CPR.” [DigitalSpy]

● Bijou Phillips speaks out against her sister Mackenzie’s book in a series of Twitter updates, calling the book “disgusting” and saying that Mackenzie’s revelation “ruined [her] life and [her] relationship with [her] father.” [Twitter] ● After stints in Guns n’ Roses and Velvet Revolver, Slash is going out on his own. He will be the “house band,” for the Mirage, and he’s bringing his celeb-musician friends like Joe Perry, Courtney Love, and Nicole Scherzinger with him. [Blabbermouth] ● Drea de Matteo doesn’t want to brag about her daughter Alabama, but de Matteo believes she “might have made the most important human being alive.” [CelebBabyScoop]