● This woman got Drake’s name tattooed on her forehead because her love is real. [Vice]
● In case that you suspected otherwise, this video proves once and for all that Saturday Night Live‘s staff has more fun at work than you do. [Jezebel]
● Mitch Winehouse thinks that, assuming she could get the English-Cockney-Jewish accent down in time, Lady Gaga would make for a fine Amy in any upcoming biopics. [Mirror]
● For Rooney Mara, star of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, the nipple peircing was a must. "Nudity is such a huge part of the character in the book, so I never thought twice about it," she says of her decision to skip the clip-on in favor of the real thing. [Us]
● Matisyahu shaved his beard, and it’s like we don’t even know him anymore. [TMZ]
● The Hunger Games‘ Katniss would kick-ass on Glenn Beck’s new post-apocolyptic reality show, Independence USA, don’t you think? [MediaBistro]
Glenn Beck has largely dropped off the face of the planet since his June departure from Fox News. Without that giant media megaphone behind him, the former morning-zoo radio DJ has focused on his far-right leaning online TV station GBTV, which is to say he hasn’t done a whole lot other than dive Scrooge McDuck style into his piles of money and go H.A.M. on Levis jeans for their most recent ‘Go Forth’ ad campaign. Now, he wants a cartoon version of himself.
You know you want to read about it! Beck has just partnered with Icebox Productions (which features former Simpsons and 24 alumni) to brainstorm ideas for a new animated series based, it would seem, on ideas pulled straight out of Glenn Beck’s melon. God knows how they’re going to animate the concept of socialism, although methinks there’s at least one halfway laughable skit about Obama flying with his ears. It’s no surprise that whatever Beck does, he’ll have some of his infamously die-hard fans lap it up. This may very well be their Simpsons. Or perhaps it will just be another sorry excuse for Glenn Beck to bum us all out again.
● Glenn Beck is quitting Fox News later this year. Or maybe he was fired. (Roger Ailes doesn’t seem to care as long as he’s gone.) Beck told his followers, “We’ll find each other.” Meanwhile, Meredith Vieria is out at the Today show as soon as her contract is up, and Matt Lauer wants out now, too. [AP] ● Tina Fey revealed yesterday during a taping of Oprah that she’s pregnant with her second child. She and her baby bump will be hosting Saturday Night Live on May 7th. [People] ● Paris Hilton refuses to return the roughly $60,000 in jewelery she borrowed from Damiani and now they’re suing. Refused to return? At least Lelo had the balls to steal it herself. [NYP]
● “The bitches in high school were bitches because I was pretty,” explains January Jones. [Metro] ● Lindsay Lohan told New York Magazine that she doesn’t consider herself a feminist. When pushed on the subject, she was only able to show off her poor math skills. [NYM] ● All the models to the floor right now! Page Six is suggesting that “Kanye West collects models like boys collect baseball cards,” taking note of a recent night spent with Kate Upton, a “desperate” phone call made to Candice Swanepoel, and past relationships with Selita Ebanks and Amber Rose. A habit, indeed, and one Kanye seems unlikely to deny. [Page Six]
● Joining Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars is Dirty Dancing’s Jennifer Grey, Audrina Patridge of The Hills, the original Mama Brady, Margaret Cho, and The Situation. The other contestants matter even less. [Vulture] ● Over 75% of Americans say that Mel Gibson’s crazy racist and misogynist outbursts, readily available on the internet, would “not effect” whether they would see his films, as Roman Polanski and Woody Allen high-five. [THR] ● If Madonna and Lady Gaga are going to team up, so too are Cher and Christina Aguilera, leaving Britney Spears and Liza Minella to make a go of it. [Celebuzz]
● A Huffington Post blogger, in an attempt to be funny, offered $100,000 for a sex tape of Fox News host and Tea Party deity Glenn Beck. The blogger’s superiors were not amused and neither was God. [Gawker] ● Paris Hilton thought the cocaine was gum. Is that better or worse than claiming it’s Pixy Stix residue? [People] ● Movie pitch: Tiger Woods Takes Manhattan. It’s a porno. [US Weekly]
We came across Robin Marie in our sleep (where else do you meet the girl of your dreams?) via a YouTube video petitioning Glenn Beck to run for president. This means two things. One, that she is politically active, and two, that she’s tech-savvy. Both major scores. She also has enough insight to proclaim that Glenn Beck is our George Washington, meaning her grasp of history is so strong that she has the intellectual fortitude to approach it in new and exciting ways. Also, notice her makeup. Its application proves that Robin does not use mirrors, demonstrating a lack of vanity that we have no choice but to admire. She also has her own website, called Main Street Bites Back. We thought it was going to be dedicated to the best food in small town America, but it turns out it’s more politics. Her one track mind is disappointing, but it doesn’t change the fact that at the 52-second mark of the video below, she proves in one simple look why she is the girl of your dreams. Even if those dreams are nightmares.