Here are 10 Facebook GIFs You Can Finally Post

Facebook GIF

Today brings some of the most exciting Facebook news we’ve seen in a while. It’s hard to believe Mark Zuckerberg never let us post them until now, but social media’s Big Brother finally supports GIFs. Wahoo. Our Facebook wall posts are about to get a whole lot funnier. To get things started, here are 9 Facebook GIFs, plus the Agent Cooper “Thumbs Up,” you can finally post.

When you’re complaining about your latest Tinder date:

Facebook GIF

When your racist uncle posts a rant on your wall:

Facebook GIF

When your ex is “In a Relationship”:

Facebook GIF

When you want to post a vague emo status about all your feelings:

Facebook GIF

When everything’s coming up Milhouse:

Facebook GIF

When you surpass 1,000 Facebook friends:

Facebook GIF

When you get a chemical peel:

Facebook GIF

When everybody loves your new profile pic:

Facebook GIF

When you realize that you can’t upload GIFs to Facebook, just play them inline with a link:

Facebook GIF

 

Facebook Ruined a Kid’s Life — Literally

Facebook is the Google Glass of social media. (Does that even make sense?) This is the reason why Facebook will eventually fail. Facebook’s overall message is, “have fun, joke amongst your peers, but if you say anything questionable, we are always watching and will come down on you!”

Case in point: 18-year old Justin Carter of San Antonio, Texas. One day he was joking with friends, the next day he found himself facing a 10-year prison sentence:

Carter’s comments were part of a duel between dorks, and may have had something to do with a game with strong dork appeal called League of Legends. But the actual details and context of the online exchange are, in the eyes of Texas authorities, unimportant. Prosecutors say they don’t have the entire thread — instead, they have three comments on a cell-phone screenshot.

One of the comments appears to be a response to an earlier comment in which someone called Carter crazy. Carter’s retort was: “I’m fucked in the head alright, I think I’ma SHOOT UP A KINDERGARTEN [sic].”

Carter followed with “AND WATCH THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT RAIN DOWN.”

So, someone in Canada saw the comment string out of context, freaked the fuck out, and called the Austin Police Department. Law enforcement ran Carter’s information and discovered that he lived within 100 yards of Wooldridge Elementary School. Carter was arrested with a third-degree terroristic threat — which carries a penalty of two to 10 years. U.S. marshals traced the kid to his day job at a drapery shop in San Antonio, where he was handcuffed and taken to jail and held on a half million dollar bond. Welcome to America!

Two things at play here:

1)   Facebook is poised as a social network where you can banter with your friends in what seems to be a closed community, when in reality any off-kilter remark, joke, or photo can get you fired, expelled, or even worse, arrested.

2)   Video game culture has made us so immune and emotionally detached to violence that shooting up a schoolyard doesn’t feel like something tragic — it’s merely something you do to get to the next level of League of Legends.

Carter’s lawyer argued that the Facebook thread was like a fight on the playground. Citing two key federal court rulings, his lawyer said, “There must be a clear and present danger, and there must be a true threat. And if you don’t have a true threat, then the First Amendment protects your speech. Plain and simple.”

The lesson learned: keep your friends close and your enemies away from your Facebook page!

Barbie Fights Back + Facebook Turns 10

As Predicted: Conservatives Bash Coca-Cola Ad

“’America the Beautiful’ should only be sung in American!”

Facebook Turns 10

Remember a prehistoric world before Facebook; when MySpace walked the earth…

Gay-Marriage Ban Challenged in VA

It’s becoming harder and harder to be a redneck these days; a U.S. district judge will begin considering a reversal of Virginia’s gay-marriage ban.

Web Companies Reveal NSA Requests

During the first half of 2013, between 15,000 and 15,999 Microsoft accounts, 9,000 and 9,999 Google accounts, and 5,000 to 5,999 Facebook accounts were subject to requests.

Barbie’s Designer Defends Barbie’s Crazy Proportions

Designer fires back about generations of insecure body image issues.

Google Buses: Gentrifying the Home of The Summer of Love

I was visiting San Francisco this past week. The freaky people used to run the show in the City By The Bay, but now when you cross the city limits, the town feels like it has a big, shiny, corporate tech sponsor. A stroll through San Francisco feels like walking through Palo Alto North; weeknights have become strangely silent. (Sh-sh-sh! You’ll wake the tech millionaires!) Hot hipster hippie girls have been replaced by those who know a lot about html. San Francisco has become a city filled with people who’d think riding a razor scooter around the office is the craziest thing you can ever do. 

Obviously, tech-titans like Twitter have moved to town, trumpeting the Bataan death march of low rent and the city’s artistic community.

A big symbol of the sea of gentrification and change are the regular Silicon Valley private buses that whisk people in the city to their high-paying tech jobs at giant companies like Google, Facebook, and Yahoo. Much like an extension of junior high, each morning tech workers wait at designated bus stops so large metallic buses can provide them with the morning commute to billion-dollar Silicon Valley corporations. (Of course the buses are equipped with Wi-Fi to squeeze an extra few hours of work out of everyone.)

Yesterday, though, crunchy was added to the smooth:

A group of protesters surrounded and blocked a Google employee commuter bus for more than a half hour Monday morning at a Muni bus stop at 24th and Valencia streets in San Francisco’s Mission District. The buses have, for some, become a symbol of tech-fueled gentrification, economic inequality and soaring housing prices in the city.

The bus, which was headed to Google’s Mountain View campus, had riders on board. A dozen protesters stood around the bus with signs saying “Public $$$$, Private Gains,” “Stop Displacement Now,” “Fine $271, Total Fine $1 Billion,” and “Warning: Two-Tier System.”

San Francisco is currently going through a major eviction crisis; droves of artists are being driven from the town that fostered the Summer of Love, The Dead Kennedys, and The Beatnik Movement. Adding insult to injury, the Google buses have become a symbol of economic disparity and class warfare, slapping the city’s predominantly Latino neighborhood. (Though, in pure San Francisco irony, the buses do cut down in CO2 emissions.)

The revolution won’t be televised, but it will be live-streamed on your iPhone.

My Favorite Ed Koch Story

The passing of former mayor Ed Koch has me sad. I adored the man. Sometimes he was a little right of me and sometimes a little left, but he was – as Frank Sinatra and even Sid Vicious said – a man who did it "My Way." I mean, of course, their way. Mayor Koch was around. You could catch him squeezing peaches at Balducci’s or maybe the Jefferson Market. One day at Balducci’s, we ended up standing near Ed Koch himself. A fabulous friend of mine and I decided that if our significant others didn’t get it together, we would marry each other right there by the cheeses. "How would we do that?" she asked, and I replied "We’d get the mayor to do it." I shouted over to Mayor Koch, "Hey, Mayor Koch, will you marry us here a year from now?" and he replied, "I’ll do it," and the usual stuffy foodies applauded. He was big man, but never bigger than human. He had a street-level connection to those on the street level. He was one of us while our current guy is certainly one of them. I’m going to raise a glass tonight to Mayor Ed Koch, and thank him very much. You did great.

My 5,000 Facebook friends have begun to wish me Happy Birthdays. Tomorrow is the big day. This year, I am going to do it my way. I’ll probably do Lit Lounge and then St. Jerome’s. I am very thankful for Facebook. I don’t know what I would do without it; it keeps me close to friends in Germany and Japan and Finland and California and other far away, exotic lands like Astoria, Queens, and Jersey. I don’t have time to stay in the lives of the wonderful folks who have enriched mine, but Facebook allows me to say "hey!" and "how’s the kids?" and "you look great" and "congratulations!" to those I still love. If I don’t see you and you wish me a happy, then let me just say now, "thank you very much." I’ll leave you with my favorite Groucho quote. "You are only as young as the woman you feel."

Welcome To Facebook Town!

Let’s face it, Facebook pretty much owns us. In a cunning scheme – and the greatest market research project ever – that crafty Mark Zuckerberg has amassed all our personal information (we gave it up voluntarily) and has enough blackmail photos of all us to guarantee that any attempt at running for public office would be immediately squashed. The best way for Big Brother to keep tabs on us is to have each one of become Big Brother.

Facebook announced this week that it is working with a local developer to build a $120 million, 394-unit housing community within walking distance of their Menlo Park campus. Welcome to Facebook town! The 630,000 square-foot rental complex will include everything from a sports bar to a doggy day care. (But will WiFi be free?) When I lived in San Francisco, the Facebook bus would pick up FB employees right down the street – to cart them off to Silicon Valley for the day like little tech-geek school kids; a genius move by Zuckerberg because it squeezes an extra two work hours out of his staff.

Here’s the company Kool Aid press statement: 

"We’re certainly excited to have more housing options closer to campus, but we believe that people work at Facebook because what they do is rewarding and they believe in our mission."  

The real estate move is a cross between a turn-of-the-century company town and backwoods, incestious inbreeding – where employees are forced to mingle, socialize, and live amongst each other in a 24/7 Facebook wonderland. (Will Zuckerberg’s employees "like" living there?)  

 

Some info on company towns:

-Celebration, Florida is a simulated small town USA built by The Walt Disney corporation near Disneyland. All hail Mickey Mouse! 

-There was once more than 2,500 company towns, housing 3% of the US population.

-Traditional settings for company towns were for the coal, metal mines, and lumber industries. 

-The Ron Howard movie, Gung Ho, is about a company town. A Japanese car company buys an American plant. Hilarity ensues. 

-My Space is considering building a company town, but much like its site the establishment would be inhabited by no one.

 

WOULD YOU "LIKE" LIVING IN FACEBOOK TOWN? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW…

Hear The Live Transmission Of Boards Of Canada’s New Album Today

The Internet, we can safely say, has wildly changed the way we are introduced to new music—and that seems to have inspired further innovations. While streaming a forthcoming album in full on NPR or Pitchfork is now old hat, it seems Boards of Canada would rather all their fans tune in at once and hear their feverishly anticipated Tomorrow’s Harvest today, at 4pm Eastern Standard Time.

All you have to do is mosey over to boardsofcanada.com at or before the appointed time; the rest should be self-evident. And with interest so high, it wouldn’t surprise us if the website crashed, à la Kevin Shields’ site when the new My Bloody Valentine went live—though Netflix was able to premiere Arrested Development without major incident, so who knows!

Anyway, upward of 11,000 people have already RSVPd to the event on Facebook, and that’s just among people who RSVP to stuff like this on Facebook. It should be an oddly communal experience, keeping with the subtle hints about the album dropped around the globe that fans had to collaborate to decipher. It didn’t take very long for William Gibson’s Pattern Recognition to come true, now did it. 

Follow Miles on Twitter here

Spend a Stylish Summer with the Tech Elite of Silicon Valley

The last time I spent a weekend in Menlo Park, I got sunburnt. Yes, it might come as a surprise that the birthplace of Google Glass can also be a hip travel destination with plenty of chances to catch glimpses of the blazing California sun, but the area is shedding its dorky backstory and emerging as one of the hippest getaway spots on the left coast.

For years, Silicon Valley — the region of the San Francisco bay peninsula that stretches from Palo Alto to San Jose, and where Facebook, Google, Apple, YouTube, eBay, and Yahoo are all headquartered — didn’t have a town square, a physical epicenter where the new breed of hip-to-be-square wealthy wunderkinds could gather, gush about Steve Jobs, and gloat about IPOs.

That all changed after the Rosewood Sand Hill hotel in Menlo Park started attracting entrepreneurs and venture capitalists. The local tech elite come to the Rosewood to mingle with like-minded power players. Its ideal location in the center of Silicon Valley makes the hotel the perfect place to have a lunch meeting, host a conference, or just to catch some fresh air away from the office. Yet it’s still close enough to the neighboring tech headquarters as to not risk getting stuck in commuter traffic.

Surrounded by drab businesses hotels (even the Four Seasons in nearby Palo Alto is rather bland), the Rosewood is a sight for sore eyes and can really make an impression for more boastful affairs. The picturesque pool area is the go-to hotspot for exclusive cocktail parties, and other industry-only elegant soirees have lured the millionaires (and billionaires) in the area.

Want to check out one of these parties to pitch your next great app idea (Grindr for pot dealers? Pandora for music videos?) but didn’t get an invitation because you’re not the founder of Instagram? Don’t worry. Most of these things just advertise themselves as invite-only. No one is there checking names or, god-forbid, Twitter followers. If anyone stops you to ask questions while in the hotel’s bibliotheca-style lobby bar, just tell them your name is Dave Morin. You invented Path. And as for dress code: make sure you wear a hoodie.

But beware looking too much like a fresh-faced, tech-savvy executive, especially on Thursday nights, when the Rosewood welcomes matchmakers for their stylish and popular, yet unofficial, “Cougar Night.”

The only women you should be mingling with are Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer. But how to “lean in” and start a conversation with the first ladies of tech? Tell Sheryl that her TED Talk made you proud to be an unemployed stay-at-home dad (a.k.a. trophy husband) and remind Marissa that she looked flawless in Alexander McQueen. They may be powerful feminists, but they still like to receive compliments.

For those visiting Silicon Valley on business to secure the next billion dollar deal, there’s even more incentives to choose a stay at the Rosewood Sand Hill. The hotel also offers private two and three-bedroom villas, ideal for out-of-town businessmen working remotely during an extended stay.

Soon, Silicon Valley might become a travel destination for more than just geeks with startups. Architecture and design enthusiasts will be interested to see the truly spectacular buildings being planned to drastically reinvent the Silicon Valley skyline.

The new Googleplex in Menlo Park will be made up of several bent buildings connected by bridges. Nearby in Menlo Park, Facebook has hired iconic architect Frank Gehry to design its headquarters expansion. And in Cupertino, Apple is planning to land a spaceship-like structure that has been dubbed the “Death Star” because of the project’s outlandishly sci-fi delusions of grandeur.

So next time you’re in Northern California looking to meet Mark Zuckerberg while admiring one-of-a-kind architecture, take the Cal Train to Silicon Valley. Just remember to apply sunscreen.

[BlackBook San Francisco Guide; Listing for Rosewood Sand Hill; More by Oscar Raymundo]

Alejandro Jodorowsky’s New Film Heads to Cannes Directors’ Fortnight Alongside Lynne Ramsay & More

Yesterday, we were pleased to reported that David Lowery’s fantastic debut feature, the southern crime drama, Ain’t Them Bodies Saints would be headed to France next month for the Cannes Film Festival’s Critics’ Week. And today, as more festival news unravels, it appears that more and more surprises are in store. The Director’s Fortnight slate has been announced and this year’s line-up will feature not one, but two Alejandro Jodororowsky features. Well, one will be the first proper feature from the director in over 20 years and the other, a documentary about "the greatest film never made."

The 84-year-old director known for his avant-garde and violently surreal cult classics such as The Holy Mountain, El Top, and Santa Sangre will now present his latest film La Danza de la Realidad, or The Dance of Reality. Written and directed by Jodorowsky, the film is an autobiographical tale that follows his childhood in Chile. Apparently the film will deal with the director’s "stubble to come to terms with his abusive upbringing. Speaking to Miami New Times in January, Jodorowsky’s son Brontis—who co-stars in the film—said that, "My father had a very severe education from his father…and he remembers his childhood as a very sad and violent thing," going on to say that, "The main character is his father, Alejandro’s father, and he asked me to play his father…There is a kid who plays Alejandro as a kid and a Chilean opera singer plays Sara [the mother], and Alejandro appears in the film as himself…It’s very different from the other films that he made."
 
And alongside that film, Frank Pavich’s Jodorowsky’s Dune will also screen and detail Jodorowsky’s unseen Dune project. The film chronicles the director’s 1974 attempt to adapt the sci-fi novel into a feature film before it eventually fell apart. The documentary will feature interviews with Nicolas Winding Refn, Ron Shussett, Chris Foss, Devin Faraci, Michel Seydoux, and plenty of other notable names in cinema. "This group of artists, or his ‘warriors’ as Jodorowsky named them, went on to define modern sci-fi cinema with such films as Alien, Blade Runner, Star Wars, and Total Recall," according to the Facebook page for the film, which as moved up to one of our most anticipated films at the festival.
 
Other big names in this year’s Fort Night include Lynne Ramsay’s short, "Swimmer," alongside many a new and intriguing foreign film. See the entire slate below.
 
Features
The Congress, dir: Ari Folman
A Strange Course Of Events, dir: Raphael Nadjari
Apres La Nuit, dir: Basil Da Cunha
The Apaches, dir: Thierry De Peretti
Blue Ruin, dir: Jeremy Saulnier
La Danza De La Realidad, dir: Alejandro Jodorowosky
Jodorowsky’s Dune, dir: Frank Pavich
L’Escale, dir: Kaveh Bakhtiari
Henri, dir: Yolande Moreau
La Fille Du 14 Juillet, dir: Antonin Peretjako
Ilo Ilo, dir: Anthony Chen
Last Day On Mars, dir: Ruairi Robinson
Les Garçons Et Guillaume, A Table!, dir: Guillaume Gallienne
The Selfish Giant, dir: Clio Barnard
Magic Magic, dir: Sebastian Silva
On The Job, dir: Erik Matti
Tip Top, dir: Serge Bozon
Ugly, dir: Anurag Kashyap
Un Voyageur, dir: Marcel Ophuls
The Summer Of The Flying Fish, dir: Marcela Said
We Are What We Are, dir: Jim Mickle
Competing for the Camera d’Or
 
Short Films
Gambozinos, dir: João Nicolau
Lágy Eső, dir: Dénes Nagy
Le Quepa Sur La Vilni!, dir: Yann Le Quellec
Man Kann Nicht Auf Einmal Alles Tun, Aber Man Kann Auf Einmal Alles Lassen, dir: Marie-Elsa Sgualdo
O Umbra De Nor, dir: Radu Jude
Pouco Mais De Um Mês, dir: André Novais Oliveira
Que Je Tombe Tout Le Temps, dir: Eduardo Williams
Solecito, dir: Oscar Ruiz Navia
Swimmer, dir: Lynne Ramsay