Afternoon Links: Chris Brown and Rihanna Could Perform on American Idol, R.I.P. Outkast

● Rumor has it that American Idol producers are angling to host the now inevitable Chris Brown/Rihanna reunion on their show this season. Do they too want to become "victims" of this mess? [E!]

● With opening night still a month away, the odds seem already to be ever in The Hunger Games‘s favor, as Katniss and company are already besting Twiglight in advanced ticket sales. [Deadline]

● That deconstructed Maybach from Jay and ‘Ye’s "Otis" video could be yours. The now iconic car is being put up for auction as part of Phillips de Pury’s contemporary evening sale in New York on March 8, and all proceeds will go towards the Save the Children fund. [NYO]

● Residents of the Slovakian border town, Bratislava, have voted overwhelmingly to name their new cycle bridge to Austria "Chuck Norris." [NYP]

● With hashtags, mobile apps, and Facebook pages all ready to go, the Academy has made it almost impossible not to live-tweet your Oscar viewing party. [WSJ]

● This pains us so, but: Andre 3000 went ahead and dashed all hope of a future Outkast album in an interview with GQ. "I started this in high school—with Outkast—those were like high school dreams. I’m 36 now, so I have grown-man dreams," he explains, hinting at a new round of collaborations and a possible solo album. [GQ]

Thanks to Chuck Norris, ‘Expendables 2’ Will Be PG-13 and Thus Lame

Look, it’s not a difficult formula: guns, muscles, babes, blood, explosions, blood diamonds, evil dictators, grit and gore and dialed-in racial caricatures right down to the Jamaican guy in dreads who yells "Yeah mon!" as he whips a grenade into an orphanage. The Expendables 2 should not be difficult to make. But thanks to Chuck Norris, it’ll be a PG-13 movie, one without the cursing you’d assume is necessary for a vehicle with so much testosterone. /Film transcribes an interview with Norris in which he told a Polish website, "With The Expendables 2, you have a lot of hard language in there that means that means that young people won’t be able to see it. I said, I don’t do movies like that. I didn’t do them in the past, I didn’t do them on my TV series. I said, you have to cut out all the language, hardcore language or I can’t do it. So they did, and Expendables is now a PG-13 film so kids can see it." Oh, how unfathomably bogus.

The hypocrisy is on display: people will still be getting their heads shot off, and a few less f-bombs won’t make that wash down any easier. It’s even weirder to imagine what teenager can’t get into an R-rated movie, or why producers would so quickly accede to Norris’s quacked out request (he’s like the seventh biggest name in the movie). Speaking to Ain’t It Cool News, Sylvester Stallone confirmed the change. "The PG13 rumor is true, but before your readers pass judgement,  trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and  delivers on every level," he said. "This movie touches on many emotions which we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this Barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry." Grand scale Ass Bashing, yes. If I was still in high school I’d refuse to see this thing out of principle, because I’ve taken AP U.S. History, damn it, and I’m mature enough to know about bad words. But then you realize that language, and not violence, is the barrier for an R-rating and man, the whole system is real dumb, isn’t it. Whatever, brain goes off, money goes away, the show goes on. You can see The Expendables 2 in August, or wait for it to come to you in a fever dream.

Things Go Boom in ‘Expendables 2’

The Expendables was basically gun porn drenched in bro sauce, a noisy, abrasive filmification of a dude named Sully punching you in the stomach while blasting Pantera. The Expendables 2? Yes, oh yes, more of the same. The one-minute trailer, released today, shows all of the stars from the first film and more shooting stuff to pieces, holding guns, looking dead serious in some seriously unflattering lighting.

There’s Sly Stallone and Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham, Jet Li and Chuck Norris and Terry Crews and Bruce Willis and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Also showing up? Arnold Schwarzenegger, because apparently he’s stopped pretending to be a graceful public figure. Isn’t it very, very strange that Ah-nold went from being governor right back to action movies? Most politicians spend their post-office careers writing memoirs, appearing on The Today Show, saluting the flag at the Super Bowl. Shooting up a lot of stuff with a big gun is technically a spiritual cousin to those activities, but it’s not very stately of him.

On the other hand who cares, guns and dudes and things that go KKKKKT-BOOOM a thousand times over. It comes out in August, so start getting pumped beyond pumped.

Morning Links: Khloe Kardashian’s Fox Nip Slip, Chuck Norris Officially ‘Worst Actor’

● “Thank God! I fucking love nipples,” tweeted Khloe Kardashian after falling victim to a minor wardrobe malfunction on Fox & Friends. Embracing a little nip on stodgy broadcast news? Bravo! [NYDN] ● Judd Apatow’s brood of regulars seems to be growing. Old stand-bys Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann are already slated for the upcoming Knocked Up spin-off, while Bridesmaids Chris O’Dowd and funny ladies Lena Dunham and Charlene Yi are in negotiations to join the cast. [Variety] ● Dakota Fanning graduated high school yesterday, having rounded out her teenage experience with two homecoming queen crowns and a varsity letter for cheerleading. [People]

● Emma Watson says she dropped out of Brown not because of rumored bullying, but because of her fame: “”I wanted to pretend I wasn’t as famous as I was,” she said. “I was trying to seek out normality, but I kind of have to accept who I am, the position I’m in, and what happened.” [People] ● Matt Damon has postponed his previously planned fundraiser for embattled Congressman Anthony Weiner, but hasn’t yet given up hope: “Look, I really support his politics,” he told NYM. “Anybody who fights for the working class and the middle class, I’ll help in any way I can.” [NYM] ● Slate did some math using Rotten Tomatoes scores and found that Chuck Norris is the worst actor ever, something we all already knew and loved about him. Perhaps more tragically, Jennifer Love Hewitt was found to be the worst actress, having the “rare distinction of never having made a single ‘fresh’ (above 60 percent on Rotten Tomatoes) film.” [Slate]

Links: Snooki Not Dropping on New Year’s Eve, ‘Girls Gone Wild’ Marriage Fails

● “The Snooki ball drop isn’t going to happen in Times Square,” says someone who knows. Hopefully all the children of the world will stop crying over this by midnight. [Popeater] ● Kelly Osbourne found out on Christmas that her ex-fiance Luke Worrall was cheating on her, so she called him a “piece of shit” and much more in a Twitter rant. [Us Weekly] ● Kim Kardashian filmed a secret music video with Kanye West and director Hype Williams for her upcoming single, which — for some reason — is legitimately exciting. [TMZ]

Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis was married last month to Christina McLarty, who has apparently already walked out on the sleazeball. Hate to say we told you so, said everyone who knows her. [Radar] ● Agathe von Trapp, whose family inspired The Sound of Music, has died at the age of 97. Imagine the musical number at that funeral. [HuffPo] ● Chuck Norris passes out in a Czech television ad. Don’t ask. [WSJ]

X
×

×
X