Picasso Vandal Is Some 22-Year-Old Punk-ass Kid

Houston police have nabbed the wackjob who spray-painted a bull and the word "conquista" (Spanish for "conquest") on a painting by Pablo Picasso last week — and he turns out to be some 22-year-old punk-ass kid.

Uriel Landeros, 22, has been charged with criminal mischief and felony graffiti after has caught on a cell phone video vandalizing Picasso’s Woman In A Red Armchair with gold spraypaint at the Menil Collection museum. Landeros got busted after the video was uploaded to YouTube and a good citizen called Crime Stoppers to identify him. 

As for the Woman In A Red Armchair, a Menil Collection spokesperson said the 1929 painting has been cleaned of gold spray paint in an on-site conservation lab and is ready to hang again. 

It’s still unclear what Landeros meant by the bull and "conquista," though. He seems to think he is an "up-and-coming Mexican-American artist" who was paying tribute to Picasso’s work. Way to take the concept of cultural mashups literally, dude. 

Five Questions With Houston, Porn Goddess Turned Author

Adult film star Houston—a Guinness World Record holder for her work in The World’s Biggest Gang Bang 3: The Houston 620—is adding another role to her resume: author.

Houston: Pretty Enough, The Story of the Gang-Bang Queen is out these week and tells the tale of Houston’s rise to fame, life as a porn superstar, battle with cancer and day job as a Las vegas real estate agent.

“I’ve seen that very few women have had the far out, wild, and crazy experiences that Houston has had,” Ron Jeremy writes in the book’s forward. “She’s been a porn star and a prom queen; a gangbang record holder (and STILL the record holder) and a mother. From multiple contracts for major adult film companies to having more partners in one day than most people have in a lifetime; from hosting huge media events to attending a high school prom in Staten Island to selling her vaginal lips on the Howard Stern show (ultimately purchased by Dennis Hof at The Worlds Famous Bunny Ranch.)”

We caught up with Houston to find out more about her latest endeavor.

What made you decide to write a book?
I decided to write this book because I have experienced and done things people wouldn’t even dream of. I’ve always felt misunderstood even in the adult world and always been asked over and over, Why? Here is a chance to get to know me a little and maybe see how I became the queen of porn.

You’ve exposed yourself before, but writing an autobiography does that in a different way. Was there anything specifically difficult to reveal?
There was nothing difficult per se to reveal, however there were memories that I didn’t really want to have to rehash and found it at times hard to be able to put into words all of my craziness so that it made some sort of sense.

What are the aspects of your life that you think will shock fans the most?
I think my brutal honesty about myself, the industry and how I dealt with life will be most shocking to readers. What does an adult film star wear while she’s writing a book? That’s a funny question actually because as much as I’d like to say I wore nothing but my birthday suit or a sexy outfit, the truth is I started this book during chemo. So I wore sweats most of the time. In the later part of the book I was finishing medical assistant school, so I was wearing scrubs. Sorry, I probably blew the whole porn star fantasy.

Is there much reading on the set of your films? Between takes do people pick up their books and kill time?
I retired from doing movies in 2003 when I was inducted into the adult Hall of Fame. When I was shooting I was always busy. I had scripts and lines to learn and rehearse.There was no down time until I got home, but then that’s when my other life would begin as you will soon find out.

Luxe Lofts: The Best Penthouse Hotel Suites in the U.S.

Las Vegas: Cosmopolitan The hotel’s Mandrake suite stands out even in a town known for excess, and at 4,395 square feet of city views and sleek entertainment packed into every corner, they deserve their notoriety. The David Rockwell-designed suite is as ultramodern as the rest of the hotel, with his signature blend of natural materials and contemporary furniture, and the terraces, outdoor soaking tubs, private dining area, and 24-hour service ensures you’ll have as much fun in your suite as out of it. Reserved for ultra high rollers and celebs, and rarely offered (or publicized) beyond those circles. Starting at $25,000/night.

New York: St. Regis There’s nothing like true old-fashioned New York City opulence, and the Presidential Suite at the St. Regis positively defines the look. The floor-to-ceiling windows frame a picture-perfect view of Central Park, while the 3,400 square feet of interior space include three bedrooms, four bathrooms, a classically-appointed gentleman’s library, a fully-equipped kitchen, and a dining room with seating for eight. A full range of amenities and white-glove service ensure that you’ll settle in easily into your home away from home. From $16,500. www.starwoodhotels.com/stregis/newyork

Los Angeles: Four Seasons Beverly Hills – The Presidential Suite East is a beautifully lighted 3,235 square foot spread overlooking the city, from a beautifully appointed modern traditional space, with a custom kitchen, multiple marble bathrooms, and an impressive selection of contemporary art decorating the walls. If you can bring yourself to leave the room, you’ll have the use of a brand-new luxury car (we like the Maserati) to get you around the city. $9,850/night.

Miami: JW Marriot Opened about a year ago, the Presidential Suite is the crown jewel of the downtown JW Marriot — even compared to the 50,000 square foot entertainment and sports complex located on the 19th and 20th floors. With amenities like an NBA-approved basketball area and a full-size tennis court, it’s no wonder that the Asian-inspired 2,500 square foot suite has played host to athletes like Anna Kournikova and Rafael Nadal. $4,000/night.

Houston: Hotel Zaza The epicenter of all things young and hip in this Southern city, the scene is always a mix of upscale locals and hotel’s clientele, but in the case of the hotel’s 2,200 square foot Black Label suite, it’s better to be a visitor, so you can enjoy the glitzy chandeliers hung from dramatic black ceilings, marble fireplaces, and oversize balcony with a seating area and two-person outdoor tub. $2,500/night.

Friday Take-Off: Halloween Edition

● Boston: Head to Salem, just 35 miles from the city and center of all things spooky for centuries. The weekend is packed with events, from the Friday night Halloween Ball, to Saturday’s Vampire Masquerade, to Sunday’s Dinner with the Dead, a silent dinner and séance. ● New Orleans: The Voodoo Experience brings Snoop Dogg, Soundgarten, Girl Talk, and 30-something other bands to City Park in New Orleans all weekend long, along with art installations, great food, and of course, crazy costumes.

● Tampa: Ybor City’s street party explodes from 3pm to 3am on Saturday, with a costume contest, concerts, parade, and more. Called Guavaween after the city’s nickname (“the Big Guava”) expect more than 50,000 revelers over the course of the night. ● Houston: The Vampire’s Ball is a giant electronic music dance party with rooms full of revelers in costume and ready to dance. More than 15 DJs will play over the course of Friday night throughout three rooms and a VIP section. ● Los Angeles: The Costume Carnaval is a beloved tradition in the city, which organizers claim as the largest in the world. More than half a million people will come to party on Santa Monica Boulevard on Monday, and competition at the Halloween Costume Context is fierce — in more ways than one.

Why We Go to Bars to Get Laid

What are you going to do tonight? Sit around at home, alone? Another night flying solo, your biggest “move” is the one from your couch to the fridge and back again. You’ve got a warm beer in your hand and a lonely heart in your chest cavity. That’s no way to pick up your next pretty young thing. Since you’re already at rock bottom, don’t pretend you have standards: Check your recent Facebook invites. Drunk- text the cutie you work with. Or, if you have a free moment, download BlackBook’s free) iPhone app, which will give you a heads up to the best bars in your neighborhood. Because let’s be honest — you have a better shot with the ladies at a bar than you do watching Jersey Shore at home. It’s a proven fact.

New Guides: Houston & New Orleans

We’ve expanded our city guide coverage to New Orleans (home of the Saints, who happen to be NFC Champions, in case you hadn’t heard), as well as the wildcat Texas town of Houston. As per usual, browse through the best nightlife, shopping, restaurants, and hotels — either online or via our free iPhone app.

Florida Road Trip for $1 a Day

The way the car rental market is right now, you’re lucky to get a rate lower than $50 a day. Companies like Avis, Budget, Alamo, and Thrifty are squeezing their customers but good. However, if you’re super-flexible and want to take a road trip, there are deals to be had. If you’ve ever wanted to go to Disney World or Key West or Miami, and you happen to be close to the Houston, Boston, or Providence airports, and (the kicker) you have the time to make a southern/eastern road trip between now and November 15, this is the deal for you. Should you fit into all those rigid requirements of geography, inclination, and time off, you can drive for just a dollar a day (plus taxes, gas, lodging, hookers, etc.) from Texas or New England down to Florida.

The deal is so sweet because the Thrifty Florida dealerships need inventory, and instead of hiring drivers or stacking cars on big trucks and hauling them down themselves, they want you to do the dirty work. The pick-ups and drop-offs are all airport-bound, so you’ll have to work that into your itinerary. You can’t have the car for more than seven days (so no cross-country addition to the trip, unless you want to drive straight on through), but a seven-day trip from Boston to Miami wouldn’t be so bad. Check back in the spring for more deals when the cars migrate back north.

Atlanta Toxic, and Not from Real Housewives

Forbes trotted out a “Most Toxic” survey, and proudly crowned Atlanta the Queen of Dirty, with Detroit coming in as runner up (can they ever be the best at anything?), and Houston, Chicago, and Philly rounding out the top five. And by “toxic” they don’t mean backstabbing and trash talking, so unfortunately they’re not referencing NeNe, Kim, Lisa, Kandi, or Sheree. Instead, the survey focuses on air quality and the amount of toxic chemicals released into the water and air in the metro areas. Atlanta takes the top spot because of its dirty immediate neighbors — Forbes is quick to point the finger at Sandy Springs (holla Sheree!) and Marietta.

While the Atlanta metro area takes top honors for toxicity, don’t blame the city alone. The Atlanta metro includes the cities of Sandy Springs and Marietta, the sites of chemical plants, metal coaters and concrete factories. The cities have toxic-release levels equal at or higher than those Atlanta, in spite of populations that are 15% and 13% the size of Atlanta’s, respectively.

The least toxic city award goes to surprise winner Las Vegas. Clearly they aren’t grading based on the toxicity of residents. Despite the Strip and the strippers, Vegas is actually the winner in terms of air and water quality. Other big cities that made the top ten include Austin, New York, Seattle, and Phoenix. Check out the full list here.

Industry Insiders: Randall Jamail, Man of Justice

Randall Jamail, president of Justice Records (Trail of Dead, Willie Nelson, Ian Moore) knows a thing or two about the recording industry — also about SXSW, one of the biggest music, film, and tech festivals of the year. With a twang as slick and steeped in Texas roots as a lap steel guitar, the troubadour spoke with us about his not-so humble beginnings, his second start, and what it was like to party as a 10-year-old with football demigods and the Red-Headed Stranger.

How’d you end up in this crazy business? When I was in Houston going to law school in the mid 80s, I started going to recording studios. At that time, jazz was the strongest scene in Houston. I was working with Kelly Gray, a jazz singer, when I realized that there were no record labels in Houston. I’m too egotistical to peddle my wares to labels in LA and go, “would you please, would you please, would you please?” It’s just not in my nature. So I started Justice Records in 1989. I signed Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and started moving into Texas Country. Then I took Johnny Cash to Seattle for a special project called “Twisted Willie.” I picked 15 guys from alternative rock bands from the West Coast — Supersuckers, L7, Reverend Horton Heat from Texas — and we did Willie Nelson songs as full on rock songs.

You’ve gone from jazz to blues to country to rock. Is Justice going to move into hip hop? When I started Justice in Houston, the only label that was here was Rap One. So they had that scene covered with Ghetto Boys and Scarface. When I started doing this, there was a fine hip hop/rap producer named Mr. Lee, and he and I became good friends. He didn’t have a strong business side, so I managed him. I did that for about a year but it’s not my … language. I was happy to do that because he was a good friend of mine, but the truth of the matter is, I would be misrepresenting the artist if I told them that we knew how to do that. We know indie rock well, but it’s not the same marketing skill set. It would be a misrepresentation to go out there and sign a rap artist.

What indie rock band do you wish was under Justice? I like Fleet Foxes.

Have you ever strayed from the recording business during your career? In 2002, I had produced almost a hundred albums. I was away from home a lot, I wasn’t seeing my kids … I hit a wall. The next three and a half, four years, I did a couple of records but really stayed home and raised my kids. Plus, at the time, the whole business model of how music was being marketed and distributed was changing.

Did you change anything when Justice started again? I knew I wanted to begin again with an entirely new vision. Traditionally in the record business, when an artist signs, they give up ownership of all that they create while they’re under a contract — all their copyrights — everything. I wasn’t comfortable. I knew I couldn’t do that any longer.

Why’s that? I think it’s unethical to give an artist a loan that he’s got to pay back, plus I get to keep all of his shit forever. We flip that so that the artist owns 100% of their masters. Plus they get 1% of the profits from the records they’ve put in on top of everything else. My belief is that if you empower them with ownership, the artist would realize that everything they did to promote that record was increasing an asset that belonged to them. Their willingness goes way up.

You’re slated to go to Argentina during SXSW, but can you give us a little preview of this year’s party? For three years now, we’ve done something called Music for Music’s Sake. We go out and pick music that we feel is not being fully addressed by SXSW. Traditionally we’ll have three or four bands come and play at Lucky Lounge. This year, we’ll only have two: Trail of Dead and before them, The Manichean.

Tell me about The Manichean. The Manichean. It started out with just a guitar player and a poet, and they would do a 30-minute story, weaving together spoken word and music. That developed into an eight-piece band with trumpet and violin. It’s very theatrical.

How does SXSW compare to ACL? It’s apples and oranges. ACL is a music event designed for the public. SXSW, while the public can buy wristbands, is an industry event targeted towards industry professionals. During the day, you have conferences going on, you have speakers. Originally, SXSW was a music showcase where A&R guys can go and hear unsigned bands. Now, half of the bands performing on official showcases are signed or have their own label.

So it’s like Winter Music Conference? More like the Cannes Film Festival, but for music.

Did you take music lessons as a kid? I took guitar lessons when I was really young. I had my first band when I was 12, in the sixth grade.

What was it called? I don’t think we were good enough to have a name. We played parties at school, which was fun and a big ego stroke. I was around music all the time. My parents were huge UT football fans, so every weekend, we would be in Austin. There used to be an old motel across the LBJ School of Public Policy called the Villa Capri motel, and in the evenings — this must have been when I was 6, 7 years old — after football games, my dad and Daryl Royal would get ten rooms.

Your dad knew Darrell Royal? My dad and Darrell Royal were best friends. The field is named after my dad. It’s Joe Jamail field. Darrell loved country music, so Willie and all those guys would come over to the hotel and pick guitars. My mom’s dad owned these buildings that became Armadillo World Headquarters, this Woodstock-like venue in Austin where one night you might go in and hear Bob Dylan and the next night Willie. It was all very eclectic, but I never thought that music would be my career. It just seemed like the normal insanity of growing up in my house. Shit, I’d wake up in the morning and go to school, and Willie would be sleeping on the couch.