The other night, after finishing the sixth episode of Homeland, I thought, "You know what? I don’t have time for this." And then I went to Wikipedia and read the synopses for the rest of the first season. I cannot believe that Carrie slept with Brody! I mean, there were plenty of other crazy things that happened, but I don’t want to spoil the whole thing for you. Basically, when you’re a busy man on the go like me, you don’t have time to do things like watch TV, cook food, or travel to see the great wonders of the world. Thankfully, the internet helps us out with those things. Wikipedia! Seamless Web! And now Google Maps. Thanks to Street View, I can totally scrap that trip to the Grand Canyon I was planning on later this year. Who just realized that he has a lot of beer money to spend? This guy.
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Today in blogs I wish I thought of: Google Street Scene mashes up scenes from popular movies ranging from Goodfellas (at left), Back to the Future, and Blue Velvet, among others, with the street view feature on Google Maps. Remember how David Lynch bitched about watching movies on "your fucking telephone"? I can’t imagine he’d be too thrilled about this new artistic development. It’s a good resource to find the settings of your favorite movies, at the very least. [via Gawker]
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Naturally we each spend up to 95% of the average weekday wondering what form the machines’ rebellion against their human masters will take. But in all our post-apocalyptic fantasies, we never guessed the first attack would be so insidiously simple. The much-reviled Apples maps iPhone app, which comes bundled with iOS 6, has been luring Australian drivers out into the wilderness to die.
The problem is that Apple maps pinpoints the town of Mildura as being “in the middle of the Murray Sunset National Park, about 42 miles from the actual location,” meaning that motorists are getting stranded without food and water for long stretches of time, and walking long distances over dangerous terrain for cell reception and help. To make matters more pleasant, Murray Sunset National Park can get up to 114º F and is full of badass Emus.
People were justifiably pissed when Google Maps, whose greatest sin was telling you that a bar that no longer existed was still there, got swapped out for Apple’s crappy version. This, however, is an invitation to world war. Or maybe just revenge for all the barely-obsolete smartphones we toss in garbage dumps way out in the middle of nowhere.
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Google Maps brought in it’s sci-fi (ok, really dorky) tricycle to Legoland last May, and the results are up and available on the virtual streets of Google. Legoland is the very first U.S. theme park to be covered by Google Maps. Apparently now that there are no more streets to map, Google is creeping into more private territory. They’ve also mapped San Diego State University, the Laguna Seca racetrack and Disneyland Paris.
To view Legoland on the map, type in Legoland, California in Google Maps and they drag the little Lego man into the virtual park. Since the park wants to ensure privacy, the stills of Legoland are filled with uber creepy shots of blurred out faces complete with blurred out t-shirts. It looks like a park filled with people in the witness protection program. Nonetheless, Google’s making good on its plan to map absolutely everything. Cool? Sure. Creepy? Definitely.
Well, for one thing, you’d be tuned into BlackBook for all the latest coverage regarding the state of the new world order, right? Previous to this happening, though, assuming you don’t want to be vaporized, and you’re the kind who likes to live a life free of risks, there’s an online toy that’s the bees (apocalyptic fetishist’s) knees for your sort. Via i09, meet the Ground Zero mapplet, which is designed to Google Map the approximate result of a nuke going off somewhere near your apartment.
Here’s how it works: you type in a location you want to see the theoretical destruction of. You pick the kind of impact — anything from an intercontinental missile-carrying nuke to an asteroid — hit “nuke it,” and click on the pin to watch the chart light up. Kind of gleefully macabre, no? Enjoy the rest of your day.
Oh! And for the record, if some bad shit were to go down in Times Square — typically home to most of the famous pop-culture destructions of New York — the BlackBook offices would only suffer (maybe) first-degree burns from a 15-kiloton explosion (which is discounting the radiation, looting, etc, whatever else comes after a nuclear going off). But anything larger than that, really, and we’d be unavoidably screwed.