Frank Ocean Debuts “Pyramids” Video

Frank Ocean dropped in on Saturday Night Live as the musical guest on the show’s season premiere, bringing along John Mayer, who played guitar on Channel Orange tracks "Thinking About You" and "Pyramids." True to SNL form, the performances were quiet and lackluster. One would think that show would figure out how not to make its performers sound terrible, no? Still, his SNL appearance was appropriately timed; not only will Ocean be headlining the Afghan Whigs-curated All Tomorrow’s Parties festival in New York City on Friday night, but today he released the NSFW video for "Pyramids." Check it out!

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Afternoon Links: Adele Suing Over False Sex Tape Claims, Willow Smith Finds the Love of Her Life

● Adele has vowed to sue the French rag Public, who claim to have images from the singer’s sex tape. "These claims and images are entirely false," Adele’s spokesperson says. [HuffPost]

● Harvey Weinstein and Michael Moore are back in business together, and next on queue? A sure-to-be-searing documentary on the billionaire Koch brothers. Heads up, boys! [Page Six]

● R&B man Robin Thicke was arrested for marijuana possession in New York City last night when two officers caught him smoking a joint while sitting in a Cadillac Escalade with "another person." [NYDN]

● It’s been a minute, but John Mayer is making some real John Mayer-y music again. Someone, somewhere must be happy. [JohnMayer]

● Young Willow Smith says that Odd Future’s Tyler, the Creator is "the love of her life." They grow up so fast. [Rap-Up]

● Anderson Cooper has risked his life on numerous occasions to report live from disaster-struck locales and the center of revolutions, but he is too afraid to get a tattoo. This is what he would look like if he weren’t. [Us]

Links: Demi Lovato Is the New Charlie Sheen, Kanye West Apologizes to President Bush

● Disney star Demi Lovato allegedly went on quite a cocaine and booze bender, all the while screaming, “I’m famous, I don’t care what any of you think of me the whole world loves me.” Oh, and it was all caught on camera. [Radar] ● A Missouri woman is insisting that Lil Wayne is the father of her grandson. Already a father of four, Wayne has until December 9 to be tested. [TMZ] ● Pink is probably pregnant, and to hear the magazines tell it, she thinks it will strengthen her shaky marriage. That always works, right? [Us Weekly]

● In an interview with Matt Lauer, Kanye West apologized for calling George W. Bush a racist, then Lauer showed the clip to the former president. And then Bush called West by the name of “Konway,” so they’re about even now. [HuffPo] ● The 416-year-old Keith Richards attacked a journalist during an interview, which is probably just viral marketing for his new autobiography entitled Life. [Spinner] ● John Mayer says no, in fact, he did not sleep with Giada de Laurentiis, but thanks for thinking so. [PopEater]

Taylor Swift Not Sorry About ‘Dear John’ Song

A quick analysis of the lyrics on Taylor Swift’s “Dear John” immediately confirmed to the public that the six-and-a-half minute track was almost definitely penned about notorious womanizer John Mayer, with whom Swift had a brief, ill-advised, and apparently rocky romance last year. The rumor mill has even churned out tidbits from “insiders,” who claim that Mayer is currently holed away in a shadowy corner (darker than usual), drumming up some sweet retaliation against the pop princess. But unless Mayer has another Playboy-style rant up his sleeves, Taylor couldn’t care less about having spilled these particular beans.

The 20-year-old crooner sat down with Dave Letterman on CBS’s Late Show Tuesday night, where she fielded questions about this whole relationship exposé via song thing. “This is the third album that I’ve been doing this, so they had fair warning at this point,” she told Dave matter-of-factly. “The songs are written when I’m feeling what it is I’m discussing in the song. It’s all kind of done when it’s happening.”

Another track on Taylor’s Speak Now album, titled “Back to December,” is reportedly an apology to former fling and Twilight star, Taylor Lautner, but it seems that John Mayer has claimed an especially dark corner of her heart. If Mayer is, in fact, cooking up an anti-Taylor counterattack – which we wouldn’t put past him – he could give Charlie Sheen or Mel Gibson a real run for their money for Sweetheart of the Year.

Links: Taylor Swift Writes John Mayer Break-Up Song, Christina Aguilera Rebounds With Sam Ronson?

● The song “Dear John,” from Taylor Swift’s upcoming album, seems to quite obviously be about her tryst with the notoriously sleazy John Mayer, including lyrics like, “Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with?” [PopEater] ● The cast of Glee, most notably Lea Michele, went nearly naked and highly sexual for a Terry Richardson photo shoot. “I don’t know how they got me to do half the stuff I did,” said Michele. Never put down your drink, honey. [GQ] ● Tom Bosley, best known as the father Howard Cunningham on Happy Days, is dead at 83, after suffering heart failure. [HuffPo]

● Rumors that Christina Aguilera’s “sexual freedom” broke up her marriage to Jordan Bratman are being ramped up by photos of her out and about with Lindsay Lohan’s ex-girlfriend Samatha Ronson. Imagine how much money Ronson could make selling her presence to restart careers. [X17] ● A man claiming to be Angelina Jolie’s cocaine dealer says the actress was high during an appearance with Charlie Rose in 2000. Now that she’s a loving mother of 13, it’s easy to forget that at the time we expected these things. [Page Six] ● Remember in the ’90s when everyone wanted to see both Tom Cruise shirtless and another Mission Impossible movie? Those days don’t have to be over. [Vulture]

John Mayer Quits Twitter, Writes Short & Timely Manifesto

This morning, John Mayer released a sure-to-be controversial statement about his decision to quit Twitter. “No artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable,” he wrote. Mayer quit Twitter last month, leaving his 3.7 million followers with nothing better to do than listen to “Daughters” on repeat and imagine their tattooed hero fingering his Fender strings, softly stroking Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Jennifer Aniston’s Jessica Simpson’s Minka Kelly’s any random celebrity’s rear fender.

Mayer makes an interesting point. His word choice is a little off, but that’s probably because he’s a recovering Twitter addict and hasn’t fully regained his writing faculties. I mean, wouldn’t someone with a “healthy” grasp of social media not let Twitter interfere with their work? Maybe Mayer means that all interactions with social media are unhealthy by nature, and the only ones making non-disposable art are people like my mom, who don’t even know that Twitter exists.

And maybe he’s right. Surely the constant intrusive blast of Tweetdeck’s alien fog horn notification is enough to ruin any working artist’s train of thought. But still, I refuse to believe that Twitter has as much influence on the artistic brain as Mayer gives it credit. What about all the excellent fiction writers Tweeting up a storm, from Hari Kunzru and Ben Greenman, to Blake Butler and Colson Whitehead, whose mini-comic-tweet-masterpieces might themselves be considered art? Maybe if Mayer wasn’t so distracted by sleeping with such a constant stream of sexy celebrities, he’d have enough time to Tweet and make music. Then again, if it’s between quitting Twitter and quitting hot celeb sex, it’s not really much of a decision, is it?

Links: Bristol Palin to ‘Dance’ the Blues Away, John Mayer ‘Slams’ Huffington Post

● Heartbroken again by that Alaskan lothario Levi, Bristol Palin will appear on the latest season of Dancing With the Stars, because reality television does not have enough Palin. Watch her win, too. [E! Online] ● Chris Brown is doing a “great job” with his probation, a judge told him. He hasn’t even hit another woman. Four more years, big guy! [Celebuzz] ● Heidi Montag wears a piece on tape on her nose so it doesn’t “fall of like Michael Jackson.” [HuffPo]

● When the Huffington Post speculated about whether John Mayer was back with Jennifer Aniston, based shakily on “cobbled together” banter from his concert, he took to his Tumblr in retort: “You’re a stripper wearing reading glasses.” [one forty plus] ● The businesswoman who set Britney Spears on the straight and narrow (still has hair!) has a new project in the form of the recently released Lindsay Lohan. On to the next one. [Page Six] ● Will Forte quit Saturday Night Live, possibly in search of his own The Ladies Man. [NYT]

Gisele Bundchen and Other Foot-in-Mouth Moments

People have been looking for a good reason to hate Gisele Bundchen for a long time. Her hair is perfect, she has the best body in the Western Hemisphere, she’s married to the most attractive football player of all time, and she never really says too much one way or the other. It’d be way easier to hate her if she was a crazy blogger/Tweeter and expressed all of her innermost feelings publicly, like ANTM’s Adrianne Curry or Lindsay Lohan. But this week, Gisele anti-fans and mothers everywhere are hatin’ on the supermodel thanks to an interview in Harpers Bazaar UK in which Gisele tells her interviewer that she wishes there were a “worldwide law” that would force mothers to “breastfeed their babies for six months.” Hard advice to take from a millionaire supermodel with a flat stomach, great hair, and a smokin’ hot, rich husband. What other incidents should’ve been cut short by more vigilant PR reps? Several instances after the jump.

First, there was that whole Tom Cruise vs Brooke Shields debacle, though the two must’ve cleared things up since then as Shields accepted an invite to the Cruise/Holmes lavish nuptials in Italy. The tiff stemmed from Shields’ known use of the anti-depressant Paxil to combat postpartum depression, and Cruise’s Scientology-minded views against mood-altering drugs. He told Matt Lauer that “All it does is mask the problem, Matt. And if you understand the history of it, it masks the problem. That’s what it does. That’s all it does. You’re not getting to the reason why. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.” In a New York Times article, Shields retorted with, “I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Mr. Cruise has never suffered from postpartum depression,”

Carrie Prejean, Miss USA 2009 runner-up, told judge Perez Hilton that she disagreed with gay marriage because that’s just how she was raised. “In my country and my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.” This met with a huge backlash from gay rights activists and people who do not live in the Midwest. She was later stripped (no pun intended) of her Miss California USA crown after the release of an at-home porno went viral on the internet. She’s still an idol for Fox News affiliates.

John Mayer can be hilarious, but he could also benefit from some censorship in a big way. In a Playboy article earlier this year, Mayer got into his views of dating black women. “I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.” No way to spin that? Nope. Not at all.

This is in his defense:

Note: At least Gisele (aka the most beautiful woman in the world, ever) apologized to overworked moms worldwide via her blog. “My intention in making a comment about the importance of breastfeeding has nothing to do with the law. It comes from my passion and beliefs about children. Becoming a new mom has brought a lot of questions, I feel like I am in a constant search for answers on what might be the best for my child. It’s unfortunate that in an interview sometimes things can seem so black and white. I am sure if I would just be sitting talking about my experiences with other mothers, we would just be sharing opinions. I understand that everyone has their own experience and opinions and I am not here to judge. I believe that bringing a life into this world is the single most important thing a person can undertake and it can also be the most challenging. I think as mothers we are all just trying our best.” Aw.

Links: Courtney Love Gets Naked Again, All the Babies of the World are Smoking

● Every time Courtney Love gets naked—this time it’s on Facebook, with Amanda Lepore and a whip—an angel rocks out to Celebrity Skin, does a bump, and falls to earth. [HuffPo] ● Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have died their hair neon colors, as if to scream, “notice us!” Though Courtney Love’s idea works better. [People] ● A young girl involved in a text message kerfuffle said the “c-word” twice on television. Adorable! [Jezebel]

● Now that every infant has a pack of Reds and flask of Jack, how sad is the Chinese toddler that smokes and drinks to erase memories of a traffic accident? Still devastating, actually. [Runnin’ Scared] ● John Mayer and The Situation comparing abs—it’s no contest, really, though everyone knows bodies get soft, while schmaltzy guitar ballads last forever. [TMZ] ● The best movies of all time in chart form will save you hundreds of thousands of dollars in film school debt. [Movie Mom]