It’s 2014–most of us have accepted that women can have happy, fulfilling lives that take very different trajectories. Seven kids, or two, or none. An office job with power suits or an art teacher in a smock.
But, should you have a smug friend who says things like, “it is just the most relaxing, connective experience,” when describing breastfeeding or motherhood, with a straight face, feel free to whip out your breastfeeding doll, whether you’re a “fickle millenial,” or just don’t want your “bodily assets turned into garbage.”
Everybody involved in media is slowly learning that, in order to survive, you need to get into some other business lines, because just writing snarky blog posts or making silly cat videos isn’t enough. Even the seemingly-successful Funny or Die is pulling in some beer money as a custom ad shop, producing videos for various corporate clients. In the past they’ve been semi-funny at best, probably because of the teams of management stiffs and their sycophantic consultants who get jittery at anything that might offend. But a new video the FOD people produced for Norelco is actually funny, and quite a bit edgier than anything I’d expect from a multi-zillion dollar conglomerate. It stars Adam DeVine of Workaholics, which I love, and follows the "Special Units Unit" as it cruises around, COPS-style, looking for dudes that, well, don’t trim their junk well enough. How did they get away with this? I’d say the Norelco marketing team grew some well-groomed balls. Good for them.
The video goes like this: DeVine and his partner patrol the streets of Los Angeles until they spot an improperly-groomed man, who happens to be sporting short shorts and an exposed belly. They confront him about his grooming violations, and he takes off running. A chase through several backyards ensues, until the dude tries to climb over a chain-link fence, and gets stuck by his overgrown pubes.
I won’t ruin the climax and denoument for you, you should just click and watch. While you do, though, keep your ears open for a few terms I never thought I’d hear in a consumer-product ad: "happy trails," "crotch foilage" (sic), "his man-bush got snagged on the old fence", and "maybe that young perp will find a ladyfriend and she’ll want to play with his boom box." I think that’s a euphemism for genitals. Which way to the fainting couch?
In any case, if this is the direction marketing is going, I can live with it. It’s sure beats getting a Just For Men Gel jingle stuck in my head.
I don’t think it’s serendipity that I walked to work this morning with "I Want a New Drug" in my head. Instead, it’s probably because of all the press releases I’ve received lately announcing the thirtieth anniversary of the release of Huey Lewis and the News’ Sports. Who knows where the time goes? (Also, please sign up for my mailing list, because I’ll send PR blasts in a few months about my thirtieth birthday.) Many of you young kids might know the song because the Ghostbusters theme ripped it off, or, possibly, from Christian Bale’s monologue in American Psycho. Thank goodness Huey Lewis himself has a good sense of humor about the latter and teamed up with Funny or Die and "Weird Al" Yankovic to parody the cult-classic.
If you’ve never done your ears the favor of hitting up Left Handed Radio, you’re not laughing as much as you could be. The monthly sketch comedy podcast—imagine an absurdist sketch show performed completely in the dark—is written and created by UCB vets Adam Bozarth, Dan Chamberlain, Anna Rubanova, Matt Little, and a rotating cast of ringers who manage to make you forget anything so cheap as a visual gag. Today, however, they’ve got a new video, “Zone,” a Funny or Die exclusive to boot.
Left Handed Radio is known in part for its surreal and madcap “Sequel Machine” experiments, in which they read us treatments for films like Dark Knight 4 and 9thmare on Elm Street, each page of which is penned by a new author who has only read the previous page. “Zone” has LHR playing with film tropes once again: this time, it’s the expository and perhaps overeager guide one bewildered survivor must rely upon during a technological apocalypse.
Forget the sci-fi blockbusters this summer; pretty sure I just want to see the rest of this movie.
Remember when Chan Marshall—otherwise known professionally as Cat Power—casully mentioned she’d like to audition for Saturday Night Live? I’ve seen her freak out on stage before, although definitely not as bad as some of her more notorious on-stage meltdowns (friends of mine have told tales of seeing her play shows with her back to the audience before walking off in the middle of her set), so I can’t imagine how she’d fare on live TV every week. But who knows, maybe her Miley Cyrus impression would rival Vanessa Bayer’s. She has the hair for it, after all. The folks at Funny or Die pretty much made a stellar audition tape for Marshall, who shows up in a new sketch in which she performs classic songs for second graders. As expected, everyone feels weird by the end.
Since we all have Olympics fever, it’s finally time for me to acknowledge that Ryan Lochte exists. What a cutie! And also kind of a dummy (which is also his appeal, I suppose). But when he admitted last week that he pees in the pool, people lost their minds. Uh, duh, of course he pees in the pool.
Everybody pees in the pool. If you say you have not peed in a pool, you are a liar. Pools are there for swimming and for peeing in. Deal with it.
Luckily, the folks at Funny or Die recognize this, and they’ve made a new short featuring Ryan Lochte chattin’ about peein’. In pools.
Man, what a shocker that the dude who looks so hot in a speedo and swims real fast isn’t the most camera-ready when it comes to being engaging, huh? Can’t we get this guy and those gymnast Small Wonders to learn how to speak like a captivating human being when they’re on TV? The rest of us normal, lazy, unathletic Americans are counting on you for our entertainment now that these games are almost over!
Fear not chicken lovers: the latest Funny or Die Chick-Fil-A parody sends a message of goodwill to cheap, unhealthy, fastfood-deprived gays, complete with a cheesy harmonica soundtrack and a chicken-slinging John Goodman. “It don’t take a boney-fide Einstein genius to know that I’m an oldy-fashioned sort. But when it comes to the subjuct-ification of marriage rights, I reckon I’m a bit more progressive than my pals down at Chick-Fil-A,” says Sanders.
“Yup, let it be known that Colonel Sanders LOVES the gays. Hell, I might even be gay!”
The Colonel goes on to effuse his undying love for his favorite Bette Midler album, Thighs and Whispers.
To really provide a convincing argument, he promises that he’s not just pandering to get more “gay business.” “Hell, I don’t actually give a shit. Gay or not, you’re all just a bunch of big ol’ money mouths walking around, talking and eating.”
Now that’s more like it: no more beating around the cockamamie bush! Best of all, they’re open on Sundays… and who can beat the portability of a handy, indestructible, grease-shielding bowl?
I’ll always choose you, KFC, for all my midnight hormone-laden chicken cravings from now on, promise.
There’s nothing I love more than Man on the Street reportage, probably because I’ve never been accosted by a Man on the Street reporter before. Still, there’s only one person who could raise the artform to a new level, and that man is Billy Eichner. Host of Funny or Die’s Billy on the Street, Eicher regularly jumps in front of unsuspecting strangers on the streets of New York with a barrage of trivia questions. The best part? Most of the answers to those questions are subjective, and nothing brings me more joy than when Eichner storms off in an angry huff when he doesn’t get the answer he wants. (i’ve taken to imitating him when the same thing happens to me at work!)
Occasionally, Eichner pops up on Conan as a correspondent, as he did this week when he asked some unsuspecting Isralis how they feel about stuff like Iran, nuclear missiles, and, most importantly, Madonna. Imagine a taller, angrier, gayer Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (but without the humping, I assume). Check out the hilarious clip below:
And here’s a bonus video, just for kicks, of Eichner challenging Rachel Dratch to name twenty white people. It’s hard, you guys!
If the thought of another election cycle filled with vicious attack ads, conspiracy theories and more about the candidates’ past treatment of canines than you ever wanted to hear is getting you down, you can now take comfort in the nostalgia of a presidency gone by: a fictional one.
The cast of The West Wing have reunited in a new video up at Funny Or Die, and they’re doing what they do best: walking and talking, in hallways. President Josiah Bartlet (Martin Sheen) is back, as is his Press Secretary, C.J. Cregg, codename “Flamingo” (Allison Janney). Rounding out the reunion are Dulé Hill, Joshua Malina, William Duffy and Melissa Fitzgerald, all doing the usual hallway rounds to raise awareness about Every Body Walk, an initiative to encourage Americans to walk at least 30 minutes a day, five days a week. You heard C.J. Cregg, now get off your laptops and get moving.
Included in the video are a couple of good quips, including one making fun of Segway users, a classic thoughtful Bartlet ramble from Sheen and Sheen putting on a sweatband with what looks like a lot of effort. Although the video is for a great cause, it does have one minor flaw in its lack of Bradley Whitford. No Josh Lyman? Really?