Morning Links: Selena Inks ‘Justin’ On Her Wrist, January Jones Petitions for Shark Meat Ban

● Is that “Justin” on Selena’s wrist permanent ink or not? Inquiring tween minds must know – there’s revenge to plot! [Huff Post] ● James Franco bought a yarn sculpture that a 13-year-old Tumblr-using fan made in his likeness, and now the girl thinks that they are “mentally married.” [CTV] ● In his new book, Deer in the Headlights, Levi Johnston says Bristol wanted to get pregnant in revenge for her mother’s pregnancy. Johnston just went along because he was “too dumb” to use protection, amongst other things. [NYDN]

● Jeremy Piven took his three Emmys for a walk through Soho in a double-wide stroller, because he has always been more than a little crazy. (He might have been filming a skit for the Emmys.) [BWE] ● January Jones says no to shark fin soup, and hopes you will do the same. Call your governor today! [Huff Post] ● Kate Plus 8 is over and fans are “devastated,” the kids are “questioning,” and Kate Gosselin is “a little scared,” she says. Reality television lifestyle addiction is apparently a very real thing, and Kate’s public withdrawal is getting sad. [EW]

Morning Links: Lil Wayne Sells a Milli, Jim Carrey Graffitis His House

● Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter IV sold almost a million copies in its debut week, making Wayne the second rapper (Eminem being the other) to go platinum twice in just seven days. [RapRadar] ● “People who don’t have gender dysphoria aren’t going to catch it by watching me dance on television,” says Chaz Bono, who’s on Dancing With The Stars because he just wants to dance. [LAT] ● Probably because nobody thought James Franco was funny last year, the committee decided to get someone they could count on — vetted comedian Eddie Murphy — to host this year’s Oscars. With him and Bret Ratner onboard, the show is sure to be real rib-tickling. [NYDN]

● Here are some pictures of Jim Carrey graffitiing the side of his house. Between this and that Emma Stone video, are things weird as normal with Carrey? Or should someone check on him? [E!] ● Purportedly, Rob Kardashian’s new girlfriend slept with Reggie Lewis when Reggie Lewis was dating Kim, and now Kim is furious! Wrath of the Kardashian clan is like no other. [MTO] ● There is only one more episode of Kate Plus 8 left, and Kate Gosselin is freaking out. “Big time,” she says. [People]

Morning Links: ‘Kate Plus 8’ Finally Canceled, Taylor Swift’s Wardrobe Malfunction

● 8 babies, 150 episodes, and one very publicly failed marriage later, TLC has at last canceled Kate Plus 8. “And remember, this is not ‘goodbye’. I prefer to say ‘See you around!,'” tweeted Kate. See you! [EW] ● Patti Smith is adapting her National Book Award-winning Just Kids for the big screen with the help of Tony Award-winning playwright John Logan. [RS] ● Case of Ace, make it two: Sparring no expense, Jay-Z spent the weekend in Miami, where he drank $250,000 worth of champagne and left a $50,000 tip in a very serious celebration of Watch The Throne. [Radar]

● Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s Beverly Hills block was “swarmed” by cops with assault rifles yesterday after someone stole some tools from a nearby construction site. There is no evidence that Suri was involved in the heist. Not yet, at least. [TMZ] ● David Lynch’s debut album is set to drop November 8th. The electronic pop album will feature vocals from Karen O and is (seriously) called Crazy Clown Time. [Pitchfork] ● Taylor Swift was left exposed when she danced a little too close to the wind machine during her St. Louis show and her dress caught breeze, revealing her spanx-like underwear underneath. Oops! [NYDN]

Links: Sarah Palin & Kate Gosselin Go Camping, Chelsea Handler Lashes Out at Angelina Jolie

● TLC is flexing their cross-promotional muscle, sending Sarah Palin and her kids camping with Kate Gosselin and her bunch for the sake of reality television. The world did not implode, though Gosselin did say she was “miserable.” [HuffPo] ● In other Palin-related news, Kathy Griffin called Bristol “the white Precious” while deriding her weight-gain, leading to boos from the Salute the Troops audience. [Fox News] ● Actress Amanda Heard has come out publicly, appearing at a GLAAD event with her partner Tasya van Ree, thereby doubling her own fame. [EW]

● Chelsea Handler cemented her Team Aniston status over the weekend with some stand-up jokes that lacked a punchline, calling Angelina Jolie a “fucking bitch” and a “fucking cunt.” [Hollywood Life] ● Kelsey Grammar is now engaged to his 29-year-old mistress-turned-girlfriend Kayte Walsh, while his divorce from Camille Donatacci is still pending. Efficiency is key. [HuffPo] ● Willie Nelson will not face felony charges for marijuana possession, thank Jah. [Popeater]

Links: More Mel Gibson Rants to Come, Kristen Stewart Worries About Assassination

● Mel Gibson’s ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva — the “psycho c—-” from yesterday — has as much as 30 minutes of Gibson’s rants on tape. Sounds like a veritable goldmine of racism, sexism, and insanity — or the album of the year. [Radar] ● Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis, recently out of jail, will marry his entertainment reporter girlfriend in a ceremony that will hopefully include many a sleazy cameraman. [Page Six] ● Kelsey Grammar’s wife has filed for divorce. Imagine this guy out on the prowl with Larry David and David Letterman. [TMZ]

● “I realize they could rush me and assassinate me,” Kristen Stewart says of Twilight fans. Selena fans should be pissed at the implications. [Celebuzz] ● Kate Gosselin plans to release a holiday album. Please, no. Unless it’s duets with Heidi Montag. [PopEater] ● Nine Inch Nails dude Trent Reznor will provide the score for the upcoming David Fincer Facebook movie, The Social Network, because Justin Timberlake was too busy acting in it. [Vulture]

Links: Sofia Coppola Births Bad-Ass Baby, Chris Brown’s Tearful Michael Jackson Tribute

● Director Sofia Coppola and her indie rocker husband Thomas Mars of Phoenix welcomed their second daughter, Cosmina, in New York City, where she’ll be the coolest kid at daycare. [PopEater] ● Mena Suvari was married in Vatican City, dooming her union to be small, out of touch, and micromanaged. [People] ● Kate Gosselin’s botox makes Nicole Kidman look like Betty White. [US Weekly]

● Embattled asshole Chris Brown broke down in tears during a Michael Jackson tribute performance at the BET Awards because he is looking to soften his image. [Vulture] ● In other Michael Jackson news, his crystal-covered glove sold for $190,000 at auction, still smelling of sweat, greed, and excess. [PopEater] ● Newspaper correction of the week: “[Adam Lambert and his bass player] licked each other’s lips; Mr. Ratliff did not merely give Mr. Lambert a quick peck on the shoulder. (He did that later in the show.)” [NYTPicker]

Links: Hugh Hefner on Kate Gosselin Naked: ‘No! No!’; Madonna and Jesus Play the Hits

● Mr. Playboy himself, Hugh Hefner, gave a Kate Gosselin appearance in his magazine the veto adding, “I don’t think she’s a celebrity.” [HuffPo] ● Gaga Stigmata is a submission-based blog dedicated to “critical writings and art” about Stefani Germanotta. [Gaga Stigmata] ● If Robert Pattinson plays Kurt Cobain and Kristen Stewart does her Courtney Love thing the whole world might just be all right. [PopEater]

● It will cost a club owner over $900 a minute to have Madonna stand next to a beautiful man named Jesus while he DJs. [The Sun] ● Rudy Giuliani’s daughter stars in a piss poor Harvard-based YouTube soap opera, and because her father’s a moron, some people care. Funny how this world works. [Gawker] ● Are the protesters in Kyrgyzstan hipsters? [Buzzfeed]

Links: Lady Gaga’s ‘Telephone’ Has Arrived; Godard’s ‘Breathless’ Back to Theaters

● The long-awaited video for Lady Gaga and Beyoncé’s “Telephone” is everything you wanted and more pop chaos. Watch it unless you want to nothing to talk about at parties this weekend. [Vevo] ● Everyone who has been too busy being excited (or tweeting, that is) about Kathryn Bigelow, has failed to consider the real tragedy of last weekend’s Oscars: the stillborn James Cameron victory party and cleaning up the decorations. [Videogum] ● You can probably watch all of the top 50 twenty-second films before you do the math to figure out how many minutes it would take you. [YouTube]

● Jean-Luc Godard’s Breathless is coming back to theaters nationally, in case you need a first date with a 16-year-old aspiring indie kid. [Criterion] ● If Kate Gosselin is dining with four men at Nobu, she’s probably filming a new dating show. [Page Six] ● No one told Barbie that Mad Men‘s Christina Hendricks is a real woman, so her doll is still a stick. [NYT]

Links: Kate Gosselin to Plague Your TV Some More; RZA on ‘Parks & Rec’

● Kate Gosselin will be back on reality TV, with a show that explores her doing “different jobs and tasks, showing how she performs in different environments.” Except the different environments will all be media fishbowls and circuses. [Perez] ● New Domino’s ad cops to how bad Domino’s pizza is. Company hopes honesty is endearing enough for customers to continue ignoring bad pizza. [Gawker, Slate] ● Man desperate to be a nerd all of his life has glasses tattooed onto his face. [Ypsilon2]

● Watch scenes from the new meta-Matt Leblanc comedy, Episodes, about being Matt Leblanc. You didn’t know you missed him saying “How you doin’?” did you? [Vulture] ● The next sci-fi literary mashup will be Android Karenina. Still waiting for Room With a View of Monsters. [AgentM] ● From the amazing brain of ?uestlove, what if Wu Tang’s RZA auditioned to be Leslie Knopes on Parks & Recreation? Only good things. [Buzzfeed]