The Black List: The 15 Things Kat Dennings Hates Most

1. Buffering/Loading. Every internet streaming experience will doubtless be interrupted at some point by buffering/loading. This is unacceptable. We can do everything on the internet—order pizza, buy clothes, adopt puppies, do taxes, talk to people in Lithuania—but we can’t watch Puffball: The Devil’s Eyeball without interruption.

2. Boatneck tops. Are you serious? Who in their right mind would wear a boatneck? I’ve never wanted my clavicle to be a focal point. People who are actually on boats don’t even wear boatneck tops. They wear coats and stuff.

3. Marzipan. It’s disgusting. I can appreciate the shapes it’s sometimes molded into, but that’s as far as it goes. Someone once told me that right before you die, everything smells like almonds. It probably isn’t true and that person sounds like an idiot, but it brings me to this conclusion: Marzipan is made from almonds, almonds smell like death, and, therefore, marzipan smells like death. Fruit-shaped death.

4. “Hilarious” tip jars. Stop it. I was going to tip you anyway but since your tip jar is “hilarious,” it makes the whole thing much more difficult than it has to be. I’ve got news for you: God does not save a kitten every time I tip, and how dare you prey on my weaknesses like that. Here’s a dollar.

5. Nazis. Hate them.

6. Bicycle people. I can’t even deal with bicycle people. Don’t be in my lane. Be in the designated bicycle lane or on the sidewalk. Also, wear some sort of head protection. What do you think cars are made out of? Marshmallows?

7. “On accident.” It is not “on accident.” It is “by accident.” Example: “Your Honor, my prosthetic leg flew into his face by accident.”

8. Your/You’re, Too/To, and They’re/Their/There. Not to sound like some kind of asshole all over this list, but it just gets my goat when people confuse these.

9. Surprise full-body scans. “Step over here, please.” “Okay.” “Put your hands up like this.” “Okay… wait, why do I haaaaagghhhh! Damn you!” I’ve been tricked into airport full-body scans one time too many. Most recently, I stepped out of the machine and the security guy smiled at me and said, “Nice.”

10. The “Keep Calm and Carry On” signs. Don’t tell me how to live my life. Maybe I want to “Go Apeshit and Give Up.” It’s none of anyone’s damn business. These signs were originally meant to raise morale among the British public during World War II. Now they’re on mugs and the dorm walls of people I don’t like very much.

11. “Quirky.” Just cut to the chase and say, “Kat comes off as an empty, female-shaped shell occupied by a mustachioed British demon.”

12. That old lady that one time. I’d been walking down a delightful suburban street, listening to some Beck and generally minding my own business, when I looked up just in time to avoid bumping into a seemingly harmless old lady. Oh, sorry, I said, and kept walking. Something about her face stuck in my mind, and I thought to myself, Was she terrifying? I’ll just steal another look. I turned around and she was staring at me with an evil, toothless grin. I almost fell down, and then she laughed at me and walked away. That old lady that one time—I hate her.

13. Mass texts from people you met once. No, I do not want to go to your “awes0me BBQ;).” Nor do I want to find you a roommate by the end of next month. I deleted you from my phone but that didn’t do any good, did it? Because now your texts just display a bunch of numbers instead of whatever your name is.

14. When I’m out of chickpeas.

15. People who hate cats. Do you hate babies? Do you hate bunny rabbits? Do you hate sea otters? Of course not, so why would you hate cats? I’ll tell you why. Because unlike other animals, cats know you’re a dick. You don’t hate cats; cats hate you. Especially Kat Dennings.

‘Daydream Nation’ Scores Big at Palm Springs Film Fest

Not everyone in Los Angeles had Golden Globes fever this past weekend. Hundreds of film industry types were schmoozing and seeing movies at the Palm Springs International Film Festival. Big names turned up again this year – everyone from Michael Douglas to Natalie Portman – and attention was given to films that might otherwise have trouble finding traction in this awards-saturated season, like Peter Weir’s The Way Back. Another of those films is Daydream Nation, an angst-y tale about a brainy and manipulative girl (Kat Dennings) who shakes up a small town when she begins a love affair with her teacher (Josh Lucas). The film won over many of the festival’s younger fans, who were, lets be honest, in short supply at the open-to-the-public festival in one of America’s retirement hotbeds.

“I was listening to Daydream Nation a lot when I was writing the movie. I wanted to make a film that had the feeling of that record,” writer/director Mike Goldbach said of his decision to use Sonic Youth’s seminal 1988 record as the title of his film. He evened named one of the characters Thurston, an homage to Sonic Youth frontman Thurston Moore. “It’s beautiful and ethereal, but then all of a sudden the movie will swerve, just like the record, and become violent and atonal,” he continued.

On Saturday, a sold-out third screening of the film enthralled movie fans, who swooned over the film’s music-nerd soundtrack. Two Sonic Youth songs, “5 or 6” songs from Devendra Banhart, a Sebadoh track, a Beach House song, a Stars song, several songs by Metric’s Emily Haines (including a cover of Neil Young’s “Expecting to Fly”), and a Lou Reed number are all featured in the film and on the forthcoming soundtrack, from Last Gang Records.

The film was scored by Broken Social Scene’s Ohad Benchetrit, but despite the presence of a stellar songwriting throughout the film, the story mostly unfolds sans sound, musing on sex, death, and relationships in a rain-soaked small town. “It’s a dreamy, hazy, occasionally violent and scary bipolar movie,” Goldbach said. “When you name a film after an album by Sonic Youth, it sets the bar really high,” the director continued. “You want to live up to the promise.”

This past weekend in Palm Springs, Goldbach’s film did just that.

Top picture: Kat Dennings talks to director Mike Goldbach on the set of Daydream Nation.

The New Regime: Kat Dennings

According to her acting coach, Kat Dennings should just “forget about the whole acting thing.” According to her mother, going into the profession was “a terrible idea.” According to casting agents, “her teeth are too weird, she’s funny looking, not pretty enough and too fat.” Luckily, Michael Cera’s love interest in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, who also stole scenes in The House Bunny and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, is made of stern stuff. “Yeah, I’m not easily swayed,” says the 22-year-old with a lazy drawl. “I’m a pretty strong-willed person and the criticism doesn’t really bother me.” Instead, Dennings stayed focused, abandoned acting classes altogether and served her apprenticeship on small-screen staples like ER, CSI (both Crime Scene Investigation and NY) and Sex and the City before graduating to Hollywood.

But don’t expect to see her pictured, crotch on display, outside of an L.A. nightclub anytime soon. “Ugh, you can’t even talk in those places,” says Dennings, who stars in four films this year, including the Robert Rodriguez project Shorts, and The Dream of the Romans opposite Jeff Daniels. “Plus, I don’t drink and I don’t smoke and I don’t like being around people who do. Oh no, I sound really boring!” We’ll beg to differ.

Photo: Beth Herzhaft