Queen Of All Pop Culture Beyoncé reigns all the land, including the March 2013 issue of Vogue. But if I am not mistaken, didn’t Vogue take some liberties with the spelling of Beyoncé’s nickname? It’s Queen Bey, as in the Bey Hive, not Queen B.
Beyoncé covers the "Power 2013 Issue," making her inclusion as a black woman on the cover of Vogue all the more meaningful. Bey covered Vogue‘s April 2009 issue, the "Shape Issue," with a headline that headline that trilled, "Real Wome Have Curves: Beyoncé At Her Best." (Jezebel.com, not surprisingly, took issue with just about everything on that cover.)
Anyway, here’s the full image of Beyoncé on Vogue. Qu’en penses-tu?
Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter.
Just kidding. There’s no such thing as Peak Beyoncé.
So far, this week, GQ, surprising no one, featured Beyoncé on the cover of their "Sexiest Woman of the Century" issue, which is fitting because there is just no one else who could possibly. Later this month, she will sing the national anthem at President Obama’s inauguration, and a couple weeks later, perform at a large, televised concert bookended by a decidedly less important football game and premiere a self-directed HBO documentary. How could Beyoncé possibly top this eternally-rolling snowball of domination? By remembering the ’90s, obvs.
Destiny’s Child is back and releasing their first new track together in years to accompany Love Songs, a compilation of some of the R&B trio’s biggest, well, love songs, that will drop on January 29th. The album features slow-burners like "Emotion" and "Cater 2 U," along with "Nuclear," an all-new Pharrell-produced single. Let the Super Bowl reunion speculation begin, which would actually make up for several years of lackluster Super Bowl halftime shows.
Should we have a video party? Let’s have a video party.
February 2013 will be the month in which Beyoncé Knowles actually begins to execute her plan for global domination. According to regular collaborator The-Dream, Bey will likely reveal a couple of new tracks for her upcoming album at the Super Bowl halftime show on February 3rd, adding ominously, “now she’s in a place where she’s ready to start gearing up to reveal her plan." What could this plan be? Is it global domination? Is it to prime Blue Ivy Carter for some kind of takeover? Are the Illuminati involved? (The answer, if you read a lot of conspiracy-obsessed message boards, is “Yes, of course.”)
On February 16th, after we have all become aware of Beyoncé’s master plan, she will air her self-directed autobiographical HBO documentary, also titled Beyoncé. The singer released a brief and mildly creepy trailer for the doc, which leads with the all-important question: “I always battle with ‘How much do I reveal about myself?’” And not much is revealed in 25 seconds—there are some interesting-angled selfies, ravenous fans, some shots with the family, a brief close-up of her baby bump, some pyrotechnics. You know, just a day in the life of Beyoncé. Watch.
Bootylicious news, my friends. In an interview with the Huffington Post, Mathew Knowles — father of Beyoncé and former manager of the girl group Destiny’s Child — revealed the ladies have previously unreleased songs they are planning to release this November. Those bastards! How could you hold out on us, Bey?
What we really want, of course, is not just more pop tart material on the following themes:
I don’t need a man.
I can buy my own shit.
Did I mention I have a nice ass?
No, what we really want is for Beyoncé, Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland to reunite for a Destiny’s Child reunion tour. Alas, Mr. Knowles basically told HuffPost not to hold its collective breath:
It takes a year of planning to do these tours, but first it starts with the artist wanting to do it. I hope in the next five years that there is a reunion tour. I think it would be incredible. The hardest thing would be choosing which songs they’re going to do, because we would want to mix it up with solo hits and Destiny’s Child hits. We would have to throw away some number ones from off the set list.
I guess Beyoncé is a little preoccupied with that having-a-newborn thing. But I can dream, can’t I?
Our Beysus, who art in Manhattan, hallowed be thy name, Thy Kingdom… oh, sorry! I got distracted there for a second. Anyway, remember when Beyoncé gave birth to Blue Ivy Carter, her first child with Jay-Z, in January? And remember how the entire pregnancy was plagued by rumors of a secret surrogate? Well, the World’s Most Beautiful Woman has something to say about all of that!
In an interview with People magazine, who bestowed her with the aforementioned "Most Beautiful" title in its latest issue, Beyoncé addressed all the chatter regarding her allegedly fake baby bump:
“That was crazy. It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy,” the songstress, 30, tells PEOPLE. “[I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?’”
Alluding to an Australian interview in which it was later suggested that Beyoncé had been sporting a prosthetic bump, Knowles says, “It was a fabric that folded — does fabric not fold? Oh my gosh, so stupid.”
So to all you bugaboos who dared to ring the alarm and say that Beyoncé was a beautiful liar about getting bodied, you better listen when she says that, while she may be a naughty girl, when it comes to baby Blue, it was "me, myself, and I."
● And like that, the wedding is over. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries tied the knot this weekend in front of 450 surely fabulous guests, and everything went smoothly. Kim wore Vera Wang and called Kris the “yin to her yang,” baby Mason had everyone laughing, and Lindsay Lohan partied ’til she was pooped. [E!] ● Well, mostly everything went smoothly. Sometime around 2am, neighbors called the police complaining of noise, and the party shut down early. C’est la vie. [Page Six] ● Lil Wayne is being sued by rapper Rich Rick, who says he bought rights to the Drummer Boyz “How to Love” beat sometime between 2006 and 2009. [TMZ]
● A less likely inciter than Justin Bieber, rapper Machine Gun Kelly was arrested for starting a flash mob in the food court of an Ohio mall. [NYT] ● Waka Flocka Flame’s stripped-down PETA ad was one thing, but now the animal rights group is going all out and launching a full-on porn site, and we aren’t sure we have the stomach for it. [Huff Post] ● Gisele and Tom Brady top Forbes‘ highest paid couple list, followed closely by Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Down to ride ’til the very end. [Forbes]
● Lindsay’s latest court caper racked up a $135,000 price tag. That’d be $132,500 more than the necklace she stole. [Radar] ● Jennifer Aniston bought a $4.95 million penthouse in the West Village in the name of her depressed dog, Norman. Hopefully they can both find happiness there. [NYP] ● Ivana Trump doesn’t seem sure about her ex-husband’s proposed presidential run. “It would be terrible for us if he ran. It would be a disaster,” she reportedly said. [GateCrasher/NYDN]
● Amber Rose wants to clear things up: “You know when people say how do you go from Kanye to Wiz Khalifa, that’s a downgrade. But the only question I can ask them is: have you ever dated Kanye? Because I have, and believe me, I did not downgrade at all. Not in any aspect, at all.” Get it, girl. [King] ● Along with kale and mint, Gwyneth Paltrow is growing salvia. Not that kind of salvia. Just plain, non-hallucenagenic salvia officinalis, aka: sage. [GossipCop] ● Beyoncé has named her next album 4. Just 4. Because it’s her fourth album. But also because, “We all have special numbers in our lives, and four is that for me.” Special like her birthday (September 4), like her mother’s birthday (January 4), and like her wedding date (April 4). [Billboard]
● Not to detract from Barack’s week of winning, but Michelle’s “Let’s Move!” campaign is the best ever, right? For its most recent video, Beyoncé surprises some girls dancing to her “Move Your Body.” It’s officially cute. [YouTube] ● Khloe Kardashian seems to think using egg whites as lubricant can speed up the baby-making process. [HollyBaby] ● Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have chosen particularly, uh, inspired names for their twins: Moroccan Scott, as in “the Moroccan-inspired decor of the top-tier of Carey’s apartment” and Monroe Cannon, after Marilyn Monroe, Mariah’s inspiration. [Huff Post]
● Elizabeth, the other Olsen, wooed Sundance this year, winning high praise for her two debut films. If the trailer for Martha Marcy May Marlene is any indication, the praise was well deserved. [Vulture/NYM] ● “Brando allegedly annoyed his traveling companions by insisting on stopping at nearly every KFC and Burger King they passed,” reports Vanity Fair of Marlon Brando’s unlikely escape from New York after 9/11. Those annoyed travel companions? Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson. [Vanity Fair] ● Three 800-pound bronze animal heads by Ai Weiwei were unveiled at the Plaza Hotel. The Chinese artist remains detained in his homeland. “Beauty and inspiration are irrepressible; they are alive in every human heart – in every nation – and wherever an artist creates Ai Weiwei is there,” mused Mayor Bloomberg, who was there for the occasion. [Metropolis/WSJ]
● Last night’s presidential address concerning Libya was scheduled for a pre-primetime 7:30pm, so as not to get in the way of ABC’s hit Dancing With The Stars. “The White House routinely works with the networks … to find a time that’s respectful of both the networks and their audience,” said the White House. [NYT] ● After a false alarm this weekend, Mariah Carey is back home lending “festiveness” to the waning days of her pregnancy by hand-painting her “dem-babies” bump. We knew she could sing, but an artist, too! [Twitter] ● Shockingly, Italy is none too pleased with out latest export, the Jersey Shore kids. “They embody the worst stereotypes of Italians, multiplied by thousands,” wrote an Italian newspaper columnist. A commenter took it further, asking, “When I see this, I wonder whether [Osama] Bin Laden had a point.” Ouch. [NYP]
● Four Destiny’s Child albums, three solo albums, sixteen Grammys, and two top-grossing movies later, Beyonce has outgrown her father’s management. The successful father-daughter team are amicably parting professional ways. “I’m grateful for everything he’s taught me,” Beyonce said. [ABC] ● After a weekend of Internet harassment, TV-chef Ina Garten feels she has become properly “aware of Enzo’s story” and now “looks forward to inviting him to spend some time with her.” Unfortunately, it seems Enzo, a six-year-old leukemia patient, has already set his sites elsewhere. [TMZ/TMZ] ● Elizabeth Taylor’s last act might entail more math and less glamour than we’ve come to expect of the legend: Apparently, her estate — “baubles” and all — is almost incalculably large, and as long as her perfume sales remain strong, still growing. Luckily for her four children, the recipients of her estate, numbers this big tend to mean no one loses. [PopEater]