The Fake ‘Evil Dead’ Is Out Today

We warned you that this nonsense wouldn’t fly, but judging by the view count on the full red band trailer for this insult to the horror genre—nearly four million at this point—you didn’t listen. Enjoy your guaranteed disappointment!

The real Evil Dead came out in 1981, and it is a perfect film. It’s hilarious, no-budget, and actually kind of scary in a greasy, grindhouse way. What it didn’t need is for some studio with no original ideas in the pipeline to adapt it into relentless torture porn. It’s ridiculous enough that anyone’s still trying to make this sort of movie after The Cabin in the Woods, but let me remind you: the original Evil Dead was already making fun of the teenagers-trapped-in-the-wilderness trope. More than thirty goddamn years ago.

But god forbid we allow any irony onscreen these days—we’ve got to take our blood-barfing very seriously. All I can say is: every generation of moviegoers gets the humorless schlock it deserves.

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.

See Three Clips From the New ‘Evil Dead’

Has your lunch settled? You may want to give yourself some time to digest everything before clicking on these new clips from the upcoming remake of Sam Raimi’s cult classic Evil Dead. Thanks to our wonderful breakthroughs in visual effects, the horror and gore is even more disgusting than before. Sure, it might not be as hilarious as the original (which was funny both on purpose and because those effects, upon repeat viewings, are so janky), but the new Evil Dead certainly looks like one of the more disgusting movies you’ll see this year. You can knock yourselves out; I’m gonna sit here and eat my leftover Easter candy and watch something a little less revolting.

Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter.

The Most Exciting Films From This Year’s South By Southwest

This year the film portion of the South by Southwest Conference had thirteen entrees that premiered at Sundance and a number of studio-funded projects destined for wide release, meant primarily to bolster the star power attending the daily and nightly Paramount theater premieres. This is not a bad thing—rather, it’s a testament to how vital the SXSW Film Conference has become to the film scene in general, a diverse conflagration of anything and everything within the strata of a theatrical experience. However, it doesn’t make breaking new, below-the-radar films any easier, especially with a bigger schedule—the much-anticipated premiere of the The East comes on the final night of the conference, after this will be published—and more theaters scattered around town.

That’s where I focused most of my efforts on the film front, catching more than 20 films—in honor of the film conference’s 20th anniversary—most of them produced on very low budgets or premiering for the first time in the United States. I skipped Burt Wonderstone and the Evil Dead reboot, as they’re flicks I’ll see in my local megaplex depending on the Rotten Tomatoes reception. I skipped Before Midnight in favor of a local Austinite’s film, quite regretfully—I’d rather pay to see the final installment of Linklater’s walk-and-talk romance trilogy, anyway. The six films listed here are the ones I found to be the most impressive and important glimpses into the cultural zeitgeist at the 2013 film conference—though there are a number I didn’t get a chance to see due to scheduling conflicts and the fact that the press screening library crammed into the convention center stairwell was so atrociously barren. But with so much paranoia surrounding pirating these days, who’s going to risk turning in a DVD to the media?

Spring Breakers

Unlike anything you’ve ever seen, the charged 1,300 plus audience at the Paramount was—as a Deadline reporter put it—both “joyful and bewildered” when the lights went up after the North American premiere. While some critics may find the surface layers of the film to be a mile wide and an inch deep, or an extended Skrillex music video, this is merely the backdrop Korine wanted to create. The slow-motion montage of barely clothed coeds binge drinking on a Florida Beach in the opening minutes of the film is the ultimate thesis statement—the youthful, primal obsession with self-destruction, beautiful imagery, carefree sexuality and complete sensory overload is all about to come into sharp focus.

With a dreamlike storyline, seedy neon-soaked cinematography, and non-linear editing reminiscent of a Terrence Malick film, Spring Breakers preys on the audience’s senses. You kind of can’t look away, whether you’re enjoying yourself or not. And—without giving up the ending—one could even argue that Korine’s work is a bizarrely magnificent statement about feminism, where the pretty, aggressive blondes in this vapid fantasy world of a St. Petersburg Spring Break are the ones who are the true gangsters.  Regardless of if you agree with any of this analysis, you should see Spring Breakers for James Franco alone, as the corn-rowed, grill-sporting thug who goes by the moniker of Alien—it’s truly a performance for the ages.

Yellow

Heather Wahlquist has appeared in relatively minor supporting roles in her husband Nick Cassavetes’s films over the past decade, which makes her leading performance in Yellow all the more impressive. In it, she plays one of those artificially gorgeous yet vividly delusional California women named Mary Holmes, who is barely holding it together. She teaches elementary school children and chases pills with vodka nips throughout the day, regularly drifting into her own alternate realities, which are equally colorful, musical, hilarious, and horrifying. As her antics get worse, she is forced to return home to her family, where Wahlquist takes us inside the core of her character, revealing the origins of her mania. The entire film, which Wahlquist also co-wrote, is a quiet yet remarkable achievement.

Good Ol’ Freda

The Beatles have been covered from just about every angle possible by now—except the one director Ryan White found for Good Ol’ Freda, when he interviewed Freda Kelly, the head of the band’s fan club for much of the ’60s and perhaps the only Beatles employee who had never broken her silence about the band. It’s a sweet film and a fascinating look at an incredibly respectful and moral person who was tasked with protecting and representing some of the most famous people in the world. White’s storytelling does reveal a few new insights into who the Beatles were behind the scenes, but the film focuses primarily on Freda, examining how someone so close to those who were literally changing the world could remain so true to who they really are as a person.

Scenic Route

Bleak tales about the insignificance of man and the brutality of the world are tough to pull off without fine acting and crackling dialogue, which is why Scenic Route works so well. Two friends, played by the diametrical opposed Josh Duhamel and Dan Fogler, are stranded off the incredibly photogenic highway through Death Valley and forced to reexamine their friendship after drifting apart. The situation quickly goes from bad to worse, however, due in part to both men’s egos and stupidity, as well as a bit of bad luck—which, when you get all philosophical about it, is something that life often serves most of us in the end.

Drinking Buddies

There’s a incredibly unique tone to Drinking Buddies, thanks in part to director Joe Swanberg’s technique of having his actors tightly improv every scene in the film. It’s also probably because his core cast consists of seasoned professionals like Anna Kendrick, Jake Johnson, Ron Livingston, and—most impressively—Olivia Wilde, who really shows off her dynamic acting chops while also looking crazy hot. The result is a romantic dramedy—if that’s even a thing—that qualifies as one of the more realistic unrequited love stories that has worked in a while.

Cheap Thrills

The first film purchased at South by Southwest this year—by none other then Drafthouse Films, who held the world premiere in one of their theaters—this fine dark comedy is ultimately a real-world fable about what desperate men will do for money. Made on a shoestring budget with a quality cast (Pat Healey, Sara Paxton, David Koechner, and, by far the most impressive transformation, Ethan Embry as a tough guy) Cheap Thrills is a testament to true independents of the past that deserve to break through to a wider audience. It manages to break new ground and entertain, while keeping its message hidden until the very last frame.   

Five Terrible Remakes In The Works

From gritty reboot to plain old plagiarism, here are the worst remakes currently in the pipeline.

Three Men and a Baby:

"Adam Sandler is planning to remake 1980s hit comedy flick ‘Three Men and Baby’. He would team up with Disney, who made the original for the project … Adam wants to remake the same movie again with Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider in the lead roles. The original ‘Three Men and Baby’ was also a remake of a French movie."

Highlander

"For fans of [Ryan] Reynolds’ other work, we wonder what this means for any potential of him suiting up soon for that other buzzed about project with a hard-to-kill sword-swinging protagonist: Deadpool. And more importantly, are we going to see Reynolds sport long locks like his predecessor? Is he going to rock a fake Scottish accent in flashbacks as part of the Clan MacLeod?"

RoboCop:

Unlike the original RoboCop, whose chrome-and-black armor suggested something that was part-man, part-carburetor, the new suit is a more anatomically-inspired and streamlined design, more exo-skeleton than cyborg. It recalls certain examples of superhero outerwear—more specifically, those worn by Batman in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy.

Evil Dead:

Sam Raimi himself is producing the remake, as well as helping out Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody (Young AdultJunowith scripting duties.

Dirty Dancing:

Lionsgate is postponing the Dirty Dancing reboot. The studio has put the remake on ice for another year for casting reasons, Deadline has learned. The remake of the 1987 Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey film was scheduled to be released in July 2013, but now the movie is off the studio’s release dance card at least until 2014.

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.

Escape To The Movies This Weekend

This might just be my inner Larry David speaking, but Halloween (and most celebratory holidays like the 4th of July, New Year’s Eve, etc) are usually pretty horrible. That’s not to say I dislike Halloween. On the contrary, it might be my favorite holiday, consisting of my three biggest passions in life: fear, candy, and pretending to be someone else. However, adulthood seems to mean the pressure of finding “something fun to do” and wearing a costume that will both please your aesthetic spooky sensibilities and/or entice a mate, which itself is always a waste. Anyhow, for those of you that don’t feel like finding yourself surrounded by humans but also desire not to spend another weekend drinking whiskey alone watching Eyes Without a Face in bed, here are some wonderful films being shown around the city so you can keep to yourself, while escaping from yourself. Or, you know, if you can find a person that wants to go watch Nosferatu with you at midnight, good for you.

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LANDMARK SUNSHINE
Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn—12:00am (Friday and Saturday)

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IFC CENTER
Ghostbusters—12:05am (Friday and Saturday)
Starship Troopers—12:00am (Friday and Saturday)

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NITEHAWK CINEMA
Halloween 3—12:20am (Friday and Saturday)
Cabinet Doctor Caligari—12:10am (Friday)
Island of Lost Souls—12:15pm (Saturday)
Lost Boys—12:00pm (Saturday)
Nosferatu—12:10am (Saturday)

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CLEARVIEW CHELSEA
Rocky Horror Picture Show—9:00pm, 12:00am (Friday and Saturday)
Carrie—10:00pm (Saturday)

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LINCOLN CENTER FILM SOCIETY
Wolfen—11:59pm (Friday)
American Mary—9:15pm (Friday)
Dracula—2:00pm (Saturday)
The Night of the Devils—6:00pm (Saturday)

room
BAM 
Room 237—9:15pm (Friday)

 

Follow Hillary Weston on Twitter