Ten Movies You Shouldn’t Watch Alone on Valentine’s Day

Back when I was single, I didn’t put too much stock in Valentine’s Day. (I still don’t, really; I’ll probably stay in and watch movies with my boo.) But I also never really did it right, either. One year, I came home from work, opened a bottle of red wine, and watched the 1977 film version of Equus, which had just arrived from Netflix. You know, there’s nothing like a lighthearted movie about a naked teenager murdering horses! It’s quite charming. Another year, after my boyfriend dumped me three days before Valentine’s Day in a Chipotle, I stayed in with a friend (who had recently broken off her engagement) and watched The Departed. Not too cheery!

So please, don’t make the same mistakes I have made. Here are some movies you should probably avoid watching at home alone this Valentine’s Day.

Sophie’s Choice

You’d think surviving the Holocaust would be bad enough, but then Meryl Streep’s Sophie comes to America and things don’t really work out so well for her.

Kramer vs. Kramer

Meryl Streep is in a lot of sad movies, although this one does have a precocious child actor in it. Don’t let that fool you!

Anti-Christ

Do you like genital mutilation? Then sure, go on, watch the movie that perfectly portrays Lars von Trier’s slow decent into madness.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

It’s romantic, sure, but even though it has a somewhat happy ending, Eternal Sunshine is not the kind of thing you’ll want to watch tonight.

Paris, Texas

First of all, you really have to give yourself a lot of time to get through this one. It’s long and slow. It’s gorgeous, though, but definitely not a feel-good flick.

The Ice Storm

This is the opposite of any movie that made the ’70s look groovy and fun. The clothes are claustrophobic, the mood is tense, and key parties, for the record, are very emotionally complicated!

Celeste and Jesse Forever

Don’t let the familiar funny people in the lead roles fool you: this movie is bleak.

Far From Heaven

Things sucked for women and gay guys even more back in the ’50s, basically.

Half Nelson

There’s nothing romantic about this one, unless you consider the love for a crack pipe to be heartwarming.

Requiem for a Dream

Sure, it’s a lively little romp through the perils of addiction, but you might have a nightmare that your Valentine is a rabid fridge monster who wants to eat you.

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Beautiful Rule-Breaking Moth Rashida Jones Will Be Writing for TV Now

Rashida Jones is many things to many people. As Ann Perkins on Parks & Recreation, to Amy Poehler’s Leslie Knope, she is a beautiful tropical fish, such a good friend and a beautiful, rule-breaking moth. To most, she is an accomplished and very funny actress who has made us laugh and warmed the cockles of our hearts on The Office, Parks & Rec and Chappelle’s Show, to name a few. She also co-wrote a movie that premiered at the Sundance Film Festival last year with her writing partner Will McCormack and are following said film, Celeste and Jesse Forever, with an upcoming feature called Frenemy of the State based on her comic book about a socialite-turned-CIA-operative. Did you know Rashida Jones wrote a comic book? Because she did. 

But now, in addition to being part of a funny ensemble on TV, Jones and writing partner McCormack, who most recently co-wrote We Are Puppets for Showtime, signed a two-year deal with Warner Brothers to “develop, write and produce their own comedy and drama projects for cable and network TV,” says the Hollywood Reporter. Can’t wait to see what they come up with, and any news about funny, talented women getting more work on TV and playing a principal role in the creative process is pretty awesome. And now, just for you, an Ann Perkins montage party.

Rick Ross, Fiona Apple, and Eight Other Artists Who Deserved a Best Original Song Nomination

The category for Best Original Song is always a bit of a mess. The songs are rarely judged on how they sound; the importance is, of course, how the song fits into the film for which it was written. This year’s nominees are representative of the usual fare. There’s the popular choice (Adele’s "Skyfall," which will likely win, as it should), the new song for the big-budget musical adaptation (the unnecessary "Suddenly" from Les Misérables), and then there are the forgettable tunes (I didn’t even know what Chasing Ice was before today, much less the song from it). It’s a shame, really, because there were plenty of good tracks included in the list of 75 eligible songs. Here are a few that probably will have a longer shelf life than "Pi’s Lullaby."

Karen O – "Strange Love" (from Frankenweenie)

Fiona Apple – "Dull Tool" (from This is 40)

Rick Ross – "100 Black Coffins" (from Django Unchained)

John Legend – "Who Did That To You" (from Django Unchained)

Sunny Levine – "No Other Plans" (from Celeste and Jesse Forever)

Arcade Fire – "Abraham’s Daughter" (from The Hunger Games)

The Bootleggers feat. Emmylou Harris – "Cosmonaut" (from Lawless)

Florence + The Machine – "Breath of Life" (from Snow White and the Huntsman)

Katy Perry – "Wide Awake" (from Katy Perry: Part of Me)

The Black Keys / RZA – "The Baddest Man Alive" (from The Man With the Iron Fists)

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