Guns In Movies Are Just “Entertainment,” Says Ah-nold

Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t in politics anymore, praise be, and he’s now back to making macho films for the 15- to 35-year-old male small penis demographic. Ah-nold got pressed by reporters about violence his new movie The Last Stand and insisted that killing people onscreen with guns is just good old-fashioned "entertainment."

According to the Hollywood ReporterThe Last Stand features "features extensive shootouts, including Schwarzenegger firing a Gatling-style gun from the back of a school bus. But Ah-nold dodged that bullet (pun intended) like the ex-politician he is:

I think one must always keep it separate. This is entertainment and the other thing is a tragedy beyond belief and serious and the real deal. … Whenever there’s a tragedy like that it would be foolish not to look into all ways of what we can do as a society to improve the situation and to reduce the risk of those kind of issues … How can we do better with gun laws? If there is any loophole, if there’s a problem there, let’s analyze it. Does a mother need to collect those guns and take her little kids shooting? … Everything has to be analyzed, no stone unturned. And I think that’s what we owe to our people, and I think that’s what they ought to do, rather than make it political.

An utter and complete dodge: he suggests partial blame for the Newtown, Connecticut, massacre was Nancy Lanza collecting guns and taking her son Adam Lanza shooting as a kid. Really, Arnold? Do you really not see your movies as complicit in the glorification of violence in entertainment that Adam Lanza could not have avoided unless he had been cloistered away like a monk? No, it’s easier to just blame the mother.

Ah-nold doesn’t even make sense, either: in one breath he asks "How can we do better with gun laws?", which is a political pmatter, and then he decries "mak[ing] it political." Which one is it going to be?

Not that I had particularly high expectations for Arnold Schwarzenegger but this is up there at the top of the list of gun-loving conservative dodges that are at once nonsensical and irresponsible.  

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Actor Rodrigo Santoro Talks Soccer, Shaving And Starving Himself, And His Twitter Impostors

You may recognize Rodrigo Santoro from his roles in movies like Love Actually, 300, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, and Che, among others. The Brazilian-born international talent has a range of films under his belt, from comedy to drama, action to foreign. His latest subtitled flick has the 37-year-old actor playing the part of Heleno de Freitas, a 1940s-era soccer superstar hailing from the same place, albeit during a very different time.

Heleno, which opens today in New York, Los Angeles, and Miami, is a black-and-white biopic about the thrilling yet tragic life of de Freitas. de Freitas, as portrayed in the movie, was a man of great passion—for both beautiful women and, of course, his sport—who died at the age of 39 from syphilis, which he refused to treat. de Freitas, the story goes, dubbed medicine as making men weak, so he gradually and then exponentially declined, retiring to a sanatorium far from the sandy beaches, nightclubs, and stadiums of his glory days. His self-destructive behavior—defined by an addiction to ether, estrangement from his wife and child, and a hot temper with his team—cemented de Freitas as a living myth of sorts. Perhaps this is how he earned the nickname Prince Cursed.

Santoro, on the other hand, couldn’t be farther from de Freitas when it comes to fame, fortune, and disposition. The opposite of cursed, he’s accomplished a lot and has much more to look forward to. In Heleno, we witness Santoro take command of the character in an award-caliber performance, one that is raw, yet respectful of its subject.

For the feature, Santoro dropped nearly thirty pounds in order to appear as sickly ill as de Freitas actually was when at his worst. This among other things the sunny Santoro opened up about earlier this week when I sat down with him at the Tribeca Grand Hotel, where he was cheerily upbeat and far from withering away. Read on for more, from drastic dieting to head-to-toe hair removal to why he worships the female sex even more than before.

What initially drew you to this film?
I got involved with the director [José Henrique Fonseca] at the very beginning. We just started to talk about the story, the character, the script. That’s the reason I became a producer on the film.

And how did you prepare for the role?
When we finally got financing, we hired a professional soccer player. He’s [currently] coaching [but] used to be an amazing player in the ’80s and ’90s. I always played soccer. Being Brazilian, you gotta do it. But always for fun with my friends. I wanted to go through the routine of a real soccer player. I was looking for somebody that had the same characteristics as Heleno: Heleno was known for head-striking and receiving the ball on his chest, which is something very hard for players to do. It doesn’t matter how fast the ball comes, they have the ability to “kill the ball.” So, we hired this guy. We also did research. We have photographs, a biography, and a lot of interviews. We spent almost a year interviewing people all over Brazil. 90-year-old guys that saw [Heleno] play or knew some story about him; this lady whose neighbor had an affair with him—she used to see [Heleno] come in. All these crazy stories.

And you lost a bunch of weight…
I dropped 28 pounds because we were portraying his last days. We shot the first part of the movie, the glamour and the heights of his career, and then we broke for two months. I dropped the weight, I came back, and we shot the last part.

How’d you do it? Just starve yourself?
You do starve. The diet is very strict. I do not recommend it. I had two doctors. This is the third time I went on a strict diet. This is the most extreme I’ve been on. I was eating very, very little. Just sufficient to work, because you gotta work. I felt weaker, more fragile, but my mind was clear. It was incredible. It was intense, though. It wasn’t fun.

Besides calorie restriction, what did you do?
A lot of cardio. And just discipline. That is the key. You teach your body and your body adapt[s] to that reality.

Did Heleno really eat paper?
Not paper, newspaper. From our interviews, that’s what they told us. He wanted to chew stuff. Mainly paper. That was his thing.

Is it more challenging to take on the role of someone who actually existed?
I wouldn’t say more challenging. The challenge is different. We decided to do this film because he’s such an important character in Brazilian soccer history. You have to respect that there’s an image. You cannot try to imitate that person. There’s a lot of little risks and it’s tricky. But also, you have a lot of information. If you’re playing a character that did not exist, you’re totally free to create, but there’s no reference. It’s just different.

After the entire endeavor, did you come away liking or disliking Heleno? The film itself doesn’t make him terribly likeable…
As an artist, you cannot judge the character. You have to be able to suspend judgment. I wouldn’t say I like or I dislike. I just tried to portray his humanity.

What do you think you’d be doing if not this?
I think I would be traveling the world, working at Discovery Channel. I love nature. I would do something in the wild, like a journalist or documentar[ian]. Or surfing.

Ha. What was it like working with Arnold Schwarzenegger?
It was great. He was Conan the Barbarian, he was Terminator. I was a teenager at that time. He was an icon. [On set], there was part of me being like, That’s the Terminator and he’s backing me up. He was nice, very accessible, great humor. We had a good time. I saw a cut two weeks ago and I really enjoyed it. It’s fun.

Do you have a favorite film you’ve been in?
It’s hard to choose because I believe it’s like kids. You cannot choose your favorite son. But, I was never so involved with something [as] Heleno.

So, I’m intrigued—and impressed—that you shaved and waxed your body for 300
It’s the second time I’ve done this. Not the first time, okay? I perfected my techniques. I did not wax, because the first time I tried it—I have a deep respect for women. I already had it before, but now I worship you guys. It is very painful. It is not fun. This time we shaved everything. It was a process. I had to shave my head every day. Arms, legs, everything.

A taste of a lady’s life. Now that you’re done shaving, what are you working on?
Right now I’m working on my holidays.

Makes sense. Say, did you know you have, like, six fake twitter accounts?
Even more! I gotta tell you, I don’t have Twitter, I don’t have Facebook. But, according to my friends, there’s one [Twitter account] that is really good at portraying me.

No kidding. So, what’s your stance on our fine city?
I love New York. It’s a place that every time I’m about to come here, I get excited.

What do you do for fun while you’re here?
I just walk. That’s my favorite thing to do. It’s very simple, very basic, but I love the fact that [this city is so] condensed. It’s perfect in that way. You can do whatever you want. I love the cosmopolitan quality. I love to go to Central Park and get lost there. My favorite thing to do when it’s sunny is sit down in the grass and watch the grass grow. Things are so fast and people are moving all the time, so my favorite thing is to stop and watch it. 

Morning Links: Burger King Apologizes To Mary J. Blige, Sea Change At ‘SNL’

● Mary J. Blige bemoaned yesterday that her pulled "crispy chicken, fresh lettuce" Burger King commercial was not the "fun and creative campaign" she had signed up for. Burger King meanwhile apologized to Blige and her fans for airing the ad "prematurely," adding that they hope to have the final spot on air soon. [Rap-Up]

● The final autopsy report from the LA County’s Coroner’s Office adds grim details to Whitney Houston’s final moments, but upholds earlier findings that her cause of death was accidental drowning caused by heart disease and cocaine use. [TMZ]

● Rumor has it that Saturday Night Live‘s Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg, and Jason Sudeikis are jumping ship at the end of this season. [Us]

● It seems that Jake Gyllenhaal has become something of a teacher’s pet in his spin classes, often winning himself a seat on stage next to the teacher where he raps along to Jay-Z without breaking an additional sweat. [PageSix]

● Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Caviezel, and, as of yesterday, Amy Ryan, 50 Cent, Snatch‘s Vinnie Jones, and Law and Order‘s Vincent D’Onofrio have all been cast in director Mikael Hafstrom’s The Tomb, a movie about — well, with that motley cast, does it even matter? [Variety]

‘Total Recall’ Trailer: Sorry, No Three-Boobed Alien Prostitutes To Be Seen

Everyone dreams about being someone else. But what happens when you pay to make the dream real, and then the dream turns out to be real anyways? Amazingly enough, this is not a transcript of some stoned freshman dorm room hypothesizing, but the premise behind a real movie: Total Recall, a remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle based off a Philip K. Dick short story. Colin Farrell plays a guy who pays to give himself memories of being an especially cool guy, only it turns out he was the cool guy all along and must now uncover the conspiracy that his brain was protecting. Kate Beckinsale shows up as his fake wife, Jessica Biel is there as his maybe-new wife, and Bryan Cranston is the bad guy at the end. This could be fun, if not confusing!

It turns out that when you replace the Terminator with just about anyone, it becomes a lot easier to write a serious movie. This remake may trend a little too dramatic — indeed, CGI-aided fight scenes stopped being a novelty around the last Matrix movie — but the original concept remains as intriguing as ever when pulled off correctly, assuming you’ve read the original PKD story and know the crazy places it goes to. (Here’s a link! It’s pretty short, so take a break and treat yourself.)

Speaking of mixed viral marketing messages, check out the movie’s two websites —, which is an standard promotional site, and, which mocks up the clinic where Farrell has his memory-changing procedure performed. Such dedication to an unnecessary ideal. And yes, sadly, the (obviously NSFW) three-boobed alien prostitute is nowhere to be seen, though we can eventually dream of her making her way into the final cut. Total Recall is out on August 3.

The Criterion Collection’s Hilarious ‘Kindergarten Cop’ April Fools’ Prank

Each year, the Internet fills up with April Fools’ Day pranks as website after website tries to outdo the others with something that gels in the discerning eyes of a critical Gen Y. They miss the mark most of the time, but sometimes they hit a bullseye–like the Criterion Collection did today with its fake release of Kindergarten Cop.

Everything on the page set up for the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger cult action classic is perfect. It’s the best kind of prank–one that is just too ridiculous to possibly be true, yet executed in a way that makes it just believable enough to make you doubt yourself as to whether it’s actually a prank.

The synopsis:

SYNOPSIS: Historically, the policier and the family comedy were two distinct categories. Then, in 1990, Kindergarten Cop gave us all a lesson in genre revisionism. With muscular sensitivity, Hollywood’s last action hero Arnold Schwarzenegger embodies detective John Kimble, who is compelled to go undercover as a teacher of five-year-olds in order to catch a ponytailed drug dealer. Though it’s distinguished by pulse-pounding suspense, a Crayola-bright palette by cinematographer Michael Chapman (Taxi Driver), and trenchant observations about education in the Bush I era, the film’s emotional center is Schwarzenegger’s gruff yet good-tempered interaction with a class full of precocious scamps, including a tumor-forewarning death-obsessive and a genitalia expert. By leavening a children’s film with enough violence to please even the most cold-hearted bastard, director Ivan Reitman shows that he refuses to color inside the lines.

And the disc features:


— New high-definition digital restoration of the 1990 director’s cut, presented in 5.1 surround DTS-HD Master Audio on the Blu-ray edition
— New audio commentary featuring Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, author of It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Can Teach Us
— Excerpts from the French television program Cinéastes de notre temps: “Ivan Reitman”
— Kindergarten Cops Today, a new hour-long documentary featuring former New York City police detectives Frank Serpico and Robert Leuci, former San Francisco police inspector Dave Toschi, and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg
— From “Fingers” to Finger-Painting, an interview with cinematographer Michael Chapman
— Archival video of Schwarzenegger’s acceptance speeches for the Favorite Movie Actor award at the 1989 and 1991 Kids’ Choice Awards
— The Kids Aren’t All Right, an analysis of all the cuts made to ensure a PG-13 rating
— More than six hundred minutes of rare behind-the-scenes and archival footage
— Seven theatrical trailers
— PLUS: A booklet featuring an essay by former police reporter and creator of The Wire David Simon and a reprint of James Agee’s original review of the film

It’s still not a toomah.

(Thanks to Michelle Collins for making me aware of this!)

Morning Links: SNL Gets A New Cast Member, ‘Twins’ Gets A Sequel

Saturday Night Live has added a funny and also openly gay woman—a first for the show—to their cast. Kate McKinnon of The Big Gay Sketch Show fame will be welcomed on next weekend’s Sofia Vergara-hosted episode. [NYP]

● Tyler, the Creator wants Lana Del Rey to know that, should she be interested, he is totally "down" to make musical magic together and that he has some "pretty instrumentals," to boot. It is not too late to unplug your Internet. [Vulture]

● Kate Winslet says she feels "like throwing up" every time she hears Celine Dion’s "My Heart Will Go On." The stars, they really are just like us! [MTV]

● Lady Gaga rang in her 26th year with a birthday spin class set to Bruce Springsteen. [Us]

● Joining Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, Eddie Murphy will make three genetically engineered brothers in the totally insane sounding Triplets, the proposed sequel, of course, to DeVito and Schwarzenegger’s Twins. [THR]

● Questlove—who bought his first hoodie at the Gap after watching Tribe Called Quest’s "Can I Kick It" video—does "love" a hoodie, but ­he worries that their symbolic role in the Trayvon Martin protests might be a “distraction … to keep eyes off the ­issue of race relations in America. ” [NYM]

Arnold’s New Movie Has a New Name & New Inspirations

Now that he’s not governing the eighth largest economy in the world, Arnold Schwarzenegger can focus on much more important things: making action movies. But just because he’s returned to acting doesn’t mean he won’t face remarkable challenges every day. His next movie, for example, was just changed from Black Sands to Black Sunday.  Pivot, Arnold! Pivot!

You see, according to Indiewire, Black Sands was a cross between Man On Fire and High Plains Drifter. Are you sitting down? Good, because reports that Black Sunday is a cross between Constantine and Commando. Color us a cross between excited and hungry!

Arnold will play an immortal and says, "I’m a kind of angel." He elaborates further, “I can not currently say more about this film."  Besides those meaty nuggets of info, the only things known about Black Sunday is that Scott Waugh and Mike McCoy, two guys who are known primarily for their stunt work, are directing it.

Until then, we recommend you buy two TVs and play Constantine and Commando simultaneously to prepare.

Things Go Boom in ‘Expendables 2’

The Expendables was basically gun porn drenched in bro sauce, a noisy, abrasive filmification of a dude named Sully punching you in the stomach while blasting Pantera. The Expendables 2? Yes, oh yes, more of the same. The one-minute trailer, released today, shows all of the stars from the first film and more shooting stuff to pieces, holding guns, looking dead serious in some seriously unflattering lighting.

There’s Sly Stallone and Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham, Jet Li and Chuck Norris and Terry Crews and Bruce Willis and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Also showing up? Arnold Schwarzenegger, because apparently he’s stopped pretending to be a graceful public figure. Isn’t it very, very strange that Ah-nold went from being governor right back to action movies? Most politicians spend their post-office careers writing memoirs, appearing on The Today Show, saluting the flag at the Super Bowl. Shooting up a lot of stuff with a big gun is technically a spiritual cousin to those activities, but it’s not very stately of him.

On the other hand who cares, guns and dudes and things that go KKKKKT-BOOOM a thousand times over. It comes out in August, so start getting pumped beyond pumped.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Autobiography ‘Will Not Be a Tell-All’

Since stepping down after his final term as the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger has been penning an autobiography. The actor, businessman, politician, and cigar smoker plans to call the book Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story. Will he write at length about the sordid affair that caused his split with Maria Shriver? Probably not, considering a source told People, “This book will not be a tell-all.”

People are disappointed by this news. Gawker says he should call the book Partial Recall: Shit I Feel Like Telling You. According to his people, Arnold is finishing the memoir while filming The Expendables 2. Is he really expected to write a damning and self-loathing tome while on set with Sly Stallone and Jason Statham?

The memoir itself is a sequel– Schwarzenegger’s first autobiography focused on his bodybuilding career. Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder was published in 1977 and chronicled how a boy from Graz, Austria became Mr. Olympia. Considering the events of his life since then, he’ll easily have enough material for a book without writing at length about his recent low-point. The term “tell-all” is nothing more than an addendum publishing houses attach to an upcoming book to signify that the author has gone out of his or her way to include as many salacious details as possible. When Levi Johnston or Bristol Palin write a book, it’s a “tell-all” because they are pumping every last otherwise empty word full of scandal in order to fill pages and drum-up buzz. “Tell-all” isn’t even a real classification, as any honest biography or autobiography will do just that sufficiently enough. Given that Arnold’s memoir is named after one his most popular and successful movies, it’s doubtful he’ll spend too much time trudging through his own mud. Someone else will eventually do that for him.