Your Daily Guide to Trending Topics

Every day there are some topics that are trending. Since many of them don’t make sense, we provide easy contextualization. Also, this way, you won’t actually have to know anything about anything.

The Master
Sure, we knew our readers would be interested in The Master, the first Paul Thomas Anderson film in five years. So when the first peek hit the web yesterday, we were all over it. Now it’s the second most searched term on Google. Most of the stories that Google searchers are finding are about the trailer, the lack of Philip Seymour Hoffman, whether or not it’s based on the life of L. Ron Hubbard. Take one wrong Google turn, however, and you can easily learn about some non movie-related things, including celebrity trainer Jillian Michaels’ crusade against The Master Cleanse and a golf tournament.

SpaceX Launch
It’s not just NASA going into space anymore. This morning, a privately owned cargo rocket was launched on a mission to deliver about 1,000 pounds of goods to the International Space Station. That’s really only about week’s space groceries, but the idea is to see if in fact people other than government-employed geniuses can make space travel work. If all goes well, Space Exploration Technologies Corp., or SpaceX, will win a $1.6 billion dollar contract to run 12 missions into space. No word on whether any of them will carry Lance Bass.

Bond Girl Marlohe
Berenice Marlohe, the new Bond girl who’s apparently the toast of the Cannes Film Festival, is the most trendingest item on Yahoo! this morning, which probably means that a bunch of misspelled versions of her name combined count toward that honor. Because, honestly. Marlohe plays Severine in the film, titled Skyfall, and showed off her sinister side at a screening of the film, where she told reporters that her co-star, Daniel Craig is "like a clown."

Arsenio Hall
Yes, that Arsenio Hall. The former late-night talk show host is at the top of the trends list thanks to his big win on Sunday night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice. Hall beat out American Idol alum Clay Aiken, showing us all that the term celebrity is certainly subjective. Anyway, if Arsenio really wants to do things right, he will use his resuscitated fame to put together a Coming To America reunion.

#IStandWithObama
Folks on Twitter are awfully hyped to talk about President Obama this morning. The hashtag #IStandWithObama is seriously trending, with users sharing their views on what the President is doing right. To be fair, other topics include #YouKnowTheSunIsShiningWhen and “Rise & Grind,” so we can’t put too much stock in the idea of great thought at 140 characters.

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Is Berenice Marlohe the Newest Bond Girl? Let’s Rank Her Predecessors Anyway

Who had Berenice Marlohe in their “next Bond girl” pool? According to reports, the French television actress will be starring alongside Daniel Craig and Javier Bardem in the 23rd James Bond adventure (its rumored title is Skyfall). The Daily News says she was “handpicked” by director Sam Mendes, which we’re sure was an absolute chore. How does Berenice Marlohe stack up against previous Bond girls? Let’s take a look.

Marlohe hits all the right notes: She is exotic, beautiful, and relatively unknown. The least successful Bond girls lack at least one of those qualifiers (Denise Richards, notably, only fulfilled one-third of that criteria), but a great Bond girl is more than just a sum of those parts. It’s an endlessly complicated formula that, if published in a peer-reviewed paper, could end famine and bring warring nations together. Instead, we’re just going to rank Bond girls on their Bond girl-ness. Beauty, charisma, and quality of film are all taken into consideration. How funny her name is, however, is not. Grow up.

23. Dr. Christmas Jones, The World is not Enough: The aforementioned Denise Richards Bond Girl. On the receiving-end of one of 007’s bluest quips, “I thought Christmas came but once a year.”

22. Kara Milvoy, The Living Daylights: The Living Daylights had a Bond girl?

21. Pam Bouvier and Lupe Lamora, License to Kill: License to Kill had two Bond girls?

20. Domino, Never Say Never Again: This was not an Eon Productions release; therefore it technically isn’t a real Bond movie. Kim Basinger played Domino alongside Sean Connery in this, his last appearance as James Bond. He was approximately 3,000 years old.

19. Dr. Holly Goodhead, Moonraker: In the novel, Dr. Holly Goodhead actually turns down Bond at the end and tells him she is engaged. In the movie, they fly away in a spaceship together. Enough said.

18. Teresa “Tracy” Bond, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service: Bond’s only wife, thus marring her eternally. James Bond getting married is like Superman relying on public transportation.

17. Mary Goodnight, The Man With the Golden Gun: Goodnight repeatedly screws up and gets Bond in danger. Usually this is not just enjoyable, but essential to drive the plot forward. Somehow, Mary Goodnight screws this up too.

16. Camille Montes, Quantum of Solace: Decent Bond girl, decent-ish Bond movie.

15. “Jinx” Johnson, Die Another Day: Unfortunately, Halle Berry’s Jinx is ranked so low on this list only because of how god-awful Die Another Day is.

14. Tiffany Case, Diamonds are Forever: Had Denise Richards been born in 1940, she would have played Tiffany Case.

13. Solitaire, Live and Let Die: Docked, unfairly perhaps, because her character was pretty racist in the book version.

12. Kissy Suzuki, You Only Live Twice: Speaking of racism, Kissy Suzuki is the Japanese pearl diver Bond falls in love with in You Only Live Twice, a movie in which he is “made Asian” through an exhaustive process of applying bronzer and comically narrowing his eyes.

11. Octopussy, Ocuopussy: Remember, the amount of double entendre crammed into their name has no bearing on their ranking.

10. Vesper Lynd, Casino Royale: The straight-laced bearcat-turned-sexpot is a go-to in Bond movies, but Vesper Lynd does it well enough to help Daniel Craig’s Bond get his feet wet.

9. Natalya Simonova, GoldenEye: Exactly the same as Vesper Lynd, only slightly better.

8. Domino, Thunderball: Scuba sex.

7. Judy Havelock, For Your Eyes Only: She has a pet parrot that talks on the phone to Margaret Thatcher, and the prime minister believes she is speaking with Bond. That alone is worth a couple bumps up the list.

6. Wai Lin, Tomorrow Never Dies: Maybe the most capable Bond girl, Michelle Yeoh’s Wai Lin excels in action scenes that no other Bond Girl could match.

5. Tatiana Romanova, From Russia With Love: Intriguingly one-dimensional, a template for future Bond girls.

4. Anya Amasova, The Spy Who Loved Me: Agent XXX is a far more thrilling Russian foil for Bond than Tatiana Romanova.

3. May Day, A View to a Kill: Grace Jones’ May is technically just a henchwoman and not a true Bond girl, but she is so much more memorable than Stacey Sutton, the film’s conventional Bond girl, that she deserves a high ranking. Others that fit this category include Xenia Onatopp in GoldenEye and Elektra King in The World is Not Enough. May Day is included to represent all the underappreciated henchwomen in the Bond universe.

2. Pussy Galore, Goldfinger: The first name that pops up when you think, “Bond girl.”

1. Honey Rider, Dr. No: Emerging from the sea in a white bikini with a knife sheathed in the waistband, Honey Rider is the first image that pops up when you think, “Bond girl.”

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