“I have fantasies about seeing him again, what it would be like. I imagine seeing him, just like I did the first time, at the park outside the coffee shop. His denim jeans and grey t-shirt hugging his incredible body; me running my hands over every inch of him; tearing his clothes off and having all of him.” Meet Chloe Is My Alias, the successful, sex-obsessed, and wholly anonymous scribe of So I Met This Guy, the blog where she chronicles her dalliances with a Jung-like roster of New York movers and shakers: The Ralph Lauren Guy, The Photographer, The Editor, The Media Guy. The Wife. Chloe herself is in Fashion, and while we’re not likely to discover her real identity anytime soon, BlackBook spent a rainy afternoon on the phone with the candidly sexual blogger in what was her first interview ever. What follows is a frank conversation about feminism, porn, and British accents.
I hope you don’t mind answering some personal questions. Feel free to ask me anything. I’m an open—well, I’m almost an open book.
I’m interested in why you started a blog. I have always been the girlfriend with the wild stories. Every time I’d go to tell any of my stories to my friends, I’d say, “Oh my goodness, I met this guy,” or, “So I met this guy last night,” and it just kind of took on a life of its own. So I just decided, “Ok, I might as well write about these [stories] and share them with other people.”
I’m assuming that one of the reasons you have to remain anonymous is because of the men you sleep with, and certainly for your own career’s sake, but I’m wondering if part of the reason is also because people aren’t ready to hear these kinds of stories from women. I think that’s a huge part of it, and that’s actually one of the reasons why I wanted to write about it in the first place, to say that women have these kinds of feelings and experiences, and it doesn’t make them bad people to want to be sexual and enjoy sex, and to want to have these crazy experiences. Or not— you don’t have to want it. Some people who read my blog write to me and tell me that they could never do that, but they love hearing about it and living vicariously through me. Even if they might not themselves do it, they still appreciate it.
I feel like a lot of people are still very judgmental of women, which is also a very small part of why I remain anonymous right now. And it makes it more interesting for the story. I like that there isn’t a face to the name, so to speak. I think that allows people to put themselves in the story more, and visually create the story for themselves and build their own fantasies. At the same time, I do worry. What if someone doesn’t hire me for a job because I happen to enjoy sex and wrote about it once?
What do you look for in a lover? It depends. I’m not really attracted to men that pursue me, because I know what I want the second I see it. So if I see someone, I’ll approach them. I don’t wait for guys to come talk to me. He has to be very well dressed. My number one criteria is style; he has to have very good personal style. I guess second, looks-wise, I definitely like older men. So, 35-45, I guess. Physically, I don’t really like very muscle-y guys. That doesn’t turn me on. Are there certain professions that are sexier to you? I find myself more attracted to the creative types, people that work in magazines or production. The Artist, The Photographer—I don’t know if it’s so much that I’m attracted to their creative side, or if it’s that I’m not attracted to the really linear positions. There’s no “Doctor” or “Lawyer.” Well, there’s one lawyer, but he’s from London, so he’s an exception. The accent. British men: that’s my weakness, actually. My weakness is the British accent. If you have that, you’re like gold. What about money? I’m not looking for someone to take care of me financially. I’m a very independent person who takes care of herself, so I don’t really care. I think when you have money it allows you to do more exciting things, so that kind of plays into it, but it’s not—If some guy walked around and flashed his wallet, I wouldn’t care. I don’t want to go to a bad restaurant, not because I want to be seen in a good one, but because I actually like good food, and if you take me to a bad restaurant, they’re not going to have good food. When you go to Balthazar, you know that you’re going to get good food. It just happens to be a bit of a scene also. What is it that you think drives you out to seek anonymous sex? The people that I sleep with, when I sleep with them, I’m my real self. I’m not Chloe to them. So I don’t really think of it as anonymous sex, actually. I don’t have a boyfriend right now and I haven’t met anybody that can keep my interest for long enough, but I still really like sex, and I really enjoy having it, and often. I have people that I do that with that are great people, and they’re nice, they’re just not anyone that I want to pursue anything more than a physical relationship with. It’s just about being able to do that and have those experiences. I just feel like I always end up with these crazy stories just from meeting a guy. What’s one of your craziest stories? I think the first story I wrote about has to be the most outlandish, because I met London Guy in Las Vegas. I had taken my mom there for a “girls’ weekend.” Basically I had a night of just wild drinking and having fun and he invited me, the next day, to go to Hong Kong with him for a week. So we went and had this whirlwind romantic week-long vacation in Hong Kong. I think that was probably my craziest. Whenever anyone says, “I have a Las Vegas story,” I say, “No. I have a Las Vegas story!” Do you think you could ever be satisfied by one man, or do you think the idea of monogamy is just wrongheaded? No, I think it’s a really interesting idea, actually. I think that it’s a really nice idea. My grandparents were together forever. How could they have possibly been with someone else when everything they did, they did together? I think that’s an amazing, amazing thing. I think that in today’s world, people are only looking for a quick-fix. Our whole culture is based on instant gratification, like a diet pill, or plastic surgery—something really quick. I feel like in relationships, that’s not the case. Relationships take a lot of time and a lot of hard work if you want to maintain them over the course of a lifetime, and as much as I would love to find someone that’s willing to do that with me, I don’t know if that’s actually possible. I think it’s a really nice idea to say that it is possible; I just don’t know if it is.
Just for you, or for anybody? I think for anybody. I think for me the biggest thing is that we’re brought up in a culture where we’re told from day one that you get married and you have babies, or, you fall in love, you get married, and you have babies, and then you live happily ever after. I feel like that’s a really old model and maybe we need to revisit that model, and maybe that model works for some people, and maybe it doesn’t work for others. Do you ever judge yourself harshly for sleeping around? Never, ever. If I did I would stop it immediately. If I ever felt bad about anything I did, I would not do it. If think that there’s something I shouldn’t be doing, I don’t do it. As much as these things are spontaneous, I’m a very logical and thoughtful person so if I thought it was a bad idea, I wouldn’t do it in the first place.
Some might interpret some of the things as anti-feminist, or at the very least, controversial, and I think some feminists would read it and say it’s extremely empowering. I am really fascinated by the whole concept of feminism. It’s really interesting because when the movement originally started it was really about equality, but there are the extremists, as there are in every movement, that made it about being “anti-men.” I actually did a Facebook post a while back about why feminism is such a dirty word, and I think it’s because it really did become an anti-male thing and I’m not anti-men. I love men. I would go crazy without them. I feel like women can have the same attitude towards things that men do, and I think even still, they’re not really allowed to be as free, sexually, as men are. What about being the other woman? Do you ever feel guilty? I think there are two sides. There’s the “affairs,” and then there is the sexual aspect of it. If you’re emotionally and mentally involved with somebody on a really deep level who’s not your wife or husband, I feel like that is cheating. That probably means you shouldn’t be married to the person that you’re married to, or whatever it means for you. But if you’re just having sex, I feel like that’s a totally different story. I feel like that’s acceptable as long as it’s done in a “respectful” way—you’re not flashing your girlfriend around town, you’re not sending emails, you’re not deleting pictures on your computer. Like I said, I’m very much of the mindset that “what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me.” If I had to hear from my girlfriend, “Oh we saw your boyfriend out with another girl for dinner,” that’s embarrassing. But if I don’t have to hear that, then I really do believe it’s just sex. I’m going to read back a line to you that I read in one of your posts: “As unfortunate as this is going to sound it is true; women are master manipulators. If I wanted to I could make any man fall in love with me.” How would you go about making a man fall in love with you? That’s not an easy thing to explain. Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s not all women, but I’m very good at anticipating what a man wants in response. So you can just look at a guy, size him up, and think, “What kind of girl does he want me to be?” You can be that girl, if you want to have him. If he wants the girl that’s fun and flirty, you can be that. If he wants the girl that is kind of standoffish, and makes him work for it, you can be that person. I’m not talking about making him fall passionately, madly, eternally in love with you. I’m talking about physically conquering someone. What’s one of the least sexy things a guy can do in bed? A very good question. I don’t know, talking? (laughs) Talking about anything other than dirty talk? Actually, one of the men that I write about knows about the blog, and he said, “You should write about bad sex,” and I told him, “I don’t have bad sex!” I can’t write about it, because I haven’t had it, I’m sorry. What’s something that just drives you wild? I really, really like the feeling of hands on my body, like being grabbed, and being pulled, a little bit of aggression. It really turns me on when a guy has to really grab you because he wants you so badly. I know once you talked about masturbating in your blog. Why don’t you think more women masturbate? I think they do. I think they just don’t talk about it. This is just my personal opinion, but I would never just sit down at the coffee table with my girlfriends over a cappuccino and start talking about how I just masturbated. But for some reason guys feel like it’s totally okay. Guys seem to be able to talk about that all the time and no one thinks it’s weird, but if a girl talks about it, it’s like “Whoa.” Do you watch porn? It’s funny, I’m not really into porn, but mostly because of who’s in porn. It’s all so trashy looking, and I’m really not into trash. I find sometimes I’ll look at fashion photography that’s really sexualized and that turns me on more. They’re beautiful and everything about it is so aesthetically pleasing, but in porn, especially the girls—they are just awful. I come from a fashion background, so for me, the over-bleached, blonde, fake-boob thing isn’t exactly exciting. Are there certain places that are best for meeting men? Yes. Hotel bars. Absolutely. Is there anything that you think everyone should try once? I really try to stay away from any kind of mold. For me I just do what feels good. I don’t like to put labels on things. I do what makes sense to me, and I don’t think that something that makes sense for me necessarily makes sense for everyone. The one thing, and this has nothing to do with dating, or men, but I think every person should be able to be independent, and be able to go somewhere by themselves. Go have dinner by yourself. Go to a movie by yourself.
Photography by Harry Fellows.