Celebrating Two Holidays: Devorah Rose’s Birthday & Mother’s Day

 

The birthday of Devorah Rose will get me to Bishops and Barons. With every nook and cranny of Manhattan vying for trendiness, worldliness, and bottle bucks, the East 14th Street joint will try to lure the scene east or north of traditional habitats. Though it is the easiest cab ride from Meatpacking straight across 14th street, or just a hop, skip, and a jump north of the L.E.S./ East Village/Nolita worlds of wonder, it seems so far away. I am skeptical. Although convenient to all, the neighborhood has zero cachet. The nearby IHOP and Artichoke Pizza does attract trendies looking for late-night carbs, but the overall vibe is less than chic. I’d follow Devorah anywhere. If there was a puddle before her I’d lay down my coat. If she let down her hair from the stone-walled tower, I’d climb it to free her. I’d even watch her on a reality TV show. Devorah can do no wrong by me. There is no rose that smells so sweet. Tonight I’ll get close enough to confirm that statement. I’m traveling with a pack of Hawaiian hotties this weekend, and maybe we’ll go and grab a pancake nearby right after.

I will feel more comfy in the confines of PKNY at 49 Essex Street between Hester and Grand Street on Saturday night from 10pm. PKNY is described in a press release as an "ultra weird Tiki Bar." I am ultra excited, My Hawaiians are the right accessory for this party. Sailor Jerry Rum and their explosive PR rep Dana Dynamite are behind this soireé. They are pushing cocktails made from the stuff. "Sailor" Jerry Collins, of course, had his famous shop in Honolulu back when men were men and tattoos were primarily for sailors and fallen women. They’re gonna arrange for me to get a tattoo because I’m handsome, enthusiastic, and wrote this. I’m gonna get a traditional Sailor Jerry flash art "MOM" in honor of Mother’s Day. Alex McWatt of Three Kings Tattoo will do the honors. He did the memorial portrait of my dog Arturo that graces my right shoulder.

Mother’s Day stops the presses for me. I and so many others will spend time with our moms while others will call, write, or send flowers. Many will only be able to pause to remember. I will have dinner with mom and dad and the whole world will be whole. Mothers can do that. I was going to make a list of all the mother@%#*!/’s of clubland, but decided that list can wait. Even assholes have mothers so I’ll respect and back down. I got my first eight of ten down with a tie of about 20 pricks for the last two spots. I would be curious who would top your list. Let me know who and why.

The Ultimate CMJ Neighborhood Guide: Our Top Recommendations

Mapping out a schedule for the CMJ Music Marathon and Film Festival is an overwhelming logistical nightmare. Over five days, bands and DJs all over Manhattan and Brooklyn perform for 20 to 60 minutes a pop, and the marathon keeps going. Un, deux, trois, bang, bang, bang. So if you are at a loss for where to begin, here’s a proverbial play-list that includes recommendations on what to see, and where to unwind, wind-up, and grab a bite between sets. We had to restrain ourselves a little, so check under Williamsburg, the East Village, and the Lower East Side for the best this weekend has to offer (starting tonight).

Lower East Side

Acts to Catch: Thursday: Sun Airway, 10:45 PM at Piano’s Light Pollution, 9:00 PM at Cake Shop The Feens, 10:00 PM at Crash Mansion Friday: K Flay, 9:00PM at Fat Baby Saturday: Neon Indian, 8:00 PM at Bowery Ballroom Miracles of Modern Science, 11:00 PM at Fat Baby BRAHMS, 12:00 AM at Piano’s

Where to Hide Between Sets: The Back Room Gallery Bar Painkiller

Where to Find Nourishment: Antibes Bistro Freeman’s Frankie’s Sputino Les Enfants Terribles Schiller’s Georgia’s East Side BBQ

If You Need to Trash a Hotel Room: The Hotel On Rivington Thompson LES

THE EAST VILLAGE/ALPHABET CITY

Tune-Age: Thursday: Two Door Cinema Club, 9:00 PM at Webster Hall Caveman, 10:15 PM at Lit Lounge Lawrence Arabia, 10:50 PM at Bowery Electric Friday: Hall of Justus, Kosha Dillz, Rebelmatics + special guests, 12:00 AM–3:00 AM at Bowery Poetry Club Designer Drugs, 1:30 AM at Webster Hall Saturday: Care Bears on Fire, 7PM at Bowery Poetry Club

Where to Sip: Heathers The Cabin Down Below Holiday Cocktail Lounge Where to Fill-Up: Artichoke Basille Pizza & Brewery The Bourgeois Pig Crif Dogs Hummus Place Whitmans Veselka

Where to Crash: Cooper Square Hotel

WILLIAMSBURG

The Music: Thursday: Soft Black, 10:00 PM at Union Pool The Blow, 10:30 PM at Music Hall of Williamsburg Friday: Priestess, 10:30 PM at Union Pool Kids of 88, 11:00 PM at Trash Bar Everything Everything, 11:30PM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg Saturday: The Class Machine, 11:45 at Trash Bar

Grub: El Diablo Taco Truck Zenkichi Walter Foods Kenny’s Trattoria

A (Maybe) Low Key Drink: Hotel Delmano Royal Oak Fresh Kills Clem’s

Sleep it Off: Hotel Le Jolie