Party Like There’s No Tomorrow Because There Isn’t One

The best part about the end of the world happening tomorrow are all of the parties happening tonight. We like to laugh and drink in the face of doom, and I find that really admirable. BlackBook’s holiday party is tonight too, which means that whether the world ends or not, it doesn’t matter – I’ll still feel like death on Friday.  If you don’t have plans yet for your last night on Earth, let me help you with these really hot parties happening tonight and tomorrow that’ll be swallowed up by fog and a fiery blaze.

Drink bottomless margaritas, sangria, and wine from Tequileria Maya’s "Apocalypse Menu:"
This isn’t happening unless we survive most of Friday, so let’s really cross our fingers that we will. The celebratory "Apocalypse Menu" at Tequileria Maya, Richard Sandoval’s appropriately-named tequila bar and lounge, includes unlimited – I repeat – unlimited food and drinks. We’re talking margaritas, sangria, wine, Mexican beers, and small plates. We better survive. Friday the 21st. 5pm, $65. All the details here

Dance like no one’s watching even though they are at Hudson Terrace:
Event company iAdventure encourages you to "grab that famous outfit you’ve been saving for a special occasion that may never come," and head to Midtown rooftop lounge Hudson Terrace, where you can dance wildly to songs from DJ Lulo & Bones. Thursday the 20th. 11pm, $30. Tickets available here.

Laugh your doom off with The Daily Show comedians at Union Hall:
On Friday, join comedians Wyatt Cenac, NIkki Glaser, & Lisa Delarios for their "The Afterlife Comedy Show" at Union Hall. They’ll be performing stand-up and attempting to resolve, in our last hours, life’s biggest questions – probably something like"Why does my grandma not love me anymore?" and "Why are poached eggs called ‘poached?’" And there will be an extra-special prize for the best answer to the major question: "What would you do on your last day of the world?" Friday the 21st. 8:30pm, $8. Tickets available here

Blow your eardrums out at Knitting Factory because you won’t need them anymore:
Guaranteeing that their apocalpyse-themed rock show will "rock so hard that its reverberations will shatter planet Earth to the core," Knitting Factory will make your ears ring the next day – though there won’t be a next day so who cares. Rock bands Autodrone, Starbolt 9, and Night Vision form this last rock show on Earth. Friday the 21st. 11:55pm, $12. Buy tickets here

Get weird with HuffPost Weird News at Hotel Chantelle:
The HuffPost section devoted to all things bizarre nationwide is holding an open tequila and wine bar all night,  and 1/2 off beer and well cocktails from 8pm-10pm, at eccentric Lower East Side rooftop lounge Hotel Chantelle. Music by Miss Jade, Chi Duly, and LadiesPlease will be going all night, while revelers will cradle tequila shots and dutifully declare the slogan "No tomorrow. No hangover." Good ol’ logic. Thursday the 20th. 8pm, free. All the details here

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Todd Barry’s Very Strange Road Stories

I’ve been a touring comedian for nearly 25 years. My first show was at an open mic night in North Miami Beach, FL in 1987, then moved to New York City about a year later. I’ve done shows in 45 states, as well as England, Australia, Scotland, Sweden, The Netherlands, Ireland, Norway, Canada, and even BERMUDA.

People often ask me if I have any good "road stories." Actually, I just lied. People rarely ask me that, but sometimes they do (I think?). Anyway, the answer is "Yes, I do." The problem is I’ve never been much of a storyteller. I mean, I tell stories in my act, but they’re really short (like that one about me buying a shirt). But you’re not going to watch my show and  go "man, why haven’t I seen this guy ripping it up at The Moth?"

But I do have story-worth experiences. Like  in 2002, when I did that show in Fairbanks, Alaska.  A woman in the audience got offended by something I said, so she slowly, gently, and drunkenly charged the stage. She came at me at the rate of about one foot a minute; it was almost adorable. I barely had to take a step back before someone took her arm and "saved" me. I found out later she was a teacher. And it was a school night.  

Then there was the hotel front desk clerk in Sacramento who called my room to let me know she was coming to my show that night, and wanted to know if I’d "rag on her friends."

Another time, I was flying to Australia via Los Angeles. An announcement came over the P.A. reminding us not to stray from the cabin that matched our class of service. The passenger next to me asked a flight attendant why they made that announcement. The flight attendant leaned down and whispered like he was giving her a combination to a safe: "We have a celebrity on the flight today." I’d actually spotted the celebrity at the gate prior to boarding. It was Brandy.

I could also tell you about that time in Tampa, when I had a group of rowdy guys thrown out of my show, and then ran into them the next morning at the Hampton Inn breakfast buffet. But you’ll have to wait for my memoirs to hear the rest of that one, although that’s pretty much the whole story.