Sorry Your Screenplay Didn’t Make the 2012 Black List

It’s okay. It’s okay. We know. And you’re right—this was going to be your year. Your script had everything. We loved it! We struggled a bit with the Manic Pixie characters and the scene with the cellist on the subway lost us a bit, and then there was that part you wanted in Claymation with the sea monster, but we believed you when you said it would look cool on the screen. We had faith. Maybe you should take another year with it. Yeah, we know. Well, Rajiv Joseph has a Pulitzer nomination. You won the Lake County Independent Schools Young Authors contest in the eighth grade. It’s okay. Yes, he’s had more grants than you. You know what? Let’s go for a beer and talk this out. Come on. Put your head on my shoulder. There, there.

For those of you who aren’t devastated about your screenplay not making “Hollywood’s” (Hollywood in the most mysterious and hivemind-y sense, too, as hundreds of executives vote) list of the best un-produced screenplays, it hit the web yesterday for you to peruse in its full glory. A couple of the key films on the list have already are sort of in development and even have actors and directors attached, including Jack Paglen’s Transcendence, “An epic love story set in a time where a dying scientist is able to upload his consciousness into the Internet and… must fight against the forces who are actively working against the existence of a singularity,” and the top pick, Rajiv Joseph and Scott Rothman’s Draft Day:

“On the day of the NFL Draft, Bills General Manager Sonny Weaver has the opportunity to save football in Buffalo when he trades for the number one pick. He must quickly decide what he’s willing to sacrifice in pursuit of perfection as the lines between his personal and professional life become blurred.”

Joseph has a pretty strong track record for the stage and small screen: his play Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for Drama in 2010. He also wrote for several seasons of Nurse Jackie. Rothman has written humor pieces for The Huffington Post and FunnyOrDie, as well as the in-development feature film Frat Boy, about a child who is abandoned on the lawn of a fraternity house and raised by the brothers, so there’s that. According to IMDb, Kevin Costner was considered at one point for the lead role, with Ivan Reitman (Meatballs) directing. Reitman is listed as a producer of the film.

Going for immediate Oscar bait must have been a theme here, because biopics and “based on true events” stories fared well in the first half of the list. Seuss, Eyal Podell and Jonathan Stewart’s depiction of a young Ted Geisel meeting his wife Helen and writing The Cat In The Hat and Rodham, Young Il Kim’s take on a young Hillary Clinton at the Watergate hearings, both scored high, while further down on the list are The Ballad of Pablo Escobar and Hey, Stella!, which explores Marlon Brando as he as cast as Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire. Adaptations of Ted Chiang’s Story of Your Life and John Green’s wildly popular young adult novel The Fault In Our Stars are also present.

This is all well and good, but I think the film that sounds the most promising of the bunch is Tucker Parsons’ Whalemen, in which “The leader of a fourteenth century Scottish whaling village must seek out and do battle with a whale many times larger than any he has ever seen in order to ransom back his son from the occupying English.” It sounds like a strange amalgam of Moby-Dick, Braveheart and Taken, and it could maybe work? Maybe? You could put Liam Neeson in it and you’ve got an instant classic. 

Morning Links: Dr. Seuss’ Lorax Gets Stolen, Flaming Lips Get Bloody

● Someone stole a 300-pound bronze statue of the Lorax from the late Dr. Seuss’ lawn. "I want very badly to get our little Lorax back home where he belongs," said Suess’s daughter, Lark Grey Dimond-Cate, of the heist. "Wherever he is, he’s scared, lonely and hungry. He’s not just a hunk of metal to us. He was a family pet." [HuffPost]

● Rumor has it that Megan Fox and her husband of nearly two years, Brian Austin Green, are expecting their first child together. [Radar]

● Darren Aronofsky is in business to direct Anne Hathaway in Get Happy, a Judy Garland biopic. 2012 will be a busy one for him. [TB]

● Kris Humphries won’t sign for a divorce until Kim makes an offer he can’t refuse. "Kris is dragging it out," explains one source. "Kim is ready to move on, but Kris is hoping that stretching it out will get him even more money." [E!]

● Zadie Smith’s 2005 Booker Prize-nominated novel, On Beauty, is being adapted for the big screen by actress, writer and director Kasi Lemmons. [Deadline]

● To celebrate Record Store Day, the Flaming Lips have packaged a special few of their The Flaming Lips and Heady Fwends with a bit of blood from their collaborators — Erykah Bad, Yoko Ono, Bon Iver, Nic Cave, Ke$ha and Neon Indian included — "Like a glass specimen thing," says Wayne Coyne explains. [Paste]

Dr. Seuss’ Forgotten Book Full of Naked Ladies

Yesterday was the 108th anniversary of the birth of everyone’s favorite rhyming children’s book author, Dr. Seuss. Classes partook in celebration, conservatives continued to slam The Lorax for its supposed anti-capitalist agenda, and Dr. Seuss quotes clogged up Tumblr. Everyone knows the story of the Grinch and the Cat and the Hat.  Less known, is his adult book full of naked ladies.

In 1939, when Theodor Giesel left one publisher to go to another his one condition was that he got to write an adult book first.  He created The Seven Lady Godivas, a picture book for grown ups based on the legend of the woman who rode naked through town to protest her husbands taxes and of course, centuries later be the namesake of a chocolate company

In Seuss’ book, as the title gives away, there are seven ladies, all sisters and all very unclothed, who vow never to marry after their father passes away until they learned horse maxims such as "Don’t ever look a gift horse in the mouth."

If you’re all, ‘huh?’ you’re not the only one.  Despite the anatomically incorrect naughty pictures, it did not do well. Just 2,500 copies were sold. "I attempted to draw the sexiest babes I could, but they came out looking absurd,” Seuss reportedly said. 

More pictures at Brain Pickings.

Dr. Seuss Seven Lady Godivas

Dr. Seuss Seven Lady Godivas

Morning Links: Demi Moore Still Wearing Her Wedding Ring, Johnny Depp to Play Dr. Suess

● Woody Allen’s dream leading lady? First Lady Michelle Obama. “If I was in a room with Michelle Obama, and I thought she was right for a part, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask her,” he says. [USA Today] ● The women of Parks and Recreation made a video of themselves eating Pop Rocks sent to them by Tavi Gevinson, because “P.S. Candy is delicious, and it will always be delicious.” [Rookie] ● Good news for all those who still believe in “’til death do us part.” Demi Moore is still wearing her wedding ring. [Huff Post]

● Johnny Depp is producing and potentially starring in an upcoming live-action feature film about Dr. Suess. [THR] ● This 18-month-old baby who thinks Brad Pitt is “cute” ain’t so bad herself. Awww. [Perezitos] ● Leveraging his Gossip Girl power for good, Lonely Boy Penn Badgley has been spotted more than once at Occupy Wall Street protests. “I mean, listen, it’s cheesy,” he says. “But I want to do whatever I can. Let’s be honest: I’m on f**king Gossip Girl…” [CapitalNY] ● Turtleneck sales have reportedly skyrocketed since word of Steve Jobs’ death broke. [TMZ]