Links: Heather Locklear Hits, Runs; Snooki’s Safe in ‘Jersey Shore’ Spoiler Situation

● Heather Locklear hit a parking sign, drove away and got arrested, but she probably had somewhere really important to be, like an audition or a bar. [People] ● This giant Venn diagram breaks down the category of every show on prime time television in 2010, including sections for “Scary Looking People,” “Foucalt” and “Tits.” (The last one’s Giada Delaurentis.) [Esquire] ● Daily dose of meta-hilarity: Hitler reacts to the Hitler Downfall parodies being removed from the internet. [YouTube]

● Every Jersey Shore character who isn’t Snooki, Pauly D or The Situation is in danger of being replaced by season 3, according to some chatter. Maybe that’s a spoiler about the tragic tanning accident to come. [Page 6] ● The new $100 bill is made of magic — it will buy you friends, love and happiness. [Neatorama] ● There’s a war brewing in New York City between hipsters and Chinese immigrants. Cheap dumplings, apparently, do not foster peace. [Village Voice]

Links: Heather Locklear vs. Ashlee Simpson, Rumer Willis as Lesbian

● Heather Locklear proves she’s still Queen B by getting Ashlee Simpson fired from the new Melrose Place. Evidently Locklear saw through her “wanna-be diva” ways, oh and “her lack of talent didn’t help” either. [PopCrunch] ● Jessica Simpson is looking for one of those intellectual boys because she can “bore out pretty easily.” [Us] ● You can’t say Nadya Suleman doesn’t have a sense of humor; the octo-mom dressed up as a pregnant nun accompanied by her octuplets dressed as little devils. [TheSun]

● Is Rumer Willis a lesbian? No, but she’ll play one on TV. The eldest Willis offspring is joining 90210 as a long-term love interest for Jessica Lowndes‘ character Adrianna. [JustJared] ● Tony Scott is attached to direct a film about Chippendales creator Steve Banerjee. [LatinoReview] ● Never one to miss a press-op, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt dressed up as Jon and Kate Gosselin for Halloween, clutching eight dolls as mock children. [Us]

Links: George Clooney Tofu, Ed Westwick + Jessica Szohr

● The revamped Melrose Place, which counts Ashlee Simpson-Wentz as a resident, will be Heather Locklear-less. The actress who played Amanda Woodward has turned down the chance to appear on the CW show. [EW] ● Crispin Glover has lent his voice to the children’s favorite Little Miss Muffet. The results are as creepy as you would expect. [Youtube] ● Are you ready for CloFu? That’s George Clooney-flavored tofu! PETA seems to think it’s a great idea! [NBC]

● Bravo is introducing The Real Housewives of New Jersey. 100% chance of night out in Meatpacking District. [People] ● Gossip Girl stars Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr are most definitely a couple, as they were seen canoodling on the streets of New York. [JustJared] ● Who doesn’t love to hate a celebrity mullet? Here is a lovely history of the celeb-mullet, from Taylor Momsen to John Stamos. [FoxNews]