Your Daily Guide to Trending Topics

Every day there are some topics that are trending. Since many of them don’t make sense, we provide easy contextualization. Also, this way, you won’t actually have to know anything about anything.

NASA New Discovery

Yahoo! searchers are going wild this morning for news of a new discovery by NASA. It’s not a previously hidden planet, though, or a race of aliens planning to colonize Earth—it’s plants. Indeed, organisms called phytoplankton blooms have been discovered underneath the ice in the Arctic. The little green guys serve as food for sea life and also create oxygen for the rest of us, which is pretty kind of them, and previously they were not thought to live beneath ice at all. Honestly, we’d prefer aliens. 

Charlie Sheen Rant

Another hot topic on Yahoo! has to do with professional train wreck Charlie Sheen, who continues to act like a monster in every situation possible. Sheen was caught Wednesday night throwing a tantrum after being denied readmission to a Los Angeles hockey game—the actor had stepped outside to smoke, despite signs that direct smokers to areas inside and inform them that there is, in fact, no re-entry. Nobody cares why he flipped, though, they just want to see it. So here you go.

Chad Ochocinco

The sporty searchers at Google are busy reading about Ochocinco, the New England Patriots player who was just let go by the team after he failed to live up to his multi-million-dollar potential. It shouldn’t have been a great surprise to anyone who follows football regularly, however. In January, Ochocinco told the Boston Herald, “ bought into the Patriot Way, and it paid off. Maybe not the way everybody thought it would. I don’t know. Sometimes you work at something and you don’t always get results.” 

Fleetwood Mac

No, it’s not a reunion. People are searching for the Rumours band because of the death of Bob Welch, an early guitarist and singer for the group. Welch died Thursday at his Nashville home of an apparent suicide; he was reportedly found with a gunshot wound to the chest and had left a note. “He was a huge part of our history which sometimes gets forgotten,” band leader Mick Fleetwood has said. “Mostly his legacy would be his songwriting abilities that he brought to Fleetwood Mac, which will survive all of us.” The band’s body count is growing: earlier this year, ex Fleetwood Mac guitarist Bob Weston died of a gastrointestinal hemorrhage. 

10ThingsIMustDoBeforeIDie

Never a group to shy away from lists, the great minds of Twitter are this morning counting down their bucket lists, most of which include meeting Justin Bieber or making good for the grief they’ve caused their families. Sadly, not all from teenagers.

Morning Links: Jospeh Gordon-Levitt Joins Batman, Nicki Minaj To Join X-Factor

● Wyclef Jean was “grazed” in the hand by a bullet while campaigning for presidential candidate and fellow performer Michel “Sweet Micky” Martelly in Haiti this weekend. He’s taking antibiotics and is just fine, so back to the elections, guys? [AP] ● Nicest living boy in Hollywood Joseph Gordon-Levitt has officially signed on to play Alberto Falcone, the son of a mob boss, in Christopher Nolan’s third Batman film, The Dark Knight Rises. He’ll be joining Christian Bale, Anne Hathaway, and Tom Hardy. [Variety} ● Even though it’s Hong Kong-produced, mainland China won’t get to see much of the world’s very first 3D Porn, Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy. Tour agencies are working quickly to resolve this injustice by booking trips to Taiwan for the most eager viewers. [Yahoo! Malaysia]

● “He reminds me a lot of me when I was younger,” Chris Brown said of adopted mentoree Justin Bieber. “I kind of try and be the big brother and make him go the right way and have a great time.” Now that we think of it, Justin seems to be doing just fine one his own. [JustJared] ● Nicki Minaj is in talks to join L.A. Reid as a judge on Simon Cowell’s imported version of The X Factor. She’s fit for the job: One look from Minaj is worth a lifetime of judging, but before making any promises, she needs to know that her shoes will be visible from under the judge’s bench. [Page Six] ● “[At SxSW] you have the greenest of the green, and the oldest, most poisoned of the fucking dinosaurs, walking next to each other in sunny Austin,” opined Bright Eyes’ Conor Oberst during his own SxSW set, now streaming in full on Spinner. He didn’t quite place himself in this equation, but you know how it goes: “Hard lines curved in your face/ The sunshine is so cliche/Just like love and pain.” [Spinner ● Most things you can do, Chad Ochocinco can do better. Or so he thinks. In lieu of an NFL lock-out, he’s decided he’ll be fulfilling his childhood dream of being a Major League Soccer star! The MLS has only been around since he was 17 years-old, but football/futbol — who’s counting? [NYT]