Morning Links: Dr. Seuss’ Lorax Gets Stolen, Flaming Lips Get Bloody

● Someone stole a 300-pound bronze statue of the Lorax from the late Dr. Seuss’ lawn. "I want very badly to get our little Lorax back home where he belongs," said Suess’s daughter, Lark Grey Dimond-Cate, of the heist. "Wherever he is, he’s scared, lonely and hungry. He’s not just a hunk of metal to us. He was a family pet." [HuffPost]

● Rumor has it that Megan Fox and her husband of nearly two years, Brian Austin Green, are expecting their first child together. [Radar]

● Darren Aronofsky is in business to direct Anne Hathaway in Get Happy, a Judy Garland biopic. 2012 will be a busy one for him. [TB]

● Kris Humphries won’t sign for a divorce until Kim makes an offer he can’t refuse. "Kris is dragging it out," explains one source. "Kim is ready to move on, but Kris is hoping that stretching it out will get him even more money." [E!]

● Zadie Smith’s 2005 Booker Prize-nominated novel, On Beauty, is being adapted for the big screen by actress, writer and director Kasi Lemmons. [Deadline]

● To celebrate Record Store Day, the Flaming Lips have packaged a special few of their The Flaming Lips and Heady Fwends with a bit of blood from their collaborators — Erykah Bad, Yoko Ono, Bon Iver, Nic Cave, Ke$ha and Neon Indian included — "Like a glass specimen thing," says Wayne Coyne explains. [Paste]

Links: Megan Fox Crushes Dreams, Tiger Woods Has a New Porn Star, Possibly New Son

● Megan Fox is re-engaged to Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame, but that’s what fan fiction is for. [People] ● Bob Marley, singer of such magical songs as “Mellow Mood” and “One Love,” allegedly watched the execution of three men who tried to assassinate him, adding a dark subtext to “I Shot the Sheriff.” [Gawker] ● The internet was invented for things like this highlight reel of menstruation scenes from 27 films, the highest concentration of sexual education ever compiled. [Jezebel]

● Devon James is now claiming that Tiger Woods is the father of her 9-year-old son. Maybe she slept through the last few months, but either way, her mother calls her a “pathological liar.” [Daily News] ● The fact that American Pie‘s Chris Klein is still referred to as American Pie‘s Chris Klein eleven years later is sadder than his second DUI. [HuffPo] ● True Blood and Jersey Shore, mashed-up. [Flavorwire]

Links: Robert Pattinson Not Romantic, Megan Fox Not Hot

● Robert Pattinson may be the romantic interest in the lives of many tweens and middle-aged women, but the Twilight actor says he “can’t think of a single romantic thing” he has ever done. [People] ● Despite showing up to an event with visibly lighter skin, Sammy Sosa is not trying to be like Michael Jackson, he just went through a “rejuvenation process for his skin.” [ChicagoTribune] ● Duncan Jones will follow up his breakout film Moon with a thriller entitled Source Code, with Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead. [Screendaily]

● You can thank Brian Austin Green for Megan Fox not knowing how hot she is. Fox says she doesn’t notice all the notice because she’s been in the same relationship “forever.” [DigitalSpy] ● Sapphire, author of Push which is now the movie Precious, says that Brandy originally inquired about playing Precious, but the author turned her down. [Rap-Up] ● Paris Hilton is upset that her likeness is being used on an empty billboard in New Zealand; the billboard features Hilton with the word “Vacant” over her face. [Stuff]

Megan Fox + Mickey Rourke = Rourkox?

Brian Austin Green is about to get ram-jammed. If Mickey Rourke is the coolest man on the planet like he’s proven himself time and time again to be, then we’re on the brink of bearing witness to the greatest on-and-off screen couple since Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan dirty-danced in Step Up. MTV has learned, from Megan Fox herself no less, that Rourke will join her in Passion Play, a movie about a caged circus freak and its savior. Guess who’s playing the freak.

Not Mickey Rourke! Fox told MTV that her character will have wing-like appendages protruding from her formerly flawless back, while Rourke will play a washed-up trumpet player in 1950s Los Angeles who befriends the beauty and the beast. The movie marks the directorial debut of Mitch Glazer, who wrote Scrooged and Great Expectations. This wouldn’t be the first time Rourke has (reportedly) romanced a young costar, but if Brian Austin Green (who was recently spotted escorting Fox through the streets of Toronto) wants to maintain has status as Flukiest Man Alive, he’d better hope its the last. Man, if unraveling a successful movie career with drugs and tantrums, then resurrecting it by delivering an Oscar-nominated performance as a downtrodden wrestler in a Darren Aronofsky film is all it takes to spend some between-scene downtime in Megan Fox’s trailer, then consider it done.

Break Megan Fox Embrago at These Foxy Restaurants

Tomorrow, most man-centric mags will declare a ban on Megan Fox in a limp attempt to curb attention to the starlet. Although coverage of the ban itself is having the exact opposite effect, with some sources summarily providing a rundown of Fox’s movie credits and photo-ops. Surprisingly enough, Fox has never appeared too annoying — if anything, she’s always been good for a quotable quip or two. So if you’d like to say “Eff you, man mags!” and take time out to show your pride for Megan Fox, here are a few places (based mostly around L.A.) through where the starlet’s wined and dined, leaving a scrap of herself as a footnote to every credit card signature.

Nobu (Malibu) – Typical for any of the glitterati, yes, but Fox definitely supped on seafood while erstwhile paramour Brian Austin Green.

Gyu-Kaku (Beverly Hills) – Maybe there was something about mixing Brian Austin Green and Japanese food that Fox found to be extraordinarily quixotic. That would explain why they were seen leaving this BBQ joint.

The Smoke House (Burbank) – But alas! All lukewarm love affairs must fizzle out (or remain tenuously on-off.) So it was here that Fox was seen single and having a business lunch. Because this is what a busy business lady whose life is missing something but she doesn’t realize it because she’s so busy with business does.

La Bruschetta Ristorante (Westwood) – However, even workaholics must rediscover love. So of course, she found something akin to possible love in dating Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf. The two engaged in grown-up mating rituals like sipping red wine and laughing until they cried. Oh, young love!

● Whole Foods (Anywhere) – But you know what? Fox is just a regular girl with everyday needs. Which is excellent news for you because you may not be able to re-create a dinner date with Green, let alone with LaBeouf. So, look no further than your neighborhood-friendly organic grocer for your own little Megan Fox-inspired walkabout. She says, “Being photographed at Whole Foods, or like coming out of Rite-Aid with your shampoo bottles and stuff, that’s new to me.” During the blackout on Fox coverage tomorrow, this too could be an eye-opening experience for you.

Links: Megan Fox Tattoo Trouble, Shia LaBeouf Eye Injury

● Tom and Katie stopped by Hollywood Boulevard to support friend Cameron Diaz as she got her star on the Walk of Fame. [JustJared] ● Although Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green may or may not be together anymore, Fox doesn’t worry about having Brain’s name tattooed somewhere on her anatomy, ‘cause it would be so easy to laser off these days. [NationalLedger] ● E! has taken the advice of their viewers and have banned Heidi and Spencer Pratt from their channel — no coverage, no air time, nada. [E!]

● Jessica Simpson will star in another reality show called The Price of Beauty; the singer, who has been criticized for her weight, will investigate different beauty and dietary practices women go through around the world. [People] ● Bryan Fuller, creator of Pushing Daisies, has abruptly quit his other job at Heroes to focus on new projects for NBC — and not because of disagreements with Heroes creator Tim Kring. [EW] ● America’s next action star Shia LaBeouf almost lost an eye after mistiming a stunt on the Transformers sequel; the botched stunt still left him with a spike lodged in his eye. [AccessHollywood]

Links: Winona Ryder No Angelina Jolie Hater, Lauren Conrad No Kristin Cavallari Fan

● Despite what you may think, Winona Ryder harbors no ill will towards Angelina Jolie for stealing the spotlight in Girl, Interrupted. If you remember, Jolie went on to win an Academy Award, while Ryder was put on trial for stealing from Saks. [Wonderwall] ● You can find anything on eBay these days including the roughed-up, borrowed Maserati Lindsay Lohan drove for a few months; starting bid is $25K. [TMZ] ● In a new book, a former roadie for Jimi Hendrix claims the legendary guitarist’s manager murdered the singer to collect his insurance policy. [TheIndependent]

● Lauren Conrad calls Hills heir apparent Kristin Cavallari “very opinionated.” And the only thing the cast of The Hills agree upon is that no one likes Kristin Cavallari. [UsWeekly] ● Shia LaBeouf is many things — former child star, action hero, and lover of granny sweaters. LaBeouf was seen being all these things in Studio City, where he paired a fetching pair of purple pants with a blue Moose knitted sweater. [OceanUp] ● David Silver … I mean, Brian Austin Green will soon become a season regular on One Tree Hill, a show which is in fact still on. [EW]