San Francisco’s got great views, sure. Golden Gate Bridge. Twin Peaks. Ghirardelli Square. Coit Tower. Alcatraz. And San Francisco’s got great culture, yep. The Haight. SFMOMA. The Castro. But really, what good is a gorgeous view you can’t put in your mouth? Fortunately, there are many succulent varieties of (perfectly innocent!) face-stuffing available in this town. Let’s make a day of it, shall we?
9 a.m.: Let’s get this party started at Ella’s (Pacific Heights). Fanatical citywide breakfast obsession where hour-long waits for crisped chicken hash are the norm.
10:30 a.m.: Take a walk; you’re gonna need the exercise. Head to the Marina. Check out Lombard Street. Mosey around Ghirardelli Square.
11:30 a.m.: Speaking of Ghirardelli Square, stop in and have a sea-salt cupcake (or twelve) at Kara’s Cupcakes (Fisherman’s Wharf). Magnolia’s got serious competition on the Westside.
Noon: Keep walking. Check out the wharf and Pier 39. Shop, stroll, do whatever it takes to ready your belly for another round.
2 p.m.: Hop over to the Castro for some chowdah at Anchor Oyster Bar (The Castro). Swimmingly fresh bowls of Boston clam chowder, fish stew, and Louis salads.
4 p.m.: Relax on the grass at Dolores Park, or wander through the rainbow-clad neighborhood. Marvel at the architecture. Buy souvenirs.
5 p.m.: Eat crepes at Crepes on Cole (The Haight). Greedy eaters rejoice over piled-high plates of crepes and omelets that even Sally Struthers couldn’t finish.
6 p.m.: Poke around Amoeba Music. Watch the drummers on Hippie Hill. When you’re done, head over to Hayes Valley for round three.
7:30 p.m.: Zuni Cafe (Hayes Valley). SF gastronomical institution, with the urban legends to prove it. Order the famous chicken. Wait 45 minutes. Enter roast chicken heaven.
9:30 p.m.: Citizen Cake (Hayes Valley). Worship at the altar of pastry goddess Elizabeth Falkner. Hurry and grab cupcakes before the store closes at 10 p.m.
10:15 p.m.: Bourbon and Branch (Tenderloin). Serious mixologists pouring rare whiskeys and creative concoctions. Wash down your day with cocktails in this speak-easy with a password (get one online).
Late Night: Taqueria Cancun (The Mission). Hard-pressed to find a better taco in town. That is, if you’re still hungry.