IT’S HUMP DAY: This Week’s Sexiest Events

It’s Wednesday and you know what that means: we get our hump on. This weekly column is devoted to finding the hottest events across NYC that’ll arouse and titillate even the most jaded New Yorker. Partake in these shows and soirees – from Naked Girls Reading to the shocking "F*ck Art" exhibit – and make the rest of your nights this week very sexy.

See hot naked girls tell stories about circus tricks:
The hit, nude literary event Naked Girls Reading begins its 2013 season tonight with its most eccentric event yet: “Naked Girls Reading Joins The Circus.” At Under St. Marks in the East Village, the naked girls troupe will read tales about their days at the carnival, on the tightrope, and the sideshow, while you attempt to get a gander at the chest behind their books. Whoops! Extra-special guests include Miss Coney Island 2010 GiGi La Femme, and international cirque and burlesque star The Lady Josephine. Wednesday, Jan. 16th. 9pm. All the details here.

Listen to writers’ most sensual and seductive work:
Open mic hits Le Poisson Rouge Friday night when 20 authors, poets, and spoken-word artists bravely take to the mic and share their most erotic sexual fantasies in a monthly night known as “Titillating Tongues – NYC Erotica in Poetry & Prose.” The host – fiery redheaded poet Aimee Herman – has been known to surprise audiences, most notably with a male stripper simulating masturbation onstage. And wahoo, while that doesn’t sound like poetry to me, for some, it’s just perfect.7pm. $10. Friday, Jan. 18th.  All the details here.

See shocking, sexual NYC street art at “F*ck Art” exhibit:
In NYC, there’s little separation between nightclub and lounge, hipster and homeless. And at the Museum of Sex, 20 select street artists showcase art that pushes the boundary between sexuality and our public space in an exhibit called “F*ck Art.” This exhibit gets shocking, asking all those big questions about human cultural identity and sexuality etc., so it’s not for the timid or the meek. But then again, if you’re considering walking into the Museum of Sex at all, you’re none of those things. Bravo. 10am. Runs every day until March 1st. All the details here.

Eat the sexiest Chinese food you’ll ever have:
When nightlife crew EMM Group opens anything new, the spot becomes a huge, sexy hit – and so begins the trajectory of their latest opening:  LES Chinese restaurant The General. I know, Chinese food and sexy? But with its plank-wood ceiling, retro red chairs, and gilded Asian wallpaper, EMM Group makes The General swank – and your new date spot. Open now. 199 Bowery. All inside-info here.

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Holiday Dining For All New Yorkers

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, or what have you, there is always a good reason to dive into a plate of roasted venison or sip a cup of mulled wine this time of year.

Start the celebrating early at the Basque restaurant Txikito in Chelsea. There, from December 19 through the 21 they are celebrating Saint Thomas, or Santo Tomas, with a special feast. In Basque country, usually they parade a pig around town that later gets raffled off. Since letting livestock loose is illegal in the city, Txikito will be offering three suckling pig feasts instead. You can also indulge in customary dishes including Talo Con Txistorra Casera, or tortillas with homemade paprika and sausage.

For a feast closer to Christmas, there is no better place to get in the holiday spirit than at the Rock Center Café. Not only can you ice skate and ogle the tree, but you can chase it with a $69 holiday feast including lobster bisque, braised short rib with pumpkin polenta, and New York-style cheesecake. Over at The John Dory Oyster Bar, chef de cuisine Josh Even has taken Christmas dinner and done it British style with his take on the feast of seven fishes. For $85 this includes a rich seafood stew and chorizo-stuffed squid, or, you can forgo the prix fixe and order a la carte.  

On Christmas Eve, chef Ben Pollinger at Oceana also is doing a feast of the seven fishes with plates of roast Maine lobster and caviar, Arctic Char with fennel and a razor clam vinaigrette, and gingerbread panna cotta, all for $95 or $145 with wine pairing. 

Now, if game meat is what you crave, you can get it at Tocqueville. There, chef Marco Moreira serves spice-crusted venison loin, house-made sausage, glazed chestnuts, and an array of hot cocktails to warm you for the holiday. The meal, sans drinks, runs $95 per person on Christmas Day.

Finally, to round out the full holiday dining experience, Takashi is open for their usual dinner hours, and offer a take on the traditional Jewish feast for Christmas—Asian cuisine. True, usually it’s Chinese food that makes the scene, but up the ante here, and celebrate at this West Villageyakiniku with a make-your-own cow blood pancake with apple cider butter or the seven-day miso-marinated grilled sweetbreads with saffron risotto.

No matter how you do it, these are all bloody great starts to 2013.

New York Celebrates the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival

The Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival, also known as the Moon Festival and the Mooncake Festival, falls on this Sunday, the 30th. While to the Chinese and Vietnamese it symbolizes the fall and harvest time, it also means plenty of parties, feasts, and festivities for New Yorkers. 

Downtown, at the Yunnan restaurant Lotus Blue, a 10-course Moon Festival Banquet will commence on Sunday for $88. For this lavish dinner, executive chef Kian Lam Kho will serve stir-fried lobster with green Sichuan peppercorn, crispy chicken with pu’erh tea, pea shoots in peanut broth, and the traditional mooncakes, though his version comes flavored with rose petal and pistachios.  They also offer a vegetarian option with lotus root soup and Yunnan pseudo ginseng, fried purple yam, and hot and sour wood ear soup.  

At the New Amsterdam Market by the South Street Seaport, they feature Asian-inspired foods by guest chefs and market venues, including chef Simpson Wong from Wong and Wasan. Brooklyn Cured will make banh mi, Home by the Range has tom kha gai down, and Black Tree Sandwich will whip up bulgogi. If you just want an excuse to gorge on traditional mooncakes all day, you can pick some up at Fay Da Bakery

Finally, what is a festival without a parade? At Sara Roosevelt Park (between Canal Street and Forsyth Street) the 10th Annual Autumn Moon Festival and Children’s Lantern Parade will commence at 11am and go until 5pm, which includes traditional performances, food stalls and a glorious dragon cake made by people from the Cake Boss that will feed 1,000 people after the parade. Now that, is a cake to celebrate.