5 Celebrity Babies Whose Arrival We’re Desperately Awaiting

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake giggle into each others eyes. Photo: Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com

With news of Jessica Biel getting knocked up by Justin Timberlake, we couldn’t help but wonder if there is something brewing in the waters of Hollywood. First Blake Lively gracefully announces that she’s expecting, and now this! If Brad and Angie announced their pregnancy tomorrow we wouldn’t be shocked. In consideration of Tinsel Town’s baby boom we’ve put together a list of the babies we’re most excited to meet and why.

1. Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake: When news was confirmed yesterday regarding the pregnancy of actress Jessica Biel with man of many talents Justin Timberlake, who couldn’t help but shed a little baby tear? Her breathtaking looks and his unquestionable talent will ensure this baby a record deal and maybe even a series during primetime. Give this baby Jessica’s lips, Justin’s vocals, and call it the second coming of Christ.The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating SCHIAPARELLI and PRADA : Impossible Conversations - ArrivalsPhoto: Joe Schildhorn/BFAnyc.com

2. Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego: If this baby pops out with a blue tint to it, don’t be alarmed, the mama is an Avatar after all. Actress Zoe Saldana is expecting with her husband Marco Perego. The pair will certainly make a baby worthy of the children’s Ralph Lauren catalogue. HAMMER MUSEUM'S 12th Annual Gala in the Garden with Generous Support from Bottega VenetaPhoto: Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com

3. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick: We honestly can’t remember the last time Kourtney Kardashian wasn’t pregnant. As history will show, she and longtime on-off again boyfriend/housemate/sperm donor Scott Disick make some adorable babies. Thee birth will likely have a two-part special on E! and we will be watching to see if this third child stacks up to Mason and Penelope. BABY BUGGY Summer Dinner Sponsored by GIORGIO ARMANIPhoto: Carly Erickson/BFAnyc.com

4. Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz: Forget Blue Ivy, this child is going to have some serious musical talents. This babe is on fire! GLOBAL CITIZEN FESTIVAL 2014Photo: Benjamin Lozovsky/BFAnyc.com

5. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds: Making this list and not including Blake and Ryan is like asking Rihanna to not show her nipples. It just won’t work. Blake is shaping up to be one of the most glowing pregnant gals of all time. The day Blake posts photos of her newborn on Preserve is the day the site crashes.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Charles James: Beyond Fashion and the Anna Wintour Costume Center - Red Carpet ArrivalsPhoto: Joe Schildhorn/BFAnyc.com

Homeless People Wish Justin Timberlake And Jessica Biel A Happy Marriage

So Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got had a $6.5 million wedding in Italy, but whatever they spent all that money on has now been overshadowed by an attempted bit of comedy courtesy of one particular guest: Justin Huchel. (He and Timberlake reportedly met a while back at Justinfest, a conference for rich Justins.) Mr. Huchel went around filming best wishes for the celebrity couple from destitute hobos to draw some kind of humorous comparison between gratuitous luxury and abject poverty. Then Gawker leaked it.

Shame on you, Mr. Huchel! All Justin and Jessica wanted was to sanctify their fame-maintaining, overly extravagant, tabloid-bait union. It’s hard enough trying to be a sex symbol in Hollywood when you’re not especially attractive—really, the next movie trailer that pushes either of these people as “hot” will make me kick through the TV screen—without your idiot friend making transvestites and toothless guys on skid row pretend to care who you’ll be nominally, contractually married to for the next two years or so.

There’s an obvious solution, of course. Mr. Huchel is an L.A. real estate agent; why not sell these poor dudes some homes? At very competitive prices, of course, and taking no commission. If need be, he can just situate them all in one Malibu mansion. Fitted with cameras. For a reality show about homeless men trying to fit into a culture of conspicuous wealth. Since that sort of thing is so funny.

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‘Total Recall’ Trailer: Sorry, No Three-Boobed Alien Prostitutes To Be Seen

Everyone dreams about being someone else. But what happens when you pay to make the dream real, and then the dream turns out to be real anyways? Amazingly enough, this is not a transcript of some stoned freshman dorm room hypothesizing, but the premise behind a real movie: Total Recall, a remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle based off a Philip K. Dick short story. Colin Farrell plays a guy who pays to give himself memories of being an especially cool guy, only it turns out he was the cool guy all along and must now uncover the conspiracy that his brain was protecting. Kate Beckinsale shows up as his fake wife, Jessica Biel is there as his maybe-new wife, and Bryan Cranston is the bad guy at the end. This could be fun, if not confusing!

It turns out that when you replace the Terminator with just about anyone, it becomes a lot easier to write a serious movie. This remake may trend a little too dramatic — indeed, CGI-aided fight scenes stopped being a novelty around the last Matrix movie — but the original concept remains as intriguing as ever when pulled off correctly, assuming you’ve read the original PKD story and know the crazy places it goes to. (Here’s a link! It’s pretty short, so take a break and treat yourself.)

Speaking of mixed viral marketing messages, check out the movie’s two websites — totalrecall.com, which is an standard promotional site, and totalrekall.com, which mocks up the clinic where Farrell has his memory-changing procedure performed. Such dedication to an unnecessary ideal. And yes, sadly, the (obviously NSFW) three-boobed alien prostitute is nowhere to be seen, though we can eventually dream of her making her way into the final cut. Total Recall is out on August 3.

Afternoon Links: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Get Engaged, Martha Stewart Signs Off

● Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are engaged, and all of our childhood dreams are ruined. If we don’t at least get a new album out of this, I am going to have to take down those posters. [Us]

● Amber Rose claims that "homewrecker" Kim Kardashian was sending pics to Rose’s then boyfriend, Kanye West, while she was still dating Reggie Bush. Game on! [NYDN]

● Nick Cannon was hospitalized for kidney problems while vacationing in Aspen with Mariah Carey and dem babies. "Please pray for Nick as he’s fighting to recover from a mild kidney failure. #mybraveman," Carey tweeted. [People]

● Ludacris is opening a new resturant, serving chicken and beer, in the Atlanta airport. [Vulture]

● Ratings waning, Martha Stewart’s The Martha Stewart Show will sign-off for good at the end of April. [NYP]

‘New Year’s Eve’: Yet Another Star-Studded Holiday-Themed Rom Com

If the trailer is any indication, Garry Marshall’s newest film, New Year’s Eve, is almost exactly the same as his last film, Valentine’s Day, except with a different over-hyped holiday. Despite – or perhaps because of – its long list of incredibly famous actors and numerous romantic story lines, it’s stacking up to be yet another trite, cliched, and ultimately uninspiring smorgasbord of self-regard disguised as self-deprecation. How did the man responsible for The Odd Couple and Happy Days get to this point? Let’s take a trip down celluloid memory lane.

First came Love Actually, the film filled with some famous people and some-not-so famous people, all of whom shared universal love stories that intertwined in subtle yet real ways. It was about sex, love, romance, and best of all, Christmas. Bonus points for all the British accents. We loved it.

Then came Valentine’s Day, the wanna-be Love Actually filled with even more famous people and intertwining love stories. Too many, in fact – it made us a bit dizzy. And because it was centered around one of the most cliched days of the year, it was just too much mush, gush, and teen tonsil honkey. No thanks.

Now comes New Year’s Eve, following directly in the footsteps of Valentine’s Day. New Year’s Eve boasts an impressive cast of everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood. We’ve got Lea Michele, Jon Bon Jovi, Hilary Swank, Jessica Biel, and about a million more. How Marshall locked down Robert De Niro for such a silly movie is a mystery for the ages, but I guess De Niro gave up around the time Analyze That came out.

This film celebrates that one magical night every year when the entire world gets together to celebrate new beginnings, the wonders of alcohol, and the hopes of getting a little midnight action. With Ashton Kutcher’s “I’m depressed and I only wear sweatpants” mood, a random romance between Ludacris and Hilary Swank, and Zac Efron making dreams come true for Michelle Pfeiffer, I just might gouge my eyes out. There is nothing about this film that makes me curious, and I definitely plan on spending my New Year’s Eve doing other things besides watching Sarah Jessica Parker pretend to not have any opportunities to wear pretty dresses.

But who knows? Marshall may well surprise us with a well-crafted tale of love in the city of big dreams. But it’s looking like he’d prefer to squeeze a few more bucks out of a once-endearing idea, and that’s hardly in the spirit of “out with the old, in with the new.”

Morning Links: Lada Gaga Bares All, Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ Jacket Up For Auction

● Lady Gaga wore almost nothing to pick up her CFDA Fashion Icon award last night, and she wore even less when she went out to celebrate after. Said Anna Wintour, “How lovely.” [DailyMail] ● Although they are not yet dating, Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler look great together on the back of a motorcycle. [People] ● Salt 2 is a thing, and once again, Angelina will be a part of it. Director Phillip Noyce, however, will not. Presumably, someone, somewhere, is excited. [The Deadline]

● Michael Jackson’s iconic red-leather “Thriller” jacket is up for auction and is expected to go for at least $200,000. [AP] ● Love Affair, which was supposed to be out today, got knocked back to earlier this year. Then, The-Dream announced yesterday that The Love, IV (Diary of a Mad Man) should be out by his birthday, September 20, easing just slightly the pain of another new day without new Dream. [Complex] ● One The Human Centipede was enough for England, and so they have essentially banned the sequel from their shores, believing that it “poses a real, as opposed to a fanciful, risk that harm is likely to be caused to potential viewers.” [Guardian]

Morning Links: Justin Bieber has a situation, Martha Stewart’s a grandmother

● Nickelodeon is looking to win back the generation of early watchers who were raised on their early ’90s programming. They are dedicating the too-late-for-current-Nick-viewers midnight-to-2 AM time slot to golden-era favorites like Pete and Pete, Rugrats and Clarissa Explains It All. The ’90s Are All That, indeed! [EW] ● The numbers are in and this years richest rappers are as follows: Diddy, $475 million; Jay-Z, $450 million; Dr. Dre $125 million; and tied for fifth, 50 Cent and Birdman with an easy $100 million a piece. Diddy’s got Ciroc, 50’s got a burgeoning career in cinema, and Jay’s got a kingdom — how did Birdman, a fairly middling rapper with little output, make this list? It had to be swag. [Forbes] ● There was something of a situation yesterday outside Justin Bieber’s London hotel where hundreds of screaming girls had gathered to get a glimpse of the pop god. Ironically, as a result of the mania, Justin had to cancel the Beatles tour he had planned. [TMZ]

● Martha Stewart is a grandmother, but don’t call her that! Baby Jude will be referring to her as “Martha,” just like the rest of us. [People] ● The end of this relationship has been teased almost since it began four years ago, but it looks like Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have finally parted ways. Justin has had his chances of love and will surely have many more. Also, we’re single! [NYDN] ● After years of being banned for his anti-authoritarian bends, China is finally warming up to the idea of Bob Dylan. Or maybe he has just cooled down enough for them. “He evokes more nostalgia than notoriety,” said a Chinese-American musician, noting a probably pleasing change in Dylan’s brand. Dylan will play two shows, one in Shanghia and another in Beijing, tickets should still be available. [Yahoo/AP]

20 Smoking Hot ’90s TV Stars Who Still Can’t Act

We remember the ’90s for many things – the invention of fruit roll-ups, the growing up of the gang from Saved by the Bell, and of course, countless ’90s TV stars who were smoking hot – whether we realized it at the time or not. From Kelly Packard to Elizabeth Berkley, the small screen was graced with more than a fair share of attractive women (and, more commonly perhaps, girls). Below we’ve compiled a list of 20 of our favorites that are still easy on the eyes and equally light on the acting chops.

1. Amanda Bynes image image Amanda Bynes was a Nickelodeon staple in the ’90s, and she was cute…real cute. But her hotness came into true fruition after her five-year stint on “All That”. Her delightful spazziness landed her on shows and films like The Amanda Show, What a Girl Wants, She’s The Man and Sydney White. She’s not winning any Oscars, but she’s still the hot girl next door. 2. Amy Jo Johnson image image Amy Jo Johnson stole hearts as Kimberly Hart on that belovedly cheesy show, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Sure, Trini, the Yellow Power Ranger was also hot. But the Pink Power Ranger stole our hearts. Critics never did take the show seriously, but that didn’t matter. The villain-fighting hotness of Amy Jo saved the day for us non-child viewers. She was sweet, had a rocking body and kicked some serious mutant ass. Then she showed up on Felicity. Nowadays she’s keeping that body fit with stints on shows like The Division and Wildfire. 3. Carmen Electra image image Tara Leigh Patrick was hot to begin with. Then Prince (then The Artist Formerly Known As…) gave her an even hotter name: Carmen Electra. That’s right. Prince names adults. Since then, this Baywatch and Singled Out diva has wedged her less-than-talented foot into the doors of the music, film, television and modeling industries. And you know what? She hasn’t done too badly for herself. What’s she up to these days? Good question. Total Gym infomercials? Organic chemistry research? Who cares? She’s still attractive… albeit in a plastic, aged sorta way. 4. Christine Lakin image image Chrisitine Lakin got her start acting in commercials, then got cast on the family sitcom, Step By Step. Everyone loves the hot tomboy, and Lakin as Al Lambert was no exception. Sure, she didn’t quite know her lines. Sure, she often looked confused. But man, did she look good trying to dribble a basketball. Nowadays she rolls with Paris Hilton, starring alongside her in 2008’s The Hottie and the Nottie. 5. Elizabeth Berkley image image

Ah, Elizabeth Berkley. She’s like a finely aged wine. So many facets: the naughty Showgirls side, the smart-hot Saved by the Bell side…what else has she done? Men prefer the former, while women prefer to watch her act like an overachieving speed freak on SBTB. 6. Holly Marie Combs image imagepg Holly Marie Combs was known for her role of Kimberly in television’s Picket Fences. The show won some critical acclaim, but it certainly wasn’t for Holly’s acting prowess. Still, she went on to play Piper Halliwell on Charmed, and in its fifth season she began to lend a hand in production. Girl, you should be in front of the camera, not squinting all day at footage and lounging by craft services. She’s still producing pilots today. 7. Jennie Garth image image Jennie Garth got beat out by Tiffani Amber Thiessen for the role of Kelly Kapowski in Saved By the Bell, but casting directors gave her the opportunity to shine in the legendary 1990s drama, Beverly Hills 90210. She played a stuck-up rich type who liked to wear tight designer outfits, and she looked great doing it for 10 years. Lately, she’s been on the spin-off train, playing Kelly Taylor in the new version of the show.

8. Jennifer Love Hewitt image image Jennifer Love Hewitt is the girlfriend we all wanted. As Sarah Reeves Marin, Hewitt played Bailey’s girlfriend on Party Of Five. She wasn’t winning any Oscars, but she had a great, er, smile. Three cheers for J-Love, who made watching this show with our girlfriends a whole lot more tolerable. She moved on to a reasonably successful film career, with roles in awful-but-successful movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer and Can’t Hardly Wait.

9. Kelly Packard image image

Kelly Packard, a latter-day Baywatch babe, really knew how to wear that red. She rivaled Pamela Anderson in both acting chops and hotness, and certainly made for a steamy half-hour TV sesh. Packard was the only female cast member to cross over from season eight to nine — also known as the Baywatch Bloodbath — and we’re damned glad she did. Today, you can see Packard hosting the late segment on GSN Live.

10. Lucy Lawless image image

Who doesn’t remember badass Lucy Lawless on Xena: Warrior Princess? The dark hair, the dominatrix outfits, the evil gods and demi-gods…It didn’t matter that her New Zealand accent accidentally popped out in dramatic scenes. In fact, that made her even sexier. And if that wasn’t enough, she went on to arouse us in Battlestar Galactica. It’s like a nerd sub’s dream. Not only did Lawless kick some serious mythological ass from 1995 to 2001, she even did her own stunts. She is now trying to make it as a singer, and released a live album and concert DVD in 2007.

11. Meredith Monroe image image

Ah, sweet Meredith. How we miss your Dawson’s Creek love affair with Pacey. It gave us so much hope. A 32-year-old hottie playing a teenager, Monroe was a true inspiration to her cougar contemporaries. She has recently appeared in episodes of House, Cold Case and Californication.

12. Monica Keena image image

Okay, Monica, there’s room for you on this list, too. Why? Because you’re just as terrible at line readings and just as smokin’ as Meredith. Keena’s sexiness was in top form on the first two seasons of Dawson’s Creek, but then her character died. But don’t worry, Monica is busy with other projects today. TV shows and films are in the works, including a remake of Night Of The Demons, due out later this year.

13. Pamela Anderson image image

Maybe it’s cliché to include Pam, but whatever. She’s smoking. And the best part (or maybe the third-best part): she can’t act herself out of a paper bag. So of course she belongs on this list. The quintessential Baywatch babe, her 111 Episodes defined her career, to say the least. Afterward, she modeled, acted, sang and even became a published author. We also hear she’s really into boats. And she was actually pretty damn good in Borat.

14. Tatyana Ali image image

Tatyana Ali was the baby of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but we always knew she’d grow into a fine young woman. A budding music career paralleled her fame on the sitcom and though it seemed she was bound for pop stardom, her acting and singing was lackluster, at best. It’s a good thing she’s so damned cute, even still at age 31!

15. Yasmine Bleeth image image

Yasmine Bleeth was the one for those who got bored of the bleached blondes on Baywatch. Wait, did anyone get bored of the blondes on Baywatch? Either way, Yasmine was a breath of fresh air: sexy, exotic, and a fittingly horrible actress who still managed to give the blondes a run for their money. Bleeth was then in and out of television, with stints on shows like Titans and Nash Bridges.

16. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen image image

Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was the girl next door and Ms. Popular all wrapped into one hot bundle on Saved By the Bell. She didn’t do much of anything with conviction in front of the camera, but that doesn’t really matter. She had a great smile, great hair and a great body. You can still catch her “acting” on White Collar on the USA Network.

17. Jessica Biel image image

No doubt about it, Jessica Biel’s tomboy character made 7th Heaven almost watchable. Girls liked it for the sappy plot or something like that, but we watched for Mary Camden and her sweats. Biel leads a promising acting career nowadays, but really isn’t known for her talent so much as for her damned good looks. Her film credits include the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Illusionist and Valentine’s Day.

18. Danielle Fishel image image

Ah, Topanga. The girl with the weird name. You came to us in an episode of Boy Meets World”, and we dreamed you’d be ours. This spunky little lady was a welcome treat on a not-so-great sitcom. And it was fun to watch her “develop” from middle school to high school, to say the least. Today, Topanga (we’ll just keep calling her that) is a host on Dish and a correspondent on The Tyra Banks Show, where her lack of talent is, shall we say, upstaged.

19. Larisa Oleynik image image

Larisa Oleynik, you wore lots of crazy hats, then turned into goo after a radioactive accident. But we still turn to goo when we watch you. You have a cute way of always looking concerned, and your male best friend on The Secret World Of Alex Mack never intimidated us. Seriously, though, this Nickelodeon staple was only popular because of Larisa. She moved on to films like The Baby-Sitters Club and 10 Things I Hate About You, then sort of slowly fell off the face of the earth.

20. Tia and Tamera Mowry image image

Tia and Tamera Mowry — two tigers for the price of one. They wore lots of matching outfits on the ABC show, Sister Sister, which somehow lasted four years. Tia was the bookworm, while Tamera was the sexy wild child. And man, did she love her some Coolio. The Mowrys kept their acting up after their breakout show folded, making appearances — though not in tandem — on TV shows like Strong Medicine, Roommates and The Game.

21. Update: Below you’ll find our bonus entry, due to popular demand, the Olsen twins. image image

Mary-Kate and Ashley made a name for themselves on the classic sitcom “Full House” and then went onto star in a bunch of terrible (and by terrible, I mean terribly cute!) made for TV movies. They now have their own clothing line, a gajillion dollars, and the hearts and minds of many old dudes around the world.

Jessica Biel & Angelina Jolie Will Destroy Your Computer

You may tap me on the shoulder at this point and obnoxiously point out, “But that’s not news. Anyone who’s seen Crossroads or Hackers — not that I have because I’m a discerning cineaste who only has time for Michel Gondry — knows the depths of terribleness they’re getting themselves into.” At that point, I may decide to throw a cup of coffee at you for interrupting me in the middle of making a very important argument. The death of your cute femmeputer is not contingent on actually downloading whatever dross these performers are offering up. It’s simpler than that. Jessica Biel, Angelina Jolie, Miley Cyrus, and Britney Spears are just part of a more expansive list of celebrities, searching for whose likenesses across the web could cause your computer to contract cyber-chlamydia.

In their pursuit of celebrity gossip, readers stand a one in five chance of landing on a site that will infect their computers with some sort of malware (oh crap) — be it spyware or phishing software. Says anti-virus entity McAfee in an interview, “Fans searching for ‘Jessica Biel’ or ‘Jessica Biel downloads,’ ‘Jessica Biel wallpaper,’ ‘Jessica Biel screensavers,’ ‘Jessica Biel photos’ and ‘Jessica Biel videos’ have a one in five chance of landing at a Web site that’s tested positive for online threats such as spyware, adware, spam, phishing, viruses and other malware,” The list also includes Brad Pitt and confusingly enough, Reese Witherspoon.

But as you read this, stewing in my spam filter are messages with such gripping headers as “Dogfights legalized in U.S.” and “Need your knob up?” and “Is crysis over?” All sadly devoid of any trace of celebrity besides the The Daily Beast morning mail-out that invariably ends up there, but never quite makes its way properly into my inbox. Clearly these engineers of celebrity malware — so dependent on our manic Googling instincts for their nefarious gain — can’t even chip off some readership from the acai berry and Viagra audience.