This CBGB Movie Looks Kind Of Ridiculous (But You’ll Probably See It Anyway)

So the poster for CBGB, Randal Miller’s upcoming cinematic take on the legendary club and its owner, Hilly Kristal, was released today, prompting another NYC cultural institution to declare: "If you’re the type of cynical punk asshole who thinks the movie about CBGB can’t be anything but terrible, well GOOD NEWS, the movie’s poster essentially proves you right." The whole thing has a very Rock of Ages-meets-Purim Carnival feel about it (Paste‘s Bonnie Stiernberg compared it to the "rock and roll" section of a Party City catalog, A+), and even with Alan Rickman, who can do no wrong, the whole thing just seems, well, ridiclous. The poses! Oh, the poses! At least the captions for Debbie Harry and Iggy Pop are things the two of them really said. 

There’s the Justin Bartha crotch-grab, which actually does look like he’s auditioning for Rock of Ages or maybe some boy band. Joel David Moore’s Joey Ramone has this weird Very Mary-Kate thing going on. And not pictured is Johnny Galecki, who although is playing someone on the business side, dude was in The Big Bang Theory, and if there’s one thing that is not punk rock at all, it’s CBS. Rupert Grint really does kind of look like Cheetah Chrome, though. Regardless, even if this movie is as lulzy as the poster makes it seem like it will be, you’ll probably see it out of some morbid curiosity or just to hear some jams. Or maybe it will capture the sort of irreverence and goofiness that existed in the club’s spirit. Whatever. It’s your call. 

If you want to see some awesomeness happening at the real CBGB, here’s Talking Heads performing "Psycho Killer" there in 1975. Enjoy. Happy Friday.

Breaking Down Ashley Greene: 9 Things You Didn’t Know About the ‘Twilight’ Star

I wanted to write an article entitled “Go Ask Alice,” a play on that druggy confessional book from the seventies and the character that 24-year-old actor Ashley Greene is best known for portraying: Alice Cullen of the lusty vampire saga Twilight. I wanted to write about Hollywood DUIs with La Lohan, TMZ tussles, and coke-fueled orgies with the cast of Gossip Girl. I wanted to write the tragic untold story about the sorry life of the beautiful young starlet who got sucked into the vortex of a hyper-popular teen franchise—a $1.7 billion box office bonanza and counting. Being at the center of a storm like that must surely come with a dark side, right?

Apparently not.

In person, Greene comes across as anything but a Hollywood monster. She’s more like a Girl Next Door, maybe one of the Joey Potter variety—only real, and rich, and available for dissection in the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. My hopes were dashed. Delivered from modeling classes in Florida to Hollywood at 17, and then to Twilight at 21, Greene appears to be well adjusted, deeply engaged in her career, and keenly aware of her good fortune. She’s close with her family, stays out of the tabloids (no small challenge given her relationship with onetime beau Joe Jonas), and seems every inch the PR fantasy.

The image Greene projects is one of a young woman so focused, private, and seemingly straight-laced as to be almost boring. (What good is a celebrity if there’s nothing salacious at which to wag our collective finger?) Except the Girl Next Door is never boring. Here’s why:

She’s a Bikini Babe Take a look at Sports Illustrated’s 2010 Swimsuit issue. That’s Ms. Greene inside, wearing nothing at all, her body a marvel in the ’90s-era supermodel mold. “My team asked them to go easy on the Photoshop,” she says. “I’m not perfect, I have flaws.” Perhaps they lie beneath the pink, scaly bikini that was painted onto her muscular form. “I painted it on myself,” she jokes. “Actually, it took 12 hours, and the artists are amazing. I was debating whether or not to do it, but I talked to my dad. I thought it was very beautiful and artistic.” She readily admits to harboring ulterior motives, though: “It had a really good response. I think it was actually a good thing in that it made my audience more broad.”

She Has a Dad Who Can Kill You How much heat did the old man take after his little girl turned up in her birthday suit on billboards and in magazines all over the world? “My dad used to be in the Marines, so no one is going to give him flack,” Greene says. She and her brother were raised with SEAL Team Six strictness in Middleburg and Jacksonville, Florida. (Her father now owns a concrete business, and her mother works in insurance.) “At 14, I was being a little brat. I thought I knew everything, and my dad was like, ‘I own your bed, your TV, everything.’ At the time I was annoyed, but I’m very thankful because he worked really hard to provide for us. There was a lot of discipline, and with what I’m doing now, I’m glad for it.

She Can Kick Your Ass at Sports It’s no coincidence that so many paparazzi shots show her exiting the gym. Her physique is so, well, exemplary that Greene has twice graced the cover of Women’s Health. “Growing up I was very competitive with my brother,” she says. “He did martial arts, and I was a tomboy. I got into martial arts and won medals.” Odds are good that one of them was a Purple Heart. “Once on the trampoline, I hit my leg and it just snapped,” the former cheerleader says. “They put pins in it.” Restrained in what nearly amounted to a full-body cast, Greene managed to re-break the bone soon thereafter when her brother, off balance on roller skates, sent her wheelchair careening into a concrete wall. “I broke my arm twice, I broke my femur twice, I split my head open twice,” Greene says. In other words, she is not afraid of you. image

She Has a Crazy Work Ethic Greene joined the labor force at age 14. “I worked at the dry cleaner across from my school, I worked accounts payable for a company, I did hosting, I worked at a bowling alley, I worked at a boutique,” she says, ticking through her resume. After arriving in LA with a manager and an agent in hand, she earned spots on Mad TV and Punk’d (she tricked Justin Long into thinking she was underage after he bought her a cocktail), but continued to work Average Joe jobs to make ends meet. “I worked at a hotel, I worked at a restaurant, I did modeling, I worked everywhere. And I didn’t get fired!” That hotel she worked at? The Hollywood Roosevelt in LA, home of Teddy’s, the site of many a debauched evening for young Hollywood. Does she care to share any stories? “Absolutely not.”

She Knows How to Be Naughty Yes, she’s discreet, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be seduced. Before there was Sports Illustrated, there was the cover of Maxim. “I wouldn’t have done anything too crazy,” she says. “The thing I tell myself is, My father’s going to see this.” She knows that teen girls make up the vast majority of her fan club, too. And yet, she understands what brings home the bacon. “It’s important to have a male audience.”

She’s Probably Seeing Someone Else It’s a wonder the aforementioned teens didn’t abandon her in droves in 2010 when she started dating Joe Jonas. (Whatever did happen to that promise ring?) Since their breakup last March, her love life has been the source of endless speculation—she’s been paired with everyone from onscreen afterlife-mate Jackson Rathbone to Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane. “I’m not an actress, I’m a professional dater,” she jokes. “I’m dating everyone! My brother lives in LA and won’t even walk outside a restaurant with me. He’s like, ‘I do not want to be romantically linked to you.’” But she’s quick to add: “I’m not dating anyone. I’m very focused on what I’m going to do next.”

She Will Always Be 17 in Your Mind Her future projects, other than Twilight: Breaking Dawn (parts I and II), include Butter, a dark comedy about butter-carving, a colloquial art form popular at state fairs (she plays Jennifer Garner’s stepdaughter), and LOL, a teen flick with Miley Cyrus. There’s also an Oliver Twist-like project, wherein Dickens’ famous tale of orphandom gets re-imagined for a female lead. Truth be told, Greene is entering a tricky age in Hollywood: too old to play the daughter, not old enough to play the wife. Not many actors negotiate the transition gracefully. “I think Rachel McAdams has done a great job,” Greene says. “Going from Mean Girls to Midnight in Paris. She’s had really diverse roles and separates herself.”

She Has a Clue Greene knows that people see her as Alice from Twilight. But she also realizes how limiting that can be. “Everyone sees Alice as a best friend. A teen idol is an untouchable, unapproachable, amazing thing. The cool thing about Alice is that anyone that comes up to me is like, ‘I just want to hug you.’” Is that not also, well, a little creepy? “No, they’re not asking for a lock of my hair. They just relate to that character and relate to me, but I don’t consider myself a teen idol. Justin Bieber is a teen idol.”

She’s Down to Earth Bieber and the Jonas brothers and dozens of other stadium-filling teen idols can’t go five minutes without name-checking God for their success. To what does Greene attribute her good fortune? “The first year I was in LA, I worked my butt off. I was in acting classes every day. I would rather pay money for a class than have nice clothes. If I hadn’t worked as hard as I did, I wouldn’t be with the manager and the agent I have and they wouldn’t have sent me out for this Twilight thing. There are roles I didn’t get and I was really devastated, but because I didn’t get them, I was able to do Twilight … If you end up unsuccessful, on the street with no friends, it’s probably because you’re a jerk. It’s not necessarily divine intervention. Your actions predict what happens.”

But just like any good Girl Next Door, Greene counters all that talk about forging her own destiny with some good-old fashioned humility: “You can’t control if the casting director thinks you look like his ex-girlfriend.”

ASHLEY LIKES Madeo.

Twilight’s Ashley Green Covers Our November ‘Drama’ Issue!

So November 18 is kind of a big deal. That’s when The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 hits theaters, and when Bella Swan and her undead boy toy Edward Cullen finally consummate their love. To celebrate the occasion, we asked Twilight starlet Ashley Greene to grace the cover of our November “Drama” issue, and guess what? She said yes!

Inside, the actress talks about her role as Alice Cullen in Stephanie Meyer’s mega-franchise, her dating life, and her future in the industry. Other treats from this issue: Sarah Silverman picks 13 essential breakup songs; Jesse Eisenberg questions the thrill of the theater; Theophilus London proves he’s got swagger to spare; Xavier Samuel puts an Elizabethan spin on the mystery genre in Anonymous; Idris Elba talks about balancing his music and movie careers; and Felicity Jones breaks hearts and opens eyes in Like Crazy.

Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for your first look at Ashley Greene in BlackBook!

Morning Links: 50 Celebrities Hit by Hackers, Rebecca Black Feels Cyberbullied

● Someone has finally figured out how to tap one of our nation’s richest and saddest resources. According to TMZ, 50 celebrities have been targeted by a “hacking ring.” Vanessa Hudgens has already talked with the FBI about her leaked nudes, and apparently Scarlett Johansson, Miley Cyrus, Jessica Alba, and Justin Bieber lady-friend Selena Gomez are among the 50 who have been targeted. ● Lil Wayne is “so finished” with Tha Carter 4, and unless his manager Cortez Bryant decides to “stop sitting on it (no homo)” sooner, it should be out May 16. [MTV] ● Billy Ray Cyrus announced yesterday on The View that he’s dropped the divorce in order to put his family back together. And according to him, it’s working: “I feel like we are the daddy and daughter that we were before Hannah Montana happened.” [People]

● Taylor Swift will be voicing Zac Efron’s sweetheart in Illumination’s upcoming CGI adaptation of Dr. Suess’s environmentally friendly classic, The Lorax. But there is no love story, or even a female character really, in the original, so purists be warned: this is not so much an adaptation. It’s more like a movie where Efron’s love-struck character falls in love with a girl and happens to read The Lorax. If sad Dr. Suess adaptations past are any indication, maybe this way is best. [HR] ● Ashley Greene, newly freed from Joe Jonas, wore her green pants out yesterday to celebrate St. Patrick’s day with Kings of Leon bassist and Miley Cyrus text boyfriend Jared Followill. If this is “a thing”, Miley and Nick have get back together for some sort of revenge, right? [PopSugar} ● Rebecca Black is having a hard time with her pre-mature fame. “At times, it feels like I’m being cyberbullied,” she said of the negative criticism her, uh, “lo-fi” viral hit “Friday” has garnered. Kicking in the front seat or sitting in the back seat, she might want to buckle up. [DailyBeast]

The 19 Worst ‘Maxim’ Cover Models of All Time

Over the last two decades, Maxim has featured a bevy of beauties on its covers, from Hollywood starlets to sexy female sports stars. But like the unfortunate souls found on Playboy’s worst cover-girl list, Maxim does suffer the occasional miscast. Although it may be interesting to see Fergie in a bra, even the mag’s target audience might think twice about incorporating her into one’s genteel nighttime fantasies. But Fergie’s hardly the only gal who maybe didn’t turn in her best work fronting for Maxim.

(‘DiggThis’)

Impressing the ladies with your nightlife know-how: Download the FREE BlackBook Guides iPhone App now! | More info

image 1. Lucy Lawless (April 1999) – Stunning during her tenure as Xena: Warrior Princess, and would probably be a strong contender for the upcoming Wonder Woman film were she still in her prime. Suffice to say, it isn’t Lucy’s looks that landed her on this list; rather, it’s the Xena thing. That role was a feminist’s wet dream, reaching new levels of man-hating with each subsequent episode. Even if we were willing to look beyond that (which we’re not), the appearance of Xena in a men’s magazine contradicts her cultivated image as a feminist icon. What it ultimately boils down to is that this spread isn’t arousing unless you like having your nuts crunched.

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2. Melissa Joan Hart (October, 1999) – Most children of the 90s remember her from Nickelodeon’s Clarissa Explains It All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. It’s that nostalgia factor which makes it impossible to look at Melissa Joan Hart without recalling some of our more awkward pre-pubescent moments. For those of us who were already adults during the early 90s, it’s even harder to look at her without feeling like a dirty old man.

image 3. Lara Flynn Boyle (December 1999) – On this cover, Lara Flynn Boyle looks like she’s battling (or embracing) an impressive cocaine habit and a severe eating disorder. Who knows what got trimmed off or slimmed down in Photoshop, but still, time for a sammich.

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4. Helena Bonham Carter (August 2001) – There are lots of women out there with looks that walk the fine line between strange and hot. Helena Bonham Carter is one of them. Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk characterized Marla Singer, the character Carter played in the film version, as having “big eyes the way they have in Japanese animation.” Not only does Tim Burton’s longtime partner and muse aptly match this description, but her spread in Maxim probably fulfilled every necrophiliac’s fantasy.

image 5. Christina Aguilera (January 2003) – Despite her superior vocal skills, Christina Aguilera was always eclipsed by her former rival, Britney Spears. In a desperate attempt to surpass her, Aguilera bronzed her skin, sported a skunk tail, and left little else to the imagination. The end result left her looking more like an Orange County douchette than an A-list pop star. While her album, Stripped, was commercially and critically a hit, her Maxim spread was a sad afterthought.

image 6. Shania Twain (June 2003) – Faith Hill was hot back in the day, but we draw the line there when it comes to country musicians. Shania Twain isn’t at all bad looking, but she doesn’t belong on the cover of Maxim. Besides, she was pushing 40 by the time the magazine came to print — gasp! — and to be honest, she was always more the marrying type than ideal cover skank.

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7. Michelle Branch (January 2004) – At the height of her success, Michelle Branch packed more talent than most of her Autotuned counterparts. Yet, while attractive, she was hardly a sex symbol. Her Maxim appearance seemed like a disconnect with her otherwise wholesome image, as she’s no Britney or Paris otherwise.

image 8. Marge Simpson (April 2004) – Readers flip through Maxim to ogle at ‘shopped flesh and blood, not pen and ink. Though give Maxim props for a novel idea that Playboy ripped off five years later. Still, if we were into cartoon poon, we’d buy stocking up on hentai.

image 9. Avril Lavigne (October 2004) – Like most commercially successful female artists, she’s a good-looking girl. But her mall-safe version of sk8er punk makes her both a little young and a little twee, even for Maxim.

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10. Girls of The Apprentice (December 2004) – Bottom of the barrel time, and that’s saying something. Really, what can be said about highlighting the questionable charms of a reality show that favorably depicts Donald Trump’s business acumen by comparing it with even lesser lights such as these? Even Snooki would be preferable.

image 11. Nicky Hilton (August 2005) – As if one Hilton sister wasn’t enough. If Nicky was looking to outdo Paris, then she should have done a sex tape, not a photo shoot.

image 12. Nicolette Sheridan (November 2005) – After multiple plastic surgeries, Nicolette resembles a tightly taxidermized otter. Plus, Maxim readers generally steer clear of Lifetime and Desperate Housewives.

image 13. Haylie Duff (January 2006) – Much like Nicky Hilton, Haylie Duff is the celebrity sister that nobody knew existed. While Hillary Duff has made a lucrative career as a tween idol, most readers are probably unable to remember any of Haylie’s films besides Napoleon Dynamite (2004). Her appearance in Maxim was yet another attempt to ride the coattails of her sister’s fame.

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14. Lacey Chabert (January 2007) – Claudia from Party of Five grew up and really filled out. Unfortunately, most people remember Lacey as the little sister with the annoyingly screechy voice. As scorchingly hot as she grew up to be, looking at her in that way felt like acknowledging a younger cousin’s new boobs.

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15. Fergie (April 2007) – Most people’s gut reaction to Fergie is that she’s good looking for her age. Sadly, this compliment crumbles when you find out she’s only 32. That’s what happens when you supposedly have a forehead lift, breast augmentation, nose job, and extreme Botox. The end result comes uncomfortably close to a West Hollywood tranny.

image 16. Sarah Silverman (June 2007) – While we love Sarah for making us laugh and for being one of the few attractive comedians out there, she could have shown more skin for her Maxim cover. What photographer thought it would be a good idea for her to pose in the remnants of a gorilla suit? No furries.

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17. Lindsay Lohan (September 2007) – Oh Lindsay, how far you’ve fallen from your glory days as a Mean Girl. Her appearance in Maxim was clearly nothing more than a desperate attempt to revive her floundering career. To make matters worse, she looked less like the Lindsay we briefly loved and more like Amy Winehouse’s heroin buddy.

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18. Heidi Montag (February 2008) – Someday, decades from now, someone will have to explain to the children just who Heidi Montag was — and that no, the pre- and post-surgery Heidis are not two different people. Note near identical similarity to Lara Flynn Boyle’s oh-it’s-ok-that-you’re-looking-at-my-butt pose above.

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19. Ashley Greene (November 2009) – You may not care, but Ashley Greene had a role in Twilight. One supposes that enough unfortunate straight males were dragged to the movie by their significant others that they vaguely recognize her on the cover of Maxim, and hence impulse-buy.

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Las Vegas Fangbanger Halloween Party

True Blood wrapped its second season, The Vampire Diaries debuted, and we’ve got the release of second installment of the Twilight series, New Moon, coming in November. You can always check out the fangbanger cruise set to tour Alaska and parts of Seattle early 2010. But if you can’t wait that long (and who can), pop in some fangs and dress up like a (slutty) vampire for Veuve Clicquot Yelloween at the Venetian’s Tao and Lavo nightclubs on October 31.

In attendance will be Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz, a.k.a. Alice and Emmett Cullen from the Twilight movies. As if that wasn’t enough, the Twilight crew will be joined by True Blood’s Rutina Wesley, who plays Tara Thornton, and Sam Trammell, who plays shapeshifter Sam Merlotte. It’s a veritable vampire bash. The party starts at 10pm and runs until the wee hours. Sign up for the hoopla on the Tao site here.

‘Twilight’ Fans Sell Out Alaskan Vampire Cruise

imageThe Twilight phenomenon just hit a new high, with an all-Twilight, seven-night fan cruise to Alaska. Why Alaska? Well, beyond the fact that Alaska tends to be a popular place for cruises, it would fit with the Twilight lore about the Cullen vampire clan hunting animals in the wilderness there. Though the cruise won’t set sail until August 2010, the phones have been ringing off the hook with bookings, prompting 12-hour phone-answering shifts for hosting company Cruises Cruises Cruises. “In the 20 years I’ve been in the business, I’ve never seen anything like this,” said owner Linda Wolf, who is a self-proclaimed Twilight fan. (She certainly is now, one imagines.)

Fans from all over the world are buying seats on this trip — bookings have come in from Africa, Australia, France, Germany, and Mexico, as well as the US. The cruise arrives and departs from Seattle, another important geographical point in the Twilight series. Cruise events include a costume ball, a Q&A session with Twilight actors, game night featuring “Cullen Family Feud,” and of course, movie viewings. Third-string Twilight stars Kellan Lutz (Emmett) and Ashley Greene (Alice) are slated to be aboard the cruise, and other “special guests” may be invited. The price of an all-Twilight cruise is not cheap: a single ticket based on double occupancy will run you $1,049 per person, pre-tax, for an inside cabin, plus a $150 “Twilight registration fee.” If you happen to be an uber fan, which I imagine those who book on this cruise would be, there is an optional three-night pre-cruise add-on that tours Forks, WA, where the entire series is set. Check out the Twilight Fans Cruise MySpace page here, where you can find out the answers to important questions such as what pets the Cullens might keep. Sadly, neither Robert Pattinson nor his hair are expected on the cruise.