I woke up this morning to find an email that I sent myself at 3:20 AM. It read: "Better Julia Child: Ackriyd [sic] or Meryl?" Even when I’m half-asleep I’m pondering the important questions, although I’m not the best speller when I’m slightly unconscious. And what a better day to have a celebrity impression cook-off than on the famed chef’s 100th birthday?
Yes, the giant weirdo would have turned 100 years old today, and instead of attempting to cook something in her honor (I don’t think she’d approve of a DiGiorno pizza), I’m doing what any normal twentysomething blogger would do: watching online videos celebrating her life. Although, I’m focusing on the two actors who did the best impressions of her.
First of all, there’s Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia:
Julie & Julia is a pretty good movie—it was written and directed by the late, great Nora Ephron, after all—as long as you fast-forward through the insipid scenes focusing on Amy Adams’s Julie Powell, who wrote the book on which half of the film is based. It’s Streep, on the other hand, who delivers (duh) the most memorable performance. Sure, she’s basically just Meryl Streep in a Julia Child wig, sighing and eating and hooting all over the place, but she kind of captured the essence of Julia Child who, honestly, spent most of her life, well, sighing and eating and hooting all over the place.
And then there’s the classic sketch from SNL starring Dan Aykroyd:
Sorry, Team Meryl: fake blood always beats Oscar-nominated performances. Plus, Meryl Streep has never created her own vodka because she’s into the concept of crystal skulls and aliens and shit. Aykroyd wins!
If advertising speaks the truth, and you know it does, your choice of vodka is a crucial one. Drink the right vodka and people will see you as wealthy, sophisticated, and urbane. It follows, then, that if you drink the wrong vodka, people will make fun of you and you’ll have to shoot them. Decide carefully. A drinker in San Antonio recently found out how judgmental Texas partygoers can be when he showed up uninvited to a party bearing the wrong bottle. His choice of tipple, Nuvo, was ridiculed as effete, with one guest telling him that the “bottle looked like a lipstick cap, indicating that (he) is or was a homosexual, which made (him) upset.” According to the cops, the man was so angered by the comments that he left the party and came back with a gun, which he used to fire in the air and then into a crowd in the backyard, injuring a 23-year-old man. Both the man and his bottle of Nuvo are currently at large.
I’ve never tried Nuvo, but according to its website, it is not a vodka at all, but rather a “lifestyle choice for trendy individuals” consisting of premium French vodka, sparkling white wine, and passion fruit nectar. The tall, narrow pink bottle doesn’t so much resemble a lipstick cap as it does a bottle of perfume, but I can grasp the comparison. If the promotional photos are any indication, Nuvo is more of a drink for recording artists such as Don Omar, Fabolous, T-Pain, and Keri Hilson, none of whom are homosexual, as far as I know.
But if Nuvo is for sissies, what’s the exact opposite vodka?
Dan Aykroyd has the answer. His new Crystal Head Vodka comes in a bottle that’s shaped like a skull. A skull! And there’s nothing manlier than that. It’s almost like he anticipated this whole Nuvo vodka shooting spree. The man is ahead of his time.
Not that I find this in the least bit troubling, mind you, but I’m beginning to suspect Ghostbusters 3 will never materialize. Dan Aykroyd wrote a script in the 90’s, about a group of callow recruits who come in and replace the originals, but nothing ever came of it. Then Harold Ramis opened up a while ago and said the problem was really a lack of interest. Ivan Reitman looked, if only for a second, like maybe he could get it off the ground, but then Sony suddenly had reservations about a director who by Hollywood standards is 176 years old. So this just isn’t happening right? Bill Murray, for his part, wants to put the whole thing to rest. “It’s just a myth. It’s like the white alligator in the sewer, you know? Who’s seen it, really?”
Cinemablend caught Murray at the Tribeca Film Festival doing press for his new picture, Get Low, and when the conversation turned to Ghosbusters, Murray was pretty outspoken:
“It’s just really the movie studio. They love the franchise, they’d just like to re-create it again. All this talk is just talk. It drives me nuts, it’s just people talking. And now, it’s like, on the street people go ‘hey, hey, hey,’ you know, why don’t you go back to high school? Quit bothering me. Until someone actually creates a great script it’s just hogwash, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s interesting that people are interested in it, they’d like to see it. It was a great thing, it really was fun. Maybe it should. And if it’s such a good idea, then someone will write the screenplay.”
● In light of infidelity claims, Fergie says in this month’s Cosmo that husband Josh Duhamel loved the extra weight she put on for her role in Nine. [Us] ● Levi Johnston is steaming mad at Conan O’Brien — or at least his manager is — over the William Shatner sketch mocking Johnston and his supposed Twitter account, claiming they will sue if the show doesn’t retract the sketch. [TMZ] ● Busy Phillips called out Chad Michael Murray as a “douche” at the Paley Center event for Dawson’s Creek, adding that “she’s not worried about burning bridges with CMM.” [zap2it]
● Chelsea Handler doesn’t really think Paris Hilton likes her show, despite the heiress telling her otherwise; Handler replied to Hilton: “You can’t love my show if you can hear.” [oneindia] ● There’s a live action/CG-animated Yogi Bear remake coming our way, with Dan Aykroyd as Yogi, Justin Timberlake as Boo Boo, and Anna Faris as a documentarian following the two. [EW] ● NBA star Rashad McCants says his cheating storyline on Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami was all an act, as he and Khloe had broken up months before. [P6]