The Reign of ‘Ho Hey’ Ends With a Cluck

The Lumineers’ "Ho Hey" is one of those songs that just gets under people’s skin. For a few months, fueled by its appearance in TV spots for Silver Linings Playbook, it was everywhere, and we were all sick of it. It’s not a particularly exciting or memorable song, and yet, its ubiquity was responsible for varying degrees of rage, from the boiling pot of all-caps blogging to the quiet, seething rage as the banjos waft through the taxi stereo.

And with The Lumineers, who I’m sure are very nice people, touring this summer and making some major festival appearances, including Lollapalooza (along with Mumford & Sons, just in case there weren’t enough banjos), "Ho Hey" will likely make its way into your earholes again, whether you want it to or not. But perhaps its reign as a parasitic earworm is almost ending, seeing as the song has finally entered the realm of all-clucking parody. Late last week, Jimmy Fallon, Nick Offerman and Blake Shelton took to the stage on Fallon’s late-night show as "The Chickeneers," performing an all-clucking version of the single. It’s pretty entertaining, but more so, once a song has a chicken-related parody, that means it’s run its course, right? Watch.

Linkage: Lindsay Lohan Might Be an Escort, Jessica Simpson Can’t Stop Bonin’, & a Kris Kross Reunion

If you’re wondering how the hell Lindsay Lohan can get away with jetting across the globe and staying in fancy hotels with nothing but money from Playboy shoots and Lifetime movies, here’s a possible explanation on where she gets her money: she might be working as a high-class escort for the rich and not-so-famous. Some of her alleged clients include Prince Haji Abdul Azim, third in line of the throne of Brunei (which is a real place, not like Genovia), and painter Domingo Zapata. Of course, these allegations come from her scumbag father, Michael Lohan, so take them with a couple shakers of salt. [Radar]

Nicole Kidman is on the cover of The Hollywood Reporter, and she dishes about Scientology—sort of. When pressed, she’ll say only: ‘I’ve chosen not to speak publicly about Scientology. I have two children [adopted with Cruise] who are Scientologists—Connor [the Red Dawn actor is now 17] and Isabella [20]—and I utterly respect their beliefs.’” The cover story also revels that Modern Family’s Sophia Vergara was director Lee Daniels’s first choice for Kidman’s role in The Paperboy, so just imagine that crazy lady doing her own hair and makeup and peeing on Zac Efron. [THR]

Jessica Simpson, as always, is both a good indicator of the failures of sex education in this country and an example of how annoying celebrities can be if their publicists can’t get them to shut the hell up. The occasional singer and sometimes actress told Jay Leno last night that she’d like to get married to fiancé Eric Johnson, with whom she has one child and a second on the way, but, in her words, “he keeps knocking me up.” [Fox News]

Sarah Jessica Parker replaced Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem in the upcoming Lovelace, premiering at Sundance, after Moore’s hospitalization for exhaustion early last year. It turns out it was all for naught: Steinem’s role in the film has been cut. [EW]

Because of money, NBC is going to roll poor Betty White out again and make her watch a bunch of people “pay tribute” to her for Betty White’s 2nd Annual 90th Birthday Special. The party’s guest list includes folks like Blake Shelton, Bill Clinton, and Larry King, because who else could possibly ruminate on all of Betty White’s achievements as an old actress who still makes dirty jokes when forced to read from cue cards in front of a TV camera? [Deadline]

Kris Kross are getting back together because they left a lot of things unsaid, a lot of pants unsagged, and also realized how much of a boner everyone has for the ’90s. [Vulture]

Does keeping a “princess-free” household promote feminist ideals in children or just keep them from having fun? [Jezebel]

Die Hard director John McTiernan is headed to jail for a year and must pay a $100,000 fine. And no, it’s not because he directed that Rollerball remake. [Indiewire]

R.I.P., old guy from old TV show. [TMZ]

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Blake Shelton, Asshole, Brags On Twitter About Killing A Turtle

Some people hunt for sport. Some people hunt for food. And some people run over with their car an Eastern Box turtle walking across the road. One of those people is country music star The Voice coach Blake Shelton, who tweeted yesterday, "Does anyone know if the Eastern Box turtle is protected in Oklahoma? If so I didn’t just swerve to the shoulder of the road to smash one…" Cue a Nelson Muntz "HA HA."

An NPR blogger, Barbara J. King, at-replied Shelton and asked, "That turtle’s life meant something – was your tweet a bad jke? Why would you be so cruel to a living being?" Shelton then at-replied — doubly confirming his asshole status — her "Shut up." He dodged dozens of angry tweeters dismissively and later tweeted, "For the last time I didn’t hit a turtle! I haven’t seen a turtle. I haven’t seen a turtle! So please all you turtle freaks go back to eating your boogers! It’s OK!" And of course, he didn’t stop there: "What’s wrong with people!!! Get a job! Get laid! For once!" 

Shelton claims that making his own roadkill was a joke and was not even in Oklahoma; he also tweeted about having raised money for "homeless animals." Because that’s a thing people who love animals do, apparently? Joke about killing protected animals on Twitter? Yeah, I joke about disemboweling panda bears all the time!

Regardless of whether he killed a turtle or just showed poor judgment, the fact remains that Shelton and his wife Miranda Lambert, also a country star, are both big hunters. They served venison they shot themselves at their wedding and went fishing on their honeymoon. Whether you agree eating meat is ethical or not, hopefully people who eat animals they kill show some honor and respect at the animal’s sacrifice; killing animals for no other reason than for your own amusement shows, in my opinion, no respect at all. A random act of violence against an animal he didn’t intend to eat is indefensibly disrespectful and telling that NPR blogger "Shut up" is even more so. It makes me wonder whether Shelton has respect for the lives he and his wife take.

And I hate to say it, but this incident does nothing to improve the ignorant hick stereotype of some country music stars.