‘All Star Celebrity Appretice’ Breaks Record For Most Odious People On One Show

Stretching the definitions of both "celebrity" and "star," the new trailer for All Star Celebrity Apprentice proves the Donald Trump-hosted show might be his most odious on television.

The "all star" cast includes professional has-beens like Stephen Baldwin and Gary Busey, professional creep Bret Michaels, and do-you-seriously-not-have-anything-better-to-do, sorta "celebs" like Penn Jillette, Lisa Rinna and LaToya Jackson. And of course Omarosa returns to reprise her role as the Original Angry Black Woman Stereotype Of Reality Television

The trailer is sefl-effacing, at least? So that’s nice?

But Trump still gives me the rage-skeevs by wondering aloud whether a woman on the cast is "a leader" or "a stressed out bitch."

Watch below: 

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter.

That Guy Split Up With What’s-Her-Face

TMZ, People, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation have all harmoniously confirmed the terrible breakup of a torrid sexual relationship between Hollywood actors Jennifer Anniston and Robert Pattinson, who appeared on The Daily Show with Jimmy Fallon last night to confirm that he will be the new legal guardian for Suri Cruise, the illegitimate child of British chanteuse Adele and an unnamed father who is probably Bret Michaels, the rock star famous for his recently called-off double-engagement to Twilight’s Kristen Stewart and one of the girls from Teen Mom.

Meanwhile, Gillian Anderson, Anne Hathaway and Carey Mulligan have filed for a divorce from their respective husbands—Stevie Wonder, Tom Cruise and Justin Theroux (née Jeremy Piven). Kenny G, accredited just two days ago as a lawyer, will represent both men in what is likely to be a blood-soaked beast of a court proceeding. Kenny G is also caught in the middle of his own bitter divorce from a crazed fan, who filed for marriage without his knowledge; that case is presided over by Judge Judy.

Judge Judy could not be reached for comment, but this weekend she was spotted scarfing down hamburgers at Chateau Marmont with Ryan Gosling, the world-renown David Duchovny impersonator.

Links: Miley Cyrus Covers Bret Michaels, Carrie Bradshaw Gilded

● In a move of pure genius, Miley Cyrus is covering one of her favorite songs — Bret Michaels’ ode to a stripper who did him wrong, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Will Cyrus get back on the pole for the video? [People] ● On a related note, Miley likes to keep herself and her dancers entertained on tour by attempting Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” dance. Enjoy. [Youtube] ● Linsday Lohan has flown the coop to India, fearful that her gargantuan fame is going to get her kidnapped, and yet she’s there to do a documentary about human trafficking. Is Lindsay Lohan even aware who Linsday Lohan is? [Radar]

● It’s come to this: there’s been a shot of it, even a real chance at it, but now there’s a Conveyor Belt of Love. ABC has ordered this series which, as the title would suggest, places men on a conveyer belt to be picked by women for a possible romance. [THR] ● The Sex and the City 2 poster is out, and the filmmakers have seemingly disregarded the current recession as Carrie Bradshaw appears to be dipped in gold. [Moviefone] ● New Moon director Chris Weitz has come to the defense of the overzealous Twihard who faces jail time for videotaping the film, and he is even talking to the studio to help her out. [SunTimes]

Links: Kiefer Sutherland Breaks Prison Breaker, Kumar Goes to White House

● We know that Kiefer Sutherland likes to get physical with strangers (see Jack McCollough), but vs. a good friend? Prison Break star Robert Knepper says Sutherland punched him in the face when he mentioned he might quit acting. [DigitalSpy] ● The group Little People of America are trying to get the FCC to ban the word “midget” from use on television. [HuffingtonPost] ● Elizabeth Taylor took to her Twitter to say she won’t be attending Michael Jackson’s memorial at the Staples Center. [Twitter]

● This is not Bret Michaels’ year; first came the facial (and ego) bruising at the Tony’s, and now his tour bus was involved in a five-car pile up. No word on if any Rock of Love contestants were on board. [KansasCity] ● Kendra Wilkinson says now that she’s married and with child, she’ll be a “strict, Christian” mom. [FoxNews] ● Actor Kal Penn started his tenure at the White House yesterday; Penn will work to connect President Obama with the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, as well as arts groups. [Yahoo]

Star Crossings: Matching Celebrity Hookups

Professional matchmaker Amy Laurent offers advice for Hollywood’s confirmed bachelors and those recently in the doghouse.

What’s in store for Guy Ritchie? Well, he was always Mr. Madonna, but he has in his own accomplishments. He needs to date someone less famous. He’s been seeing actress Kelly Riley, who is great because she’s not such a superstar. I really like him with Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef. She’s divorced from Salman Rushdie and definitely doesn’t need to be with another writer. And look, I hate to promote adultery, but I kind of like Madonna with A-Rod.

Yeah, it’s pretty hot. They are both huge, but in different industries. Plus physically I always pictured her with a darker guy.

Do you think David Duchovny and Tea Leoni will stay together? I don’t know. If they do, she’s gonna need to support him. Sex addiction is like alcoholism; it’s an everyday struggle. He’s so sexy though, it’s understandable, plus there’s that show he’s on.

Yeah, and apparently he’s got a huge one. If they don’t stay together, and after a while he’s ready to date seriously, I love him with Meg Ryan. He needs a natural beauty, and she’s been through her own stuff.

And she got down in that movie In the Cut. Speaking of getting down, Hugh Hefner is single again. He should just have fun. Holly moved out because he wouldn’t marry her. Now he has 19-year-old twins living at the mansion. I say go for the twins.

Sage advice. What about George Clooney? He says he never wants to marry. Humans are humans, and sometimes they need a partner. A guy like him doesn’t deserve to be 70 and alone. He’s recently gotten back with Krista Allen, and I think he craves that kind of close friendship. But I think he does best with non-celebs. He can have everything he wants and keep his privacy. Of course, I sort of like him with Anne Hathaway …

She could definitely use a good man. They’d be like the cool version of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

Jeremy Piven is in New York right now doing Speed-the-Plow on Broadway … should the girls in the Meatpacking District look out or what? He loves his fame. He worked hard for a long time, and now that he’s big, he wants to enjoy it. And he has enjoyed it. You see him on the circuit in New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago with models, hot girls, yet he always brings his mom to the award show. I would like to see him with Karina Smirnoff from Dancing with the Stars. She’s hilarious and fun. I think there would be plenty of passion, but humor will keep him coming back.

What can a girl do to get Lance Armstrong coming back? I don’t know. He was great with Sheryl Crow. Obviously he needs someone beautiful but also active. She’s got to keep up with him.

Like Matthew McConaughey? No comment. I like him with Jennifer Aniston, but she is a friend of Sheryl’s, so that might be tough. I could see him with Shania Twain, who’s got that all-American look, or Christina Applegate, who is pretty, sweet, and also a cancer survivor. He should stay off Ashley Olsen. He needs to keep it over 30.

Should Bret Michaels keep it over 30? He’s not gonna find love on a TV show. Those girls are a little rough around the edges. I like him with Katy Perry. She’s sexy, she can hang with the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle, but could be more than just a groupie.

Plus she’s kissed a girl. She might be down for a three-way with Brandi C.