Morning Links: James Franco Snaps, Rihanna Having Problems Selling Tickets

● HBO has announced yet another Republican-friendly project: A Dick Cheney miniseries. What we all want to know is how they’re going to portray the hunting incident. [Deadline] ● Bam Margera has always actually seemed like a jackass, and that’s a point he seems to have proven with his new black eye. Apparently, he was hit by a girl after he called her both a sea otter (which sounds cute) and a beached whale (not cute). He was out for seven minutes. [TMZ] ● Even the man who wrote James Franco’s Oscar lines, Bruce Vilanch, has come out saying he thought Franco just “didn’t get there” at the awards ceremony. Well, Franco’s really had enough of your naysaying. Yesterday, he responded to the hate with a quickly deleted tweet linking to a little MS Paint art he made poking fun at Vilanch himself. Did he snap? Or was it just art? [Vulture

● Tickets for Rihanna’s “Loud” tour aren’t selling the way they should, and her tour manager is now wondering if it’s time to start cutting shows or looking at smaller venues. [Page Six] ● MediaTakeOut thinks these before-she-was-famous shots make Nicki Minaj look like a “butch lezzy,” but we think she looks fresh with cut-off jeans and wrists full of bangles. [MTO] ● Nine days before the actual ceremony, Lifetime is set to air their take on the whole William & Kate thing. The trailer is glossy and fast paced, just like a Lifetime movie or a royal wedding should be. [Just Jared]

Links: Movie Stars Steal All the Tony Awards, Sausage Man Jimmy Dean Dies

● Movie stars Scarlett Johansson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Denzel Washington took home trophies at last night’s Tony Awards, in part because Hollywood is greedy and also because no one would care about theater otherwise. [NYT] ● Not one, but two Mean Girls sequels are in the works, at least one of which is going straight to DVD, at least one of which is titled Mean Moms, and none of which feature Lindsay Lohan, angry drinking binge or not. [Jezebel] ● A 59-year-old woman hit Jackass star Bam Margera in the head with a bat. [E!]

● Jimmy Dean, American country music legend, actor, and sausage magnate, has died at age 81. Eat a patty and pray. [AP] ● Simon Monjack, Brittany Murphy’s widower, who passed away soon after the young actress died, had two secret children, making this story a more and more tragic screenplay. [TMZ] ● In the battle of ’80s remakes, The Karate Kid tops The A-Team at the box office, but we all lose because karate puns are uncreative. [ET]

Links: Lindsay Lohan’s Marilyn Redux, Hailey Glassman’s Good Sport

● Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of Vogue Espana doing her best Marilyn-by-way-of-Lady Gaga pose. Again. [JustJared] ● Things could be worse — Lindsay could be Mischa Barton who, after her police assisted trip to the hospital, has been put under a 5150, a.k.a. an involuntary psych hold a.k.a. pullin’ a Britney. [People] ● Although Iron Man II isn’t coming out till next summer, EW has exclusive images of Robert Downey Jr. and Mickey Rourke as their alter egos. [EW]

● In things that make you go huh: Joe Jonas, Bam Margera, and the Veronicas were snapped dining together. Figure that one out. [OceanUp] ● Just when you thought there couldn’t possibly be any more Michael Jackson news, a previously unheard MJ song has surfaced called “A Place with No Name” — a riff on “A Horse with No Name.” [TMZ] ● Hailey Glassman seems to be enjoying the attention she’s getting from dating Jon Gosselin, even if it’s negative; she’s even changed her Facebook profile picture to Perez Hilton’s photo mocking her. [PerezHilton]