Morning Links: Lada Gaga Bares All, Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ Jacket Up For Auction

● Lady Gaga wore almost nothing to pick up her CFDA Fashion Icon award last night, and she wore even less when she went out to celebrate after. Said Anna Wintour, “How lovely.” [DailyMail] ● Although they are not yet dating, Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler look great together on the back of a motorcycle. [People] ● Salt 2 is a thing, and once again, Angelina will be a part of it. Director Phillip Noyce, however, will not. Presumably, someone, somewhere, is excited. [The Deadline]

● Michael Jackson’s iconic red-leather “Thriller” jacket is up for auction and is expected to go for at least $200,000. [AP] ● Love Affair, which was supposed to be out today, got knocked back to earlier this year. Then, The-Dream announced yesterday that The Love, IV (Diary of a Mad Man) should be out by his birthday, September 20, easing just slightly the pain of another new day without new Dream. [Complex] ● One The Human Centipede was enough for England, and so they have essentially banned the sequel from their shores, believing that it “poses a real, as opposed to a fanciful, risk that harm is likely to be caused to potential viewers.” [Guardian]

‘Bounty Hunter’ Reviews: Jennifer Aniston Needs to Fire Her Agent

We can’t say this surprises us. The reviews popping up for Bounty Hunter are terrible. But also, they’re great. Great because they prove our theory that Gerard Butler is in the wrong profession. Great because it brings us one step closer to the abolition of the genre (now all we need is a crappy opening weekend). Great because after Love Happens and now this, Jennifer Aniston might start taking herself seriously. And most of all, great because it’s way more fun to hear critics tear into a movie than praise it. After the jump, some of the best jibes.

● “Why, oh, why, was this movie necessary?”—Roger Ebert ● “Well, say hello to the Gerard Butler era. The grizzled Scottish hunk doesn’t just look like a modern-day caveman; in every movie he’s made since 300 in 2006, he acts like one too.”—Owen Gleiberman ● “At one point the reporter’s smarmy co-worker, played by longtime “Saturday Night Live” ensemble player Jason Sudeikis, gets strapped to a chair and has his bones broken in a golf-club-whacking. All right. (A) Sudeikis is eerily unamusing throughout; if you didn’t know him from “SNL” you’d swear he’d never done comedy before in his life.”—Michael Phillips ● “To say that the two are no Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert is putting it mildly; rarely have supposedly charming stars seemed less natural or comfortable playing unlikely soulmates.”—Slant ● “Aniston and Butler aren’t always flatteringly lit”-Variety. ● “Perhaps unsurprisingly, he has zero chemistry with Aniston and neither of them can bring any spark to either the love scenes.”—View London

In related news, Gerard Butler recently said Jennifer Aniston is “like family,” which might explain that no chemistry thing.

Links: Lindsay Lohan’s Sartorial Comeback, Gerard Butler + Kristen Stewart?

• While you were shoving brussels sprouts and glasses of mulled wine down your maw in between slabs of turkey over in Harlem, Orlando Bloom, Salma Hayek, and Gwyneth Paltrow jetted over to Marrakesh for a very special Morrocan Thanksgiving. [People] • Despite epic critical failure, Lindsay Lohan’s line for Ungaro has apparently been flying off store shelves. [Contactmusic] • A remake of the already-remade-in-2005 Amityville Horror is being sloppily slapped together somewhere in The Hills. [DigitalSpy]

Horror! Beyoncé’s Dangerously In Love was dangerously thisclose to never seeing the light of day. Says Ms. B, “When I played it through for my record label, they told me I didn’t have one hit on my album. They told me I didn’t have one hit. I guess they were kinda right, I had five.” Snap. Naturally she means this, this, this, this, and the album itself. [Contactmusic] • Lesser of two Good Morning America evils: Chris Brown or Adam Lambert? [Detroit Free Press] • Did Kristen Stewart’s turkey-chewing dexterity turn on Gerard Butler? [D-Listed]

Links: John Mayer + Taylor Swift, Martha Stewart vs. Rachael Ray

● John Mayer has a crush, and her name is Taylor Swift. What makes her so attractive? Her humility (take note, Jennifer Aniston). Mayer adds: “Taylor Swift is the last person to know she’s Taylor Swift, which I think is totally sweet.” [DigitalSpy] ● Here’s a little insight into the world of Victoria Beckham: She usually wears nothing to bed, loves saying that she eats hamburgers, and has nixed self-tanner. [Us] ● Levi Johnston has shot down Sarah Palin’s Oprah-induced Thanksgiving offer saying it was “a nice gesture, but she didn’t mean it,” and even if she did, it would be totally “awkward.” [People]

● Martha Stewart has some fighting words for Rachael Ray, saying she’s “more of an entertainer” than a “teacher” like herself, and Ray can’t even “bake.” [INO] ● Ladies get ready for “your version” of The Hangover; entitled Desperados, it will follow Isla Fisher and a group of cohorts in Mexico, where hijinks will no doubt ensue. [Paste] ● Gerard Butler pulled a Michael Jackson for the paparazzi, dangling a plant with a towel wrapped around it, mimicking the infamous Blanket incident. Too soon, Gerard, too soon. [CelebGossip]

Links: No Full Monty for Levi Johnston, Gerard Butler Kilts Out

● Levi Johnston doesn’t show his johnson in Playgirl, according to a spokesman for the site. How can we ever trust him again? [NYDailyNews] ● Is Amy Winehouse going the way of Courtney Love? No, not with drugs, rather with plastic surgery. After getting a boob job, Wino is considering a nose job, as going under the knife has become her new obsession. [DigitalSpy] ● Are Nicole Richie and Joel Madden really married? She didn’t correct her lawyer in court when he referred to Madden as her husband. [People]

● Larry Charles, of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Borat fame, is teaming with the boys from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for Boldly Going Nowhere, a TV show described as The Office in space. [Zap2It] ● Gerard Butler attended the Scotland premiere of Law Abiding Citizen in a traditional kilt. You’re welcome. [JustJared] ● It should come as no surprise that New Moon has slapped the competition silly to become the top advance ticket-seller in Fandango history; take that, Harry Potter and Batman. [Zimbio]

Lindsay Lohan Swaps Gerard Butler for Ryan Phillippe

Meh, it’s anyone guess how LiLo, ever the object of public curiosity, keeps finding the eleven letters of her name magnetically drawn to almost-A-listers lately. There was that whole sordid thing with Gerard Butler, although Lohan reportedly put the kibosh on that. So now there are whispers — just breathy susses, at that — of LiLo and former Mr. Reese Witherspoon Ryan Phillippe “getting cozy” at L.A. club Voyeur recently.

Though details are thin. For all we know, the pair could’ve been squabbling about whether pasties were a good idea on Lohan’s Ungaro line. Or perhaps they were acting out selected scenes of Monster’s Ball, with Lohan rasping, “I got these curtains right here on credit and the man told me I wasn’t supposed to get this deal, but I think he kinda liked me … and he told me I could have these curtains on credit. I said, ‘What the hell? Red curtains would be great for my place.’ So I said, ‘I’ll take it.’ So I got me some red curtains.” And Phillippe asserting, “Damn straight.” Yes, innocent commentary about purchasing draperies on credit. That’s all that could’ve transpired. So all this tongue-wagging could be for naught.

That is, if Philippe hadn’t already been a fixation of Lohan’s for a couple years now. A fact that he indifferently acknowledged sometime ago. Add to all that Lohan’s ability to accrue A-list hotties. Obviously someone’s being stingy with details.

Before Phillippe and Butler, but long after Samantha Ronson, there was also Balthazar Getty last month. And of course, rumors of a Lohan-Ledger tryst still remain hot. Even if Lohan and Phillippe were acting out scenes from Monster’s Ball, it probably wasn’t too long before one of them yelled, “I want you to make me feel better. I want you to make me feel good. Can you make me feel good?” with the other obliging happily.

Links: Gerard Butler Not Into Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian’s Hot Jasmine

● That report of Lindsay Lohan and Gerard Butler getting it on in Morocco was shot down by Lohan, and Butler is threatening legal action against the British papers who printed the story. [GossipCop] ● Where do you go after getting publicly fired from your show? Disneyland! Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and husband Pete Wentz took little Bronx to the happiest place on earth to lift her spirits. [PopSugar] ● Rihanna says of all the media attention she received after the Chris Brown incident: “I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears.” [USA]

● Now that pregnancy has sidelined Gisele Bündchen’s modeling career, she has plenty of time to get her pilot’s license; having completed the written test, she simply needs to complete her practical (in the air) test. [People] ● Halloween postmortem Fergie, dressed as Cleopatra, spent Halloween with Kylie Minogue, who dressed as a gothic circus performer; Kim Kardashian dressed up in a very adult Princess Jasmine costume. [JustJared, ICYDK] ● David Hasselhoff has reached out to Amy Winehouse’s papa Mitch to say he knows what it’s like to have your substance abuse problems broadcast all over the media, and it’s a “universal problem” and has “nothing to do with the music business.” [AccessHollywood]

Lindsay Lohan’s Love Quadrangle: Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston, Samantha Ronson

Well isn’t this utterly vile! Our condolences, Jennifer Aniston! Not only has your former flame’s flick flat-lined over the weekend, but he’s allowed himself to be swooped by the ever-enterprising Lindsay Lohan, who is apparently looking to plant a few tabloid seeds before her big excursion to India. We’re not blaming Lohan, who’s willing to attach herself to the underbelly of any high-profile Hollywoodster in order to climb back to studios’ good graces. That’s an epic ascent. How to speed it along? With a little tongue naturally.

The setting was the opening of a beach resort in Morocco while supporting players included party guests like Guy Ritchie and Naomi Campbell. The Mirror claims that Lohan confided about her struggles with love, “I’m fed up of all the drama. I just want to find someone who loves me back. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack every time I think about the break-up. I came here to get away from it all. I’m ready to have fun now.” Lohan and Butler were allegedly dancing and getting to second base to Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean.” The same British rag alleges that Lohan continued on about Butler, “He’s hot, he’s mine! I’ve got no ring on my finger so I’m gonna have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world after all.” Really? Morocco. Err, okay!

The pair was finally seen speeding away in a golf buggy. Although none of this adds up, because even though she was in Morocco, she still claims to be with Samantha Ronson. We very well could be on the precipice of a thrilling Aniston-Butler-Lohan-Ronson love quadrangle. Sadly, this remains the only way to make any of these individuals seem colorful, lively, and relevant.

‘Law Abiding Citizen’: Why Is Gerard Butler Still a Star?

There’s only so much Hollywood good will a monster hit will afford you. 300 turned Frank Miller (and adaptations of his graphic novel work) into a hot Hollywood commodity, but Miller probably extinguished his own flame by directing the ridiculous The Spirit. 300 also made its director Zack Snyder an event filmmaker, and though Watchmen may not have performed as well as people expected, Snyder’s talent was never in question. As for 300’s star Gerard Butler, who for a while seemed ready to rise from Vin Diesel’s ashes as the next great action star, he’s since removed most of his cachet with astounding surgical precision. Since 300, his films (P.S. I Love You, Nim’s Island, RocknRolla, The Ugly Truth, Gamer) have grossed an approximate total of $214 million dollars. But even worse, each one of them was utterly forgettable. And now, less than a month after Gamer tanked comes Law Abiding Citizen, Butler’s new thriller with Jamie Foxx. And, well, things aren’t looking good.

The trailer for Law Abiding Citizen made the film seem intriguing enough — a morally ambiguous cat-and-mouse game between two leading men who both happen to have rock-hard abs. What could be better? But when I got the invite to an advance screening a few weeks ago, I didn’t bite. It just didn’t interest me. It might be because Butler almost killed me once defending Amy Sacco’s good name, but it’s probably because he chooses to make shitty movies. And I’m not saying Law Abiding Citizen is a shitty movie, because I have yet to see it, but a lot of other people have seen it and don’t like it all that much, and they’re particularly not fond of Mr. Butler himself.

“So much for our sympathy for the leading man, who happens to be Gerard Butler in yet another questionable role,” announces the Village Voice. “What I mostly noticed is how quickly I’ve grown tired of Butler’s mush-mouthed bravura,” says EW’s Owen Gleiberman. Even when his performance is complimented, it’s backhanded: “Perhaps because Foxx is giving such a self-satisfied performance, Butler steals the movie, and doesn’t even strain himself doing it,” says Newsday. Roger Ebert, who sort of liked the movie, couldn’t even bother to comment on Butler’s performance, so unremarkable it is. I predict it makes three dollars at the box-office this weekend. Then I can go back to writing about the Sri Lankan civil war, and Gerard Butler can continue in his quest to eventually break Jennifer Aniston’s heart.