Do You Suffer From MGOOMFA This Oscar Season?

Does watching The Oscars in your living room sound a bit dull? Do you crave that surge of communal disappointment and celebration upon the announcement of the winners? Do you like chicken tenders? If you’ve said yes to any of these questions, chances are you have a case of the MGOOMFA: Must Get Out Of My F@#$ing Apartment syndrome commonly associated with freezing climates and 4+ hours browsing Hulu daily. And with The Oscars coming up this Sunday, the perfect opportunity is upon you to get out of your apartment, and communicate with fellow NYers at official Oscars viewing parties across the city. Here is where to go:

SideBAR: Upscale sportsbar. Optional two-hour Bud Light & well-cocktail open bar at 7pm. Oscars ballot competition with $50 gift certificate for the winner. Personal bucket of pigs-in-a-blanket and tater tots. $10 entry, $50 with open bar. Chicken tenders.

The Windsor: High-end sportsbar.Free house-made gourmet popcorn. Free first glass of bubbly. Truffle grilled cheese. Starts 5pm. No entry fee. No chicken tenders.

The Bell House: Brooklyn’s wackiest events venue. Hosted by (my favorite) comedian & (erotic short story) writer Dave Hill. Raunchy, thought-provoking  analysis during commercials. $8 cocktail specials. No food/chicken tenders.

Brooklyn Winery: The sophisticated celebration. Oscar-themed sparkling cocktails. Seth MacFarlane hosts. Oscar ballots. First come, first-served seating. Starts 7pm. Get gussied up. Obviously no chicken tenders.

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’50 Shades Of Grey’ Authoress Is Stinkin’ Rich And That’s 50 Shades Of Fucked Up

50 Shades Of Grey, the BDSM erotica that even your grandmother’s book club is reading, has been sitting on my iPad for two months now. I can’t read more than a few pages without recoiling in disgust: This writing is hooooooorible. And you know who doesn’t care? Newfound millionaire author E.L. James.

Gawker crunched the numbers and figured out precisely how much Scrooge McDuck money we’re talking about. First of all, Uniersal/Focus purchased the movie rights for $5 million. Second of all, E.L. James earns a seven percent royalty off each $14 paperback and a 25 percent royalty off of each e-book. Given how last month 50 Shades Of Grey sold four million paperbacks and one million e-books, James has been earning $1.34 million a week — or $191,000 — off the trilogy. And all for poorly written kink that started out online as Twilight fan-fic. 

Now that’s 50 shades of fucked up.