Hey, children of the ‘80s/early ‘90s (or, as old people / people who don’t like you / marketing execs call you, “millennials”) MTV will not stand your whiny, tired, vaguely-rockist yearning and yammering about why it doesn’t play music videos anymore. MTV does not care about your music authenticity crusading nostalgia-trip BS.* And they will make it known.
Or rather, Brian Firenzi pretending to be an MTV Networks exec named “Michael Destiny” will make it known. On the latest edition of comedy duo Brian & Maria’s “Ask A Network Head,” a twenty-something asks the head of programming at MTV why they’ve traded in actual music videos for Jersey Shore and its various iterations. And the response, smug and condescending as it is in tone, is some serious real talk in its content. Basically, he argues, you brought this on yourselves. This is why you can’t have nice things.
“Your generation—not the one before you, not the one after you—your generation decided to steal music, and music videos are more worthless than ever before,” says the exec. “Puff Daddy used to be able to drive a speedboat through an explosion! At least that looked cool.”
He goes on to explain how the people complaining the most about MTV no longer playing music videos are no longer MTV’s primary demographic, and with the advent of the Internet, the average casual music listener has SO MANY tools to discover new music and bands can develop a Twitter following for free practically overnight, so MTV as a medium for music discovery has been rendered irrelevant, and that you’re really just worried about becoming culturally irrelevant and getting old. This isn’t about MTV, is it? It’s about you and your own fear of becoming old and crochety and, Heaven forbid, uncool. Watch.
*Although the recent resurgence of Daria and new episodes of Beavis and Butt-Head may actually indicate otherwise, but that’s only because the nostalgia industry is where all the buttloads of money are.