Afternoon Links: Demi Moore’s Dangerous Red Bull Habit, Mariah Carey Is Back In The Studio

● And now it comes out that Demi Moore has been addicted to Red Bull for years, and that the habit has more or less kept her going through these dark and exhausted post-Ashton days. [TMZ]

● Speaking of: Mary Louise Parker is stepping in for Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem in Lovelace. [NYDN]

● And for his next act, James Murphy will conquer coffee roasting. "I thought it would be fun," he says of the plan. "I have beans that I like. I like this sometimes and that sometimes. Sometimes in the middle." [NYM]

● According to BFF Gayle King, Oprah hasn’t gotten baby Blue Ivy a gift yet, let alone be named her godmother. "if (that report is) true, it is news to her," she says. [Us]

●  Lana Del Rey has bought the rights to her mostly unheard debut record, Lana Del Ray A.K.A. Lizzy Grant, and she hopes to re-release the "forgotten terrible album" sometime this summer. [BBC]

Dem babies and a kidney failure later, Mariah Carey is at last back in the studio with her old friend Jermaine Dupri. [Rap-Up]

Morning Links: Demi Moore’s Whip-It Problem, ‘The Office’s Dwight Shrute Gets a Spinoff

● Demi Moore’s "seizure like symptoms" are thought to be kick back from all those whip-its — "not a common drug among people of Demi’s age and social status," as per TMZ — she was apparently doing. [TMZ]

● Rumor has it that Gwen Stefani is growing ever the more weary of Gavin Rossedale’s dark past and that, like Vanessa and Johnny and Heidi and Seal before them, divorce is “inevitable.” Memories, they can be inviting, but some are are altogether mighty frightening… [HollywoodLife]

● Lindsay Lohan is being sued for allegedly hitting a woman in a rented Masarati. And just as things were starting to look up. [E!]

● Hearts, but also lungs and kidneys: Justin Bieber helped quadruple organ donor registrations in his hometown of Ontario with but a single tweet. [MTV]

● Doubling up after last weekend’s cash out, 50 Cent has put $1 million down on Eli and the Giants taking the Superbowl. And if they lose, he’s promised to twitpic a dick pic. Birdman, ya hear that? [RapRadar]

● NBC is reportedly planning an The Office spinoff starring Rainn Wilson and set at the much mythologized Shrute family beat farm and R&B. [Deadline]

Morning Links: Demi Moore Hospitalized For Exhaustion, Tim Gunn Hasn’t Had Sex In 29 Years

● Demi Moore was rushed to the hospital late Monday night for a "substance abuse related issue" — "shaking" and "acting like she was suffering from a seizure," reportedly — and exhaustion. According to her rep, "Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends." [TMZ]

● And accordingly, Demi Moore has dropped out of Lovelace, wherein she was set to play Gloria Steinem. [TMZ]

● An "impatient" ex-lover left Project Runway‘s Tim Gunn nearly celibate. During an episode of his new show, The Revolution, he revealed that it’s been 29 years since his last go. "Do I feel like less of a person because of it? No. Not even remotely." [Celebuzz]

● Miley Cyrus’s choice of cake for her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth’s birthday was unusual, to say the least. [ONTD]

● Kirsten Dunst and her new man, Country Strong‘s dreamy Garrett Hedlund, seem to be making a splash at Sundance. [People]

● Young Money CEO Birdman has got five million on Tom Brady taking the Superbowl. "I like New ENGLaNd," he tweeted. Belie’e dat! [RapFix]

● Etta James’s funeral has been set for Saturday in Los Angeles, with Reverand Al Sharpton presiding over the ceremonies and several as-of-yet unnamed celebrity performances. Let’s all hope, for Etta’s sake, that Flo Rida is busy that day. [Billboard]

LOL at Miley Cyrus’s Old New Movie, ‘LOL’

A few years ago, Miley Cyrus filmed a remake of a French movie called LOL, about a teenager’s sexual awakening while dealing with typical teen drama involving, but not limited to: her no-good boyfriend, her mom’s divorce, the total non-fun of going to high school everyday. Just being a teen, you know? Anyways, the movie was shelved for whatever reason, maybe because the studio realized it wasn’t very good. As one theory goes, Miley’s real life drug experimentation cast a bad light on her fictional bad self, and it took forever to edit the film so it would seem less true to life. After all the delay, it’s back on track. A trailer was released today, promising all the Lol-ing you can stomach.

It kind of looks like a crummier cousin of Mean Girls, which has got to count for something. Yes, that’s Demi Moore as Miley’s mom, and yes, the main character’s name is Lola, shortened as LOL. The voiceover is pretty eye-rolling (Sample: "I can’t love him but I do! I feel so real with him."), but it’s definitely not your typical Miley vehicle. She’s getting naked with boys, getting drunk, failing school, and generally acting a mess. I’d write more, but having any opinion whatsoever on Miley’s career is really bumming me out, so just watch the trailer if you will.

Demi Moore to Bring Women’s Empowerment Show to Lifetime

Fresh off her split from Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore is taking some time off from answering exasperatingly stupid questions about changing her Twitter handle, to develop a new television series.  The show, set to air on Lifetime somewhere between Project Runway and schmaltzy, unintentionally hilarious original movies, will focus on women’s empowerment.

Amanda de Cadenet will play host to a number of women like Lady Gaga, Gwyneth Paltrow, Olivia Wilde and Jane Fonda who are set to answer such profound questions as “What is your favorite sex position?” reports Gatecrasher.

The show has been in development since last April, but with Moore’s recent very public hot tub betrayal, she could add a more personal element to empowerment.  Thus far Moore isn’t confirmed to appear to devulge her post-scandal feelings, but it’s certainly something that will garner press and spike ratings.  Revenge is a dish best served on on national television. 

Afternoon Links: Miley Cyrus’s Boobs Are Still Real, Jonah Hill Sounds Jealous of the Kardashians

● "BOOBS GROW, PEOPLE!" the still-teenage Miley Cyrus reminds us in response to rumors that she might have had some work done. "Thank you for the compliment, but these babies are all mine." [Us]

● Lindsay Lohan "killed it" in her probation progress hearing today, earning praise from the judge for having completed her community service ahead of time and attending an extra therapy session. [TMZ]

● Justin Vernon’s home town of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, has deemed December 13th the official Bon Iver Day. Er, well, another Bon Iver Day, at least. [Pitchfork]

● Obama’s taste in television runs dark, with Boardwalk Empire and Homeland being two of his favorite shows. Unless it’s family time. "For the girls and me, Modern Family. That’s our favorite show," he says. [People]

● "The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like Mad Men is disgusting,” whined Jonah Hill, who also said that, "he can’t even understand it, so I watch it." [Huff Post]

● Demi Moore says that changing her twitter handle—currently @mrskutcher, the hers to his @apalusk—"isn’t a top priority right now." [PageSix]

● The 20 worst types of year-end list commenters, number one of course being "The Poisoned," to which, well, Ryan Gosling is not on this list, so it must be all wrong. Right? [NPR]

OK, they’re just getting cocky now. [Huff Post]

In Which Blackbook Supposes You’ve Already Heard That Demi and Ashton Have Broken Up

OK. We suspect you’ve heard the news already. So we begin with: I know, right? In which we follow up with: On a Thursday night! And then we finish with: Here is the rest of the news you need to hear about the annoucement. 

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have broken up which we already know has sent several of you into near catacylismic cycles of depression. How can the man who brought you Dude, Where’s My Car? fall out of love with G.I Jane? It seems unfathomable, does it not? Does Ashton – the Punk’d master – not see it fit in his young adult life to continue the holy matrimony with A Few Good Men star Demi Moore? 

It appears less so, dear readers. Yes, you may be sitting there eating a parfait expecting everything to be wonderful, but it is not. Ashton Kutcher even so far as to link the Public Enemy song "Dont Believe The Hype" in his bajillion-followed Twitter account @aplusk earlier this week, it seems, to try and dissasociate himself from the rumors of his and Demi’s breakup. But that is not to be the case. Demi announced today that they are splitting up. 

If you are having a hard time dealing with the news (as I am sure you are), take it to Twitter with the hashtag #AshtonDemiCMON, and we’ll be sure to post the best answers here. Or not. Perhaps it just seems appropriate since they lived so much of their marriage online. 

Morning Links: Demi Moore Still Wearing Her Wedding Ring, Johnny Depp to Play Dr. Suess

● Woody Allen’s dream leading lady? First Lady Michelle Obama. “If I was in a room with Michelle Obama, and I thought she was right for a part, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask her,” he says. [USA Today] ● The women of Parks and Recreation made a video of themselves eating Pop Rocks sent to them by Tavi Gevinson, because “P.S. Candy is delicious, and it will always be delicious.” [Rookie] ● Good news for all those who still believe in “’til death do us part.” Demi Moore is still wearing her wedding ring. [Huff Post]

● Johnny Depp is producing and potentially starring in an upcoming live-action feature film about Dr. Suess. [THR] ● This 18-month-old baby who thinks Brad Pitt is “cute” ain’t so bad herself. Awww. [Perezitos] ● Leveraging his Gossip Girl power for good, Lonely Boy Penn Badgley has been spotted more than once at Occupy Wall Street protests. “I mean, listen, it’s cheesy,” he says. “But I want to do whatever I can. Let’s be honest: I’m on f**king Gossip Girl…” [CapitalNY] ● Turtleneck sales have reportedly skyrocketed since word of Steve Jobs’ death broke. [TMZ]

Morning Links: Courtney Love Working on a Memoir, T.I. Finally Free

● You’ve heard the rumors about Ashton and Demi being dunzo? Well, Ashton broke his twitter silence yesterday to warn, “When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of, you make an ASS out of U and ME.” It’s unclear, however, who that was directed at. [Us] ● The wonderfully un-hinged Courtney Love hopes to “set the record straight” — or whatever that means coming from her — with a memoir, due out next fall. [P4K] ● Someone covered Justin Theroux’s BMW motorcycle with a “blanket of bologna” while it was parked outside Jennifer Aniston’s West Village apartment. [Page Six]

● T.I. is actually free this time, and he’s already working get back up to speed. [Reuters] ● Mike Myers named his kid Spike. [E!] ● In case you haven’t gotten her anything yet, all Kim Kardashian wants for Christmas this year is a sea horse. “I’ve always wanted one,” she says. [Us]