Newscaster Compares Shooting to Breaking Bad: Great Moments in Twitter Idiocracy

The season finale of Breaking Bad is still fresh on everyone’s minds. If you look on Buzzfeed and Reddit, you’ll see that a zillion people on the InterWeb who have rehashed posts tied to the series that made Heisenberg a household name. Why? Because any mention of Breaking Bad is going to grab web attention; some for the benefit of good, and some for the benefit of bad. (Do we really need YET another fanboy post about 10 alternative endings to the series finale?) 

One person who used Breaking Bad for the benefit of bad was Philadelphia Fox anchor Joyce Evans. To generate viewership for her newscast, the TV presenter took to Twitter and compared a deadly mass shooting of six people to the blood bath finale of the AMC TV show. She noted that the shooter involved in the "real life" crime was “breakin’ bad. (A 23-year-old man was killed and six others were wounded.)  Her Twitter news tease read:

 

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Aaaaaaaah! Why is that sometimes I hate humanity!? Why don’t people think these things all the way through – before putting it out there into the world; especially if you’re a media figure hired to deliver real, "actual" news – and not fiction. Conversely, is our culture so immuned to violence that even a newscaster doesn’t know the difference? Naturally (and thank god) there was a large Twitter backlash to her inane statement (this was after anchorwoman Evans tried to backpeddle on her Tweet:

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Breaking Bad is a TV show. Hank and Walter are fictional characters. The guy who played Gus is already working on other acting roles. 

 

GREAT MOMENTS IN IDIOTIC NEWSCASTERS:

–A Hunstville, Alabama reporter was fired for writing on her blog: “I’ve gone bra-less during a live broadcast and no one was the wiser;” “I am better live when I have no script and no idea what I’m talking about;” “My best sources are the ones who secretly have a crush on me,” and “I’m frightened of old people and I refuse to do stories involving them or the places they reside."

-FOX News asked scholar/PHD,  Reza Aslan, why a Muslim would write a book on Jesus. She compared such a feat to a Democrat writing about Ronald Reagan. Oh Jesus! 

-A rookie news anchor from Bismarck, North Dakota was fired on his very first newscast for blurting out,"fucking shit" – a mere one second into his newscast. Give this man a raise! 

-Bay Area news anchor Tori Campbell was reporting on an Asiana Airlines flight. She falsely identified the pilots as, "Capt. Sum Ting Wong," "Wi Tu Lo," "Ho Lee Fuk." and "Bang Ding Ow." Where the hell are the fact checkers? 

Your Third Hangover: The Funniest Critic Reviews Of ‘Hangover Part 3’

Like most hangovers, the third one is just not quite as fun as the first – and so is the consensus of The Hangover Part III, which opened today. But that doesn’t stop critics from making some hilarious one-liners about it, whether they meant to or not. Here’s the funniest:

  • "It is somehow even worse than the second." – FOX News
  • "Mr. Chow is more than just a silly, bisexual coke head this time around. He’s clearly a sociopath." – Boston.com
  • "Entitled fraternity dicks return to The Hangover Part III." – The Village Voice
  • "Galifianakis does hairy man child better than anyone since Robin Williams." – Total Film
  • "This is nothing short of a tragedy." – Vulture
  • "Mr. Chow goes full frontal. Can we ever erase the image from our minds?" – She Knows
  • "SPOILER ALERT: there is no hangover." – Screen Crush

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Fox News Is As Sick Of Sarah Palin As We Are

Sarah Palin is out at Fox News — and while Fox didn’t exactly dump her, they didn’t offer her a lucrative contract, either. Back in 2010, the former Republican vice presidential nonimee joined the network as a commentator with a plush $1 million annual contract. But, reports Howard Kurtz at The Daily Beast, she hasn’t been a golden goose for the network as of late and this year was only offered "a fraction" of her original contract amount. Real Clear Politics broke the story and a Fox spokesperson confirmed on Friday that Palin and Fox had parted ways. 

It’s not hard to see how Palin’s moose meat had rotted, given the failure of the Tea Party movement and President Obama’s reelection. Kurtz noted on the Beast that  during the Republican National Convention, she was complaining on Facebook how Fox canceled her appearances. Plus there was her humiliating roast in Hollywood (depicted onscreen as Julianne Moore for HBO’s Game Chance) and the Palin family’s never-ending tabloid drama and their failing reality shows.    

 Palin published her first post-Fox News interview on the conservative news site Breitbart.com yesterday, imploring conservatives that they "can’t just preach to the choir" seemingly unironically. When asked what her plans would be, she explained: 

As far as long-term plans, the door is wide open. I know the country needs more truth-telling in the media, and I’m willing to do that. So, we shall see.

One hopes the Fox News henchmen are kicking themselves for all the money they sunk into building a studio inside Palin’s Wasilla, Alaska, home. That’s what you get, Roger Ailes, when you confess that you only hired Palin "because she was hot and got ratings." (Yes, he actually said that.)

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter.

Poor Jennifer Lawrence Had to Explain Where “I Beat Meryl” Came From

It shouldn’t come as a big shock that I wasn’t too thrilled when Jennifer Lawrence won a Golden Globe for Silver Linings Playbook (I still hate that movie), but I don’t wish any ill will to the actress, who I think it quite talented as well as smart and funny. I mean, the first thing she said when she got up to that microphone was "I beat Meryl!" That certainly sounded more clever than Anne Hathaway’s self-deprecating "blergh," as if she did not know she was going to win. (Come ON, Anne Hathaway, just be gracious without the self-deprecation; we all know how awesome you think you are.) Of course, it comes as no surprise that some people were offended by Jennifer Lawrence’s joke, as if Meryl Streep is a goddess of acting about whom no one must exhibit the slightest bit of levity.

On Monday, Fox News claimed the comment was not classy. Even Lindsay Lohan, bless her heart, had something to say about it:  

Shade! Lindsay Lohan is throwing shade at Jennifer Lawrence. I like the world we live in. Anyway, Lawrence was on Late Night With David Letterman last night and reiterated that she is, in fact, more well-versed in pop culture than most of you, you dummies, because obviously the "I beat Meryl!" line was from The First Wives Club

Meanwhile, Meryl Streep is at home dousing herself with white wine spritzers, probably cackling over the whole thing. 

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Fox News Web Team Probably Michael Scott In Disguise

Over the weekend, Fox News posted a headline about some very important current events, in this case lawmakers in California and Oregon who are working to pass a law preventing health insurance companies from denying coverage to transgender people based on gender identity. Obviously this is important and denying people access to healthcare based on who they are is wrong, but distracting from the meat of the article is the image the post’s creator/producer chose to run with it: a screencap from the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, featuring Robin Williams in drag and trying to put out a fire that has erupted on his chest. Get it? Because he’s a man pretending to be a woman, and being transgender is the exact same thing as Robin Williams dressing in drag in a movie! It’s hilarious!

It’s a Michael Scott move, is what it is, and in the worst ways. In the better seasons of The Office, whenever Michael Scott would try to educate his fellow Dunder Mifflin employees about matters of race or religion or culture or gender, he would, in an attempt to be both funny and informative, actually produce something cringe-worthy and offensive, e.g. his presentation about Diwali which included Apu from The Simpsons in a list of notable people from India. If The Office ever did an episode about a transgender office employee, you can pretty much guarantee a Mrs. Doubtfire/Mrs. Featherbottom/The Birdcage joke would be in Michael Scott’s repertoire, followed by someone politely explaining to him that being transgender and dressing in drag are not the same thing at all. But Michael Scott probably doesn’t get that. And, apparently, neither does the person who put this on the Internet. And it’s not as funny when it happens in real life.

What’s saddest about this is not Fox News pulling this ignorant BS in and of itself, but how unsurprising it is. It’s almost enough to make you go all preachy and Will McAvoy-esque and long-windedly bemoan the state of things as they are, which is relevant but also unfortunate because The Newsroom is a terrible show. 

In journalism school, when you take reporting classes, one of the first things they make you do is write an obituary. There are many reasons for this, but it’s a particularly important exercise because it’s a baptism-by-fire where you’re motivated to make damn sure you get everything right (because no one wants to screw up an obituary) and to learn, rather quickly, how to approach people at their darkest time with sensitivity and grace and still get the heart of the story. You learn accuracy and humanity, which are two things every reporter needs. When you portray someone’s state of being with mockery and inaccuracy by comparing it to a popular movie, you’re basically doing the opposite of that.

And I know this is all easy for me to say as part of the rebloggin’ culture headlines economy, and please forgive me Father and all that, but there’s a difference between taking an editorial stance or laziness/ignorance or “trying to be funny” and straight-up mocking someone’s humanity, and as a media-consuming public, we should demand better. We have to. If we wanted Michael Scott, we could watch reruns of The Office

Fox News Anchors Collectively Lose Their Minds During Romney Defeat

I’m sleepy today, as I stayed up way too late watching Republicans freak the hell out over the idea of having a black guy in charge of things for another four years (and, you know, the concept that rape victims shouldn’t be forced to keep their unwanted children because even unwanted babies need the love of Our Heavenly Father and should carry the stigma of their conception forever). But it was worth it, because last night’s Fox News coverage was art. Art. With a capital A! 

Luckily, The Daily Beast has a good collection of the best moments, including the one in which Karl Rove was like, "No. No. No. Unpossible. This can’t be happening. NOT TO THE WHITE GUYS!" and Bill O’Reilly lamenting the fact that people with accents and limp wrists and vaginas might actually have some sway over how this country moves forward. But for my money, there’s nothing better than watching hottie anchor Megyn Kelly wander around the Fox News HQ in an effort to prolong the admission that her beloved Mitt Romney lost the race. 

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Best Of Both Worlds: ‘Fox & Friends’ Troll Is Also Misogynist Stand-Up Comic

Because we can never have nice things in this country, the dude who flustered the everloving shit out of Gretchen Carlson on Fox & Friends by posing as a disillusioned Obama supporter only to completely sabotage his own interview has turned out to be the most unsettling sort of hack comedian: a woman-hating bore.

If you missed the delightfully surreal Fox News clip yesterday, it purports to be an insightful discussion with one Max Rice, a college graduate who voted for Obama in 2008 but has since had to move in with his parents and is now voting for Mitt Romney. Because Fox was so eager to host someone of this largely nonexistent demographic, they didn’t bother to confirm that Rice was indeed lying his way onto the national airwaves in order to demonstrate that ““Fox News is a fake news organization” and seeks out interview subjects as if “casting a part in a show.”  

My main quibble with Carlson here is her peevish suggestion that Rice is “not ready for primetime.” Has anyone told her that Fox & Friends airs at 6 AM? Sadly, this act of political kamikaze had to be soured by the subsequent discovery of Rice’s stand-up comedy routine on YouTube, and aside from your standard-issue child rape jokes, it’s mostly a list of which female celebrities (and comic book characters) are sluts. It’s tough getting a start in stand-up, just playing to other comics like Rice is here, but one imagines its only tougher if you’re this anti-audience, anti-feminist and anti-humor. Serves us right for seeing the Fox stunt as a Kaufman tribute.

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Stewart-O’Reilly Rumble May Be Closest We Get To Elevated Discourse

As if this election hadn’t already reached critical mass of ridiculousness, it’s about to get 100% shoutier. In a last-ditch attempt for anything remotely resembling elevated or even bearable political discourse before the 2012 election, longtime punditry peers and “frenemies” Bill O’Reilly and Jon Stewart will spar on the issues affecting the country during election-time. Under the tagline “It’s Why Al Gore Invented the Internet,” the Daily Show satirist-turned-voice-of-frustration and Fox News’ resident rage-face will do it live for IRL and web audiences, and if the respected pundit faces of blue and red states respectively can get together and shout over each other, so can the rest of us, right? 

“O’Reilly v. Stewart 2012: The Rumble in the Air-Conditioned Auditorium” will take place Saturday, October 6 at Lisner Auditorium at The George Washington University in Washington, D.C. Pre-sale tickets are on sale now, and the whole thing will be broadcast online via a $4.95 Internet stream, with half the profits going to charity. Those who pre-order tickets by October 1 can submit a question for the two parties to debate. 

We would have liked to see rapper, Renaissance man and longtime O’Reilly nemesis Ludacris as the moderator for this debate, because although that would perhaps taint the integrity of a good, honest debate, it would be excellent. But, instead, news anchor E.D. Hill, a veteran of CNN and Fox News, will moderate. 

R.E.M. Bops ‘Fox & Friends’ Over ‘Losing My Religion’ Usage, Fox Sasses Back

R.E.M. issued a cease and desist letter to Fox News this week after Fox & Friends used the band’s song Losing My Religion to illustrated that Democrats are butt-fucking, baby-killing God-less heathens during its coverage of the Democratic National Convention.

In a statement posted on the web site R.E.M. HQ, the band claimed the use was "unlicensed" and "unauthorized." Michael Stipe is quoted saying:

We have little or no respect for their puff adder brand of reportage. Our music does not belong there.

First of all: puff adder, you guys.

Second of all, unfortunately, Fox & Friends, as fucking dumb as it may be, could have used the song with the proper permissions. A predictably snotty response from Fox as reported by Entertainment Weekly answered:

FOX News Channel’s use of an R.E.M. song during Thursday’s edition of Fox & Friends was in full accordance with its license agreements with all appropriate parties. Nevertheless, we’re always flattered to have this much attention for a song selection and we hope R.E.M. was able to satisfy their publicity fix.

It’s a case of he said, she said and the jury is still out on whether Fox News used Losing My Religion legally. (Or why it didn’t occur to them to cover Sandra Fluke’s speech with a sample of Liz Phair’s Fuck And Run.)

I guess right now Michael Stipe is playing this:

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr.