You Can Quit Being Gay, but You Can’t Quit Grindr

Oh, how easily one falls down the path of shame and sin! Isn’t it strange how it often happens to high-profile religious people who make a point to never, ever, ever do bad stuff? Not like, murder-bad stuff, but buttsex-bad stuff. Such is the case of Matt Moore, a gentleman who beat the gay away with prayer and God and such, who was then discovered using Grindr. Grindr is hard to quit, you guys.

Blogger Zinnia Jones received a tip that Moore, a Christian writer who has written extensively about being an "ex-gay," showed up on the dating app. Of course it was actually Moore and not some imposter, because, duh, who would use a fake picture on an app that is designed to meet other people in person for various activities, ranging from hugging to boning? Moore admitted his error in typical ex-gay fashion:

The grindr profile was really mine. I’ve been on it on and off for the last couple of weeks.

Like I told the guy who sent you the picture, I am wrong in having been on grindr. I haven’t changed my views on homosexuality, the bible, etc.

Creating a grindr profile and talking to guys on it was major disobedience on my part….disobedience to Christ. Disobedience to a loving and gracious God. Thankfully, I believe that He forgives me for this disobedience. I believe the blood of Christ covers this disobedience. And I won’t be on grindr again….ever.

The pastor of my church and the church body I am a part of were informed about me being on grindr (I told them) before all of this came out, publicly.

Christianity is SO CONVENIENT! I love a good blank-slate, especially after being caught on Grindr. I’ll keep that in mind if the temptation ever hits me and someone catches me. "Oh, well, sorry! God and stuff. The end!"

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Have You Noticed People Dress Slutty On Halloween?

There’s this trend, have you heard of it? Some women wear little clothing on Halloween! It’s called "dressing sexy," You see, you can pair "sexy" with any sort of Halloween costume. Sexy Witch! Sexy Alien! Sexy Vampire! Sexy Emily Dickinson! The possibilities are limitless!

And did you know that sometimes gay guys get in on the act, too! Sexy Gay Mario Brothers! Sexy Gay Vampires! Sexy Gay Bears! (Actual bears, not like gay-guy bears.) This year I might go as Sexy Gay Sylvia Plath. I’ll just wear a tight 1950s housedress, one that is short enough to show off my legs and just a liiiiitttle bit of my tight boxer briefs. It’s going to hard to maneuver around the bars with a giant cardboard-box marked "OVEN" on my head, though. (Gay guys also love drag, you see. Sexy drag!)

What is UP with the sexy outfits, though? Seriously???? Isn’t it funny because you can totally dress like a Sexy Person the rest of the year? It’s kinda like how St. Patrick’s Day is Amateur Hour for people who like to drink. Who needs a holiday to rationalize dressing like a whore? (Well, certainly not actual whores! Ha ha, using this context to propagate my own inherent sexism is pretty fun, now I get it!) This really is the Christmas for people who need to be paid attention to by showing up in public wearing as little as possible, and also for people who blog to repeat the same jokes every single October.

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