That Guy Split Up With What’s-Her-Face

TMZ, People, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation have all harmoniously confirmed the terrible breakup of a torrid sexual relationship between Hollywood actors Jennifer Anniston and Robert Pattinson, who appeared on The Daily Show with Jimmy Fallon last night to confirm that he will be the new legal guardian for Suri Cruise, the illegitimate child of British chanteuse Adele and an unnamed father who is probably Bret Michaels, the rock star famous for his recently called-off double-engagement to Twilight’s Kristen Stewart and one of the girls from Teen Mom.

Meanwhile, Gillian Anderson, Anne Hathaway and Carey Mulligan have filed for a divorce from their respective husbands—Stevie Wonder, Tom Cruise and Justin Theroux (née Jeremy Piven). Kenny G, accredited just two days ago as a lawyer, will represent both men in what is likely to be a blood-soaked beast of a court proceeding. Kenny G is also caught in the middle of his own bitter divorce from a crazed fan, who filed for marriage without his knowledge; that case is presided over by Judge Judy.

Judge Judy could not be reached for comment, but this weekend she was spotted scarfing down hamburgers at Chateau Marmont with Ryan Gosling, the world-renown David Duchovny impersonator.

Sasha Grey on ‘I Melt With You,’ Fake Cocaine, & Hot Sauce

At 23 years old, there isn’t much Sasha Grey hasn’t done. She’s published a book, modeled for luxury brands, starred in a Steven Soderbergh movie. On the side, she conquered the porn industry. No big deal. At this point in her broad career, Grey is looking to put the “having sex on camera” stuff behind her, to the point where her publicist is now asking interviews, this one included, not to focus on it. Fair enough, since Grey is no longer in the business and has said all that needs be said on the matter. So for our brief conversation with the star, who’s long been a BlackBook favorite, we spoke about her new movie I Melt With You, faux blow, and other hot stuff.

How was your Halloween weekend?
My weekend was nice and mellow. Well, mellow for a Halloween weekend. I just got a dog. He’s a very lively dog to have in the house.

What’s your dog’s name?
His name is MacReady, like Kurt Russell from The Thing.

The critics have been sort of harsh on I Melt with You. Is it misunderstood. Are they not seeing the director’s vision?
It’s a dark film. There are no bells and whistles, no happy endings, and I think sometimes that’s tough for people to accept, at least in today’s film market. But, there’s a lot of metaphors throughout this film, and I think if you don’t really love film it’s not the kind of movie you’re going to sit back with a bowl of popcorn and M&M’s and be like, Oh, this is a great movie!

How did you book this role?
I was asked to go on an audition for the film, and they told me it was going to be directed by Mark Pellington. It was kind of a last-minute thing. They caught me in the late afternoon, and wanted me the next day. I just studied my lines and worked on those and didn’t read the script until afterwards. Then they wanted me to sit down with Mark and one of the other actors for a read-through, and that was it. We were shooting about a week and a half later.

Was it a reunion for you and Jeremy Piven?
No, it’s funny. I was only on set with Jeremy Piven two or three times on Entourage. We didn’t have a lot of scenes together. We actually talked more on this set.

What was the vibe on this set like? You have Jeremy Piven, Rob Lowe, and Thomas Jane, so I would imagine it was fun.
It was a really cool set. Everyone seemed to get along. We shot with three or four cameras, so it was cool because you could just throw yourself into the scene and not worry about a camera not seeing you. So you’re just able to do your thing.

Did it feel like professional environment, or did it feel like friends getting together to make a movie?
Definitely laid back. Because of the subject matter, it’s not easy to party for seven hours with just drinking a bunch of water and a bunch of apple juice that is supposed to be beer. They had like B12 for the fake cocaine, and some of the people were actually mixing it, and I was like, “I don’t know about putting that up my nose!” and everyone else is just wired on vitamins. Their noses are running because it burns so bad. There was a lull halfway through shooting that party scene, where everyone was like “OK, we are so done.” It was fun for the first hour and then we just wanted to sleep. The energy kind of picked backed up as the sun rose. It was cool.

If you guys were using B12 for the cocaine here, what were they using for the cocaine on Entourage?
I’m not sure, because I didn’t have to sniff anything on that show.

Did you watch the final season of Entourage?
I did, yes.

What did you think of the girl Vincent Chase ended up marrying?
I liked it because it was nothing like my character. The exact opposite, so it was cool.

You’re supposed to act in Inferno, the Linda Lovelace biopic that once had Lindsay Lohan attached. Has that been derailed because of her legal troubles?
Um, that’s not the only reason why the film hasn’t been made

You’ve put energy into a lot of different things in your career. Is it safe to say that right now you’re focusing on acting?
Yes, definitely. That’s what I dedicate most of my time to.

How so? Are you looking at scripts and going to auditions?
Yes, check the box for all of the above.

According to your Twitter account, you’re a hot sauce enthusiast. True?
It’s very true!

What’s the best hot sauce you’ve ever had?
The best hot sauce I’ve ever had, well, I just came back from Thailand a few weeks ago, and it’s done by hand and is in almost every restaurant. They say it’s made out of a fish oil, but I don’t taste it. There are a few restaurants in which you can taste the fish, and then there are others where you don’t taste it at all. It’s so good because it starts out kind of meaty, but with a bitter undertone, and then your mouth is just watering and you need a piece of bread. I also make a really good sauce that is more like a traditional hot sauce, but it only keeps for like a week, and it’s a pain in the ass to make.

What chilies do you use?
Jalapenos, serranos, and garlic, and a few other magic ingredients.

Awesome.
If you want it, I’ll sell it to you. It’s a dollar for a bottle

‘Globe and Mail’ Caption-Writer Skewers Celebrities, Favors Occupy Wall Street

This is amazing: whoever writes the captions for the Celebrity Photos of the Week feature for The Globe and Mail apparently has a not-so-secret liberal agenda.

Below are some screenshots of some of the best photos and captions of celebrities supposedly thinking long and hard about the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Morning Links: Selena Inks ‘Justin’ On Her Wrist, January Jones Petitions for Shark Meat Ban

● Is that “Justin” on Selena’s wrist permanent ink or not? Inquiring tween minds must know – there’s revenge to plot! [Huff Post] ● James Franco bought a yarn sculpture that a 13-year-old Tumblr-using fan made in his likeness, and now the girl thinks that they are “mentally married.” [CTV] ● In his new book, Deer in the Headlights, Levi Johnston says Bristol wanted to get pregnant in revenge for her mother’s pregnancy. Johnston just went along because he was “too dumb” to use protection, amongst other things. [NYDN]

● Jeremy Piven took his three Emmys for a walk through Soho in a double-wide stroller, because he has always been more than a little crazy. (He might have been filming a skit for the Emmys.) [BWE] ● January Jones says no to shark fin soup, and hopes you will do the same. Call your governor today! [Huff Post] ● Kate Plus 8 is over and fans are “devastated,” the kids are “questioning,” and Kate Gosselin is “a little scared,” she says. Reality television lifestyle addiction is apparently a very real thing, and Kate’s public withdrawal is getting sad. [EW]

Puma Pops Up on the Sunset Strip

The only benefit of the lingering recession, as far as I’m concerned, is pop-up bar concepts, now that landlords are ready to lower prices to get some temporary income coming in. This month, Puma got in on the action when the footwear giant managed to temporarily snag a slice of the Sunset Strip. Last night, they lured Jeremy Piven and others to the launch of their Puma Social Club concept inside the old One Sunset space, which has been vacant for over a year. Rent at 8730 Sunset is rumored to be $30,000 a month or more, keeping actual bars or restaurants from opening in the 6,500-square-foot space, but Puma will at least light up the Strip with a few notable events before closing shop on October 28th.

So what exactly is Puma Social Club? The concept is essentially a hastily designed bar, with a few extra activities and a store thrown in for good measure. Neon signs light up the interior, and chalkboards hang on the walls, riddled with tacky encouragements to tweet, with Puma-specific Twitter hashtags spelled out for drinkers. But ping-pong tables and other games for bar goers seem to be the central raison d’être for the temporary lounge. It’s a sports bar for people who hate sports bars, and last night, it worked out splendidly. British singer Dan Black was on the decks, and several Hollywood types—Audrina Partridge, Mr. Piven, and Allison Sweeny among them—were all too happy to hit the open bar and down free Pink’s hot dogs.

This pop-up club seems to be part of a larger trend in L.A., wherein “trendy” bars incorporate some sort of sporty activity. Over the summer, New York’s ping-pong themed SPiN opened an L.A. outpost just down the Strip from Puma on Sunset in West Hollywood, inside the Mondrian hotel.

At the end of the day, Puma Social Club is all about marketing – the company recently rolled out their “Puma Social” print-and-online ad campaign – but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy drinking for free this month. The club is open during the day sans alcohol, from 12-5 p.m. if you feel the need to play video games with people other than yourself. Here is a schedule of events that’ll run until the end of the month. We suggest crashing the Vice magazine party this Friday, which should be totally doable.

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Links: ‘Forbes’ Most Powerful Celebs Are Ladies Without Pants, Katie Holmes as Jackie O Pics

● The Forbes list of most powerful celebrities includes almost no one who both wears pants and has a last name. Oprah, Gaga, Beyonce, Miley—one or the other, never both. [PopEater] ● Madonna’s daughter Lola Leon has an upcoming fashion line and a blog to publicize it. “….how cool rigghhhhhht???Annnnnnd I am 4 realz excited,” she writes. [ONTD] ● Jeremy Piven dropped his phone in the toilet at a sushi restaurant. This guy and the sushi! [Videogum]

● This picture of Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, in costume as Jackie Kennedy for an upcoming miniseries looks either Photoshopped or oddly perfect. [People] ● Seinfeld vandal takes Sharpie to Seinfeld ads to replace Seinfeld quotes with better Seinfeld quotes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! [Pat’s Papers] ● Ke$ha’s backstage demands include “glitter, hot dogs, and philosophical books on the origins of species.” [Perez Hilton]

Links: January Jones Hearts Ari Gold; Man Dies of Excitement After ‘Avatar’

● January Jones was photographed leaving a Golden Globes party arm-in-arm with Jeremy Piven, after convincing her that Entourage was actually a documentary and he could land her a role in the new Spider-Man. [Defamer] ● A British radio DJ played Van Halen’s “Jump” for a man stuck in traffic because a suicidal woman was threatening to jump off of the highway bridge. She jumped, but only broke her heels, making this the one time David Lee Roth gave okay advice. [MSNBC] ● Susan Boyle was not nominated for England’s version of the Grammys, the Brit Awards. More like I Dreamed A Nightmare! [NYT]

● A 42-year-old Taiwanese man died of a stroke after watching Avatar; James Cameron said “Oops” in Na’vi. [USA Today] ● Slapping a stranger’s kid in Wal-Mart will land you a year in jail, which is good to know. [AJC] ● All the money in the world can buy you a verified Twitter account, along with the friendship of Ashton Kutcher and Ryan Seacrest. [Bill Gates’ Twitter]

Links: Mischa Barton No Dumps, Donald Faison as Tiger Woods

● She may not have a job and was placed on an involuntary psych hold earlier this year, but Mischa Barton can take solace knowing she’s never been dumped. [NewMag] ● Some women hide from the title of a MILF … not supermodel Cindy Crawford. She embraces her MILF status; just don’t call her a cougar, that’s all on Demi Moore. [Showbizspy] ● Jeremy Piven has been fish-free for a year, and he’s finally back to his old self. Senor Piven was seen getting an impromptu lap dance at Teddy’s to Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire.” [P6]

● It concerns Donald Faison that people think he should play Tiger Woods in a TV movie, although he could see himself taking on the role. [PopEater] ● It worked for Velvet Revolver and Audioslave; now Lenny Kravitz may take over for Steven Tyler as lead singer for Aerosmith to form yet another superband. [Starpulse] ● Burger King has been on high alert, keeping an eye out for tweens frequenting their establishment just to steal the life-size cut-outs of Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson. [TMZ]

Links: Miley Cyrus + Robert Pattinson, Amber Rose Pregs?

● Now that Star magazine won’t have her, Kate Major (a.k.a. Kate 2.0) has run to E! to tell us she was deceived by Jon Gosselin, saying he planned to be with her, not Hailey Glassman. [E!] ● Jeremy Piven once again proves he can’t take a joke by getting into a fight with Chris Kattan (yes, Mango) over the former’s sushi-mercury poisoning thing. [Gatecrasher] ● Miley Cyrus has jumped onto the Robert Pattinson bandwagon, admitting she now sees his appeal after meeting him at the Teen Choice Awards. [Examiner]

● Ed Westwick got into a fight with his Covenant costar Toby Hemingway; however, the fight occurred at J.C. Chasez’s birthday party, so it hardly counts. [JustJared] ● Rumor has it Kanye West’s girl Amber Rose is pregnant with the self-proclaimed new King of Pop’s baby; guess she’s got him for 18 years. [GlobalGrind] ● Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are back on, but this time it may last for more than ten minutes, as Lilo doesn’t cling to Sam in the DJ booth anymore. [Star]