Human Meme That Can Swim Gets E! Reality Show

Professional swimmer and full-time Floridian Ryan Lochte nestled his way into our hearts and our GIFs this summer with his stunning athletic prowess 4 America, his bizarre sense of personal branding (complete with trademark catchphrase) and his general status as human meme. Also, the whole American flag grill thing, which got about as much coverage as his actual swimming did. Anyway, the initial Lochte-mania may have died down, following his appearances on 90210 and 30 Rock (as a "sex idiot") and his trademarking of "Jeah!" but as our Jessica Wakeman forewarned a few months ago, Lochte wanted his own show. About his one-night stands.

Well, it looks like that first thing is going to happen, although maybe not exclusively about that second thing. E! announced yesterday that Lochte’s reality show, the aptly-titled six-part documentary series What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, will air this April. The show will follow the Lochte’s adventures in further Olympic ambitions, footwear design, meeting women and partying, and other such shenanigans. 

As Suzanne Kolb, president of E! Entertainment, said in a statement, praising Lochte’s "utterly unique and unaffected approach to life:" "He is an incredibly endearing personality who is sexy, entertaining and fun. Watching this show, I believe people will fall into three categories: they want to be him, sleep with him or mother him." Yep, you read that last thing right. Mother him. I’m not really in a place to judge because I don’t have kids, but, is that a big thing reality showrunners work to? Watching celebrities on reality shows and thinking, "Damn, I wish that celebrity with the weird catchphrase on the television were my kid!" 

No word yet on whether or not his swimming buddy Prince Harry (who would probably actually make for amazing TV, when you think about it) or his sister Megan, who said some terrible, racist things in front of a rolling camera after returning from the 2008 Summer Games in Beijing, will also appear. But even when not being racist on cable access television, the Lochte siblings’ unscripted on-camera aptitude (or lack thereof) leaves something to be desired. Lest we forget:

Now You Can Own Your Very Own Ryan Lochte Party Sunglasses (Soon)

We’ve still got a week of Olympics left, which means probably another week of pontificating the mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a washboard stomach and less-than-impressive interviewing skills that is swimming star Ryan Lochte. Lochte superfans (Do they have names? Ry-hards? Loch Ness Monsters?) can own a piece of him in the form of the rather loud sunglasses on his official store.

Technically, due to Rule 40of the International Olympic Committee, athletes’ likenesses, images and personal brands are only allowed to be used in specific circumstances during the games (e.g. if they are a Proud Sponsor of the Olympic Games), you can’t actually have your very own Ryan Lochte Eyewear just yet. But if you’re still feeling an intense desire to make your sartorial choices based on Ryan Lochte’s personal brand in about a week or so, you can own some rather garish sunglasses that feel like they belong at the counter of the Shore Store in Seaside Heights. The best? A lime green and yellow pair where the lenses read “LOCHTE” and “JEAH!,” the latter being his affirmative catchphrase.

The only available item in the store at the moment is Lochte Hard-CORE, his core-training exercise DVD, for the discerning fitness lover who just can’t seem to get into P90X.