The NSA Has An App For You

Oh where have you gone Edward Snowden; a nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you.

The boulder that got rolling back in June, by NSA systems analyst Edward Snowden – is rolling faster down the mountain. It’s a given that the NSA mined American’s social media and emails. We’ve grown to accept this and realize that free email and free social networks come with a price. Fine. 

Now,a latest disclosure will make you pull the covers over your head at night: The NSA tried to track Americans’ cellphone locations:

NSA chief Gen. Keith Alexander told Congress on Wednesday that his spy agency ran tests in 2010 and 2011 to see if it was technically possible to gather U.S. cell-site data, which can show where a cellphone user traveled. The information was never used, Alexander said, and the testing was reported to congressional intelligence committees. Now, top U.S. intelligence officials are revealing more about their spying in an effort to defend the National Security Agency from charges that it has invaded the privacy of Americans on a mass scale.

That’s right, the NSA has now turned into a public spying version of Grindr!


-Director of National Intelligence James Clapper stated: "“On occasion, we’ve made mistakes, some quite significant. … Whenever we found such mistakes, we’ve reported, addressed and corrected them.” To paraphrase Clapper’s statement, he simply said, "Whoops!" 

-In 2012, NSA chief Keith Alexander told Congress that his agency doesn’t even have the ability to collect data on Americans. Why do we get more outraged when Anthony Weiner lied about his Twitter pics? 

-The FBI’s top priority for 2013 is to increase their online surveillance authority. According to the feds, the limitations on their surveillance powers may now pose a “threat to public safety.”

-NSA not only spied on the public, but it also broke the rules to read their wives’/lovers’/partners’e-mails and other communications. This was done so much that they even gave it a cute  often nickname — LOVEINT. Essentially they let NSA employees be online stalkers. 

-After the Snowden leaks, James clapper sent a letter to Sen. Dianne Feinstein, apologizing for his “clearly erroneous” testimony, because he “simply didn’t think” of a major provision of the Patriot Act. Previously, he testified that the NSA does “not wittingly” collect data on Americans.

You Can Quit Being Gay, but You Can’t Quit Grindr

Oh, how easily one falls down the path of shame and sin! Isn’t it strange how it often happens to high-profile religious people who make a point to never, ever, ever do bad stuff? Not like, murder-bad stuff, but buttsex-bad stuff. Such is the case of Matt Moore, a gentleman who beat the gay away with prayer and God and such, who was then discovered using Grindr. Grindr is hard to quit, you guys.

Blogger Zinnia Jones received a tip that Moore, a Christian writer who has written extensively about being an "ex-gay," showed up on the dating app. Of course it was actually Moore and not some imposter, because, duh, who would use a fake picture on an app that is designed to meet other people in person for various activities, ranging from hugging to boning? Moore admitted his error in typical ex-gay fashion:

The grindr profile was really mine. I’ve been on it on and off for the last couple of weeks.

Like I told the guy who sent you the picture, I am wrong in having been on grindr. I haven’t changed my views on homosexuality, the bible, etc.

Creating a grindr profile and talking to guys on it was major disobedience on my part….disobedience to Christ. Disobedience to a loving and gracious God. Thankfully, I believe that He forgives me for this disobedience. I believe the blood of Christ covers this disobedience. And I won’t be on grindr again….ever.

The pastor of my church and the church body I am a part of were informed about me being on grindr (I told them) before all of this came out, publicly.

Christianity is SO CONVENIENT! I love a good blank-slate, especially after being caught on Grindr. I’ll keep that in mind if the temptation ever hits me and someone catches me. "Oh, well, sorry! God and stuff. The end!"

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I Wish I Loved Something as Much as Gay Guys Love Posing in Front of the Berlin Holocaust Memorial

A couple of days ago, Jezebel posted about fashion blogger Pelayo Diaz, who shared his personal meditation on looking fly while visiting Berlin’s Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. The monument, spanning over four acres and featuring 2,711 concrete slabs, is a popular tourist spot, even for those rocking Balenciaga and a hot-pink Céline bag. More surprising: the growing number of gay guys who post pictures of themselves at the monument on Grindr. 

Thankfully, there’s Totem and Taboo: Grindr Remembers (via Heeb), a blog that collects the images of young men in deep thought about the horrors of the human existence while keeping the always-frustrating search for sex at the front of their mind. The mission statement for the site is as follows:

In an age when ignorance is prevalent than ever, Grindr, the latest most addictive gay obsession, has wowed its members in relentlessly promoting the memory of the holocaust. While the gay community is being under scrutiny for promoting hedonism and alienation, this tribute seems all the more compelling.

Totem and Taboo, our new blog, asks nothing more but to harness the vibrant blogosphere to Grindr users’ innovative maneuvers to keep the memory alive, fresh and attractive. Now, you gals don’t just stand and watch! Be the change you want to see in the world. We kindly urge you to join our team: Help us collecting pics of the spreading new trend. (NSA)

While I generally don’t advocate the publishing of Grindr photos (can’t these dudes look for fun in peace and without shame?), it’s somewhat nice to see so many people considering making tribute to the millions of lost Jewish souls. (Perhaps unsurprisingly, gay guys have been doing this for years!) Bless their hearts. Especially sexmusclebtm.

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Straight Women On Grindr Still Think All Gay Men Are Stanford Blatch Or Something

Ah, the unstoppable force of Grindr, an app so powerful its spawn are even spawning. The location-based app has led to fellow spinoffs for gay men (Manhunt Mobile, Scruff), a version for straight people (the equally shoddily-named Blendr) and even a Jewish version (Yenta, which sadly is nothing like this ad). But one unintended—but somewhat expected but still kinda gross—consequence of Grindr’s popularity has been the new trend of straight women using the service to find new Gay BFFs.

Down on the Buzzfeed farm, there’s a post featuring a number of women who are on Grindr looking for gay pals to do shopping and brunch and checking out guys together type things. The posters self-describe as “the ultimate hag” and fruit fly, and their requests aren’t much better—one user, Courtney, seeks “fun gay shopping partners! Let’s check out guys while we shop for shoes! J” Ashley’s tagline says she’s “Now accepting GBFF apps!” and that she’s “ready to talk about fashion, lady gaga, Tina turner and Zac Efron.” At least two use an outdated and hurtful term for transgender people that they probably thought was okay to use because Christian Siriano said it all the time on Project Runway that one season. So, that’s a great way to endear yourself.

As a disclaimer, the gay male population isn’t a monolith, and I don’t mean to speak for any one particular group or be offended for anybody, but I can safely say the gay men I know would probably find this pretty offensive. Having an open mind and wanting to meet new people is great and all, and it can’t be hard to find people, gay or not, who enjoy things like shopping and brunch and Tina Turner. Pretty much all people like brunch, and literally everyone loves Tina Turner. And there’s nothing wrong with looking for friends on the Internet—lots of people do that now.

But defining someone solely by their sexual orientation and choosing a friend solely based on that criteria and its stereotypical trappings, as opposed to seeing, you know, a person with goals and interests and fears and loves doesn’t make you more progressive or likable or whatever, it makes you, first and foremost, a shitty friend. And granted, certain friends do serve certain purposes, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat them like accessories. And if your perception of gay men is still the result of Sex and the City and Ryan Murphy-fronted sitcoms, then you actually legitimately do need to go out and meet actual gay people.

Come on, hasn’t Disappointing Gay Best Friend taught you anything?

Bret Easton Ellis Agrees With Paris Hilton About Gays & AIDS

Great minds think alike!  One-man peanut gallery Bret Easton Ellis has tweeted that he "kind of" agrees with Paris Hilton’s dumb-ass comments about promiscuous gays on Grindr all having AIDS, because … well … what would this scandal be without Ellis weighing in, really?

Earlier this week Hilton was recorded by a cab driver discussing Grindr, which I think needs no introduction here, and Paris Hilton-ly squealed:

Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. They’re disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS…I would be so scared if I was a gay guy. You’ll like, die of AIDS.

First of all, shut up, Paris Hilton. Like you should be calling anyone disgusting.

Second of all, gay guys are not the horniest people in the world: evangelical Christian and Satmyr Jew teenagers are, obviously.

But I suppose that is neither here nor there, but American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis  weighed in on Twitter yesterday to add his two cents:

I kind of agree with Paris Hilton. As someone who has used Grindr? Paris Hilton is not that far off. 

What an excellent example of a damaging culture sterotype being promoted by someone who should know better. 

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Grindr Has Officially Ruined Fire Island

Fire Island has historically been a summer retreat for the upwardly mobile gays of New York City, a place where the fabulous and muscled and tank-topped can run off and dance and drink and hook up with wild abandon far away from the stifling concrete jungles of Chelsea and Hells Kitchen. Is anything sacred? Apparently not, as there’s talk that the popular seasonal destination is suffering because, of course, the popular app that allows dudes to hook up with each other without even leaving their sofas. 

“Grindr has changed everything,” a "buff 38-year-old hairdresser" has revealed to New York Magazine. He doesn’t mean it in a good way!

The app has been called a “virtual bathhouse” and been pegged by some as a reason for the decline of the gay bar, but in a place like Fire Island, it may be especially destructive. Aside from the beach, a large part of the attraction of the Pines scene is the opportunity to rub shoulders, and maybe sleep, with attractive and powerful gay men. “Not long ago, you’d walk around here and everybody would be cruising each other, not anonymously, but face to face,” said Sal Occhipinti, a tanned 43-year-old, at a recent afternoon “high tea” dance party in the Pines harbor. A few feet away, on the largely empty patio of the Blue Whale, a group of three men were busily typing on their devices next to the bar. According to Occhipinti, even the Meat Rack, the notoriously cruisy wooded area between the Pines and Cherry Grove, has been taken over by glowing iPhone screens.

Look, we have a lot of problems in the gay community, probably too many for me to list in a short little blog post here, but this one really fascinates me. Can we blame Grindr for the decline of gay socialization? I mean, I go to gay bars quite a bit and I don’t see a lot of guys conversing with each other on their phones. Perhaps it’s internet culture as a whole that has ruined it for all of it. Take, for example, how the stigma of online dating has nearly been eradicated in the last few years. It’s perfectly normal at this point to have a meet-cute and, hell, a first few dates on OKCupid. 

You know what you can’t do on Grindr? Dance to Madonna. Come on, gays: there’s a reason why we still need the gay bars. Don’t let Grindr ruin it for us. 

Grindr: Helping Gays Since 2009

It seems like just yesterday that we were in the Dark Ages, and the fine gay men of this world had to find friends and sexual partners without the aid of their iPhones and GPS. But no, that was exactly a year ago. Grindr is celebrating it’s first birthday today!

Happy Birthday Grindr! For breeders not in the know, Grindr is an iPhone social media app that helps gays (and bi and “curious” folk) hook up with other gays using GPS. According to a press release, Grindr has over half a million users around the world, and averages 2,000 new users each day. (In case you’re interested in more press release stats: Over half of the world’s Grindr users are in the U.S., followed by the UK and Australia. France and Japan round out the top five Grindr nations.) To celebrate this momentous event, Grindr is holding parties around the world. We can only hope Steve Jobs is getting Grindr one hell of a birthday present; you can only grind if you have an iPhone, a Blackberry or Android just won’t do.

More sex? Hey, There’s an App for That!

Steve Jobs probably didn’t anticipate that the iPhone would encourage sexual deviancy in the iSavvy, but it sure has. There’s an app for every sexual appetite, and today the Daily Beast has a piece on Grindr, which uses GPS to let gay men find other gay men near by. Mark Zuckerberg is also getting in on the hook up game. The Facebook app now links those miscellaneous “Hot Guy Spring Break”, “Slutty Chick from Happy Hour” contacts you have saved (only for a good laugh) with the individual’s FB profile and puts a face to a hazy romp session. In honor of random hook ups, check out our guide of the most ridiculous apps to suit your sexual tendencies.

Eclectic, Straight Mythical Sex Positions ($0.99) The Kama Sutra for Renaissance Fair lovers. The descriptions are beyond the nerdy imaginations of most. The position Devils Paradise is described as “As the devils mythical serpent cries with joy as the journey towards the honey comb is very painful. But the bees in the house are excited as the upward pressure eases her effort in tasting the divine honey.” Now, if you can count how many times you’ve heard that as a pick up line…

Promiscuous, Paranoid STD Meister ($3.99) Over 200 images of STD infections from the CDC right at your fingertips. Whether you’re questioning a bump/rash/sore or curious about the odds of contracting an unforgettable memento from a sexual partner after five shots of tequila, the STD Monster (who looks like the talking Mucinex Booger and wears a shirt with a ‘no condom’ sign) leads you through the diagnosis, treatment and partner referral. Immediately follow with a Facebook poke.

Random Hook-Up Hungry, Gay Grindr (Free) Grindr allows sex-searching users to locate other users with similar interests in close proximity using GPS technology. Clark Harding of the Daily Beast reports, “It’s impossible to resist the urge to constantly pull it out and look at who’s in your immediate area, even if you’re not looking for a hookup.” Grindr has changed the game for gay men, making hooking up easy, accessible, and free of bullshit innuendo, meaning guys are on Grindr for one reason, and it’s not cuddling!

Homeopathic, Gullible Sex Drive ($1.99) As an alternative to Viagra and other sexual stimulants, this app insists that listening to binaural tones for ten minutes will get users all tingly in their pants. If your partner is cool with you taking a T-O and meditating before getting to business, then by all means, have at it.

Competitive, Oversharer Sex Rater ($1.99) This app claims to rate sexual performance based on: length of session, number of orgasms and average time between orgasms. Basically, all you have to do is launch the app and let it sit next to you while you go at it. If that’s not weird enough, you can share your session statistics on Facebook! Because your friends will be sooooo jealous! And because you want your 8th grade history teacher (who’s now a FB friend) to know how good you are at sex! And your mom! Because she’s on Facebook too!