Have You Noticed People Dress Slutty On Halloween?

There’s this trend, have you heard of it? Some women wear little clothing on Halloween! It’s called "dressing sexy," You see, you can pair "sexy" with any sort of Halloween costume. Sexy Witch! Sexy Alien! Sexy Vampire! Sexy Emily Dickinson! The possibilities are limitless!

And did you know that sometimes gay guys get in on the act, too! Sexy Gay Mario Brothers! Sexy Gay Vampires! Sexy Gay Bears! (Actual bears, not like gay-guy bears.) This year I might go as Sexy Gay Sylvia Plath. I’ll just wear a tight 1950s housedress, one that is short enough to show off my legs and just a liiiiitttle bit of my tight boxer briefs. It’s going to hard to maneuver around the bars with a giant cardboard-box marked "OVEN" on my head, though. (Gay guys also love drag, you see. Sexy drag!)

What is UP with the sexy outfits, though? Seriously???? Isn’t it funny because you can totally dress like a Sexy Person the rest of the year? It’s kinda like how St. Patrick’s Day is Amateur Hour for people who like to drink. Who needs a holiday to rationalize dressing like a whore? (Well, certainly not actual whores! Ha ha, using this context to propagate my own inherent sexism is pretty fun, now I get it!) This really is the Christmas for people who need to be paid attention to by showing up in public wearing as little as possible, and also for people who blog to repeat the same jokes every single October.

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Exclusive: 5 Quick Halloween Costumes by Chris March of ‘Mad Fashion’

Since his days competing against Christian Siriano on Season 4 of Project Runway, outré fashion and costume designer Chris March has dressed a host of powerful females, including Meryl Streep, Beyoncé, and Lady Gaga. His bizarrely brilliant work also landed him his own Bravo reality show, Mad Fashion, which is our weekly go-to for witnessing brave souls transform into fierce fashion mavens. While March’s theatrical looks may not work for everyday wear, Halloween is his forté.

March works with clients several months in advance to craft over-the-top costumes. Unlike his clients, we procrastinated big time this Hallow’s Eve, so March gave us the exclusive scoop on his favorite last-minute celebrity costumes that can easily be whipped up at home.

Marie Antoinette “She had it all – big outfits, big hair, and a big bosom! For a modern twist, pair a pastel bustier with a short skirt, and throw on tons of pearls and a white poufy wig. Don’t forget to cake on white powder and beauty marks.” ’80s Cyndi Lauper “This look is fun, easy, and comfortable! Pin fright wigs together and chop off one side. For the outfit, throw on a thrift store petticoat, torn fishnets, and layers of wild colors. Drag queen makeup is key.”

Anna Nicole Smith “If you’re too drunk, no one will ever know in this outfit! Stuff the bust of a too-tight, too-short stretchy dress with tons of tissue, sport a tangled blonde wig and smear on messy makeup.”

Kim Kardashian “She’s famous for nothing, so why can’t you be? Rock a sparkly tight dress with pillows stuffed in the derrière, a long black wig, gallons of eye liner, and no shame.”

Martha Stewart “To release your inner domestic goddess, channel Martha by wearing a blonde bob wig with khakis, a chambray shirt and pearls. For a shady twist, pile on runny mascara tears and angrily wave around her daughter’s new tell-all book.”

Tune in to Mad Fashion on Bravo every Tuesday at 10pm EST.

Photo: Bravo.com