Linkage: Lindsay Lohan Might Be an Escort, Jessica Simpson Can’t Stop Bonin’, & a Kris Kross Reunion

If you’re wondering how the hell Lindsay Lohan can get away with jetting across the globe and staying in fancy hotels with nothing but money from Playboy shoots and Lifetime movies, here’s a possible explanation on where she gets her money: she might be working as a high-class escort for the rich and not-so-famous. Some of her alleged clients include Prince Haji Abdul Azim, third in line of the throne of Brunei (which is a real place, not like Genovia), and painter Domingo Zapata. Of course, these allegations come from her scumbag father, Michael Lohan, so take them with a couple shakers of salt. [Radar]

Nicole Kidman is on the cover of The Hollywood Reporter, and she dishes about Scientology—sort of. When pressed, she’ll say only: ‘I’ve chosen not to speak publicly about Scientology. I have two children [adopted with Cruise] who are Scientologists—Connor [the Red Dawn actor is now 17] and Isabella [20]—and I utterly respect their beliefs.’” The cover story also revels that Modern Family’s Sophia Vergara was director Lee Daniels’s first choice for Kidman’s role in The Paperboy, so just imagine that crazy lady doing her own hair and makeup and peeing on Zac Efron. [THR]

Jessica Simpson, as always, is both a good indicator of the failures of sex education in this country and an example of how annoying celebrities can be if their publicists can’t get them to shut the hell up. The occasional singer and sometimes actress told Jay Leno last night that she’d like to get married to fiancé Eric Johnson, with whom she has one child and a second on the way, but, in her words, “he keeps knocking me up.” [Fox News]

Sarah Jessica Parker replaced Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem in the upcoming Lovelace, premiering at Sundance, after Moore’s hospitalization for exhaustion early last year. It turns out it was all for naught: Steinem’s role in the film has been cut. [EW]

Because of money, NBC is going to roll poor Betty White out again and make her watch a bunch of people “pay tribute” to her for Betty White’s 2nd Annual 90th Birthday Special. The party’s guest list includes folks like Blake Shelton, Bill Clinton, and Larry King, because who else could possibly ruminate on all of Betty White’s achievements as an old actress who still makes dirty jokes when forced to read from cue cards in front of a TV camera? [Deadline]

Kris Kross are getting back together because they left a lot of things unsaid, a lot of pants unsagged, and also realized how much of a boner everyone has for the ’90s. [Vulture]

Does keeping a “princess-free” household promote feminist ideals in children or just keep them from having fun? [Jezebel]

Die Hard director John McTiernan is headed to jail for a year and must pay a $100,000 fine. And no, it’s not because he directed that Rollerball remake. [Indiewire]

R.I.P., old guy from old TV show. [TMZ]

Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter

Morning Links: Snooki Might Actually Be Pregnant, Ryan Murphy’s Mega-Musical

● Turns out, Snooki might actually be pregnant and just waiting on the right tabloid cover deal to make the announcement. Will Snooks be the first non-teen to be pregnant on MTV? Or the first meatball, certainly! [Page Six]

● Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have welcomed their third, little boy bundle of joy, into the world. [Us]

● Meryl Street donated a generous $10,000 to a school in Viola Davis hometown in Rhode Island, perhaps as a ‘Thank you’ or even an "I’m sorry" for taking that best actress Oscar. [Reuters]

● Elizabeth Olsen has been offered the female lead in Spike Lee’s Oldjoy remake. [SlashFilm]

● This sounds too good to be true, but: Glee‘s Ryan Murphy is said to be planning a mega-musical comedy called One Hit Wonders that will star Gwyneth Paltrow, Reese Witherspoon, Cameron Diaz, Beyoncé and Andy Samberg. [Deadline]

● Whitney Houston’s death has been ruled an accident, and "not a result of deliberate action taken by Houston—or anyone else." [E!]

● Young Jeezy hung out with Betty White back stage at Conan, and there are pictures to prove it. Oh, the places you’ll go. [Rap-Up]

Afternoon Links: Paula Deen Confirms She Has Diabetes, LiLo’s Glowing Probation Report

● Paula Deen confirmed this morning on Today that she does indeed have Type 2 diabetes. She also revealed that she has known — and been cheerfully championing an all butter everything diet anyways — for three years now. Or as she puts it, "I did not [want to] let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life." [Page Six]

● Once again, Lindsay Lohan has earned herself a glowing probation report. If she can keep this up, she could be let loose on the world once more come March 29th. [TMZ]

● President Obama would love to wish Betty White a happy 90th birthday, but first he’s going to have to ask to see that long-form birth certificate of hers. [Politico]

● Bill O’Reilly referred to himself as "a brother, man," after correctly distinguishing his "Ice Cubes from the Ice-Ts" on last night’s O’Reilly Factor. Needless to say, Ice-T was not impressed. [EW]

● "I think I am smart unless I am really, really in love, and then I am ridiculously stupid," says Taylor Swift, whose new album will be — shockingly! — about heart break. [Vogue]

● "I don’t think it warranted anywhere near that reaction," said Daniel Radcliffe, the host of last weekend’s Saturday Night Live, in an attempt to argue that Lana Del Rey’s performance could have been worse. [TMZ]

NBC to Air Betty White Birthday Special

America’s love affair with Betty White continues.  The Golden Girl will be getting her very own 90 minute special on NBC on January 16 in celebration of her 90th birthday. What can viewers expect?

At least part of the program will be styled as a dinner party with White’s co stars from Hot in Cleveland and The Mary Tyler Moore Show scheduled to attend.  A few of NBC’s leading ladies are also set for surprise appearances so fingers crossed for a Tina Fey cameo.  The pair are set to go up against each other for the Grammy Award for Best Audio Book which could lead to some funny banter.

The network will also be previewing White’s upcoming hidden camera show Off Their Rockers, which sounds like Punk’d but with the geriatric set pulling pranks on unsuspecting youngins.  There will also no doubt be plenty of dirty jokes told with old person faux innocence. And no one is sick of that yet, right? 

NBC to Celebrate Old Lady’s Birthday

Everyone’s favorite octogenarian has a big birthday coming up: Betty White turns 90 this January. And since America’s Betty White fetish has backpeddled a bit since she finally got the opportunity to host Saturday Night Live last year, the honchos at NBC have a brilliant plan to make us all fall in love with the golden gal all over again.

TV Guide has the details about the dinner-style event: 

Among the famous faces likely to offer on-camera tributes: stars from Betty’s series, The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Hot in Cleveland, as well as funny ladies from the NBC comedy lineup. Additionally, TV Land’s Cleveland is planning an episode centered around the birthday of Betty’s character, Elka Ostrovsky. The special is being executive produced by Brad Lachman, Steve Ridgeway and Jon Macks, whose credits include The Tonight Show, the Emmys and the Academy Awards.

Let’s hope the chances of a tipsy Mary Tyler Moore are high.

This isn’t the only big news for White. Vulture reported earlier this year that NBC is producing a reality show called Betty White’s Off Their Rockers. She’ll host the "hidden-camera show that ‘follows a band of seven senior citizens who make it their mission to play pranks on unsuspecting younger people.’" 

Morning Links: J-Lo & Marc Anthony Split, Lil Wayne Bans Backstage Booze

● J-Lo and Marc Anthony, a couple who we thought might be happily high-maintenance together forever, have split. Divorce, however, can’t stop the show – they are still hoping to host their Latin talent search, Q’Viva!, together this fall. [THR] ● Harry Potter sold $476 million in tickets worldwide over the weekend, breaking all sorts of box office records and rendering the rest of the summer’s blockbusters as failures. [NYT] ● Meanwhile, Sarah Palin doc The Undefeated opened in Orange County, CA to nary a soul. Well, almost. [The Atlantic]

● Lil Wayne’s probation is all inclusive: the rapper has banned booze backstage for the entirety of his “I Am Still Music” tour. [TMZ] ● Chris Brown is set to star in a film adaptation of Steve Harvey’s Think Like A Man. Is there even a role that won’t conjure his troubled past? [BET] ● They came first for Mila, and then for Justin, and now they want Betty White, too. This year’s is sure to be the Marine Corps’ most star-studded ball yet! [Vulture]

Links: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Smell, Jeremy London’s Fake Ordeal

● Mariah Carey’s new fragrance, “Lollipop Bling,” is inspired by her husband Nick Cannon. It smells like Nickelodeon Gak, underachievement, and emasculation. [People] ● There is only one bad review of Toy Story 3. It goes, in part, like this: “Transformers 2 already explored the same plot to greater thrill and opulence.” Obviously. [Slashfilm] ● Actors are worried they won’t get work if IMDb continues to list their ages. Betty White says “buzz off.” [HuffPo]

● Jeremy London, who claims he was kidnapped and forced to take drugs, may be making the whole thing up, possibly to counter his own irrelevance. The entire case is like Scooby-Doo, the reality show. [Celebuzz] ● Kanye West is being questioned for details surrounding the shooting of notorious rap mogul Suge Knight, who ended up with a busted leg at one of Kanye’s parties. If any rapper knows nothing about guns, it’s the one who samples showtunes. [Page Six] ● The porn version of Avatar, created by Hustler, will be in 3-D. Up next: an audience splash zone. [MNN]

Links: Dina Lohan Nearly Arrested at Carvel, Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber IRL

● Dina Lohan had the cops called on her at Carvel for producing the ice cream equivalent to a “Black Card,” giving her the right to free treats for 75 years, though it actually belonged to Ali Lohan. It’s unclear whether this is made up or not. [Radar] ● A slideshow of slideshows featuring the sexiest World Cup fans is some kind of meta-joke, but as Freud said, sometimes breasts are just breasts. [Awl] ● Real journalist discovers little-known world of urban cat baloncy’s, a.k.a. “catios.” [NYT]

● A 27-year-old woman named Katie was questioned by police investigating eyewitness accounts of young Justin Bieber drinking in a bar. No joke. [TMZ] ● Betty White outed Cary Grant on The Joy Behar Show. Luckily, no one watches The Joy Behar Show. But YouTube! Luckily, he’s dead. [Celebuzz] ● Rules for using the “Reply All” email function should be committed to memory. [Gawker]

Links: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Are Ruining ‘Twilight’; Sean Penn to Anger Management

Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart reportedly had a “massive blow-up” on the set because of Rob’s love for a London burlesque club. One trillion twelve-year-old girls will soon Google “burlesque” before stabbing their Bella dolls in effigy. [Page Six] ● Playboy‘s 2010 Playmate of the Year, Hope Dworaczyk, will appear as a 3-D centerfold, but sans smell-o-vision, because no one buys a magazine for the scent of plastic fumes and concealer. [Gizmodo] ● Jay-Z and Betty White may have gotten “frisky.” [Vulture]

● Sean Penn was ordered to anger management classes for kicking a photographer and breaking his camera, but it might have just been method acting for when he plays Russel Crowe. [TMZ] ● How often do you find yourself asking, “What happened to N.W.A.’s crew?” Truly a dream-haunting query. [L.A. Weekly] ● Rihanna failing miserably at the Moonwalk makes sense and at least means she’s not spending time with Chris Brown. [Wonderwall]