NY Times Wins ‘Least Relevant Blog Post On Inauguration Day’ Award

As I type this, Obama has not yet begun to speak, so I’m sure we’ve yet to see some astoundingly terrible analysis on what percent grayer the president’s hair is as compared against photos from four years ago, BUT: as of right now, this is the only hilariously contentless update you need.

At 10:58, New York Times reporter Ashley Parker, whom you really have to sympathize with because who wants to be forced to file such things, gave us this headline: “‘Girls’ Star Allison Williams, Front And Center.” YES. Someone from a TV show that’s been getting Googled a lot the past two weeks is present. And her dad’s a news anchor? Still? THIS STORY HAS EVERYTHING.

Williams was gracious enough to chat with fans, and in so doing

took a minute to ponder a question she called “impossible to answer,” with a laugh — Which is more exciting: today’s inaugural festivities or the recent Golden Globe win for “Girls”? “They’re such different kinds of excitement,” she said.

THAT QUESTION IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO ANSWER. The correct response is "the inauguration," good god. No need to resort to the apples-and-oranges defense, Williams. We’re not reading the news to get a sense of your abstract reasoning, though if we were I believe this qualifies as cause for concern?  

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Don’t Worry: We Will Get That Hurricane Sandy Benefit Concert We Deserve

What’s a national tragedy without an overlong, saccharine television program full of famous people looking sad about people less fortunate than them? While the lower half of Manhattan is still without power, parts of Staten Island and Queens are disaster areas, and the Jersey Shore is nearly washed away, there’s only one thing that will bring joy to the hearts of those affected by Hurricane Sandy: BILLY JOEL SINGING LIVE ON CAMERA. 

Everyone’s favorite frequent drunk-driving piano man will be just part of the celeb-heavy bill, produced by the good folks at NBC. Per the New York Times:

NBC Universal said on Thursday morning that it would show a one-hour telethon and concert on its broadcast network and cable television stations on Friday night to benefit Hurricane Sandy relief efforts. The telethon, “Hurricane Sandy: Coming Together,” will be held at NBC’s Rockefeller Plaza studios and hosted by Matt Lauer, the co-host of “Today.” Among the musicians who are scheduled to perform on the telethon are Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Jon Bon Jovi, Sting and Christina Aguilera; Jimmy Fallon, the host of NBC’s “Late Night,” and Brian Williams, the anchor of “NBC Nightly News,” will also appear.

The telethon will be shown simultaneously on NBC, Bravo, CNBC, E!, G4, MSNBC, Style, Syfy and USA, and streamed live on the NBC.com Web site. It will be broadcast live from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. Eastern time for the East Coast and on a tape delay for the West Coast. NBC said that money collected from the telethon would be donated to the American Red Cross.

Yes, that’s right: if you tune in to Syfy you can still see someone famous sing "God Bless America" while, I dunno, you could be lucky enough to pledge a donation to Julia Roberts on phone duty. EVERYTHING IS SUDDENLY BETTER. I guess it’s a bummer for the regular Syfy audience who’d rather see Tiffany and Deborah Gibson battle a mutant shark or something.

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