‘Mad Men,’ Björk & Time Machines: This Month’s Best iPhone Apps

Björk’s: Biophilia [Free] Who else but Björk Guðmundsdóttir could mutate the tap-tap familiarity of mobile apps into something that’s literally out of this world. Her app promises to explore the relationship between “musical structures and natural phenomena” (oh, Björk), functioning as a hand-held portal into the universe of the Icelandic curiosity’s seventh studio album. With a three-dimensional galaxy as your map and 10 constellations as your compass, tap on stars to unlock different experiences, including interactive art, essays, and musical notations. Björk plans to release 10 of these—one for each song on Biophilia—but you’ll have to access them through the original app. Yes, we’re just as blissfully confused as you are.

iMuscle [$1.99] Personal trainers of the world, meet your master. With cutting-edge 3-D technology and over 450 high-definition animated exercises, iMuscle threatens to put professional gym rats out of work. Users can identify and target trouble muscles by zooming in, and then proceed to rip them to sexy shreds. When your pudgy pals demand to know the secret to your success, get them to download the app, so you can share your customized routine. This multi-user option—where friends can keep track of each other’s workouts—will finally answer those age-old questions: Who is the fairest—and ttest—of them all?

AMC Mobile [Free] When you’ve got an addiction, the best thing to do is to feed it, right? Introducing AMC Mobile, your new quick fix for Walter White withdrawal. This in-depth app takes you behind the scenes of the network’s four original and wildly popular dramas—Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Walking Dead, and The Killing—with cast interviews, sneak peeks, and inside looks. AMC Mobile also does justice to the network’s roots: the silver screen. Theatrical and DVD reviews are there for the reading, as is news on festivals and new releases that might be coming soon to a theater near you. Now you can kiss the shakes goodbye during those dreaded between-seasons hiatuses.

Video Time Machine [Free] Because not everyone can afford a DeLorean, Video Time Machine lets you obliterate the space-time continuum through a collection of more than 10,000 hand-picked videos dating all the way back to the 19th century. Unlike the digital wasteland of sneezing cats and newsroom bloopers that is YouTube, VTM is curated and organized by categories and dates, so you can pinpoint your favorite monochrome cigarette commercial, or that championship-clinching buzzer-beater. Warning: You will get sucked into a deep, dark vortex of Bogart trailers, so if you have an assignment due or a wife in labor, proceed with caution.

Seafood Watch [Free] It was only a matter of time before the sustainable food craze infiltrated the world of seafood-related mobile applications. Seafood Watch is the place to discover the source of that juicy halibut fillet splayed across your finest china. Brought to you by the fin-tastic folks over at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, Seafood Watch recommends the best places in your ’hood for ocean-friendly seafood, and rates which fish to eat and which to avoid based on how they traveled from the water to your plate. For sushi savants, a specialized guide lists fish by their Japanese names and their market names, in case you’re into that sort of thing. A built-in GPS system comes in handy when looking for your next bite.

Mad Men Cocktail Culture [$.99] Mad Men has done for the martini what Sex and the City did for the cosmo, but this app merely takes the smash series’ trademark tipple as its starting point. From there, your spiritual knowledge is put to the test in a series of bartending-based challenges centered on drinks from the 1960s. What goes into a proper Tom Collins? Which glass should one use for a Whiskey Sour? It’s a drinking game without the drinking. Share your results on Facebook, and prove once and for all that when it comes to mixing and pouring make-believe cocktails on your iPhone, Don Draper’s got nothing on you.

iFidelity: September’s Smartest iPhone Apps

Sonar [Free] Even if this feels a little Klute-inspired for our tastes, it’s inarguably handy for those of us who struggle with small talk. Instead of hopelessly trying to bridge the six degrees that separate you from the person you just met at happy hour, try Sonar, a social network aggregator that reveals otherwise hidden mutual Facebook friends, overlapping “likes,” and fellow Twitter followers while using Foursquare check-in technology to locate other users in locations as disparate as airports and concert venues. In the event there’s no time to do a complete background check on a prospective crush, the app also divulges any overlapping employment and education histories.

T.S. Eliot Book Collection [$.99] Measuring out your life in coffee spoons? Surely there’s a better way to pass the time. With the no-frills T.S. Eliot Book Collection—seriously, there’s not one frill—immerse yourself in four of the American ex-pat’s classic works, including the short story “Eeldrop and Appleplex” and the five-part wunder-poem The Waste Land. Take Eliot with you on the road or while flying the “marmorean skies.” A must-have for Eliot enthusiasts, the Prufrock is in the pudding.

Blackbook Las Vegas [Free] Self-promotion alert! A weekend in Vegas is always an unpredictable odyssey (like, we still can’t understand how The Hangover Part II didn’t get flushed down the toilet), but it never hurts to plan ahead. Map out your Strip-side vacation with a little help from the BlackBook Guide to Las Vegas. Check out the newest and hottest shops, restaurants, bars and clubs, hotels, and spas in Sin City, while also enjoying insider tips from local night owls (read: drunks), shop hounds, and foodies. Whether you’re looking for Celine to serenade you at Caesar’s or you just want to turn up the heat at Lavo, let us fuel the fire of your bad decisions.

Roger Ebert’s Great Movies [$.99] Nary a movie review is as sacred as the Gospel According to Roger Ebert, the Pulitzer Prize–winning film critic who famously wrote, “I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.” Fearless in both his praise and crucifixion of big-screen releases, the longtime Chicago Sun-Times contributor has put together an app from his Great Movies series, a collection of 300 full-length articles discussing the merits (or lack thereof) of everything from The Godfather to Goldfinger.

Tonic’s Dogood [Free] Ever find yourself trying to imagine a watchable version of Pay It Forward? Stop wasting your energy! Instead, download Tonic’s DoGood, an online initiative that’s set into motion more than a million good deeds since its website launched in 2009. Its new app suggests daily do-goodery such as “Tip your server better,” or “Send e-cards to soldiers.” There’s even a “Global DoGood Counter” that tracks the number of doers on a given day and the record highs for user-generated benevolence. Finally, altruism we don’t automatically associate with Kevin Spacey’s charbroiled mug.

Spotify [Free] It took a few years, but Spotify has made its way across the Atlantic. The music streaming service, which originated as a Swedish startup in 2008 and has since grown to include over 10 million users as of late 2010, debuted stateside this past July. With over 13 million songs at their disposal, Spotify users can wirelessly sync files to their iPhones and iPads. What the app lacks in search capabilities (it’s not easy to browse aimlessly through tracks), it makes up for with its wealth of content. Rate songs and organize them into playlists, which can be accessed—via Spotify’s offline mode—even when there’s no mobile connection.

Luxury Attaché [$1.99] The internet is filled with more guides than you can shake a disco stick at. Luxury Attaché caters to those with a taste for the finer things in life, providing highly curated suggestions on how-to with the who’s who in destinations as far-flung as Mykonos, Stockholm, and Dubai. The app also features exclusive “Concierge Top Lists” that pinpoint a city’s best-hidden gems, from rooftop dining destinations to under-the-radar party palaces.

May’s Must-Have iPhone Apps: Jamie Oliver, HBO, Bill Murray

Jamie Oliver: 20 Minute Meals [$7.99] We all crave delicious home-cooked meals, but who’s got the time to make ’em? With celebrity chef Jamie Oliver’s 20 Minute Meals, you can learn how to whip up something delicious without cutting into your Desperate Housewives time (presuming “you” are a middle-aged spinster with a friend crush on Teri Hatcher). Filled with tips and tricks, Oliver provides instruction on everything from sharpening a knife to chopping an onion. No time to think about groceries? Allow Oliver to compose shopping lists that divide ingredients by aisle. If you can’t decide what to cook, shake your phone for an exciting recipe and toggle the portions to your number of guests. Finally, a reason to toss out that Szechuan Garden menu.

Graffiti New York [$3.99] Giuliani might have scrubbed away much of the city’s street art, but there’s more than enough graffiti left in the Big Apple to fill a gallery. And now there’s a way to view it all from the palm of your hand, without venturing down any dark alleys. Award-winning (and aptly-named) photographer Remo Camerota has mapped out a virtual tour of New York’s streets with over 100 images to browse through, from famous artists like Banksy to anonymous taggers. Find inspiration for your next mural, or share this unique and comprehensive look at New York’s best street culture with your no-good, trouble-making friends.

Stop Motion Recorder [$.99] Indulge your inner Wes Anderson using the Stop Motion Recorder, an app that invites Tisch dropouts and other cinema enthusiasts to make short lms and learn all about the world of stop-motion animation. Use its clap feature to trigger the shutter for smooth stop-and-go sequences. The applications are limitless: bring chairs to life, animate your teddy bears, or if you’re feeling especially ambitious, go all-out Gumby with claymation. It’s fantastic, like a fox.

HBO [Free] With Big Love off the air—and Mad Men on extended hiatus—we’re desperate for quality programming. Thankfully, HBO designed an app just in the nick of time. Learn about the channel’s award-winning series along with its indie flicks, blockbusters, and documentaries. Give TiVo a rest with behind-the-scenes clips and exclusive previews of all your favorites, from the new buzzed-about Mildred Pierce to True Blood. Set up reminders on your phone so you never miss another episode.

BMurraySB [$.99] Bill Murray says the darndest things (when he’s not crashing your karaoke party), and now, he’s making a live appearance… in your pocket! With Bill Murray Soundboard, get the best of the Lost in Translation star all day, every day—sort of like Groundhog Day, actually, but funnier. A must for diehard fans, the app has over 100 high-quality clips, from SNL to Caddyshack. Set Bill’s voice as an alarm to be woken up by Carl Spackler himself: “I’ll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner” never sounded so good.

MTV Music Meter [Free] Tired of hearing the same snooze-worthy songs played incessantly? If you’re overdosing on Katy and Ke$ha, or just in the mood for some new beats, the MTV Music Meter is the perfect way to get some fresh tunage in your head. Discover up-and-coming artists and trending new talents, and select a band you’re interested in to see photos, hear tracks, get Twitter feeds, and feast on exclusive content. Immerse yourself in new music with over a million new artists, snagging a taste of each band and uncovering your new favorite jam. (Recommended: whistling along with Ariel Pink in the shower.)

Texts From Oscar Wilde [Free] One of history’s greatest deliverers of bon mots has risen from the grave and crawled into your inbox, sort of. With Texts from Oscar Wilde, you can receive a daily dose of pithy wit and wisdom from the playwright, poet, and raconteur. Choose from importantly earnest quotes like his rumored nal words, “Either these curtains go or I do,” or select LOLWilde (jokes, exclusively) or Buck Wilde (the Ebonics version of his quotes: “De trud be rarely pure and neva’ simple”).

iFidelity: Our Favorite iPhone Apps This Month

K-Swiss Tubes Muscle Machine [Free] If you’re looking to beef up, look no further. Let Eastbound & Down’s Kenny Powers take your brawn to the next level. Work out as he crankily barks alongside you, leading you through a set of hardcore drills such as sweat-inducing jumping jacks, push-ups, and curls—all while using your phone as a weight. (A heavy one, we know.) In between repetitions, admire full views of K-Swiss Tubes, the freshest kicks in town. (In the words of 30 Rock’s Tina Fey, “Can we have our money now?”)

McSweeny’s [$5.99] For quite some time, they’ve had an internet tendency, and now the editors at McSweeney’s, the wry publishing house created by literary darling Dave Eggers, have created an app “to fill your moments of solitude, moments of togetherness, and moments of intolerable boredom.” Featuring stories from the Quarterly, interviews from their monthly magazine, The Believer, short films from their DVD series, Wholphin, and plain-old bad advice courtesy of Amy Sedaris, McSweeney’s finally gives us an excuse to put the Antoine Dodson soundboard to bed. The McSweeney’s app is, dare we say it, a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.

Byook [$.99] Thanks to Byook, reading no longer needs to be restricted to the written word. Enrich the books you love with pictures, animations, and sounds that further immerse readers in the world of their favorite stories. Dive into Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes and let your imagination run free as you interact with the mystery—hear bloodcurdling screams and the pitter-patter of rainfall, and shudder as the blood of severed arteries splatters across your iPhone screen. We don’t want to sound crazy or anything, but we can’t wait until Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho gets the Byook treatment.

Front Desk Guides [Free] Like a teeny-weeny concierge in your coat pocket, Front Desk directs travelers to the finest restaurants, boutiques, and bars across the country. Comprehensive listings, maps, and insider features provide suggestions for where to get your gettin’ on. Front Desk editors, along with the finest concierges from America’s top hotels and resorts, offer their picks for everything from the best rooftop lounges to the chicest shops.

Martha Stewart Makes Cookies [$2.99] Although we’ve dreamed of sewing ponchos in prison with M. Diddy, second on our list would be baking sweets with the doyenne of the domestic. Her new app, Martha Stewart Makes Cookies, is a confectionary frenzy, with an archive of 50 recipes, from old-fashioned oatmeal cookies to banana whoopie pies, whatever those are. Can’t decide what to make? Give the cookie search wheel a spin to mix and match your favorite types and flavors. Enjoy Stewart’s step-by-step instructional videos, built-in timers, and personalized grocery lists, and even learn how to artfully package your goodies like she does—only, you know, not as well.

Real Haunted Houses [$.99] With Real Haunted Houses, wannabe ghost whisperers can now visit all those places that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention—without actually having to commune with Casper. Peer into over 100 “real” haunted houses from around the world. Each house features bone-chilling, terror-inducing images, alongside detailed stories about who’s haunting whom, and why. It’s all very Poltergeist, but without that maggot scene.

Stress Free with Deepak Chopra [$1.99] The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, instead of inhaling doughnuts or huffing cocktails, try taking a moment to breathe using Stress Free with Deepak Chopra. Sign up for his anxiety-reduction program and give your body the recharge it needs to ease into spring. The app takes a holistic and comprehensive approach to de-stressing through exercises that work your mind, body, and soul. Follow the master’s six steps to ridding your life of bad energy through guided meditation, proper nutrition, yoga, and music therapy. As the guru once said, Heed our advice and download this month’s loudest, ghostliest, and brainiest iPhone apps.

Droid Rage: The Best Android Apps to Download This Month

PARALLEL KINGDOM [Free] This role-playing game, admittedly for total nerds, doesn’t just drop players into a wholly fictional world; it enhances real life by using your location on Google Maps and overlaying your environment with special challenges. Parallel Kingdom, for example, reveals hideous creatures lurking on a street corner, or mythical beasts standing in front of your local bodega. Battle it out with a host of characters in real time while talking to—and hunting down—other players. Trade resources with allies in this parallel world, and then stake out land to found your own kingdom on this invisible plane of existence in your own city. Reality bites, so escape into this enhanced one.

BRAINWAVE TUNER [Free] Do you have undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder? Use BrainWave Tuner to control your mind, settle down, and focus on the task at hand. The (somewhat terrifying) concept is one part subliminal message and one part Mozart, enhancing your state of mind by generating beats that direct your brainwaves towards your mood of choice. Choose from over 19 preset sound patterns, including headache therapy, self-hypnosis, and sleep induction. With its well-designed and easy-to-use interface, you needn’t waste any more time feeling unbalanced.

PSYCHO [Free] Of all the iconic scenes in pop culture history, the shower sequence in Psycho stands out as a masterpiece of cinematic terror. Thanks to the magic of modern technology, we no longer have to imagine what it feels like to wreak such violence on our enemies. An eerie soundboard plays the sinister music from the Hitchcock classic, while the app transforms your phone into a butcher’s knife. Just touch the screen to enable the blood effects, and allow yourself to go all Norman Bates on an innocent bystander. Go ahead, take a stab at it.

PORTABLE ART [Free] The editors of The Dirt Floor, an online magazine devoted to underground, contemporary art, insist, “We have no direction, motivation other than a cursed reflex to purge our anonymous mental overflows in a public forum and then run away from it and hide behind our cloak of digital anonymity.” Right. As such, they’ve created an app, which features articles and images centered on aesthetic appreciation in its many forms—from artist interviews and new stories (a recent headline reads, “Banksy Partnership with Wal Mart”), to pictures of street art from around the world. Peruse while, well, exiting through the gift shop. SNESOID LITE [Free] At the nexus of cult and current lies Super Nintendo, and this app recalls the absolute awesomeness of the gaming system that only accepted cartridges labeled Street Fighter Turbo and Super Mario Brothers. Play all three versions of Mario and Donkey Kong, as well as classics like Contra, Yoshi’s Island, and Zelda. It’s the grown-up, cartridge-less, cordless Super Nintendo you always wanted as a kid.

GOOGLE GOGGLES [Free] Your smart phone is sometimes much smarter than you are. This app is a living Google search engine that utilizes the Droid’s camera to scan your surroundings and offer search results related to whatever object it focuses on. If you’re too lazy to type, but want to know more about a DVD before buying, take a picture and find reviews, plot synopses, and virtually any other relevant information about the movie. Goggles can act as a personal tour guide if you’re in a foreign city and need to navigate between recognizable landmarks. It’s all but omniscient, taking artificial intelligence into that creepy realm we always knew it could go.

PLUME [Free] Become a functioning social media addict with the Plume app for your Droid. It’s a Twitter client that’s as aesthetically pleasing as it is efficient, allowing you to use multiple twitter accounts with color-coded separation, so you can stay up to date on the Twitterverse around you. Originally named “Touiteur,” which, when said aloud, sounds like “Twitter,” the app had to change its name for infringing on the original social media source. With an app this clean and user-friendly, we can see why Twitter had their panties in a bunch.

iFidelity: iPhone Apps for Art, Hotels, & Booze

TOWN & COUNTRY [Free] Founded in 1846, Town & Country has spent the past sesquicentennial (and then some) educating its affluent readers on the ner points of fashion,travel, beauty, and the arts. It’s only fitting, then, that the arbiters of luxe have now put their curated stamp on America’s best places to eat, sleep, drink, and shop. “Share is Listing” encourages social networking, while “T&C Must Do,” curated by Town & Country editors, directs readers to the best of both town and, well, country. There’s also a “More Like is Nearby” feature, through which users can browse likeminded venues. Use Access Perks to get insider discounts and deals.

PAIR IT! FOOD AND WINE [$4.99] Few things are as satisfying as a good meal paired with a glass of fine wine. Finding the perfect combination, however, isn’t always easy. With Pair It!, oenophiles and amateurs alike can search by food or wine preference and nd matches to satisfy even the most finicky palates. Still can’t make up your mind? Simply shake or swirl your iPhone for a di erent combination every time. With over 180 varietals from around the world, this app really is worthy of its buzz.

TYPEDRAWING [$2.99] They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but what if your picture was made up of a thousand words? Simply jot down a phrase, then drag your fingertip along the text to manipulate its shape. The typed text becomes the lines of the drawing. The faster you swipe your screen, the smaller the lines of text appear. If you drag your finger slowly, the fonts maintain their size. With this fun and intuitive app, you can be both the author and the illustrator.

ALTERNATE ENDINGS [$4.99] Have you ever left a movie feeling completely dissatisfied by the ending? Wish you could tweak the plot slightly so things wrap up as you’d prefer? Well, now you can. Alternate Endings is an interactive murder-mystery comedy that lets you shape the circumstances, Choose Your Own Adventure–style. The “movie” tells the unfolding narrative of a young director who’s been murdered, and it’s up to you to solve the crime and move the investigation along. If only Sophie’s Choice had been this malleable.

SAVAGE LOVE [$1.99] Let’s be real—when it comes to love and sex, we can always use a little advice. Fortunately, with Savage Love, lotharios-manqué can get their daily dose of witty and wise sex advice from author Dan Savage. Peruse a host of sexy categories, check out the “Question of the Day,” or tune in for exclusive video content. If you’re still having trouble finding a solution to your relationship woes, press the “Ask Dan” button and email him directly, or dig deep into the archives and discover over 20 years of between-the-sheets wisdom. The best sex and love advice is now just strokes away.

PRO HDR [$1.99] Hipstamatic is so 2010. The next big thing in iPhone photography is Pro HDR, an app that makes your sorry camera-phone pictures look like they were taken with a high-end SLR. iPhones are usually at the mercy of their surrounding lighting conditions, which often result in murky photos taken in basement bars and at after-dark celebrations. HDR photographs, however, more closely mimic the experience of being there by offering three levels of exposure—basically copying the complicated technology of a SLR camera, and automatically editing them to perfection. Seriously, there’s more retouching in this thing than in an entire issue of Vogue.

HAPPY HOURED [Free] The only thing better than an after-work drink is a cheap after-work drink. With Happy Houred, find the best watering holes in your area without putting a dent in your savings account. Plug in your beverage of choice, your desired drinking hour, and your location—et voilà—scroll through a comprehensive list of the best deals in town. Make your nightly booze hunt more exciting with games, challenges, and prizes in Happy Houred’s bi-monthly newsletter. Create your own profile and connect with fellow drinkers in over 2,000 cities across the country.

iFidelity: A New Class of Apps That Make the Grade

The Real L Word [FREE] Showtime’s new reality series, The Real L Word, follows the lives of six comely and successful Los Angeles lesbians (see page 119). A spinoff of the network’s original scripted drama, The L Word, the real-life version boasts all the glamour and cutthroat competition that L.A. is famous for. The show’s app provides access to the cast’s favorite places to eat, drink and gossip. Check into their chosen venues via Foursquare, gain insider deals through Access Perks, read their blog entries and watch videos to keep up with all the trouble they get into.

imageStanza [FREE] Stanza is not just a digital book reader—it’s the digital book reader, unrivaled in selection and organization. The app invites bookworms to download more than 50,000 titles and import their ePub, eReader and Mobipocket books from their computers onto their phones. Plus, it’s much more convenient than lugging around a Tolstoy hardcover.

imageThe iBall [FREE] Since we were kids, the Magic 8-Ball has been the go-to authority for all of life’s major dilemmas (although perhaps it’s come to mean something more prurient as we’ve gotten older). Much like version 1.0, the iBall needs only a quick shake to reveal your fortune. It also caters to a bevy of specific lifestyles: switch between themes that include “Zen” (for Buddhists), “WWJD” (for Christians) and “New Year’s Resolutions” (for smokers and binge-eaters).

imageFARO Nerd Detector [FREE] Are you naked without a pair of Buddy Holly glasses? Do you work in I.T.? Can you quote the Na’vi from Avatar? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you’re definitely a nerd. Users can measure their levels of social ineptitude by uploading a photo of themselves into this app, which delivers the verdict using high-tech facial recognition and photo enhancement. Translation: Upload a picture and use the app to get fitted with A/V-worthy costumes and nerdy backgrounds. Better yet, turn Biff the Quarterback into Worf the Klingon with the click of a button.

image100 Words to Make You Sound Smart [$2.99] Based on a book of the same name, this app cuts the “unsmart” crap out of the dictionary and emphasizes sharp verbal acumen. Each word, carefully selected by the editors of The American Heritage Dictionary, is defined and linked to its usage in publications, speeches and popular culture. It’s a speedy resource for those who don’t have enough time to read the dictionary—again.

imageBrain Trainer by Lumosity [FREE] Lumosity is a cognitive research company that partnered with the world’s leading neuroscientists to boost intellectual capacity. Now, thanks to the iPhone, its brain games are available to the rest of us. Brain Trainer features daily mind exercises meant to strengthen memory while evaluating speed, attention and problem-solving skills. Playing these games for a few minutes each day can help users achieve genius status faster than they can say, “Sarah Palin, parasailing!”

imageNerd Workout [$.99] A tool designed specifically for those whose biggest muscle sits atop their narrow shoulders, Nerd Workout measures the number of calories burned while actually using your phone. Get an easy—and totally useless—workout by shaking your iPhone. The jokey app lets others know you’re exercising by making grunting and groaning sounds, while also keeping track of the number of burned calories: 11 percent of a breath mint is average, 100 percent of a pea a triumph.

iFidelity: Sexy iPhone Apps Dedicated to the Dirty

MTV’s Jersey Shore City Guide[$.99] – Your fist-pump is near perfect. You get juiced with your bros on the regular. Now find out where to unleash your tats and toned abs with the MTV Jersey Shore City Guide. The app provides listings and maps to where guidos and guidettes get down when they’re not GTL’ing (if you don’t know this one by now, well, it’s time to throw in the towel). Discover Snooki’s favorite spot for “bangin’ sushi,” find out where Vinny goes to see “naked chicks” and follow The Situation to Tenjune, where “the music is hot and the girls are hotter.” The Jersey Shore isn’t a place, dude, it’s a lifestyle.

imageThe Top 100 Sensual Lovemaking Songs [$1.99] – Once upon a time all that setting the mood required was a bottle of red and a little Marvin Gaye. But three plus decades after “Let’s Get It On” first started inspiring mattress dancing, there’s a host of other, newer slow jams that can turn the trick. For those who don’t spend their days scouring Pandora for panty-dropping songs by D’Angelo and Luther Vandross, this simple music app is a godsend, cycling through 100 sex songs compiled from music charts and user favorites.

imageCraigslist Pro [$.99] – There are exactly two types of people who will be excited by this app: those looking to sell a futon and perverts. Craigslist Pro allows users to post, browse and manage their accounts in an organized mobile format. Want to post photos of that coffee table you’re trying to sell? No sweat. Want to browse the images in the personals ads? Maybe a little sweat. Enhanced search features and the option to send posts to Twitter actually make the app more user-friendly than the website.

imageKnocking [Free] – Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s your friend streaming a live video from the Mayan ruins! And there he is drinking a latte! And there he is taking off his… whoops! We can’t tell you about that. Knocking works like a mobile webcam that connects instantly to other users, enabling them to share instant streaming videos. Knock on a user’s profile, let them answer, point and film your activities and then end the knock. It’s not texting, tweeting, calling or ping-ing, but rather an entirely new form of communication that, like all the forms before it, will be used for clean and dirty purposes alike. imageBedometer [$.99] – When done right—or wrong, for that matter—sex can be a workout. Measure exactly how much of one with Bedometer, an app that calculates the number of calories you burned up between the sheets. Place the iPhone next to your mate and, as things heat up, the app will tabulate just how hard everyone is working based on the bed’s vibrations. It’s like a personal sex pedometer for partners in the throes of passion. It’ll do calculations for a party of one as well. (Seriously, there’s a single player option.) –HILLARY WESTON

imageSexy-O-Meter [Free] – Most sex-themed iPhone apps are either cheesy or banned from the Apple Store, but this one, based on a silly party trick, is different. Upload a photo and the app will compute and score its sexiness based on “real, measured algorithms.” The math is actually arbitrary, based on where users tap the screen: tap to the right to give yourself a high score, and then tap to the left to knock a cocky pal’s upload down a notch.

imageGrindr [Free] – If Foursquare and the M4M “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist had a baby after a one-night stand, it would be Grindr. The app targets gay and bisexual men in need of a quickie. Using the app’s location-based technology, it lets users find other guys in the immediate vicinity. Grindr protects its 400,000 users from stalkers by displaying only vague profiles and withholding exact locations, but Grindr chat allows potential mates to decide when, where and if to meet.

iFidelity: iPhones With ’Appy Endings

With the Kama Sutra, talking Tweets and an electronic spray can in the running, the race to become this season’s most mind-blowing app comes down to a photo finish.

Fat Tag Graffiti Deluxe: Katsu Edition [$1.99]– Want credit for tagging that impossible-to- reach ledge without actually having to risk life, limb and jail time doing it? Developed by notorious graffiti artist Katsu, Fat Tag Graffiti Deluxe allows users to virtually spray- paint anything they can photograph. The app provides a selection of default images and fonts in various shapes and colors that, with proper saturation and angle manipulation, can make your creative vandalism look like the real deal. —Marco Puglia

Near to Here [$1.99] — Another app campaigning to add “geolocation” to our collective lexicon, Near to Here incorporates GPS technology to send users an alert whenever they’re close to an interesting or historical landmark. It’s great for tourists and city dwellers inured to the sights around them, but could prove annoying for those who live in, say, Gettysburg.

Brooklyn Museum Mobile Collection [Free]– It’s tough living in Brooklyn. As a mandatory badge of inclusion, locals are forced to be apathetic know-it-alls wearing extremely skinny pants. The Brooklyn Museum can’t help with the latter, but it can with the former. This app gives users access to the museum’s entire collection, affording them the opportunity to learn without getting up from their IKEA futon. (Hey, it’s hard to move in those jeans.)

iKamasutram [$4.99]– Even the most enthusiastic rusty bike pumper doesn’t carry the Kama Sutra while commuting to work. Enter iKamaSutram, an app that knows a thing or 69 about coitus. This basic illustrated sex guide offers 24 ways to get it on. If you’re feeling bold, send your partner an adventurous position straight from the app, giving a whole new meaning to “sexting.”

Riff Raters [$1.99] Next time a melody pops into your head that just might be the next “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” allow the masses to set you straight. Riff Raters lets musicians, songwriters, dilettantes and dedicated bathroom warblers upload 20 seconds of their latest “riff” to a Twitter- inspired iPhone app. Listeners can then sort riffs by genre, rate them and instantly upload them to Facebook.

Talking Tweet [Free]– For those who find scanning 140 characters a little too, well, academic, Talking Tweet takes the items from your Twitter feed and reads them aloud. It’s perfect for those times when finding out what Cindy ate for dinner proves more important than safely crossing the street. Sure, the app’s robotic voice is colder than a Stepford wife’s, and it isn’t fluent in all languages, but it’ll keep your eyes on the curb. #signusup

Headset [$0.99]– Headset comes in handy when you just can’t bear to tell the person you’re IM’ing that you’ll “BRB.” This app syncs the iPhone to your computer, so you can walk away from your desktop while keeping current on Skype, IM or Google Talk. The “cordless” functionality should allow net addicts to Skype while cooking in the next room. The device also streams audio from iTunes and can record conversations.