With the explosion of Fifty Shades of Grey and Rihanna’s "S&M," one thing is increasingly clear: we secretly love kink. Whether E.L. James’ book piqued your curiosity, or you surprisingly loved it when your date tied you up last summer, we’ve all got some "kinks" in us that deserve a good deal of exploration. And thanks to a new book written by two world-renowned, professional dominatrixes, the task is now all the easier. Meet Kisses To Kink: A Dominatrix’s Guide To Great Sex.
A “kink for dummies,” this two-volume tome brings all things kink – from S&M to bondage to role playing – out of the taboo and into your hands in a very step-by-step, educational way. The best part: it’s an eBook on iTunes & Amazon, which means its not only private, but your commute from your apartment to work just got way more fun.
With personal stories and kinky tips by authors Ms. Nina Payne and Ms. Mona Rogers – founders of the Domi Dollz, a group of pro dominatrixes – Kisses To Kink elevates your play to a nearly pro-level in a very simple way. It also includes video tutorials and photographs of incredibly good looking people in lingerie doing very naughty things. If only all our textbooks had that…
The original headline for this post was going to read, “E.L. James Has Made Fools of You All,” but that seemed a bit melodramatic. That being said, not since Jelly Belly began making Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans have so many business enterprises found a way to capitalize on a book series. There’s the lingerie, the upcoming film or something maybe, the vacations, the Dublin sex festival the books inspired (sorry if you missed the sex festival). One hotel in England’s Lake District, hoping to create some sparks among its guests, we guess, even replaced the Bibles in the rooms with copies of James’ book.
But for those whose devotion to Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey goes beyond piddling purchases of lingerie, shoes or cosmetics, you may soon be able to live out your own fanfic-inspired fantasies with home décor. Luxury marketing and PR outfit DRS and Associates pitched a line of “Shades of Gray” kitchen and bath fixtures, including, “a Laufen washbasin with seductive curves and edgy Graff faucets in a brushed nickel.” Although these items are lovely and would go well in a modern decorative scheme, if you or your partner are making home decorating choices based on Fifty Shades of Grey, it may be time to rethink more than just the light fixtures.
What we’re trying to say is, is basically we’re one handshake away from @50ShedsofGrey getting a coffee table book deal. Never give up on your dreams, kids!
You guys, it is only Tuesday and I’ve already read a press release about a Fifty Shades of Grey-themed compilation of classical music. This doesn’t really spark a lot of confidence for the rest of the week, does it?
Yes, it’s true: the fifteen pieces of music that are mentioned in the books comprisising the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy will soon be available in one convenient place: your car, or your Discman, or your very fancy home stereo system that you’ll show off to all of the vapid women you have over to seduce in your high-rise condo because you think such a thing is an accurate display of "personality," and because the women you bed are probably into the ideas of entry-level BDSM and fucking to Mozart. (Haha just kidding, that will never happen to you, especially if you own this CD.)
Per the press release:
Fifty Shades of Grey – The Classical Album aims to provide the perfect accompaniment to the Fifty Shades reading experience, setting a mysterious and alluring atmosphere with just the slightest hint of danger…the music on the album includes The Tallis Scholars’ sweeping version of ‘Spem in Alium’ featured in the first novel, along with 14 other works from the books, such as the ‘Flower Duet’ from Lakmé, Pachelbel’s ‘Canon in D,’ the ‘aria’ from Bach’s Goldberg Variations and more. The recording artists include such world-class performers as Sir Simon Rattle, King’s College Choir, Barbara Hendricks, and Alexandre Tharaud, and the album features cover art based on the novels.
Let’s be honest: "the Fifty Shades reading experience" is just polite code for masturbation, right?
These things we know: Fifty Shades of Grey is an insane cultural phenomenon that has spawned a bazillion parodies, rumors are surfacing about casting for a film adaptation and sequels are in the works. Naturally, the next step, as with any gangbusters literary franchise, is an insane amount of merchandising. If you want to aesthetically please your domineering business-type romantic partner like Anastasia Steele, E.L. James and her agent have signed a deal with boutique UK agency Caroline Mickler Ltd. for an upcoming line of Fifty Shades-related cosmetics, apparel, lingerie home furnishings and more. Call it Fifty Shades of Lingerie. Or don’t.
And James isn’t the only one cashing in on the success of the book for sexy merchandise. Massachusetts-based home-lingerie party group UndercoverWear has created a line of products called the "Shades of UndercoverWear" line, also inspired by the books, and some home parties are adopting the book as a theme.
Elsewhere, the Fifty Shades parodies have spread not just on the Internet (or in Neil Patrick Harris’ Tony performance), but to actual books. Introducing anonymous scribe L.M. (Louisa May) Anonymous, who has written 50 Shades of Louisa May, a "literotica" novel concerning the sexcapades of Little Women author Louisa May Alcott.
As the author tells GalleyCat:
"Well, it’s clear that the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon has hit a literary g-spot by revealing the inner desires of fictional characters. Fifty Shades of Louisa May just takes it further, revealing the sexual secrets of literary figures—Melville, Emerson, Thoreau, Hawthorne, and more. Luckily, all are too dead to sue. So call it lewditure. Call it literotica. Call it an antidote to mommy porn."
Call it what you want, but it sounds like this is going to open the floodgates for a whole swath of literary-figure erotica. Soon, all the kids on Tumblr are going to start shipping Emerson/Thoreau.