This Just In: Legal Pot Rakes In The $$$

Well fuck me sideways; no one saw this one coming: legal pot has made a shitload (that’s a measuring system that equals a large number) of bucks. Fun fact: Washington state’s Economic and Revenue Forecast Council predicts recreational pot will bring in a whopping $190 million. Hell, that’s almost as much money as Facebook spent buying Instagram! Meanwhile, Gov. John Hickenlooper of Colorado stated that sales and excise taxes are expected to bring in $610 million in the next fiscal year, (Which well exceeds the predicted $70 million.)

We, as Americans, live in a capitalistic society, and in a rollercoaster economy other states will most likely follow. In the worlds of legalization activist Matt Tvert: “Voters and state lawmakers around the country are watching how this system unfolds in Colorado, and the prospect of generating significant revenue while eliminating the underground marijuana market is increasingly appealing.”

But it’s not all fun, tokes, and games! Colorado proposes to spend roughly $99 million next fiscal year on substance abuse prevention, public health, and youth marijuana prevention, generating the money for these programs via the statewide 12.9 sales tax on recreational weed.

“We view our top priority as creating an environment where negative impacts on children from marijuana legalization are avoided completely,” said Hickenlooper.

Still, not everyone is playing ball with legal pot crew. On Wednesday, The Denver Post reported Wednesday that Colorado’s two largest banks, Wells Fargo Bank and FirstBank, won’t offer new loans to landowners with leases with pot businesses. Wells Fargo and Vectra Bank have told commercial loan clients they either have to evict marijuana businesses or seek refinancing elsewhere.

Quote from a Wells Fargo Spokesperson: “Our policy of not banking marijuana-related businesses and not lending on commercial properties leased by marijuana-related businesses is based on applicable federal laws.”

Bottom line: Banks love the green but don’t want to do business with those who deal in the green.

Colorado Restaurant Offers Weed and Sushi Pairing Menu

An inanely easy math equation:

(people) + (weed) = people high on weed hungry for food

It’s an age-old quandary, and entire plot to the Kal Penn/John Cho vehicle,  Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle: stoned people enjoy eating food. Am I blowing your mind?

Almost as much as I’m thrilled that Colorado has legalized marijuana, I’m also enjoying the major news networks’ coverage of the precedent event. The mainstream news outlets are simply having a field day by sending their most straight-laced reporters into marijuana facilities so they can ask guys with dreadlocks the difference between Kush and the Bammy.

Since we live in a capitalistic society, one credo rings true: where there’s supply, there’s demand; a greater number of marijuana users in Colorado means an increase in munchies. Keeping that in mind, a Colorado sushi restaurant chain is gearing its menu towards weed-orientated clientele. (Ready for a joke?) Looks like this place deals in high-class dining! (Insert laughter here.)

Hapa Sushi began its pro-weed menu back in 2009, catering to the medical marijuana crowd. The pro-weed Boulder/Denver chain features “menu pairings” to go along with what you’ve been inhaling.  (The also have a gluten-free menu for those who don’t like gluten – but that’s off topic.)

So what’s on the menu?

Here are some of the suggested dinner-and-dope combinations:

  • Pakalolo Shrimp with Pakistani Kush
  • Honey Miso Salmon with Sour OG
  • Katsu Curry with Blue Dream

I highly recommend trying the Pot Stickers – they have nothing to do with weed, they just taste really delicious. Hapa Sushi’s ad points out that the restaurant has been “ergonomically designed to reduce paranoia.” (Yes, but can you tell those unagi rolls to quit staring at me!?)

I’m just waiting for the day where they open the very first cocaine-friendly Chinese restaurant where an hour after eating you’re simply hungry for more cocaine.

Colorado Legalizes Marijuana, Munchies To Follow

Last night, in addition to throwing their electoral votes to Obama, Colorado voters passed Amendment 64, legalizing the use of marijuana for recreational purposes (as did voters in Washington)—which puts state law in contention with federal. But Governer John Hickenlooper had been opposed to the referendums in question and cautioned his constituency not to “break out the Cheetos and Goldfish too quickly.”

You know something? I think Hickenlooper is right. We shouldn’t bust out the junk food too fast. First we should actually smoke some of that sweet, sweet, semi-legal reefer. Ahh. Can’t get the munchies without getting high, right? Afterward, let’s head out and see a big outdoor concert with lots of lasers. The weather will be crisp and fresh; the stars will look immaculate above. We can follow this up with a nice dinner out, maybe to that romantic little Szechuan place we’ve been enjoying recently. Then we can go home and have some mind-blowing, super-stoned sex, because let’s face it: the stuff makes you horny.

Then, when we’re lying sprawled and sweaty on the bed, and someone has turned the TV on out of sheer exhaustion, and a few more quiet moments have passed, that’s when I’d like you to turn to me and say “Are you still hungry? We’ve got some Goldfish or Cheetos in the pantry, I think.” Sounds great! I’ll try not to get any crumbs in the sheets, but no promises. And God Bless Potmerica, baby.

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.

Girl Scout Cookie Season Kicks Off With Controversy

It’s not every day someone offers you a cookie. Sure, a best-selling book has underscored the escalating mayhem that receiving just one cookie can ensue, but starting around the same time every January, all skepticism and resolutions are shelved with the start of Girl Scout Cookie Season. Swarms of elfish figures – festooned in green vests, sashes, and geometric badges – take to the streets, stoops, and outlet center parking lots with one spirited question: “Do you want a cookie?” YES. Yes, we do. And with Girl Scouts celebrating its 100th anniversary with the arrival of their new sunshiny, powdered sugar-dusted “Savannah Smiles,” it’s only appropriate that a massive package of controversy appears, attempting to crumble the Girl Scouts’ beloved cookie season.

Say hello to Taylor: a 14-year-old, California-based Girl Scout member.

The teen is attempting to stage a nationwide boycott of the organization due to its recent decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child to a Colorado troop. She’s created a group, HonestGirlScouts.com, and a video (see below) stating her case:

"So, what’s wrong with that? For one reason, Girl Scouts describes itself as an all-girls experience. With that label, families trust that the girls will be in an environment that is not only nurturing and sensitive to girls’ needs, but also safe for girls…Unfortunately, I think it is because GSUSA cares more about promoting the desires of a small handful of people than it does for my safety, and the safety of my friends and sister Girl Scouts."

She tackles such questions as “Where do transgender boys sleep on overnights?” and the blasphemous quote from Colorado Girl Scout’s VP of Communications stating, “If a child identifies as a girl, and the child’s family presents her as a girl, the Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.”

Taylor, thank you for your honest and carefully-stated opinion via video. However, I don’t think most of us really care what gender Tagalongs with the troops and sells our cookies. We just want ‘em so we can pop those Thin Mints in our freezer and those Samoas under our desk. So, go forth, sell cookies, take a Do-si-dos around the block, and put on a Savannah Smiles. Thank U Berry Munch.

Girl Scout Cookie Season Kicks Off With Controversy

It’s not every day someone offers you a cookie. Sure, a best-selling book has underscored the escalating mayhem that receiving just one cookie can ensue, but starting around the same time every January, all skepticism and resolutions are shelved with the start of Girl Scout Cookie Season. Swarms of elfish figures – festooned in green vests, sashes, and geometric badges – take to the streets, stoops, and outlet center parking lots with one spirited question: “Do you want a cookie?” YES. Yes, we do. And with Girl Scouts celebrating its 100th anniversary with the arrival of their new sunshiny, powdered sugar-dusted “Savannah Smiles,” it’s only appropriate that a massive package of controversy appears, attempting to crumble the Girl Scouts’ beloved cookie season.

Say hello to Taylor: a 14-year-old, California-based Girl Scout member.
 
The teen is attempting to stage a nationwide boycott of the organization due to its recent decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child to a Colorado troop. She’s created a group, HonestGirlScouts.com, and a video (see below) stating her case.
“So, what’s wrong with that? For one reason, Girl Scouts describes itself as an all-girls experience. With that label, families trust that the girls will be in an environment that is not only nurturing and sensitive to girls’ needs, but also safe for girls…Unfortunately, I think it is because GSUSA cares more about promoting the desires of a small handful of people than it does for my safety, and the safety of my friends and sister Girl Scouts. ”
She tackles such questions as “Where do transgender boys sleep on overnights?” and the blasphemous quote from Colorado Girl Scout’s VP of Communications stating, “If a child identifies as a girl, and the child’s family presents her as a girl, the Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.”
 
Taylor, thank you for your honest and carefully-stated opinion via video. However, I don’t think most of us really care what gender Tagalongs with the troops and sells our cookies. We just want ‘em so we can pop those Thin Mints in our freezer and those Samoas under our desk. So, go forth, sell cookies, take a Do-si-dos around the block, and put on a Savannah Smiles. Thank U Berry Munch.