Flywheel Sports: Spin Me Right Round

Most of the adrenaline and fear I feel riding a bicycle in New York City is derived from various morbid fantasies featuring a car door, the pavement, and a funeral in quick succession. The bike commute is dangerous but thrilling business. As a cyclist, I’ve traditionally regarded spinners with derision. The idea of pedaling furiously in a dark room while house music blares and no one goes anywhere seems tribal and gerbilish in the worst possible way. So I arrive at Flywheel, a new spinning studio that is spreading like wildfire through New York, where they just opened their third studio; the Hamptons, where they just opened their second; and Boca (Boca!) where they just opened their first, with some degree of skepticism.

But Flywheel is essentially a metrics game which appeals to the geek in me. Unlike other spinning studios, there’s a proprietary Torqboard, which adjusts resistance on the bikes with real, not relative, numbers, so you can be competitive easier. That’s also helped by the pair of flatscreen displays which show a leaderboard. I don’t care about spinning, but I hate to lose.

That first class was something between mortification of the flesh, motivational seminar, and hip-hop sing-a-long. Our eerily defined and definitely perky instructor Holly knew all the words to Cam’Ron’s “Hey Ma,” which was nice to hear though at one point she sang, “You smoke, I smoke. I drink. Me too,” which was definitely not true. (The music is curated by “internationally known” artist, DJ Scott Melker.) Also not true but appreciated was her refrain “Every day is Saturday.” It was Thursday morning.

As Holly guided us through frantic periods of low resistance and painful periods of high resistance, she also proved herself remarkably good at pushing one through agony by sheer perkiness. Any scorn I felt for spinners was subsumed by anaerobic agony by minute 23, halfway through the class, during a remix of “Freedom.” “It’s all about freedom,” yelled Holly. “We’re not sprinting, we’re flying. Can I get a ‘Heya’?” “Heya!” I yelled.

Illustration by Matthew Jennings

Afternoon Links: There Is A Kurt Cobain Solo Album, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Might Be Dating

● According to Hole’s Eric Erlandson, Kurt Cobain recorded an full solo album — what "would have been his White Album" — before he died. So probably, Kurt will preform the album in full as a hologram at Coachella next year. [NME]

● To few’s surprise, Urban Outfitters is stocking yet another questionable tee shirt. It’s almost like racism is a part of their agenda or something. [D+T]

● Vincent Gallo is suing the City of Los Angeles over their Arts District Business Improvement District, an organization that is supposed to be using tax dollars to clean-up and beautify the Downtown Arts District. Gallo, however, does not think they are up to the task and he wants his money back. [TMZ]

● In this week’s episode of A Day In The Life, the boys of Das Racist take Morgan Spurlock to Guitar Center and to meet Philip Glass. Watch the whole affair on Hulu. [Prefix]

● Cam’ron announced on Twitter late last that, beginning today and excepting weekends, he will release a track a day for the next 30 days. The hashtag’s #UNLostFiles, for those that will be collecting. [Complex]

● Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis — both, of course, of That 70’s Show fame — went out dinner and touched hands. According to one bystander, "She looked hot," and so it "was definitely more than a dinner between friends." Assume what you will! [Page Six]

● The Pulitzers are here! Did you get yours? No? Next year. [Poynter]

Morning Links: Lindsay Lohan Misses Her Flight, Gwenyth Paltrow GOOPs Her iPhone

● Lindsay Lohan missed her flight and, subsequently, her big Playboy reveal taping with Ellen DeGeneres. [E!]

● Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are headed down to Texas, and for some reason, they are taking grown-brother Rob Kardashian with them. [Us]

● Word has it that New York Yankee captian Derek Jeter sends his one night stands off into the new day’s light with a basket full of signed swag. And maybe a good bye kiss. But mostly autographed baseballs. [NYP]

● Cam’ron has been thus far honest about his feelings for Rihanna’s "We Found Love" ("That’s my shit," he tweets, adding that "’yellow diamonds in da light’ dats my favorite kind"), and so it comes as no surprise that he’s hopped on with a remix of his own. [NahRight]

● Gwenyth Paltrow has finally GOOPed-up her iPhone, expanding her popular newsletter into a city guide app filled "with all her favorite places, services, and people across the city"–her OBGYN and "more affordable" suggestions from Chauffer Rudy included. [Vulture]

Time names "The Protester" as their 2011 Person of the Year. [Time]

● Less pricey tables at Rick Ross’s very swagged out New Year’s Eve party in Miami include the "Aston Martin VIP" table and the "I’ma Boss" table. No plans yet? Get booking! [Page Six]

Morning Links: Lady Gaga’s New Single Is Here, Linday Lohan’s Dress Is Sold Out

● Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” is here. Do things look different already? Heads up this morning, babies — you were born this way! [LadyGaga] ● Rihanna has agreed to lower her two-year-old restraining order against Chris Brown, allowing for contact that “doesn’t annoy, molest or harass her.” Rihanna has moved on. [E!] ● Paul Thomas Anderson has finally found funding for his Scientology drama and his adaptation of Thomas Pynchon’s Inherent Vice. [NYM]

● That $575 white dress Lindsay Lohan wore to court yesterday is sold out, according to the designer, Kimberly Ovitz. You, too, can look innocent in the throes of guilt! [ABC] ● Heidi Montag was upset after being banned from the Just Go With It premier by Jennifer Aniston. “I’ve been such a huge Jennifer Aniston fan my entire life and it’s just really upsetting that she would do this to me,” said Montag, who makes a brief cameo in the film. We can see the influence. [Us] ● We hear Cam’ron played fashion week with a show at The Bowery Poetry Club. For what it’s worth, we think he’s got great style. [Twitter]