Afternoon Links: Halle Berry Is Engaged, Khloé’s Kardashian Status Question

● Halle Berry’s jeweler has broken news of her engagement to French actor Olivier Martinez, who proposed over the holidays with a diamond and emerald engagement ring. [People]

● Markets really must be down: The first photos of Baby Blue Ivy are only expected to fetch $2 million, a number that pales in comparison to the $10 million Angelina and Brad got for their kids’ first photo, and even the $6 million J. Lo got for her twins. [NYP]

● Khloé swears she’s a real Kardashian, even if two of Robert Kardashian’s widows, Jan Ashley and Ellen Kardashian (who also thinks that Bruce Jenner is a cross-dresser), allege otherwise. [E!]

● "But it’s all about education and knowledge, feeding yourself and knowing that too much carbs is what gets us fat," says Fat Joe, the rapper who has lost some two-hundred pounds and is now not-so-fat. [MTV]

● 65-year-young Dolly Parton got a bouquet of red flowers tattooed between her 40-DD breasts. [Page Six]

● Jessica Simpson is going to go ahead and indulge even her wildest pregnancy cravings. "I had a buttered Pop Tart this morning," she told Extra, adding that, "I’m like, ‘Yeah, I can do it. We’ll worry about the rest afterwards.’" [Us]

● Reddit has announced that it will go dark for twelve hours on January 28 in protest of proposed legislation Stop Online Piracy Act and PROTECT IP Act. [Huff Post]

Rapper Fat Joe Claims R. Kelly Belonged to an Underground Fight Club

On his webseries “Tales From the Darkside,” Fat Joe tells a tale about going to “Chi-town” (alert: never, ever call it “Chi-town”) to visit his buddy R. Kelly, only to learn that the R&B singer had his own fight club.

It doesn’t sound like Fat Joe violated rules one and two of Kells’ fight club, because it seems that R. Kelly was more into beating up dudes in make-shift boxing rings. During his visit to Chicago,

Lots of BOOMS and BANGS and other NSFW words in that video, btw.

I mean, if you can’t urinate on underaged girls, you’ve gotta find some way to entertain yourself in Chicago, right?

Morning Links: Snooki Is Single Again, Beyoncé Hopes You’re Enjoying Her Album

● The romance has run out of Snooki’s actually very sweet sounding relationship. “I think he was just really sad about being away from her so much,” reports a friend of Snooki’s shy ex. Juiceheads, rejoice: the queen guidette is on the prowl once more. [PopEater] ● In a further effort to win the attention of America’s screen-bound youth, FOTUS Michelle Obama will appear on Nickelodeon’s iCarly. [AP] ● Spider-Man the musical is finally a “frozen” production, meaning no new changes between now and opening day. No new scripts, no new choreography, and definitely no new sets — even if it’s the Empire State Building that’s asking. [NYT/ArtsBeat]

● Beyoncé’s new album leaked a little early, and so long as you are enjoying it, she doesn’t really care. “When I record music I always think about my fans singing every note and dancing to every beat,” she wrote on Facebook. “I make music to make people happy and I appreciate that everyone has been so anxious to hear my new songs.” [Beyoncé/Facebook] ● The perhaps scandalizing decapitated-model/art piece from Kanye’s “Monster” video has spoken, and mostly she thinks it’s totally cool that Kanye touched her hair. To which, well, who wouldn’t? [Jezebel] ● Is he still Fat Joe if he’s not even fat? [MTO] ●This video of Moby collapsing from electric shock during a performance in an Amsterdam gallery (“This isn’t a joke, by the way,” someone assures, as onlookers reach for their iPhones) is, at the least, disconcerting. [Vulture]