The 10 Best TV Quotes of 2016

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Unless you live under a rock, you know two things about 2016: firstly, it was a real-life nightmare, and secondly, it was packed with some really incredible television. It would be impossible to give a definitive list of the best zingers of the year – there’s too much TV and too many one-liners to ever be able to narrow it down to double digits. But, for brevity’s sake, we’ve done our best. So, below, enjoy ten of our favorite lines from 2016’s year of TV:

Shelly on ‘Transparent’

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Ok, wow. Shelly singing “One Hand in My Pocket” on Transparent season 3’s finale was one of the most emotional and heartwarming moments of the year. Truly incredible: “I’m brave but I’m chickenshit.”

Bojack on ‘Bojack Horseman’

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At the end of an entirely wordless underwater episode, which, incidentally, was recently named the best episode of television in 2016 by TIME magazine, Bojack realizes he’s been able to talk the whole time by pressing a button – hence: “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

Sam Bee on ‘Full Frontal’

Sam Bee is the powerful, no-shits-given, uncensored voice we needed during this nightmarish election season. One choice zinger that comes to mind: “Let’s just have a Supreme Court vacancy for a year because some chinless dildo wants a justice who will use his gavel to plug up your abortion hole.”

Maeve on ‘Westworld’

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If anyone has proven the surprise queen on TV this year, it’s Maeve, who, in the course of her self-actualization and decision to escape her theme-park home, ups her brain function to full capacity. Turning to the Westworld employees helping her on her journey, she smirks, and says, “Dear boys. We’re going to have some fun, aren’t we?”

Earn on ‘Atlanta’

Atlanta proved to be one of the most compelling, real shows of the year, as made clear by this line from Earn: “This spooky thing called slavery happened and my entire ethnic identity was erased.”

Hannah on ‘Girls’

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Girls season 5 was one of the best the show has ever seen, and Hannah in particular was on fire. While she had a lot of great gems this season, we decided to go with the simple, hilarious “I’ve been eating Bugles my whole life, and I still don’t know if I even like them, it’s just something to do.”

Eleven on ‘Stranger Things’

We’d be remiss if we left off our girl Eleven from this list. While she was never very wordy, what she did manage to mumble always rang true. Like this gem: “Friends don’t lie.” Short, elegant, and a little menacing – just like Eleven!

Alec Baldwin on ‘SNL’

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Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump on SNL is already legendary, and historic thanks to Trump’s backlash. The most iconic moment? Probably when Baldwin-as-Trump kissed a KKK costume onstage, and called him “Sweetie.”

Vicky on ‘The Characters’

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John Early is slaying this year – he’s been in a million movies and is a lead role in Search Party on TBS. But he’s been our lord and savior since his Characters episode, when he stole our hearts as Vicky, barking: “Honey, I’m serious, I’m looking for my denim.”

Arya Stark on ‘Game of Thrones’

Game of Thrones was craaaazy this year. And while Arya has always been close to our heart, we have to admit we were kind of over her giving up her identity to be an assassin. So we’re so happy to hear her decide to go a different route in life, and proclaim proudly: “A girl is Arya Stark, and I’m going home.”

Spring/Summer is Coming: Tia Cibani Inspired by Game of Thrones’ Cersei Lannister

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It’s no secret that fashion and TV have a special relationship—one only has to call to mind Sex in the City or Gossip Girl to recognize just how important fashion is to the aesthetic and narrative of television. In Tia Cibani’s spring/summer 2015 collection, it was apparent the fantasy-genre hit show Game of Thrones had some say in both the collection and beauty looks.

Models with long crimped hair and bejeweled head pieces looked almost exactly like Cersei Lannister –minus the cold, hateful stare– and flowing, loosely-draped clothes in rich colors echoed the rich aesthetic worn by various houses in Westeros its neighbors. The collection was both theatrical and fantastical while remaining wearable and contemporary. If this collection is any indicator of what’s to come this fashion week, it’s that hair crimping is coming.

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‘Game of Thrones’ Inspires New Helmut Lang & LD Tuttle Footwear

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Who knew the rangers of the Night’s Watch were so on-trend? Apparently Helmut Lang and LD Tuttle, because they’ve just revealed that this rugged band of soldiers on HBO’s epic fantasy series Game of Thrones motivated their fall footwear capsule. Naturally, the range features wedges and booties in 100% goat and calf suede, as well as "prints inspired by the mystical forest," per the release. Is this a fashionable medieval nerd’s dream come true or what?

Although the collection urges you to channel your inner Jon Snow, I have a hard time believing that the bastard son of Lord Eddard Stark would fork over the dough required to acquire these warrior chic styles. The midnight floral leather wedge bootie in red multi (above, left) is $695 and the burnished suede bootie in "deer" (above, right) is $645. There’s also a suede tall boot for $795 and flat boot for $750. 

Wait until these styles officially hit stores on August 2, or shop them online now here

 

Bringing the Change to Williamsburg

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It was a wondrous day. The first day I really had the ability to walk the dog proper and smell the roses, which are stinking up the whole hood. As regular readers know, I got me some food poisoning at my regular Chinatown haunt last Monday and only came up for air Friday. With new vigor and without six pounds of me, Amanda and I strolled with Lulu towards the newish hotel King & Grove in Williamsburg. It surely is becoming the talk of the town, said I realizing that never before had I felt like I wasn’t living in New York anymore. Brooklyn/Manhattan really has become a tale of two cities, and the differences are becoming more and more profound as every nook and cranny of my hipster heaven is developed into stardust. Sure, there are Duane Reades and other chain store massacres popping up, but they are merely flea collars—annoying necessities to keep the dog moving. I still go into Manhattan every day but I am starting to rethink that.

I’m new to Brooklyn, having only been living and playing here for a couple of years. My crew are 10-years deep and they know others deeper. They pooh- pooh us "Johnny Come Latelys" and talk of the real art scene that’s becoming harder to find. Amanda points out all the strollers and kids rolling around. Her cutesie theory is they are a result of all those good parties and spring picnics in McCarren Park of yore. It’s only going to get worse now that the HBO hit Girls is screaming lust and lattes to the world. In the last few years, the invasion of frat boys and their sorority sisters has irked the deep hipsters, but they haven’t seen anything yet. With construction trying to keep up and rents still a bit better than Manhattan, Williamsburg is changing—lets say evolving—to meet its destiny. This isn’t anything profound or new, just a rant on a Monday morning from a sick old fool who can’t wait to see what happens next week on Girls (and don’t get me started on Game of Thrones).

This Saturday I went to see the Dirty Pearls at the Gramercy Theatre. It’s the second show I’ve caught there. I caught Marky Ramone’s Blitzkrieg a while back. It is that small rock theater some have been pining for. It has a big enough/small enough feel to it, great sightlines and sound, seating for those of us who need to do that, and a couple of adequate bars. With Hiro in the history books and Don Hill’s a nostalgic memory, this is the right spot for Nur Khan and his ilk to put on the right show for the right crowd. On the Dirty Pearls bill were Hussle Club, who are very much a part of the mayhem that I am part of Thursdays at Hotel Chantelle. "Hussle-ers" Carol Shark and Prince Terrence are two of the four DJs in the Basement along with Michael Cavadias and Miss Guy. Breedlove and Starkiller were also on the big bill. The Dirty Pearls are a buzz band poised to break out big in the metal rock universe. This show was completely sold-out, unlike most of the crowd.

I walked over Beauty Bar to say hey to Michael Tee who has been their Saturday night regular for three years. The place was pumping with a nice crowd, which had been pumping Tequilla and Mexican beer in themselves since…early, maybe years. I forgot it was Cinco de Mayo, which has potential to be as annoying as St. Patrick’s Day. I made for the curb and walked into the Hole Gallery’s pop up restaurant Hole Foods at 231 2nd Avenue at 14th Street.

"Artist Joe Grillo has completely transformed the restaurant into a multifaceted, experiential artwork. Executive chef Robert Rubba will be serving fancy comfort Italian in his customized Dearraindrop chef suit. For three months only!"

I arrived too late for dinner but in time to talk the talk with Paper mainstay Carlo McCormick and some familiar downtown players. The old meatball restaurant that existed just a minute ago was awash with color and colorful folk. Am I wrong, but knocking off the extremely successful Meatball Shop chain without understanding what made that work is…wrong and maybe plain dumb. Saturday was the first time I walked in to the place and I walk by  four times a week. I don’t really know the story of this location and this seemingly defunct or on its way to defuncting restaurant, but I do know the story with the Meatball Shop. Mike is my boy and he’s doing it right. I’m putting down pen…er closing the computer and hop, skip, and jumping over to Bedford Avenue for lunch.

Ramones Mania: Marky Ramone Performs Sunday, Johnny’s Tome Comes Out Monday

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Game of Thrones is just days away. For millions, it will define their Sunday nights. I, alas, will have to TiVo it because I will be swept to The Bell House on a wave of rock and roll nostalgia and friendship. Marky Ramone is in town with his band Blitzkrieg and they will be playing that great Gowanus venue. It will be Ramones’ songs 1-2-3- 4, after each other and it is as close to the real deal as can possibly be. Alas, Joey, Dee Dee, and Johnny have passed on but their legacy will be remembered – Ramone right at this show. Marky is touring and I don’t get to see him much. We are trying to get a dinner in, but it will probably have to wait until he returns from a European tour which will take him and Blitzkrieg to Greece, Romania, Bulgaria, Asia, Spain, Germany, United Kingdom, The Netherlands, and Italy with more dates to be announced. I’m going to catch up with him at the shows and ask him a bunch of questions for Monday’s post.

It’s a very big week for Ramones fans. Johnny Ramone’s posthumous tome Commando: The Autobiography of Johnny Ramone is coming out. Johnny’s wife Linda and pre-Marky drummer and original member Tommy Ramone will be on hand along with John Cafiero (editor and Johnny Ramone autobiography chief-of-staff). It will be at the Tribeca Barnes and Noble (97 Warren Street) on Friday, March 30th where someone, not clear which of them, will be signing books. I will read this book with great interest. Johnny and I were friends for a long while. I got along with Linda just fine when she was Joey’s girlfriend, but things soured (I think) when I was double-dating, with Johnny fixing him up with my friend Lisa. That stuff probably never made the autobiography anyway. It was before I knew about him and Linda. We were hanging at clubs like The Peppermint Lounge. Johnny was very conservative politically and we had many conversations about his right and my left leanings, but we always got along despite that. He was a very sharp guy and, as far as I could tell, the absolute leader of the band. He held them together with his business sense and maniacal devotion to rock and roll.
 
Things got bad when Linda made her shift from Joey to him, but the band played on. The Joey Ramone song "The KKK Took My Baby Away" is thought by some to refer to Johnny stealing Joey’s baby away. I last hung with Johnny a few years ago at the Hudson Hotel Library. He was playing pool with Nicolas Cage, who he had become friends with. Nicolas was really friendly, going out of his way to engage me, but Johnny was quite cold. I questioned him about it as we had never been like that. I was in trouble then and obviously this bothered him, so I bolted. I was surprised when he caught up with me down the long hallway leading to the exit. He wanted to hear my side and I returned with him back to the lounge. We talked frankly, no-holds-barred, as was his norm. It got heated but it was hashed out. We left as friends. I was saddened deeply when he became ill and died. After every show back in the day, I would go backstage and he would turn to me and ask me if it was good and I’d tell him the truth. He knew I would always tell it like it was. He was obsessed with making his fans happy. He was visibly upset when a mistake was made or if he felt one of the other band members had flawed or didn’t share in his enthusiasm. I’m going to pick up a copy of the book but won’t need any signature on it.
 
Domi Dollz
 
In a couple of weeks, on a Thursday before my DJ gig at Hotel Chantelle, I will join the Domi Dollz at the Museum of Sex. They will attempt to teach the sexually needy how to:
create more than just a moment in the bedroom, but an entire experience that will leave your partner begging for more. NYC’s most famed kink experts will explore ideas and techniques from setting the mood, sexy games, and thinking outside the bedroom to the art of the striptease, kinky foreplay, and fantasy scenarios. Enjoy sipping tasty aphrodisiac cocktails while the gorgeous Domi Dollz seduce and inspire you to create your own seduction experience.
OralFix: Aphrodisiac Cafe
Museum of Sex | Lower Level
233 5th Avenue @ 27th St
New York, NY 10016
 
Thurs, April 12th @ 7pm
Admission : $25
Seating is limited
 
The Domi Dollz are simply sexy. They are gorgeous, experienced, intelligent women who talk the talk like they know how to walk the walk. Come, please, please…please.

Comedian Rob Ryan Spoofs ‘Game of Thrones’ Finale With Pink Video Tribute

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Rob Ryan is one hard-working comedian. Not only does he have a relentless tour schedule at comedy clubs throughout the country, he’s also quite a prolific video maker. And his videos aren’t just shaky camcorder footage of his live shows, he does excellent sendups of the topics of the times, set to popular songs. Most famously, he did "Newark State of Mind," an ode to America’s worst city set to the music of Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, but he’s done many others, including one exclusively for BlackBook entitled "Lenox Hill Glory" that poked just a little bit of fun at the circus surrounding Blue Ivy Carter’s birth. Today, he’s back again with a spot-on takedown of the two different types of fan reactions to the recent Game of Thrones finale on HBO, as set to Pink’s "Just Give Me a Reason." It’s called, fittingly, "Just Give Me a Season." 

In the video, a female Game of Thrones fan played by the lovely and talented Josie Vitetta (who also starred in "Newark State of Mind") laments the end of season three, pained by the thought of waiting ten whole months to find out what happens next. Her boyfriend, played by Ryan, is a different kind of Game of Thrones fan, the kind who has read all of the George R.R. Martin fantasy novels and picks apart the show when it deviates from the original–not that he’d miss a single second of it. The two get into it with each other over who’s the bigger fan and how much it all means to them, ultimately saying more about our responses to pop culture than any think piece you’ll see in a magazine. Check out the video below and find out what kind of G.O.T. fan you are.

[Related: Rob Ryan Official Site; Follow Rob Ryan on TwitterSurviving and Thriving in the City of Stand-Up; Watch Rob Ryan’s "Lenox Hill Glory" Tribute; More by Victor Ozols; Follow Me on Twitter]

‘Boardwalk Empire’ Teases With New Season 4 Trailer

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With Game of Thrones off the air and the final eight episodes of Breaking Bad shrouded in mystery (at least since that stolen script was recovered), it’s time to get a taste of that other masterpiece of 21st Century premium cable ultra-violence: Boardwalk Empire.

The show’s massive boardwalk set was ravaged by Hurricane Sandy, so it may come as little surprise that most of what we’re seeing first of season four is indoors: in the clubs, speakeasies, and smoke-filled back rooms that define the Prohibition era. When last we left Steve Buscemi’s Nucky Thompson, he had vanquished his rival Gyp Rosetti in a street war, but at great personal cost. It doesn’t appear as though Margaret, his now estranged wife, played by the endlessly great Kelly Macdonald, will come crawling back anytime soon.

What we do know is that WWI vet and fan favorite Richard Harrow will continue to be the ultimate stick-up artist; Nucky may be forging ties with a doctor of divinity who controls Harlem (Jeffrey Wright) and will have to deal with a wealthy businessman (Ron Livingston) who gets close to the mother of the protégé he murdered in season two. 

Whenever I get overwhelmed with all the stuff I’m juggling in life, I just think to myself: at least I’m not an HBO character. Those guys just can’t catch a break.

Follow Miles on Twitter here

Next Week’s NY Happenings: Game Of Thrones Finale, Saxon + Parole, SAVOR

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SUNDAY: A Song of Ice & Beer
Assuming you’re able to get off your analyst’s couch after last week’s Red Wedding, it’s time for the Game of Thrones season finale. If it’s group therapy you seek, Professor Thom’s gathers a rabid crew to watch (George R.R. Martin himself has been spotted here). Lola BKLYN and Halyards also roll out big screens, with a GoT trivia warmup at the latter. Staying at home? Grab an Ommegang Iron Throne ale from Alphabet City Beer Co.—and listen to your mother.

Game of Thrones season three wraps up at 9pm on Sunday, June 9th. Watch it at Professor Thom’s (219 Second Ave., East Village). To learn more about the bar, check out the listing at BlackBook Guides.

WEDNESDAY: Napa Comes To NoHo
Saxon + Parole shows off its pairing skill with a series of wine dinners. This Wednesday you can sample the Bordeaux-style Napa blends of Arietta from winery co-founder Fritz Hatton.

Arietta wine dinner at Saxon + Parole (316 Bowery, NoHo) starts at 7pm on Wednesday, June 12th. Call for reservations. To learn more about the restaurant, check out the listing at BlackBook Guides.

FRIDAY: Beer Craft
A cool 76 beers representing 31 states will be settling into the Metropolitan Pavilion for SAVOR: An American Craft Beer and Food Experience. The two-day beer blast will feature pairings, ultra-rare quaffs, and smart talk from brewers like Dogfish Head and the Bronx Brewery.

General admission entry to SAVOR starts at 7:30pm on Friday, June 14th, and Saturday, June 15th, at the Metropolitan Pavilion (125 W. 18th St., Chelsea). Tickets start at $170. To learn more about the event space, check out the listing at BlackBook Guides.

Know every inch of this city by visiting BlackBook’s NY City Guides

The Five Stages of Grief When Your Favorite Character Dies on ‘Game of Thrones’

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Just as a general heads-up, there will probably be some spoilers in this post. Sorry about it.

So, how’s everybody doing today? You okay? Were you able to sleep last night? For those who may be new, something pretty huge and devastating happened on Game of Thrones last night.  We won’t give away the details for the sake of those who need a catch-up, but let’s just say it involved the words “Red” and “Wedding.” (And when “The Rains of Castamere” play, you know it’s never a good sign.) Your Facebook news feed was probably crowded with people making hysterical all-caps statements about these events, which include the death of three characters, two of them major. It’s a stark reminder (ba-dum-tish) that in George R.R. Martin’s twisted, depraved and thoroughly addictive fantasy world, anyone can die, including the people you thought would perhaps be the heroes of the story you were rooting for.

Ned Stark becomes the first focal character of the series and he’s dead before the first season ends. Renly Baratheon makes a grab for the Iron Throne and generally earns our favor, and then he gets offed by Melisandre’s demon spawn. Basically, the warnings are true: “When you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die.”

Still, the death of a character of which you have grown fond in the A Song of Ice and Fire universe can be a total bummer, and for some harder-core fans, truly devastating. That’s why we’ve prepared a short guide on the stages of grief that occur when your favorite character on Game of Thrones dies. Because your favorite character on Game of Thrones will die.

Stage 1: Denial. Initially, you are in shock. You express this in all-caps Facebook statuses and frantic tweets. You might weep a little. That’s normal. You may retreat to your own little online world, reblogging gifsets of your favorite characters in waking life, or writing alternate-universe fan fiction in which they are still very much alive.

Stage 2: Anger. Curse at your television. Curse HBO. Curse George R.R. Martin. Say a pox upon House Frey and House Bolton, even though they’re not real. Write mouth-foamy letters to George R.R. Martin asking why, why would he do this to fans and why, why does he have to be just so terrible? Claim he’s just another medieval smut peddler and torture-porn merchant trying to up the body count for gratuitous reasons.

Stage 3: Bargaining. No, really. You’ll seriously start paying for HBO Go if your favorite characters stop getting killed off.

Stage 4: Depression. Watch old episodes and reminisce about happier times. Maybe some YouTube montages set to Enya or whatever it is people do. It’s okay to cry a little bit. This stage probably shouldn’t last too long, as although it is a very, very good television show, it is still a television show nonetheless, and TV kills off beloved characters all the time. Going outside may help speed up this stage too. It’s okay. There are no White Walkers there.  

Stage 5: Acceptance. Realize that at this point in the series, you’re too far-gone to leave, even if your favorite character has just been brutally pulverized by members of a rival house. It’s better to just accept this semi-regular emotional hostage crisis now then to be unprepared and left blubbering every time this happens. If it makes you feel any better, take comfort in the knowledge that George R.R. Martin also kills off characters that everyone hates, and that, if the faith to the books continues, (spoiler) Joffrey will be gone soon enough.